Chapter 40: Shattering
Anabeth couldn't help but admire the dress I bought from Ms. Venise's shop. We were both back in the apothecary, checking the things we bought from downtown.
"It's enchanting," she gushed, checking the wide rectangular box on the bed where the dress was neatly packed and laid on top of the soft paper fillers.
"A customer in the shop told me the same thing," I told Anabeth, sitting on the bed.
"For sure, it would look good on you at the party." She paused, as though checking my reaction. "You've already decided, right? You would come."
I bit my lower lip, unable to answer instantly. Anabeth gave me an expectant look, until I slowly nodded. "They're one of the people I respect here," I mumbled. "I want to attend as a form of respect to them."
Bumungisngis si Anabeth sa narinig, excitement glowing on her face. "That's great! I'm sure Zanra would be glad to see you there and Sir Zack-" Anabeth's words faded like a piece of paper being ripped, edge hanging.
The panic crossed her face after being caught in the excitement. "Sorry..."
"It's okay," I told her. "He's the alpha, I'm bound to cross paths with him one way or another."
Nanatili ang pagaalala sa mukha ni Anabeth even though I offered a smile, assuring her I was fine.
That night, while laying on bed, I couldn't help but think about the party, the Van Zanth... Zackary. In the back of my mind something was telling me to stay away from it, until I fell asleep with a heavy feeling on my chest.
Saturday morning came. Anabeth was lively the entire morning, gushing about the party, trying to cheer me up. The parties of the Van Zanth were known to be breathtaking, magical, and anticipated by a lot of people.
I've never been into one.
"Eleanor, are you okay?"
We were in our morning shift at the work station on a weekend when Anabeth noticed my silence. Siya din ang nagkusang samahan akong magtrabaho para hindi ako mag-isa sa tower, even though we were not forced to work on a weekend.
I pulled up a smile before nodding. I decided to work on a weekend to get my mind off things, but I eventually ended up losing my focus and attention to my tasks. Maging si Anabeth na nasa kanyang work station napansin ito.
"If you're worried about the party, you don't have to force yourself," offered Anabeth. "Sigurado namang maiintindihan ito ni Zanra at Ms. Laura."
Tumigil ako sa ginagawa at sinara ang makapal na librong nasa harapan ko. "I don't know, Anabeth," I said, voice low almost in a whisper. "When will I stop feeling this way? I don't want feel cautious or afraid or constantly worried just because I might see him again. How could I make this hurting stop?"
Naging tahimik si Anabeth na tila maging siya ay hindi alam ang sagot dito. She shifted on her chair to face me. "Do you regret things? Knowing him? Being close to him?"
I took a sharp inhale, my chest rising with the ache. "That's the painful thing, Anabeth. Because if the same thing happen again, I'd probably would want to meet him still."
Naghanda kami sa pagpunta sa party pagdating ng hapon. Anabeth was already fully dressed when she came over to my room. She looked radiant in a pale yellow dress, like the color of the sky when the sun is about to rise.
Nadatnan niya ako na suot ang old rose dress at tinulungan akong mag-ayos ng buhok. "Ang haba na ng buhok mo," she commented, brushing my hair from the back.
Pinagmasdan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin habang hawak ang aking buhok. I had never let my hair this long because I had no time maintain it lalo na noong nagsisilbi pa ako. Seeing it cascading down my back made me realize how carefree I had been, how freedom had been so close to me.
"Let's make it prettier."
Anabeth braided half of my hair while the other half remained cascading down my back in soft waves, securing the braid with a gold flower pin that Zanra gave us months ago. After a few minutes of refusing me to see my reflection, she pushed me gently in front of the mirror.
"What do you think?"
I stared at myself in the mirror, unable to say a word. When I was younger, I used to sneak books in the basement so whenever my owner locked me down, I had company. In books I learned to dream and wish for things impossible for me to reach.
Those fairy tale books about princesses and prince, about delicate dresses and parties in the palace and how everyone adored them. I read them with such hope, making me forget that I was nothing but a young girl with an empty stomach, bare face, dirty hair and stained on my clothes.
But in front of the mirror, wearing a delicate dress, my hair in clean and pretty in my head, I couldn't help but remember the little girl in the basement. I wished she could see me now so I could thank her for surviving.
