"Don't look away from me, please, don't look away."
- e.k.
G A B R I E L
I didn't speak to Serenity for days after the kiss. Every time I saw her, her head tipped downward, avoiding anyone's gaze, particularly my own. What hurt the most was Adara didn't even look my way. Dawn and Indigo glared until I gathered the audacity to do it back. It was fleeting, though, because I picked up on their disgust and couldn't stand it. I didn't have to look at Serenity to know that was how she felt too.
Snapping out of my daze, I heard the sound of Nico's father yelling at him to feed us snacks. The crinkling of wrapped food grew louder as he threw them at Nico's chest, pushing him out the back door and onto the patio.
They were extraordinarily similar; their personalities, features, and, unfortunately, their love life. Jennifer, Nico's mother, left him and his father before he could even start walking. Then Nico grew up to get cheated on by the only girlfriend he ever allowed himself to have. He was a one-time thing kind of guy before Silvia, his ex.
"They're grown men. They can feed their own asses," Nico shouted at his father before closing the door behind him and facing us.
His serious face - which wasn't serious at all - flew into a happy one once he spotted us waiting for him in our usual seats. Nico's blue eyes narrowed as he bounced his eyebrows up and down. "So, what's on today's agenda?"
"Gabriel."
My light smile dropped when River, who I had caught staring at me silently for the last ten minutes, spoke out of nowhere.
"Go back to your bat cave, I Am Vengeance," I mimicked his deep voice, effectively comparing him to batman. The dude was as quiet and sly as him.
River flipped me off as Nico laughed. He kept a straight face, and so did Zion.
"Who are you supposed to be today? Edward Cullen," I suggestively lowered my voice at Zion. "It will be as if I never existed."
"Okay, Brian O'Conner," He shot back, leaning forward in his chair, challenging me. "Is that who you were supposed to be at Harloe's street race the other week?"
Well, fuck.
"Say what?" Nico almost screeched.
"Street race?" Batman drawled.
"Without me?" Nico continued, earning a death stare from Bruce Wayne.
Nico raised his palms as if in surrender, dropping the forgotten snacks pressed to his chest. He scoffed at himself as he picked them up and threw them at us, and one by one, we caught them.
"Oh, nice. Snacks. Ana jayien ktir. Hm, ktir nice!" With an exaggerated focus on the packet of chips in my hands, I murmured a little too fast. [I'm starving] [(a lot) really nice]
They went silent as I opened the packet and mindlessly began eating. My loud crunches filled the quiet, and as I darted my eyes up to find them staring, I chuckled. My friends looked mortified.
"What? I said I was hungry," I gestured my snack outward and brought it back to my chest when Nico looked at it. "No, you get your own bag. You know I don't share with anyone."
I ate some more, hoarding the food to my chest as they continued glancing at me quizzically.
"Speak now or forever hold your peace?"
Nico bit down on his lip to hold a smile as River rolled his eyes. Zion raised his eyebrows, both amused and concerned.
"Alright, if you wanna talk about it, do it now. I don't like it when you all hover over a conversation, so just hit me with it," I lost all fragments of humour and set the chips on my lap, eyeing my friends back.
Zion nodded once and sat up straighter in his seat. "Tell us how, and we'll help you."
I clicked my tongue in annoyance. "I need time. Time helps, and I have it. Don't worry about me."
"Gabby," Nico's smile was wiped off. "Stop avoiding the fucking obvious. You need help, and that's okay. It is, alright? And we'll get it for you if you ask."
I raised my eyebrows at his play on words.
"It is? Yeah, like how you told me you get it - just the other day - and then got all mad when I wasn't calming down and threatened to 'go crazy' if no one told you what was going on? No, it isn't. It isn't okay just like how you didn't get it."
Nico blinked at me before sighing. He clenched his jaw and looked away. Right, because he couldn't stand to look at me. Neither of them said anything for a while, so I took advantage of the silence.
"None of you got it. None of you asked if I needed help when I didn't rock up to Nico's house on his birthday. You all decided to get mad at me first. Didn't even know why I was gone for the whole day. Do you want to know? Fine, I'll tell you. I was paranoid. All day, all week, hell, all fucking year. Paranoid. Always looking over my shoulder for that fucking whore to make another appearance. It slipped my mind. Nico, your birthday slipped my mind because I wanted to learn how to protect myself just in case she showed up again. But don't worry about it because I am sorry. And I don't need help, okay? I need her to leave my fucking head, and it'll happen eventually. That's all."
