WARNING: MENTIONS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF SUICIDE
The next few days consisted of me waking up in the middle of the night screaming and Alpha and Luna rushing in. Luna's tired face showed her clear expression of worry. Every time the night terrors started up again, I tried to commit suicide. This would be the fourth time I've had them over the years. The first time I had them were the first months I was here. I begged the Alpha to kill me instead of adopting me. At 8 years old, I begged him to end my life, claiming the suffering wasn't worth it. Once I got passed that, I got the terrors again when I was 10. This time I cut my arms in the bathtub. Luna found me before I did too much damage and bandaged me up. After I managed to get over that, I got the terrors again at 12. This time I took a bunch of random pills. They took me to get my stomach pumped, and while I was in the hospital recovering, I tied my sheets into a nuse and hung myself. Alpha found me and cut me down. That's when he decided he was going to train me to be a warrior, to let my emotions out on something other than myself.
I rolled out of bed from my restless sleep with one thing on my mind. In my terrors, my parents called me Blazen, just like Felix did at the party. Did he know my family when I was younger? A lot of my memories of my childhood were a blur, so I wasn't sure if I knew him. But one thing was sure, I had to confront him about that the next time I saw him.
I gathered my things for school, making sure I had everything I needed for hockey. I staggered downstairs, tired from the night before. Luna was cooking breakfast with the bags under her eyes hanging low. I couldn't tell if it was from lack of sleep, worrying, or both. Alpha was at the table chatting with Lyle, both looking just as tired as me. No one ever dared mention the events from the night before, and I was incredibly grateful for their patience. I thought Lyle would've made a sneer comment by now, but the only thing he gave me were pity looks. I couldn't tell which I'd prefer more.
"So you have that game today against the Black Heart pack?" Alpha spoke up, trying to break the gloomy vibe of the kitchen. I nodded, not finding the strength to speak. "Are you sure you'll be okay with your wound newly healed?" The concern in his voice was clear, something he didn't show very often.
I meet his eyes before nodding again. "Yeah, it's been healed for a few days now. It doesn't even hurt. I think this game will get my mind off a few things," I confessed, pushing my cereal around the bowl. I felt Lyle's eyes but didn't bother to meet them. Alpha didn't press the matter anymore.
Once I finished my breakfast, I gave Luna a small kiss on her head before heading towards the door.
"Blaze, your father is going to take your knife collection out of your room for now," Luna quickly said, looking at me with sad eyes. I paused in my tracks, feeling a little embarrassed for how many problems I was causing for them.
I was stunned by this but not surprised. Lyle looked at us curiously, trying to understand the interaction. He either was purposely left in the dark about the situation or he was too busy with himself while we were growing up to notice.
"I'm not 10 anymore," I muttered, looking down at my feet.
"It's not up for discussion, Blaze. It will make me feel better," Luna commanded, her voice quivering slightly. I nodded, not feeling comfortable using my voice. I glanced at Lyle who had his head cocked, before I walked out of the house.
In my car, I let out a shaky breath. Was I going to fall into a depressive state again? Was I going to be strong enough to make it through this time?
At school, Weston was coddling me. Though he tried hide his intentions of doing random acts of kindness, he made it painfully obvious. He would hold my books, open doors, and constantly ask if I needed anything. Ace even pitched in to help. The feelings I had for Ace were weirdly fading into simply a need to protect him. It was weird, but I didn't have the mental capacity to question it.
"Are you ready for your game today?" Ace asked me and Weston at Lunch. Ace made it a point to sit with us everyday since the party. Emerald grew fond of him, constantly talking about feminine stuff together. It felt nice to have a new friend.
Ever since the party, no one from the pack had given me problems. Occasionally I'd get a few disgusted stares or whispers, but now all I got were looks of awe. As if a few of them admired me. Like I finally proved my loyalty. But I knew deep down that it wouldn't be long until the snickers returned.
"Hell yeah! We are gonna kick their butts!" Weston shouted enthusiastically, throwing a fist in the air.
"It's going to be a tough game. We've never played this team before since they just switched up the leagues this year. But I've heard they are pretty impressive," I commented casually, trying to sound interested in the conversation. In actuality, I was excited for the game but not for the reasons everyone would think. I was hoping if Felix recognized who I was, maybe other people on the team would too. Maybe I could get to the source of these night terrors.
"Ace and I will be in the stands cheering you on! We are totally not going just to stare at the hot guys," Emerald assured sarcastically, causing Weston to snort. I chuckled at Ace's deep blush.
The rest of the day went painfully slow, so that when the final bell rang, I practically ran out the door. The entire team was buzzing as we got ready for the match, the wolves especially. It could be difficult for us to go against another pack. We may feel an instinct to protect our own pack, making us more violent.
Before we went out, I decided to mindlink the werewolves on the team.
Listen up! I know there are going to be other wolves out there. I know it can be difficult to stay docile, but we are not here to fight. They are a friendly pack. Henry's mates from there. Do whatever you can not to fight. Let me know if anyone is giving you trouble.
A chorus of "yes, captain"s echoed through the link, making me relax a bit. Weston patted me on the back before we headed out into the rink.
My relaxation quickly faded when I smelled something that wasn't right. I smelled... me? I looked instantly in the direction of the huddled team. The scent was incredibly strong, but I turned to Weston who looked completely unbothered. It must be my nerves or something.