Humarap ako kay Anabeth, a small smile on my lips.
"What's wrong?" nagalalang tanong niya nang mapansin ang naluluha kong mga mata.
"It looks pretty."
Two of the senior staff were also invited to the party. Kasabay namin silang nagtungo sa mansion sa magkahiwalay na sasakyan. They were both wearing elegant dresses of violet and maroon with their hair in classy up-do.
Habang nakaupo sa backseat ng sasakyan kasama si Anabeth, sumulyap ako sa labas ng bintana. The golden crescent moon hang in a dome of cloudless night sky.
Bigla kong naalala ang pagkakataon na tinitigan ko ang parehong hugis ng buwan... ang mga halaman sa greenhouse, ang kanyang tindig habang pinagmamasdan ako, ang kanyang boses... ang kanyang halik. All of it seemed so far away now.
"Eleanor..."
I blinked, completely erasing the thought before facing Anabeth. "Yes?"
"I was asking if you've heard what the senior staff had been talking earlier?"
Pilit kong inalala ang tinutukoy niya. Habang naghihintay kanina sa sasakyan, Senior Rowena and Senior Violeta kept having this conversation about the volunteer program.
"I just heard... that there's no volunteers listed yet."
The backseat was filled with the flowing skirt from our dresses when Anabeth faced me. "That's bad news. If there's no volunteer, they would surely pick randomly from the staff."
Anabeth folded her arms, shuddering. "Malas pa naman ako pagdating sa ganyan."
The mansion was glowing from a distance. Malayo pa lang kami ay kitang-kita na namin ito. It was the first time I saw the mansion this way... like a golden lamp in the dark. Line of cars surrounded the premises, several orders were stationed to secure the area. Visitors stepped out of this cars in glorious dresses and suits. The place felt so alive.
Huminto ang sasakyan ilang metro mula sa mataas na gate ng mansion. Nakakapanibago na makita nang ganito ang mansion. All the daytime visits I had in this place carved a welcoming image in my head... pero ngayon, hindi magawang lumabas ng sasakyan dahil sa nakikita ko.... para bang nandito ako para magsilbi sa mga tao at hindi bilang isang bisita.
Kasabay namin ang dalawang senior staff nang pumasok sa mansion. Sa paanan pa lang ay panay na ang bati ng mga tao sa isa't-isa. Everyone revolved in the same circle of classy powerful families. Wala akong magawa kundi ang sumunod kay Anabeth. The mansion had became familiar to me from all the visits I made in the past months. But for the first time, I felt severely out of place.
Anabeth kept me close while we made our way to the hall of the mansion where the party was being held. The faces around me felt like emotionless masks on a festival, smiling wide, with empty unfamiliar eyes.
Nakarating kami sa hall kung saan dinadaos ang pagdiriwang. I couldn't help but held my breathe. Everything looks gold and glowing, from the marble floor where people were dancing, to the high ceiling where several crystal chandeliers were hanging. Golden string of lights hang above us and everywhere I turned to, there were white roses and gold ornaments, on tables, chairs, to the suits of the people who serve shimmering glasses of champagne and wine.
Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makakita ng pamilyar na mukha. Sir Sebastian and Ms. Venise greeted us from the crowd, habang parehong hawak ang magkabilang kamay ni Vincent na naglalakad sa kanilang pagitan. Vincent looked adorable in suit and tiny bow tie at maging siya ay tila sanay na sa ganitong okasyon. He was greeting people who happened to greet his parents.
"Anabee! Elya!"
Vincent run to meet us. Anabeth and I greeted the couple as they approached us. "You two look good in your dresses," bati ni Ms. Venise na sinipat ang mga suot namin.
"Of course, we're wearing your creations," ngisi ni Anabeth.
Isang tagasilbi na may dalang tray ng inumin ang napadaan sa gilid namin. Sumulyap dito si Ms. Venise, which earned her a glare from her husband.
"No."
"Just a sip," alok ni Ms. Venise, nakangiti sa kanyang asawa.
Iling lang ang naging sagot ni Sir Sebastian which made Ms. Venise rolled her eyes. Seeing them together, bantering like this, was like seeing two best friends who happened to marry each other. Whenever they talk or gaze at each other, there's always this contented gleam from their eyes.