I cleared my throat when I heard my own voice crack. This talk was draining my energy, and I didn't want it anymore.
"Besides, if I needed any help, it'd be with getting Serenity back because, lately, she's the only one who doesn't get pissed if I don't explain my every move."
I took some more bites from the chips and focused on counting how many were left. Talking made me hungry, and I was talking all the time. Maybe if I just shut up for once, I'd feel a little better.
"I'll take you to her then," River got my attention. He was never the first to speak up when the room was thick with tension. "Get up, let's go."
He stood, grabbing his keys from the seat and waiting for me to do the same. I stared up, a little slow to the fact that he listened.
"Come on, Gabby. I gotta get back home, so I'll drop you off to wherever she is," He ran a hand through his long hair and began walking to the back gate, which led to the front porch.
I got up, feeling Nico and Zion's stare prick my skin. At least I knew they were actually here. watching me. And they were friends. I was safe with them.
"Gabriel," Nico called out to me when I reached the exit. I turned my head to look at him. He pushed his hair out of his face and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, too."
My eyes instinctively shot to where Zion remained seated. His legs sprawled out in front of him, and his forearm rested on the arm of the chair. He didn't look one bit sorry, and I knew it was because he convinced himself he was right. Zion wasn't going to apologise for being a friend, and deep down, I didn't blame him.
I looked at Nico and told him, "Like I said, don't worry about it."
The moment I got into River's car, I unlocked my phone and messaged Serenity.
Me: i need to talk to you, please. i need to tell you some things and apologise. can we meet up somewhere if you're comfortable?
Gulping down my nerves, I silently prayed she'd answer me. Having her look away from me these past few days was tearing me apart more than I knew. If she didn't trust me enough to be in a relationship with her, that was fine. I wanted to be her friend. At least then, she'd still be around if I stuff it up again. Oh, fuck, I did need help.
Five minutes went by, and River was still driving around town, waiting on me to say where to take me. He knew I was waiting on Serenity to reply, and I was grateful for his patience. His silence, though, had me on edge.
"I have a gun in the glove compartment."
I stared out the windshield for a second, then parted my lips in bewilderment.
"Take it. I have another one at home," His deep voice reverberated around the car. "It's an Italian thing. We have 'em everywhere in case family drama escalates. So, take it."
"Um," I flickered my eyes to where he said the gun was. "Why?"
"I think you know why, Gabby."
I sighed, tapping on the edge of my phone as I contemplated checking to see if he was joking or not.
"What? You don't know how to use one? I'll teach you," He said casually as he took a turn into another street.
"I won't use it."
"Not even if the 'fucking whore' chooses to come back? You said it yourself; you're paranoid. Paranoia is a pain in the ass, and if you want to feel protected, especially since you haven't reported this to anyone but a bunch of teenage fucking idiots, then keep it on you whenever you want." River peeked a glance at me when I remained quiet. "Just not at school, though. Don't wanna do that shit."
My phone beeped, and I was quick to unlock my phone to read the message from Serenity.
Serenity: hey, i'm not at home (surprise, surprise), but yes, i wouldn't mind meeting up.
Me: great! let me know where you are, and i'll be there.
It felt as if a bucket of cool water splashed onto me, and I let out a relieved breath. I just hoped Ren wasn't at Adara's house because there would be no way I was going to speak to her there.
Serenity: i was at Adara's house a minute ago, but i have a feeling you don't want to talk there, so meet me at this place.
Ren sent me a link to an address, and I let River see it. He didn't say anything else until we stopped in a parking lot beside the place Ren was.
"I'm being serious, Gabriel," and the use of my full name revealed that he was. "Keep my gun on you. And if whoever hurt you comes back, I'll knock their shit up with either one of my guns. I promise on my b- Mama's life."
I didn't miss the slip up of his words but nodded anyway, reaching for the glove compartment and opening it. Yep, he was not kidding.
"Don't click the safety off unless you're using it."
