"I'll make sure the stars realign for the next."
- e.k.
S E R E N I T Y
It was game day.
Gabriel had been silent for the entire week, and I didn't want to press. He was preoccupied with enough; most of his last assessment tasks, football practice, football games. I was at one of them now with Adara sitting beside me. She, too, hadn't been as talkative as usual, and I was hating every second of it.
"I like Gabriel," I stated firmly, not caring if the cheering crowd drowned my words out or not. I was too busy staring at the open field before us to notice if she was listening. "I've had a crush on him for a few years, but now I really, really like him. And I get that you probably don't want me to. I mean, you said it yourself, he'll hurt me, but I don't think he will. He's a sweet guy, Adara. He's beautiful, and when he does something wrong, he acknowledges it and tries to fix it. Or at least, he seems like the type of guy to do that. Anyway, besides the point, I'm really in like with your cousin, and I don't want to stop it from going any further."
An eruption of cheers burst through the bleachers when our team scores, and I want to laugh because I did score. I finally spoke for myself. I spoke for what I wanted, and I had enough courage to do it to Adara of all people. She was usually the one to speak for me.
"Hm," She hummed, and I heard it despite the excitement of the people around us.
This was bad. Really, really bad. She was calm! That was worse than anger itself.
"Please do not be calm. It is not good to be calm because I know you don't like this, so I need you to not be calm," I rushed out, finally turning to face her.
Adara was staring out onto the football field, her eyes tracking down a player I had a feeling was Gabriel. "I don't like sharing."
My face crumbled, and I pressed tightly on my lips to suppress a laugh. She was being entirely honest, and I wanted to cackle.
"Mhm, that's okay," I nodded, smiling big instead of laughing. "You'll learn to."
Her head snapped toward me, and I should've ducked or something because her eyes could've given me a concussion. They stared me down, narrowing into slits. I was going to die, wasn't I? Like cousin, like cousin?
"I will not learn to. He will just have to accept that I will come first. Dawn and Indigo will both be before him, as will I since we are your friends. Sisters. So, if he decided to hog you, I will 'accidentally' cut off his ears," Adara seethes, and I kept nodding my head. We were getting somewhere.
"Good, good. But let me correct you. He is also my friend-"
"Stop lying to yourself," She jabbed a finger onto my forehead, and I just stared at her with my mouth tightly closed.
"Mhm," I nodded again, and she let go.
"Now, after this game, I will talk to him-"
"No! Absolutely not," I didn't even let her finish. "We will act as if none of this happened. You approve, and that is final."
Adara tilted her head to the side, scanning my face a few times before facing the field again. "Well done, Renny. Well played."
I snickered in victory, and I sounded evil. Facing the football field, I watched just in time to see '33' score a touchdown. Gabriel. Adara hummed in approval, and I was so joyous that it was one step closer to the two of them talking again.
After the first half of the game, Indigo made an appearance and took a spot beside me. She didn't even greet us as she claimed her seat. I smiled at that, too, because it was so her. Her eyes were fixated on Chancey, just as he went back into the locker rooms to take the few-minute break.
"Hello to you, too," Adara reached over me to nudge Indigo on the shoulder.
We had her attention now as she snapped out of her trance to look at us. Indigo's grey eyes widened once before she smiled uncharacteristically huge. But she seemed happy, or relieved, maybe both, and I was glad.
"What's got you smiling that big for? Enjoying the sight of Chancey getting his ass beat on the field?" Adara teased.
"No, I'm just glad I can be here to watch him play." Without giving us much of an explanation, Indigo faced the field, her large smile only faltering once before it reappeared.
Just as the game finished, we watched her smile stay and gave each other a look. Our team lost, and she was smiling like we'd won the Super bowl. Then our eyes landed on Chancey, who, in turn, had a large grin on his mouth when he took in the sight of Indigo. Those two looked like love-crazed animals as they hurried to make their way toward each other.
I saw him mouth, 'you're here,' and Indigo nodded, throwing her arms around his shoulders to embrace him in a tight hug. He didn't waste a moment to return it. Chancey only waited a few seconds before taking her head in his hands, holding her to him like she was a million times better than the Vince Lombardi Trophy, or anything else in the entire world.
Nudging Adara to look, she did, and a small gasp escaped her lips when it looked like he was about to kiss her. He didn't, and we both feigned a disappointed sigh as they both left. I didn't miss the way Chancey pulled her close to him securely, making sure she wasn't slipping out of his grasp any time soon.
Gabriel jogged up the stairs toward us, adjusting the strap of his gym back across his chest. His hair was matted to his skin, and I assumed he'd just gotten out of the showers. I walked up to him, and as soon as I saw his face, I faltered.
He'd lost a few games before, and all of them didn't affect him as much as this game, because now he looked enraged, like something happened other than losing a football game. Gabe's eyes slid across the bleachers, narrowed down as he inspected every face present. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was paranoid of who was watching.