Sandaling pinaalala ng mag-asawa kay Anabeth ang mga bisita mula sa kanilang pamilya na kailangang batiin. Nasanay ako na kasama si Anabeth araw-araw, na kasama kong napupuyat, nadudumihan, napapagod sa trabaho. We knew each other's worst state, but even Anabeth belonged in this place.
Hindi ako maiwan ni Anabeth mag-isa sa hall hanggang hindi pa lumalabas si Zanra. And with the constant stream of people in the hall, she was worried to leave me alone. But I knew she had people to greet and talk to.
"I'll stay here," I told her while we were both standing at the corner of the hall, avoiding the crowd of guests.
"Are you sure?" tanong niya, nangangamba.
Tumango ako at ngumiti.
"Don't worry. I'll be quick," she assured me. "I'll just greet a few relatives just like what Uncle Sebastian reminded me. Then let's search for Zanra later."
I watched Anabeth leave to greet some of the people she recognized earlier. In such a tight knit community like Van Zanth, everyone has a place to belong.
Naghintay ako sa gilid habang pinagmamasdan ang mga taong hindi kailanman sumagi sa isipan ko na makakasama sa iisang lugar. The graceful movement of their gowns and dresses as they walk, their polished suits, their serene laughs, the calmness in their presence as though they never struggled to live before. If felt like stepping into a different world.
Habang naghihintay, ilan sa mga taong nakatayo sa malapit ang hindi maiwasang mapatingin sa'kin, wondering about the only face they couldn't recognize in the crowd. Their words remained whispers until someone pointed out.
"The stray..."
"Oh, the one who used to serve owners."
"She's now working in the apothecary."
"I heard she's pretty close with the alpha."
Their whispers and the soft clinking of wine and champagne glasses in their hands... no matter whom I was with or what I wear, I realized I couldn't run away from it.
I lowered my gaze to avoid their stares. But I continued to garner attention because of their apparent curiosity and stares. I stepped back for a moment, away from them.
Naglakad ako pabalik sa main door, pero muling umatras nang makita ang mga tao dito. I silently seek a peaceful corner in the mansion hanggang sa napadpad ako sa side ng mansion kung saan makikita ang garden.
Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makitang tahimik at walang tao dito. Even the noise from the party mellowed down by the mansion's thick walls. If not for golden lights washing the ground from the glass window, the entire place was pitch black.
Tumayo ako sa gitna ng garden at humugot nang malalim na hininga na para bang nangggaling sa ilalim ng dagat. Tumingala ako sa malamlam na liwanag ng buwan sa likod ng mga sanga ng puno... hanggang sa isang ingay ang narinig ko.
Someone was in the garden with me.
I took several hesitant steps on the stone path until I reached the bench near the fountain, surrounded by the rose bushes that Zanra had been taking care of in the last few months.
The first thing I noticed in the dark was the silver shoes on the ground, followed by the bare feet sticking from the thick tulle of a silver ball gown. Someone was sitting on the bench, staring at the cloudless night sky.
Ilang segundo din ang lumipas bago niya napansin ang pagdating ko. Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata at agad umupo nang maayos bago sinuot ang sapatos mula sa sahig.
"I'm sorry... I was just..."
Mula sa liwanag na nagmumula sa malapit na bintana ng mansion, nakilala namin ang mukha ng isa't-isa. It was the girl I met at Ms. Venise's shop.
She blinked, recognizing me too. Pinagmasdan niya ang suot ko saka ngumiti. "You look so pretty in that dress," agad niyang sinabi. "I'm happy you bought it."
Umayos siya ng upo sa bench saka inalok ang bakanteng espasyo sa tabi niya. Tumanggi ako noong una dahil mukhang isa siya sa mga importanteng bisita sa pagdiriwang. But I eventually took the other side of the bench.
"Are you also one of the guests at the party?"
Her eyes were expressive, face bright and open despite the lack of lighting in the garden. Her silver gown shined under the moon, tiny crystals twinkling like stars.
"Silly question," she corrected herself, smiling. "Of course, you're a guest. That's why you're here." Her bare feet remained dangling out of her gown, exposed to the chilly air. "I hope you don't mind. My feet often hurt whenever I wear these things."
"Why are you outside?" I asked her.
