Li
Right after I got back from dropping Randy off, I sent a text to my friends and I's group chat.
Me: WE FUCKING KISSED
Me: MADE OUT MORE SPECIFICALLY
Kenzy: dayyyyyyummm look who's getting all the dudes
Hudson River: I mean y'all have been together for like a month so that's not all that shocking
Non-Hudson River: shut up, I'm tryna sleep over here
Non-Hudson River: congrats though Lili
Connor: then mute the chat, fucking dumbass smh
Me: be nice to Riv, he's been working extra shifts at the gym (thank you Rivvy)
Me: but anyway WE FUCKING KISSED!! THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS WHAT DO I DO
Mack: hopefully not die?
Bailey: you little youngling. you will learn. for right now, listen to the adults
Me: I'm literally a year younger...doesn't seem like that much
Bailey: oh, but it is :)
Rhys' Cup: Lili don't worry about it. As long as Randy and you both consented which it seems like you did, and you enjoyed each other's company, you're fine. I promise. Kissing is not as big of a deal as you think
Connor: WOAH DID YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING GENUINE??? I'M SO PROUD OF MY BESTIEEEE
Rhys' Cup: shut up Con
Me: thanks Rhys :))
Rhys' Cup: any time, little person
Me: I'M A YEAR OR LESS YOUNGER THAN HALF OF YOU, THAT'S NOT THAT MUCH
Hudson River: in the wise words of Bailey; oh, but it is
Non-Hudson River: oh, to be young
Mack: oh, to not be an adult 😩 #eighteenthings
Connor: MY GOD STOP TALKING WITH HASHTAGS
Mack: #no
Bailey: MY BABY IS GROWING UP SO FAST, THEY KISSED A BOY 😭😭😭
Me: Bailey.
Bailey: Li.
Me: I am not your baby fuckass
Bailey: yes you are. we all adopted you during freshman year, remember? we had sticky note paperwork and everything
Kenzy: oh boy, that took freaking forever 🙄
Rhys' Cup: IT DID
Non-Hudson River: a quarter of a lunch period at least, but then again part of that may have been making fun of Connor's GiRlFrIeNd
Connor: FIONA IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND
Connor: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS
Connor: SHE FLIRTED WITH ME ONCE DURING LUNCH FOUR YEARS AGO, THAT'S ITTTTTT
Hudson River: you're lucky you got girls fresh outta middle school, you were ugly as fuck
Connor: were????? *lip bite*
Hudson River: I'm not gay, but feel free to ask Riv or Li for opinions
Connor: OOOO YEAH LI, RIV, ^^^^^
Me: ehhhhh not bad but no good either
Non-Hudson River: you're the most hideous person I've seen in my seventeen years of living, and every time I look at you I want to bleach my eyes.
Connor: I'll accept that. I needed to be humbled lol
Me: I guess your eyes are kinda pretty??
Connor: wow that sounded incredibly sincere. 🤨🤨🤨
Me: I tried \_o_/
Mack: how can you see his eyes through his glasses cuz HE'S A NERDDDD
Connor: I LITERALLY NEVER WEAR THEM
Mack: NERDDDDD
Me: I HAVE GLASSES TOO, IDIOT
Non-Hudson River: so do I-
Bailey: bro if you do dance *and* gymnastics how do you not break your glasses
Bailey: or have them fall off??? So many questions
Non-Hudson River: I have a band that attaches to them so they don't fall off. And I think Li was looking for advice and this conversation has gotten seriously derailed
Me: nah it's fine lol just throwing up, having an identity crisis, crying uncontrollably, running around screaming, potentially dying, no big deal
Rhys' Cup: yeah nbd, casual everyday activities amirite
Me: didn't know you were having an identity crisis...
Rhys' Cup: well I mean it's more like a sexuality crisis because I just saw an alt dude and he was kinda fine ngl
Kenzy: ok Mr. "I don't have a type"
Rhys' Cup: shut your mouth
Bailey: guys I think Li really was looking for advice, we're not being very good parents
Connor: oh shit you're right, sorry child
Me: it's fine
Mack: well I mean I don't think there's much to give advice about. You kissed. Great, cool. Move on lmao
Me: BUT IVE NEVER KISSED SOMEONE BEFORE
Hudson River: yeah we know, doesn't really change anything. You guys seem happy together, I think that's really all there is to it
Me: promise?
