The soft but scratchy material of the flannel I'm wearing dabs at the tears falling from my eyes every so often. I don't know why I'm already crying. I'm angry, so angry but the closer I get to the club the more that anger seems to minimise itself with the hurt. I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I have to demand an explanation for him blocking me. It might be desperate of me, I should probably take the hint that he clearly doesn't want to talk to me but I'm too proud to walk away without some kind of reasoning.
The song playing quietly through the car radio changes and the familiar tune of a guitar plays; Ode To A Conversation Stuck In Your Throat. I remember this song playing in Seven's car the first night he drove me home. That seems so long ago now, back when he was an intriguing mystery to me. I remember wanting to kiss him so badly but being too scared and probably too proud to admit that to myself. Hating remembering the way things were and the way this song pulls at feelings inside me I change the station.
Replacing the sweet, unconventional love song is a heavy beat with almost haunting mumbling lyrics. I don't know the song but it's dark, repetitive beat is much better suited to my mission. I press down harder on the gas and turn the song up. The tears on my cheeks dry and not one more forms in my eyes as I grip at the steering wheel, now reminded of the anger I felt when I first left the house.
Speeding over the legal limit I focus on what I've set out to do. I'm going to be strong, I have to be. I need to stand up for myself and my own feelings and let Seven know I will not let him walk all over me so easily. If he doesn't want me, so be it - as much as that fucking hurts I can't force him to be with me. But I at least need to know why and if there is anything I can change.
I pull into the back of the strip club and notice his black SUV parked awkwardly near the back doors. It's not his usual parking spot but at least I know he's here. As I get out and observe the neon signs of the club and hear the faint sound of music coming from inside the establishment I realise I hadn't quite planned for the audience we may have for this confrontation. It's almost ten, a whole twenty eight hours since Seven stood me up for dinner, and the club will be in operation for tonight.
I take a large breath, hyping myself up to storm in there and demand Seven to explain himself in front of whoever may be there to see. I wonder what he's doing here, will he be in his office or on the club floor? A sick thought of possibly finding Destiny perched on his lap throws me off slightly but I try ignore that possibility. If he's here with her then I won't stop myself from attacking the pair of them. I really don't like the bitch, and I know it's mutual. Even though I have done absolutely nothing to warrant her rude attitude and snide remarks towards me. But I won't hesitate to put her in her place this time.
I storm in through the back doors of the club and march down the corridor, making a b-line for the office space. When I try the door it's locked, and after my heavy handed knocks go unanswered I gather no one is in there. So I turn and face the doors that lead to the club. I swear to god, if I go in there and he's with that bitch ...
The anticipation eats at me and I almost run through the doors. I stop once I'm basked in the familiar red lights and musty smell of my old job. The club is in full function, customers of every kind sit around the stages and girls whisk past me in hardly anything with their black trays. My eyes scan for the familiar mop of chestnut curls or the ratty hair of Destiny. Whichever comes first. I'm relieved to find the chalky damaged hair of Destiny dancing on an older gentleman in a polo top and khaki shorts. As long as she's far away from Seven I'm okay. I take another step further into the club, craning my head to look over the people that litter the floor when I'm dragged back into the shadow of the circumference of the room by my arm.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Kitty backs me to the wall, blocking my vision to the rest of the club.
"I'm looking for Seven. I need to talk to him." I speak loudly over the music.
"Are you crazy Lips?! You shouldn't be here!" She says and drags me by my arm back through the door to the corridor. I try to pull away from her grip but she's much stronger than I had assumed.
"Let go of me! I need to talk to Seven!" I yell in annoyance as she continues to pull me down the hall in a hurry.
"Shh before someone hears you!" Kitty warns in a harsh whisper. I let her pull me into the changing room and she lets me go as soon as we're in but turns and locks the door immediately.
I look around the room and notice the brunette sitting down at the make up table. Her dark eyes meet mine in the mirror and she turns around as if to check that I'm actually here.
"Cashmere?!" Penny stands from her seat.
"What are you doing here?" Penny rushes over.
"She came to speak to Seven." Kitty answers for me.
"Yes." I confirm.
"But Kitty dragged me out before I could find him." I emphasise on the irritation.
"You're goddamn lucky it was Kitty who spotted you first." Penny comments.
"I need to speak to Seven." I repeat.
"He's not here." Penny tells me and I look back at Kitty almost not believing her.
"He's not." Kitty agrees.
"But his truck is outside." I retort and Kitty shakes her head.
"Victor took him somewhere really early this morning after he beat the shit out of him in front of all of us for having a relationship with you." Kitty says and folds her arms, almost daring me to argue. Victor beat Seven? Oh my god.
"He what?" My voice is quiet as I turn back to Penny who nods and extends her arm out to me. Her hand brushes my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.
"It's true, we all saw him leave from the basement and get put into a car. I don't know where he is but it's not here. And I don't think it's safe for you to be out looking for him." Penny gives me a squeeze.
"You can't be here Lips. If someone sees you they'll hand you over to Victor for a decent bonus." Kitty warns.