"Why are you giving everyone death glares? They didn't just lose a game," Adara tried to joke around, but it didn't help his anger.
"Adara, go home," He turned to face her. "I'm dropping Ren off at her place."
She blinked at him, furrowing her eyebrows at his sudden order. "Alright, fine."
My best friend was leaving before he could say anything else, giving me a small warning with her face as she made her way to the parking lot. She was worried he'd hurt me, and for once, I was too. Something wasn't right with the way he was acting.
"Come on, let's go," Gabe's words came out in a rush as he grabbed my hand and almost pulled me into the same direction.
"Gabe?"
He didn't answer, though his eyes flickered to me once as he continued darting his attention to everyone around us.
"What's going on?" I asked, my heart finally starting to beat faster out of fear. "Why do you look so paranoid?"
Again, no answer. When Gabe reached his car, he unlocked it and opened the door for me first. He waited until I was seated before pointing to the seat belt. I did it in front of him, and once he heard the click, he closed my door and got in from the other side.
"Gabriel," I tried to get his attention as he drove out of the parking lot after securing his seat belt. "Tell me what's going on."
"We can't do this," Gabe's response was a small murmur.
"Do what?" I asked, slightly afraid to hear the answer.
"Be like this," He spoke as if he was talking to himself.
I didn't miss the way his eyes continued to assess our surroundings, as if someone was following us. I did the same, realising no one was.
"I think you're panicking. There's nothing to panic about. No one's following us, Gabe," I leaned toward him, desperate to get him to hear me out. "We've driven a few streets away from the school already. No one is behind us."
He shook his head, tightening his hands on the steering wheel.
"I saw-" Gabe cut himself off to take a deep breath before breaking my heart like it was the most effortless task in the world. "We can't do this. I don't want this. Us. Not happening anymore. It's too much."
My eyes widened, and I just stared at the side of his face.
"Too much," My voice repeated in a hushed tone.
"Too much," Gabriel confirmed, nodding his head once. "Friends, yes. Anything more, too much."
I wasn't sure if that made me relieved, but I was still hurt. Was it something I did or said? Was I too much? Did I talk too much, cling too much? What was happening? What did I do?
"Okay," I breathed out, turning away from him to look out my window. It was no use fighting what he wanted. He'd already decided.
Then my overthinking was triggered. Gabe was fine until the game. He played like he did all the time; strategically and calculated. It was all okay before he got into the locker rooms. Maybe he saw someone he didn't like before going in, or maybe one of his teammates said something he didn't like.
I spent the entire drive lost in my thoughts, trying to find a reasonable explanation as to why he was acting so distant. It clicked when he stopped at my driveway that he was pushing me away on purpose. Someone was messing with him, and it was most likely the person who I thought had hurt him. That was what he did when I kissed him - pushed me away. Every time our relationship progressed, he pushed me away. He was scared.
"Who's got you so scared?" I glanced at him, not making a move to get out of the car.
"Go home, Ren."
I took him calling me that as a good sign. It meant he wasn't angry with me at all, just as I had thought.
"I will, but I won't leave this car until you look at me and let me talk," I kept my voice the most gentle I could.
Gabe clenched his jaw before turning, our eyes connecting instantly. He still made my heart warm, even when it was almost shattered to pieces.
"I want to stay with you," I stated, raising a hand to point to his forehead. "In your head. You don't have to be alone up there, and I want to be with you. It's okay that you don't want anything more than friends," for now, "but I'm still that. Your friend. Pushing me away when things get too much, and expecting me to comply isn't what you should expect your friends to do."
He held his eyes with mine, and I watched as they began to glisten. Gabe blinked them away before they could form into tears.
"So we'll stay friends. Just friends," again; for now, "But you can't push me away when you need a friend the most," My voice cracked, and I felt my eyes brim with tears. I didn't want to cry in front of him, so I forced them away. "Thank you for dropping me off. Get home safe."
I didn't wait for him to say or do anything else as I got out of the car and shut the door gently behind me. My patience stayed intact for longer than I had thought it could, and I was pleased I was able to get my words out without completely crumbling.
But I willed myself to walk up the driveway and through the front doors before closing them. I jogged up the stairs and into my room where I finally let my tears glide down my face. I couldn't have him yet, and I had to be okay with that. If I couldn't have him under the stars of this sky, I'd have to make sure the stars realign for the next.
What I knew were facts. The person who had hurt Gabriel was back, and he was scared, on edge, so much so that he was pushing me away because- I was still trying to work that one out. It depended on the person and if they were dangerous or not. If they were, then it made more sense than Gabriel was pushing everyone away. He didn't want them to get hurt either.
And that broke my heart even more.
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a/n: the next chapter is a bit of a tearjerker, so here's a warning for it.
do you ever have those nightmares where you wake up and feel like you've just had a panic attack? i've had three of those in the past week and i'm too nervous to sleep because i don't want to have anymore. send help :')
have a great day/ night <3