Tahimik siyang bumuntong-hininga bago sumagot. "I'm not really comfortable with crowds and greetings and social gatherings like this. Isn't it weird? I've been doing this since I was young but I could never get use to it."
Silence both swept us, but it wasn't so uncomfortable. It seemed like we both prefer it, the silence. Maya-maya pa muli siyang humarap sa 'kin.
"I was actually here because of one person but I didn't even see him around."
Bago pa ako muling magtanong, pareho kaming napalingon sa ingay. An old man wearing a suit walked toward us from the garden. Agad itong yumuko nang makita ang katabi ko.
"Your grandfather is looking for you."
The girl beside me stood up. "Right," she mumbled. "I'm sorry I have to go inside," she told me.
Sinuot niyang muli ang kanyang sapatos mula sa sahig. She straighten her gown, wrinkled from sitting on the bench. Then she plastered a smile on her face.
Bago umalis, muli siyang lumingon sa'kin. "Do you mind if I ask your name?"
I stood up, shaking my head. "It's Eleanor."
Ngumiti siya bago tuluyang naglakad kasama ang taong sumundo sa kanya. "It was nice seeing you again, Eleanor," she called while walking away.
"I'm Rebecca."
Ilang segundo ang lumipas na nakatulala lang ako matapos ang aking narinig. Matagal na silang nawala sa paningin ko pero hindi ko magawang gumalaw. Nanghihina na napaupo akong muli sa bench habang pinagmamasdan ang kanilang dinaanan.
Rebecca... is that Rebecca Maven? Zackary's mate?
Ilang minuto akong nanatili sa garden, kinakalma ang aking sarili. My hands were trembling, my chest tight. Tila walang lakas maging ang mga binti ko para maglakad. Umiling ako. Isang bagay lang ang pumasok sa isip ko.
I need to leave this place.
Bumalik ako sa loob ng mansion para hanapin si Anabeth. Kailangan kong bumalik sa apothecary. Dahil hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Nanghihina, tila nawawasak. Rebecca... she's back in Van Zanth.
Nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid habang patuloy ang kasiyahan. Most of the guests were now dancing at the center while the rest were busily admiring the family who were now in the hall with us. They were standing by the grand staircase, surrounded by the most influential people of Van Zanth.
The couple, Ms. Laura and Sir Zander, and the twins, Zanra and Zackary. I've never seen such a powerful sight before me. The family that rules Van Zanth.
Sa gitna ng takot at pangamba, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na titigan siya. Sa gitna ng mga tao, nangingibabaw siya. The alpha. Ang kanyang tindig, ang tingin sa bawat taong kanyang nasasakupan, ang kanyang malalim na boses. He was wearing a black suit and a cape-like-coat with gold embroideries to its sleeves and collar... he looked like a prince.
"Elya!"
Narinig ko ang boses ni Vincent kung saan. I roamed my eyes around until I saw him a few steps from me. Wala siyang ibang kasama at tumatakbo siya papunta sa 'kin. He was grinning wide, running between people's ball gowns and suits, mumbling 'excuse Vincent' to guests.
Nang makarating siya sa 'kin, isang tagasilbi na may hawak na tray ng inumin ang hindi inaasahang dumaan. Bigla niyang nabangga si Vincent. Bago pa matapon ang mga inuming hawak niya, agad kong niyakap si Vincent at hinarang ang sarili ko.
Naramdaman ko ang pagdaosods ng inumin sa aking braso at balikat, hanggang sa suot kong gown. Tumama ang mga kupita sa sahig at isa-isang nabasag. The old rose color of my dress was now deeply stained with red wine.
I immediately checked on Vincent, kung nadumihan ba siya o natamaan ng mga kupita. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makitang maayos siya. Tuluyang nawala ang ngiti niya at napalitan ng panginginig ng labi, gustong umiyak.
"It's okay..." I told him, brushing away his hair from his forehead. "It's okay, Vincent..."
"Elya..." he sniffed.
Naririnig ko ang tagasilbi na humihingi ng tawad. Pero hindi ko siya magawang sagutin, dahil pagtayo ko nang maayos, ang mga tao sa paligid ko ay nakatingin sa 'kin... sa kalat sa sahig... sa madumi kong damit.