My eyes found the clip, and I picked the weapon up. Emotions wracked through my mind, overwhelming me. "Thank you," I whispered to River, looking at him as I placed the gun into my pocket and got out of the car.
"Need anything, you call me. Understand?"
"Understood," I nodded once before saying, "And you can take off. I'm gonna walk her back home. It's not too far from here."
⭐︎
The crickets chirped somewhere in the bushes behind me as I continued my walk into the sand. My black shoes had a better chance at surviving than any of my white ones so I didn't care that I was drowning them with grains of rock.
"Hey," I greeted the back of her blonde hair and grinned when she spun around to face me.
"Gabe," she replied, the smile on her face not as bright as usual. That was on me.
"A beach?"
She let out a genuine chuckle and waved her hand up to the sight next to us. It was an active carnival, with its purple lights glinting on the sand and water. Maybe it was the perfect spot after all.
"It's nice," I shrugged before letting my eyes stare out at the waves.
"It is," Ren agreed, walking until we stood shoulder to shoulder. "Calming, too. I figured it would be the right place to talk."
I inhaled deeply, fixating my eyes back on her. She didn't look up at me. Her eyes remained on the view in front of us, and I adored the way a purple glow coated her face.
"It wasn't a mistake. The way it happened was, but I don't regret it. Should I have taken you on a date before I kissed you? Yeah, maybe," I started softly, cherishing the odd calm that settled in my heart. "And I'm sorry for the hurt I caused. I didn't want that for you, Ren."
Don't look away from me, angel. Please.
"Sit with me." She lowered herself onto the sand, not minding the jeans she wore as she planted herself on the beach.
I listened, taking a place beside her. She still didn't look my way when she spoke again.
"Something bad happened to you, and I don't want you to tell me yet. But I know it was bad because when you pulled yourself away from me, you looked like I slapped you." Serenity's eyebrows scrunched together, and I saw her expression shift to anger. It was my first time seeing it on her. "I'd never do that, though. I will never lay a hand on you if you don't want me to, much less to hurt you."
The back of my eyes burned with tears. She was being so open with me, telling me things I wanted to hear. Ren wanted me to trust her. Now I did. With all my heart.
"I'm not going to kiss you again. Not for a while. I want you to be ready," She finally slanted her head upward and looked at me. My heart slammed in my chest at the sight of her eyes. "In your head."
I had no control of the laugh that fled my lips. She lost the anger on her face and smiled at me. Her eyes lingered on mine for a while before she sighed and faced the ocean again.
"I needed to hear that more than you know," I told her truthfully.
"Good," she exhaled in a rush. "Because I never talk that real to anyone, and I was scared I messed it up."
"Never."
A gust of wind blew Ren's hair away from her face, displaying it in full for me to watch. I thought she knew I was staring because her cheekbones reddened. Peace filled me as I took her in. The sound of the waves crashing onto the sand, the faint noise of children laughing at the carnival a fair distance from us, the sight of Serenity, and the sweet scent of her perfume.
Why did she always smell so nice? It didn't help my obsession with her.
"I get insecure when you do that," she turned her face away from me completely, and my chest ached.
"Don't. You have nothing to be insecure about, angel," I leaned closer as I spoke the word of endearment.
She was quiet for a moment, and I began to worry. Then she burst into a cackle and faced me again. "Angel. That's what I call you. I think I even changed your contact name to that."
It was my turn to blush because she did what?
"Why?" I asked, confused.
"First of all, the angel Gabriel," I nodded to her words and froze when she continued. "And you just are one. Your whole presence makes me feel safe and at peace. You make me laugh and smile all the time, and you look like how I imagine an angel to take form as a human."
Oh, my heart.
"I'd ask you to kiss me again, but you'd say no this time," I whispered, watching her eyes widen.
"Gabe," she shook her head, facing away from me again.
"I know it's not something to joke about, but humour is my coping mechanism," I nudged her shoulder with mine and loved that I felt comfortable enough to do so.
Ren's chest deflated as she slowly rested her back on the sand, letting her hair sprawl around her head on the sand. I was never going to get tired of looking at her.
"Funny you think I'm the angel," I said with a smile on my lips as I flopped onto the back beside her. "You look like one, talk like one, and that perfume- you probably smell like one."
"Oh, thank you," She replied in the sweetest voice. "It's Marc Jacobs."