Rhys' Cup: yeah :) you're doing fine, this is your first relationship and you haven't screwed up yet lmfao
Me: does that mean that I'm going to?
Rhys' Cup: with how things are going right now, I doubt it. Don't worry about it, k?
Me: I'll try not to
Non-Hudson River: cool, I'm going back to sleep. Night idiots
Kenzy: GOODNIGHTTTTTTTT
Connor: nighty night
Me: gn
~~~~~
During dinner the next day, it was pretty silent. So, I blurted, "Would you guys find it weird if I..."
Mom looked up. "Hm?"
"Uh. If I..." I trailed off. Now matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get it out.
"Li, what's going on?" Dad asked. "We won't judge you."
"Yeah. We already find you weird enough, not sure if that can be increased by anything," Dev replied. CeCe nodded.
I chuckled, then finally inquired, "Would you guys find it weird if I started dressing more feminine?"
"No. Not at all. You're literally genderfluid, I think it kinda comes with the package." Dev stabbed one of his green beans.
"Do whatever you want," Mom said.
"I can help you shop for things if you want. Only if you want, though," CeCe offered.
"Actually, that'd be really cool. Thanks, sis." I held my hand out so we could do our handshake. Devin has begged us numerous times to teach him how to do it, but we never have.
"I'm jealous," Dev grumbled.
"Too bad."
~~~~~
"Okay, so. Do you have a particular style you're looking for?" CeCe questioned, plopping down on my bed next to me.
I had my laptop propped on my lap, so I pulled up Google. "I have no idea."
"Hm. Well, that's real helpful. We'll figure it out, shouldn't be too difficult. Do you like skirts?"
"Oh. Uhhhh-"
"That's okay. You don't need to know. We'll search for stuff you like, and not focus on the details. If you like a latex tube top and a pink fuzzy tee shirt, who cares? It's your life."
"True. One thing that I do think I like is crop tops, because it feels like during summer they could be very useful," I voiced. "Are they?"
"Can be. Okay, let's see here." CeCe snatched the laptop from me, and we began hunting.
~~~~~
Knox
Sighing, I pulled out my phone.
To: 14rrockefeller@rockefellerschools.org
From: 26kferguson@rockefellerschools.org
Subject: I need to tell you something
Hey.
This is gonna be tremendously awkward, but I'm too scared to tell you in person, so here it goes; I like you. I have since we were younger. I had no clue how to tell you, but uhh here we are, I guess?
Idk, I just love everything about you. Your easygoing-ness (yes I made up that word), your smartness, your humor, your eyes which are fucking gorgeous btw, and everything in between.
Please, please, pleaseeee can we stay friends??? Our relationship means so much to me (as cheesy as it is) and I would never be able to handle losing you. So please, forget I ever told you anything.
-Knox
I pressed send, and buried my head into my pillow.
Twenty minutes later, there was a ping.
To: 26kferguson@rockefellerschools.org
From: 14rrockefeller@rockefellerschools.org
Subject: Re: I need to tell you something
Hey back, Knoxie.
Imma be honest: I did NOT see that coming. But, why did you think I would stop being friends with you for that? If I did, I'd be a fucking lunatic, and I can promise you that
Focusing on moving forward, though...I talked to Li really quick before I started typing this (I'm so sorry if that's not ok, I seriously am, I just needed someone to talk about it to). I wasn't surprised to find that they knew already.
Could we maybe talk over Facetime? I think we all need to talk lol
-Randy
P.S. you have pretty eyes, too :)
I blinked at the email for a good five minutes in an attempt to come to terms with it, before adding Randy and Li to a Facetime call. It rung twice, and both of them picked up. Randy spoke first. "Hey, Knox. Thanks for calling."
"Yeah, definitely. I want to tell you something as well," Li announced.
"Really? Well this day is eventful," I replied.
"I like you. Along with Randy, but I like you."