"So you know? You all know about me and him?" I ask them both and Penny nods.
"I mean I'd like to just say that I saw this coming a mile off when I caught him with your bag that time but I also didn't think you'd actually go there. I mean you're too gorgeous for someone like Seven." Kitty shrugs with a hint of a smile to her words.
"Where do you think they've taken him?" I ask Penny who shakes her head.
"I would have no clue. But you shouldn't worry yourself with that. You need to stay away, I mean it. If you value your life you'll stay away." Penny warns me and the way her brown eyes bore into mine with such worry sends a chill running down my spine.
"It'll be somewhere out of town." Kitty says and I turn to her.
"Another province possibly. Maybe even a different country. Victor tends to be a bit dramatic with these things and I don't think he's going to be letting Seven out of his sight anytime soon." She divulges.
"Was it bad? The beating I mean. Did Seven seem okay when they took him?" I ask but I don't know if I want the answer.
"The beating he took in front of all of us was pretty bad." Kitty answers.
"Pretty bad? It was horrific. I thought they were going to kill him at one point." Penny interjects.
"Well he managed to walk himself out with Victor in the early hours of this morning so it mustn't have been too bad." Kitty shrugs.
"He just walked? Willingly?" I press. That doesn't sound right.
"Yeah I mean, I don't think he really had a choice but he wasn't putting up a fight over it. Not like he was when he was getting his ass handed to him." Kitty says and something about this doesn't sit right with me. Seven just willingly left with Victor after he beat him? Was this the same time he was refusing my calls and blocking my number? What happened in the time from Seven putting up a fight for himself and our relationship in front of everyone on the floor of the club to giving in to Victor and blocking me out of his life?
"Did you hear me?" Penny asks touching my hand to bring my attention to her.
"No, sorry." I shake my head from my thoughts.
"I think it's time you left. It's not safe for you here." Penny reminds me. With Seven not being here there really is no point in me staying any longer. Not if there really are people after me like they keep saying there are.
"I'll check to make sure the hall is clear." Kitty says unlocking the door and slipping out.
"Thank you." I turn to Penny. Her arms wrap around my shoulders and she pulls me in for a hug.
"Promise me you'll keep yourself safe. I know you care for him, but he's not worth the threats put against you." She says and slowly pulls back. I simply nod, I will try my best to keep myself safe. But I can't promise to give up on Seven. Not yet.
"You sweet girl." She squeezes my shoulders before turning me towards the door as Kitty comes back through.
"It's clear. You should go now before someone comes." Kitty says and I nod.
"Thanks, for everything." I tell her and she nods. She was my first friend here at this club. And I'd begun to really enjoy her feisty but humorous attitude to life.
"Think of me when you neck your next shot." Kitty says and embraces me quickly.
"I will." I don't know why I feel like I want to cry. I think it's the finale tone in which we're all speaking. This is a goodbye, not a see you later. I won't be coming back to this club and I won't be seeing these two women who have looked out for me here ever again. I can see the tears wanting to spill from Kitty's eyes but she blinks them away before they do.
"Go!" She half pushes me out the dressing room and I don't look back as I jog quickly down the empty corridor for the exit.
I almost make it to the doors without seeing anyone when the back door opens before I get to it. Destiny steps into the hall from being outside, her hands are smudged with black and she moves them behind her back.
"I was just leaving." I inform her as her wide eyes regard me.
"Good." She composes herself enough to muster the bitchy tone to her voice.
"I won't be coming back." I say and push the door open to walk out. I think I hear her mumble something along the lines of,
"That's the plan." But I don't bother to turn back to find out. I jog to my car and check no one is following me before starting it and pulling out the parking lot as quickly as I pulled in. My eyes are welling as my mind comes to terms with what Kitty and Penny had told me in the dressing room. Seven was beaten by Victor and Victor's men because of me, and then Victor took him away somewhere. Far away, where I won't be able to find him. And from Seven's actions of ignoring my calls and blocking my number I'm beginning to think he doesn't want me to try find him either.
The realisation hurts and I'm pissed that I'm still left with so many unanswered questions. When the lights turn red up ahead I press my foot to the break but my car doesn't slow down. I try again, this time pressing harder down on the peddle but still nothing.
"What?" I ask out loud as I begin to panic and stomp on the breaks. Nothing. I pull at the hand break instead but it also doesn't work. Oh my god.
Oh my god.
My car continues to speed towards the busy intersection with flowing traffic and I try think about what to do. I could jump out but I'm driving too fast, I could try steer the car into the side of the road but I would hit pedestrians. My mind races and my heart hammers in my chest as the seconds go like minutes. It happens all so slowly and quickly at the same time. My car runs past the red light and through the intersection. The honks and beeps from passing cars fill my ears before the almightily gut wrenching sound of squealing rubber against the rough tarmac echos over the street, followed closely by the awful crunch of metal meeting metal on impact. The last thing I remember feeling is the digging of my seatbelt into my collarbone and the loss of gravity as my car begins to flip over. After that, everything goes black.
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