I got in the center for the face off. I froze when I saw the other player who stood across me. His face looked so familiar. His scent was so familiar. His eyes were so familiar. It was like I was looking in the mirror. If it wasn't for my large scar across my right eye, I'd say we looked identical. I felt an incredibly strong pull toward him. But why wasn't anyone else seeing this? Was I hallucinating? Was the helmet over his face confusing me?
The boy's eyes widened as well, making me feel a little relieved it wasn't all in my head. Before we could say anything. The ref blew his whistle, and the game began.
In my sudden shock, the boy managed to steal the puck for his team. I instantly shook out of it, telling myself it was just a dream or the terrors were messing with me. We played the game as if nothing had happened, but I could sense the boys tension as well. It wasn't nothing. It was something.
In my dazed state, I barely noticed when another played checked me into the rink wall, leaving me to fall on the ground. The boy rushed up to me to help me up, but I just couldn't comprehend what was happening. Weston came up and began coping over me.
"Blaze are you okay?" I nodded and shooed him away, which he obeyed.
As I rubbed my now sore arm, the boy looked at me. "Blazen?" I looked up, stunned to hear a voice that sounded like my own.
"Xander, come on!" Another player called to the boy. The boy stared at me for a second before skating away. Xander. Xander was my brother. I have never been so sure of anything in my life.
I barely remembered the rest of the game. Neither team made much progress, finishing the game 3-2 us. Weston made the last goal, leaving the team buzzing with excitement in the locker room.
"Blaze! Why so glum? Did you hit your head in that check?" Weston persisted as he changed out of his gear. I didn't understand why no one else could see what I saw. Xander and I were identical. He was my identical twin, yet no one noticed? No one smelled him?
"Uh, no I just banged up the spot I got scratched last week," I lied, raking my hand through my sweaty hair.
Weston crouched down to my level where I was sitting. He examined me for a second, before standing back up. "Are you coming to the diner tonight?"
I thought for a second. "Yeah, just later. I want to go to the clinic and just get checked out first. Luna would be mad if I didn't." It was scary how good I was at lying. Weston nodded eagerly, agreeing with me for once in my life.
I rushed out of the locker room with my things, following the scent of my brother. I went down a dark hallway as I tracked the scent. It wasn't long until I saw him, standing at the end of the hallway.
He rushed up to me and embraced me in a tight hug. "I knew you were alive!" He expressed into my shirt. I didn't waste a second to hug back. He backed away, examining me just like how Luna does when she is concerned.
"They kept telling me the rogues killed you, but I never believed them because I still felt you!" He rambled, studying my face.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking deep into his blue eyes that seemed slightly bluer than my own. "I barely remember you. Or who I am for that matter. The only thing I remember is watching dad die and being taken away by rogues," I whisper softly, slightly embarrassed of my lack of memory.
My confession barely phases him. "That's okay! I figured you wouldn't remember me. I'm Xander, your twin if you haven't guessed it. We were born into the Black Heart Pack, the twin sons of Alpha Fredrick," he explained, not even taking a second to breathe. Alpha? No, that wasn't right.
"Alpha? I'm not of Alpha blood? What are you talking about?" I cut him off, leaving him to look at me in confusion.
"Of course you are! Our Uncle Zachary has been ruling as Alpha ever since dad died. I've been training to take over once we are 18. Technically you are older, so you're supposed to be the next Alpha," I paused, looking a little scared. "Did you want to take over the Alpha position? It's supposed to be yours, so I guess it's only fair-"
"No, I don't. This is a lot to take in. I'm a warrior in my pack, and I feel like that's what I'm supposed to be. I'm not an Alpha, nor have I trained to be an Alpha. The position is yours," I interrupted him, starting to fully digest his words. His face visibly relaxed, and his smile returned to its bubbly one. Though his face was mine, his personality sure wasn't.
He gave me a sharp nod before continuing. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we can't really talk here. I don't want people to hear. Meet me at Norman's diner tomorrow at 6, and I'll explain everything!" He rushed out the words as if there was a bomb that would go out if he didn't finish them in 15 seconds. I only nodded, not finding word to respond.
Xander grabbed my hand, sending energy coursing through my body. It was energy of a bond that was finally being restored. "I've missed you, Blazen," he admitted, clutching my hand tightly.
"I never knew I missed you so much until right now," I added my own confession. Xander gave me one last smile, before leaving me in the dark hallway alone.
I was in a daze. Shock, perhaps? I couldn't concentrate on where I was even going. Walking down the dark hallways, pondering my new knowledge of my past, I was startled by someone grabbing my shoulder. Turning around, I was met with a concerned Lyle, which was rare to say the least.
"Damnit I've been calling you! Weston said you went to the clinic, but I called them and they said they haven't seen you!" Lyle yelled frustratedly. I tried concentrating on his words, but it was difficult. My mind was fogged. "What's wrong with you? Can you ever hear me?" Lyle took my shoulders and shook them a bit, helping to break me out of my trance.
"Yeah, sort of. I'm just kind of dazed right now," I admired bashfully, but Lyle's face only grew more concerned. Lyle grabbed my hand, sending light sparks through me, then proceeded to tug me.
"Let's get you to the clinic. You must've hit your head when you were checked," Lyle declared, guiding me through the hallway.
"How did you know I was checked?"
Lyle blushed a little, "I came to watch your game," he admitted. I dropped the subject as he put me in his car and drove to the medical center.