Dumating si Anabeth at nakita ang gulo. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa kalat, sa 'kin at kay Vincent na tuluyan nang umiiyak. Agad niyang pinuntahan ang bata upang patahanin. Nawalan siya ng oras kausapin ako nang patuloy sa pag-iyak si Vincent at tinatawag ang kanyang ina.
Sumulyap si Anabeth sa 'kin. "Ihahatid ko lang siya sa mga magulang niya. I'll be right back," she told me. Inabot niya ang palad ko upang pisilin. "It's gonna be okay."
She rushed to the crowd while holding the little kid's hand. Tuluyang napatingin ang karamihan ng mga tao sa aking direksyon. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. They were standing around me, watching the mess, staring at me.
Nanghihina ako at hindi makagalaw. I lowered my gaze to the floor, trembling.
"... Causing a scene..."
"... Embarrassing..."
I gripped on my knuckles while waiting for Anabeth. Hanggang sa napansin ko na bigla nalang tumigil sa bulungan ang mga taong nasa paligid ko.
I opened my eyes and noticed them retreating, gowns sweeping the floor and feet walking away... until only a pair of a black leather shoes remained in front of me.
I raised my head and saw Zackary standing a few feet from me, staring at me.
Zack...
He stepped closer, his sharp jaw clenched, his golden eyes fixed on me.
"Is it true..."
"Does the alpha have a relationship with this woman..."
The voices made me snapped back to reality. Nanginginig ang mga binti na umatras ako palayo kay Zackary. Napatingin sa aming direksyon maging ang mga bisita sa kabilang dulo ng hall kung nasaan ang pamilya at mga importanteng taong nakapaligid sa kanila. People were murmuring, wondering what was happening.
"Eleanor..."
Tila bumagsak nang tuluyan ang aking puso nang marinig ang pangalan ko mula kay Zackary. No, Zack. Don't take any more steps. It would ruin you.
Akmang tuluyan siyang lalapit nang ilang salita ang biglang narinig ng lahat. The guests' attention instantly shifted to the person standing at the center of the hall. Isa ito sa mga taong kausap ni Zackary at ng kanyang ama kanina. An elder man who I knew holds a title because of his presence that demands attention. Maging ang mga bisitang nakapalibot kanina sa pamilya ay nakaharap sa kanya, hinihintay ang kanyang sasabihin.
"I want to introduce to you... specially those who isn't aware, the alpha's mate."
A familiar face stepped out of the crowd and into the center of the hall... it was her, the girl who chose the dress for me, the one who I shared conversation with at the garden.
It was Rebecca Maven.
She was radiant in her silver gown, standing below the hundred of golden lights hanging from the ceiling. People gasped, smiled, and marveled upon seeing her. The elder man stared at Zackary, who was still facing me. He was waiting just like everyone else. Most of the crowd were now at the center of the hall. Pero nanatili ang tingin ni Zackary sa 'kin.
I shook my head, and with my lips trembling I mouthed to him. "I'm okay..."
Unti-unting humarang ang mga bisita sa aking paningin, wanting a glimpse of the alpha and his mate at the center of the hall. From behind the crowd, I could see the two of them. Rebecca stepped beside the alpha with a smile.
"The hope of Van Zanth..."
"Such powerful couple..."
"Perfect for each other..."
And watched from the background, from behind the crowd who were completely enamoured by them. And I understand... they indeed looked perfect together... like those story books I used to read in the basement about prince and princesses.
In the middle of the crowd, Zackary caught my glance. Our gazes locked for a brief moment, before I managed to smile with my trembling lips and averted my gaze away from him. My eyes sting, my face numb.
I stepped away as the crowd started to urge the two to dance. I glanced at my ruined dress, covered in stain... and I slowly realized I barely changed at all. Deep inside, I was still the dirty little kid from the basement.
With tears on my lids, and while the song was playing and people proudly watched the alpha and his mate, I walked out of the mansion until I felt the chilly breeze on my face.
Staring at the crescent moon hanging from the cloudless sky, I wiped the tears off my cheek and managed to smile, reminding myself that it's okay... that I shouldn't be hurting. But the tears kept on coming like endless stream down my face. I clasped my chest with my shaking hands and started to sob.
I thought it was okay... I wanted to believe everything would be okay.
But it was shattering me.
***