I hummed in satisfaction as I breathed it in again, most likely looking like Ted Bundy as I appreciated her fucking scent. She was going to drive me mad.
"Can I hold your hand again?" My eyes met the sight of the stars, almost fully covered by clouds above us.
Serenity went silent, and I knew she was contemplating rejecting me or not. If she did, I'd take it. I made her feel worse.
"Only if you promise you'll say something if you get uncomfortable. I don't want you to run away like last time."
"Alright, I promise," I held my hand out between us.
Carefully, her soft hand met my palm before she flipped it around and intertwined our fingers. The rush she gave me beat any adrenaline rush I'd ever experienced, and I wanted to stay like this forever.
"When you pulled away, I got upset, obviously, but that day I was already on the verge of crying. My dad-" She hesitated, clearing her throat before speaking again. "He cheated on my mother when I was little. I caught him in the act, and I was confused because I was just a kid. But then they fought a lot, and I grew up. They divorced when I was still young, but old enough to get it. It was the best thing they did. It's better they separated and lived peacefully on their own than stay and live in chaos with their kids."
I didn't say anything, sensing she had more on her mind.
"My brother - his name is Arlo - told me he heard my mother invite my dad to dinner this weekend, and I'm terrified to see him again. He's just so demeaning. Worse than my sister and mother combined, and that says something. Arlo said he's going to be there for my birthday, too, and, man, I thought it wouldn't get worse."
She stopped, and I felt her flinch. My eyes flicked to her face, and I saw a drop of water on her forehead. Serenity's lips curved upward at the first feel of rain on her skin.
"Ah, I love that," She exclaimed, snapping her head to me with a wide grin. "Sometimes, things like this happen; I get so upset, cry about it for a bit, or I feel like absolute crap, then it rains, storms or I witness something that makes me happy again, and it's as if something powerful is trying to cheer me up. It always works."
A large flicker of hope sparked in my chest. It was a bright one - the kind I was praying to get for so long. My eyes were brimmed with tears at the feeling, and I wanted to thank God for it so bad. I let my eyes close as I faced the sky. A prick of rain fell, and it mixed with the teardrop that slipped from the corner of my eye.
Maybe this was a sign from Him. A sign of hope and renewal.
"The 'something powerful.' Do you believe it's God?" I asked Ren, clutching her hand tighter in mine.
"I wasn't raised in a religious household, but sometimes I do think He may exist," She replied, squeezing my hand back. "Do you?"
"Yeah," I whispered, almost choking on my emotions.
"Must feel nice to have something to believe in all the time," She whispered back to me as a few more raindrops fell from the clouds above us.
"I didn't used to. When the bad thing happened, I used to despise the very thought of Him. I didn't understand why it happened, or why He let it," I furrowed my eyebrows, placing my other hand on my chest for some kind of support.
"And now?"
"He gave me you."
I heard her small intake of breath, and I even surprised myself by not hesitating in that answer.
"Yeah. I will never understand why it happened, but then He gave me good things, like my friends for support, my family for love, you for hope. I don't think I'd trade all that for anything. It's a struggle, though. Believing. It's walking into the storm blind, but that's the whole point of faith, I guess, to believe God is somewhere, working on things you can't see yet."
The gradual exhale of breath that took all pressure from my shoulders was like seeing a bird after being out in the ocean for months and months. The bird was a sign of land, a sign that I'd be alright soon.
I opened my eyes and saw the dark sky. It was tinged with light from the carnival, and it appeared to be raining stars as drops fell a little heavier. When I turned my head to face Serenity, our eyes locked instantly. She had been looking at me the entire time.
We stared for a while, with soft smiles on both our faces until her cheeks puffed and a whole-hearted laugh filled the air. It made me do the same, and I didn't stop until my forehead rested on her shoulder and the sky was pouring.
"This is the most alive I've ever felt," I muttered, soothing the back of her hand with my thumb. "And I'm feeling it with you. I want to feel everything with you, Ren. I want to experience all of this with you."
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a/n: hehe happy children <3 this chapter was so pretty
yeah, i lied about the update thing. i guess i'm in my procrastination era again *smiles while a tear dramatically dribbles down her face*
have a great day/ night !!
and, if no one told you, you look extra pretty today :)