More blinking, only this time, my jaw was slack. "Oh. Wow, okay."
Randy laughed "Li told me on Friday. Anyway, we have a proposal for you."
"Um, okay."
Li grinned and said, "Knox..."
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to go out with us?"
I smiled bigger than I had in years. "Seriously?"
"Absolutely!" Randy exclaimed. "You don't have to if you don't like the whole polyamory thing, but Li and I are more than willing to try it."
"Yes, yes I'll go out with you. It can't be for a little while though, Mom and Dad want me here for the many Thanksgiving parties we have, and then for the two weeks leading up to Christmas. I have an open window from later this month to early December, though. Will sometime during then work?"
"For sure. That's, like, two weeks. We'll plan something," Li confirmed.
"Okay. Jeez, I'm excited," I answered, still laughing.
Randy sat up in his bed, creaks sounding through the phone. "So am I."
"Oh shit, what's Dev gonna think of this?"
Crickets.
"Wanna add him to the call, Knox?" Randy suggested.
"Yeah," I responded. I found Devin's contact and invited him to our call. Four rings pass, and Dev's face shows on the screen. "Heyyyy."
Dev chuckled. "What's going on here?"
"Well, we have a confession." Li ran their hand through their hair.
"Uh oh. Go on."
"So, I kinda like Li and Randy, and Li likes me, and it seems Randy might also. Furthermore, they asked me out," I revealed.
Devin sat there, and I wondered if we had broken him until he said, "Alright. That seems like a good pairing. Make sure that you guys don't get jealous of each other though, I've heard about that happening a lot of times."
"That's it? No 'I'm playing fourth wheel and I'm not even single'?" Randy inquired.
"Nah. I don't care. I'm happy you're happy, and that's about it."
"Oh. Okay, cool," Li replied.
"Hey, Li, you wanna tell 'em..." Dev prompted. "You know, about..."
Randy raised his eyebrow, and I asked, "What?"
Li bit their lip. "Ummm. I spent 200 dollars on clothes around three hours ago. They're coming sometime on Wednesday."
"Okay, and why is this something we needed to be informed about?"
"They're more feminine, so when I'm fem I can feel a little more comfortable. Or, really, whenever I want to wear them."
"What? Li, I'm so proud of you," Randy complimented. "You're gonna look great."
I rolled over onto my side, reaching for the stuffed animal I made in Home and Careers class that I sleep with. His name is Terry. "Without a doubt. I'm really proud of you, too."
"Thanks, guys. It's very appreciated," Li answered.
"Of course."
~~~~~
Li
"Lili, you have three boxes that are all addressed to you," Dev yelled.
I called back, "Okay." I paused my The Office episode I was watching and walked downstairs.
Devin handed the boxes to me. "Mom asked why they were so big and I replied, 'She's trying to figure out what she likes.' So, have fun."
"Thank you."
After opening about thirty bags (because that's not a waste of plastic at all), I laid out all the clothes I got. Was it a shit ton of money? Yes. But I didn't know what I wanted, so I figured I would try them on and see what I liked and what I didn't. Then I would give the latter to my femboy friend. He always gladly accepted clothes because he was trying to pay his rent, so he focused on that and not his wardrobe.
I decided to try a light green sweater and skirt first. What if nothing fits? These are made for women. Oh my God, I'm going to look so stupid. I should try it anyway, I might like it. I don't want to try it. Should I? Do I really have to? I'm going to look ridiculous, for fuck's sake. I need to see myself. I need to.
I gained enough courage to look in my mirror. And holy shit, was I wrong about not liking it. The sweater was a little tight around my arms, and the sleeves were shorter than they were supposed to be, but I didn't care. I knew they were made for women. All I could think were two words: gender euphoria.
"Devie, CeCe, come in here," I hollered. I wanted to share my moment of happiness with people that I was sure would support me.
Devin was the first one. "Woah."
"Is it bad?"
"No, not at all. You look good, sis," he responded. I couldn't help but hug him, to which he looped his arms around me and rubbed my back.
As we pulled away from each other, CeCe came in. "Oh my God, you look so pretty!"
"Thank youuuuu," I responded.
CeCe decided she wanted to help me pair things, and Dev watched. It was kinda funny to witness him visibly taking mental notes. When I asked why he was paying attention, he answered, "Well, sometimes I'm gonna have two sisters. I should probably know at least a little bit. Plus, CeCe's making some pretty good points in general. I'm learning some things for myself." He wasn't wrong, CeCe had taught me more info about clothes in ten minutes than I had my entire life.
She told me to try a purple dress, and I felt a bit more comfortable in that than in the green skirt/sweater combo, mainly because it fit me better. While Devin and CeCe argued over what toppings to get on the pizza we were ordering for dinner (the second Wednesday of every month Mom and Da diet is choose what to eat), I snapped a quick mirror pic of myself and sent it to Randy and Knox.
Me: thoughts?
Knoxie: HOW ARE YOU SO PRETTY? THIS ISNT FAIR AT ALL
Rayndull: it really isn't lmfao
Rayndull: you look beautiful, Li :)))
Knoxie: agreed ^^^^^^^^^^
Me: haha ty
Me: Dev thinks that banana peppers are good on pizza. Opinions on this topic?
Knoxie: eh. usually I like spicy food, but on pizza...it's ok I guess
Rayndull: banana peppers are superior
Me: and the winner issssss...
Me: Knox, because I have the same opinion lmao so congratulations, you win absolutely nothing
Knoxie: YEAHHHHHHH
Knoxie: SUCKS TO BE YOU, RANDY
Rayndull: seriously?
Me: sorry, but Knox is spitting nothing but facts
Knoxie: true that
Rayndull: that's ok, at least I like tomatoes
Me: KNOX YOU DON'T LIKE TOMATOES???
Knoxie: THEY'RE DISGUSTING
Me: HEATHEN
Knoxie: THE TEXTURE IS SO WEIRD
Me: WTF NO IT ISNT
Knoxie: AND THE SLIME INSIDE THE TOMATO OMG ITS FUCKING GROSS
Me: BITCH, DID YOU JUST SAY 'SLIME' AND 'TOMATO' IN THE SAME SENTENCE?!?
Rayndull: ah, the sweet sounds of war
Knoxie: YEAH I DID
Knoxie: WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT??
Me: NEVER HELP YOU WITH YOUR PRE-CALCULUS HOMEWORK AGAIN
Knoxie: WHAT NO
Me: WATCH ME
Rayndull: well this escalated quickly
Knoxie: WELL CLEARLY RANDY AND DEVIN ARE USELESS IN THIS CASE, SO I KINDA NEED YOU
Me: TOO BAD, SO SAD
Knoxie: YOU'RE GONNA DO THIS OVER TOMATOES? GOD, YOU'RE PETTY
Me: damn right I'm pretty
Rayndull: LMAOOOOO ROFL
Knoxie: I SAID PETTY
Me: oh
Me: that seems fair
Knoxie: YEAH, IT DOES 😭😭😭
Me: I'll still help you with your homework you know that right?
Knoxie: yeah don't worry
Me: alright
Rayndull: enemies to lovers up in this shit
Knoxie: really?
Rayndull: 🤷🏽
Me: I gotta go, Dev and CeCe finally decided on their toppings
Me: byeeeeeee
Knoxie: BYEEEE YOU LOOK GREAT
Rayndull: HAVE A NICE NIGHT
Rayndull: AND YOU DO LOOK GREAT ^_^
Me: THANKS
Me: what's up with the ^_^ though? Lol
Rayndull: ITS CUTE
Me: haha very
Rayndull: DONT PATRONIZE ME
Knoxie: LMAOOOO
"Li, do you want sausage or pepperoni?" Dev questioned.
"Sausage." I responded, making my way over to the group again.
"Wrong, pick again."
"Uh, pepperoni I guess?"
"Correct answer."
I laughed. "You're such an idiot."
~~~~~
A/N: HELLO
I GOT THIS OUT EARLY YAYYYY
Fact eleven: this was the hardest chapter to write so far and I have no idea why, but it took quite a little while lol
Have an amazing day, everyone!!