a/n:
hello, hello! can you believe we're almost done with this series? it's been a crazy journey for these two, hasn't it? lol. well, i'll just say the angst is strong in this chapter but! this is the last angsty chapter, which i'm kind of happy for myself, my readers, and the characters lmaooooo. i hope y'all enjoy it and now it's only going up from this point out!
❤️
playlist:
like crazy - jimin
alone - jimin
amygdala - agust d
snooze - agust d
~ six months since the breakup ~
Six months have passed since you and Jungkook split up. Sometimes, your heart ached continually, and you wondered when it would stop or ever cease. You almost gave in and called to check how he was doing or what he was up to, but you didn't. It was foolish to believe he'd want to talk to you since he, too, was hurt. You had shattered his heart for the second time, and you shouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to hear from you again.
Your heart skipped a beat anytime his name was uttered, whether it was Jin or Yuna. A part of you wanted to know if he was doing well or if he was as unhappy as you, but you were hoping for the former. He deserved happiness, and you wanted him to find it even if you weren't a part of it.
❤️
As much as you wanted to run away from responsibilities, you couldn't. Your show was the only thing that kept you going-for now, at least. Critics and audiences alike praised the first half of the season, but as the season proceeded, numbers began to fall, making you doubt your talent and career. Could your writing be suffering as a result of your breakup? It did take up a lot of your mental space these days.
You wanted to hide under a rock and never come out again, it was virtually impossible because your phone rang nonstop day and night, attempting to put out fires-executives, producers, and writers breathing down your neck, never letting you take a breath. You just wanted everything to halt, and you just wanted no one to need you. But you were reminded of that whenever you stepped into your apartment. You didn't know which was worse anymore.
❤️
The show's last day couldn't have come any faster, and Kenji wanted to go big and celebrate the filming wrapping. You arrived at the beautiful modern building, which hardly looked like a restaurant.
"Hello, darling."
You turned to your ex-boyfriend, his arm snaking around your waist. He could never help himself, but you smacked his arm away. "Kenji," you said with a scowl.
"I'm sorry, love-habit." You rolled your eyes. "Come on, let's celebrate," he said, holding his arm for you to take, though you didn't amuse him by doing so. You were tired of his antics.
Because it was a party and you were practically the face of the project, you had to put on your best smile and pretend everything was fine-better than okay, perfect because you had gotten what you wanted out of your career, you had worked your ass off to get where you are. Still, none of this mattered if you didn't have the most important person by your side, but you didn't dare utter his name.
If there was one thing you hated about being in this industry, it was the mingling aspect. Of course, you cared for your crew but showed it differently than how Kenji wanted to. You preferred intimate gatherings, taking a few groups to talk and catch up.
Though, at this point, you didn't want to be around anyone anymore and just wanted to eliminate the noise clouding up your mind and space.
"Hey, babe. Are you doing okay?" Hyunie asked, pulling you in for a hug.
You loved your friend, but you swear to God if she asked you one more time if you were okay, you'd explode. "I'm fine," you snapped, closing your eyes.
Having Hyunie by your side throughout this project was a godsend, and you couldn't have done it without her. As Yuna was busy with baby Indie, Hyunie became your right-hand gal, almost waiting on you hand and foot.
She cleared her throat. "I just wanted to make sure," she muttered, ready to walk away.
"Wait, Hyunie-" You turned, grasping her hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."
"It's okay. I know you're stressed. I'll leave you alone."
God-were you always this bitchy and cranky? Or had you unlocked a new part of yourself that you'd only discovered after breaking up with Jungkook? Either way, you'd lose your friend if you didn't stop.
❤️
You had stopped counting how many glasses of wine you had accepted from the server as he passed by with his tray, but it had to have been more than enough for you to want to kiss the next person you saw.
Aimlessly, you stared at your wine glass. Are you the only one like this? What the fuck are you doing with your life? Pretending to be okay when you weren't. Shit-you were so fucking pathetic.
Every day, the same thing, over and over again. Mindlessly, alone. You were gradually losing yourself in your innermost thoughts.
Tomorrow may be better. Maybe it'll be alright. But who were you kidding? They were nothing but lies. You were too far gone, too broken. And it didn't look like it could ever be reversed.
"So, you're the big boss, hmm?"
You looked up to see a handsome man donned in an all-black outfit, his honey-skin chest practically on display, the deep V of his silk shirt leading your eyes down to his lower half. "That's me," you muttered, swirling the last of what was left in your wine glass.
"Can I get you a refill?"
"Yes, please."
The man flashed a beautiful smile before going behind the counter, reaching underneath to pull up a bottle of wine.
"Are you supposed to be back there?" you asked, raising a brow because he wasn't a crew member from your show. Actually, you had never seen him before.
He chuckled. "I'm Jung Hoseok, co-owner of Onjium." You held your glass out for him to refill.
"It's a beautiful restaurant, and the food is immaculate."
"Ah, why, thank you," he remarked. "Should I return the favor and praise your show?"
You tried to suppress your smirk by sipping the red wine. "I'd rather you praise me instead."
Hoseok's tongue darts to wet his lips, biting the bottom. "I can do that."
❤️
It had been too long since you had kissed anyone, alone let anyone even touch you. But Hoseok's kisses from the column of your neck trailing towards your collarbone made you realize how horny you were-and your vibrator wasn't cutting it anymore. You weren't sure why you hadn't sought out a fuck buddy in the first place. It would've easily taken your mind off everything and relieved some stress.
His hardened length brushed against your clothed heat, his soft lips continuing to mark your body, his hand on the small of your back, eliminating the distance between you. "Fuck-you're so sexy," he kissed your lips. "Why isn't every man dropping to their knees for you?"
You throw your head back, a chuckle leaving your lips. "Do you always flatter every woman who walks through your restaurant's doors?" you ask, tugging at his belt, unfastening it with his pants.
He grins and shakes his head. "I never do things like this," he lies through his teeth.
"Uh-huh, sure," you quip back. "So you've never fucked anyone on this couch before?" You found it hard to believe-a good-looking man like him, not fucking every beautiful that walked into his restaurant?
"Nope, never," he laughs, coming in for another kiss, his hard length pressing into your lower abdomen, making you ache and crave what's hidden beneath those briefs. "Can I?" he asks, toying with the thin straps of your dress.
"Please do. I'm at your service to be praised and adored." You were hardly ever this bold or confident. Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through your veins, coinciding with how shitty you've been feeling these past several months.
Hoseok's slender fingers drew imaginary circles into your skin. He studied your face-eyes closed, mouth agape, and head lolled back. Savoring every moment as you bite your bottom lip, just waiting for him to continue as he pleased. "Tell me what you want me to do."
Honestly, at this moment? Anything-anything to relieve the ache that was building inside your body.
He hums, waiting for your answer.
You opened your eyes and straightened your posture. He still hadn't removed your straps, so you did it for him, agonizingly slow, of course-just as he teased you, you did the same to him. But your stupid bra stood in the way until you unfastened the hooks, freeing your breasts one at a time. His attention is now diverted from your eyes to your chest, taking in the perfect view.
Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you leaned in, whispering, "I want you to fuck me so hard that you have to take me home and then fuck me all over again."
He shifted in his seat, adjusting himself, then gripped the soft flesh of your ass through your black slip dress. His hands roamed the sides of your body. His eyes fixated on your breasts before palming them in his hands. "Fuck-yes. You don't have to tell me twice."
His hand reached the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. You spread your legs wider, rolling your hips against his erection.
Faint whimpers leave your lips when his fingers pinch your stiff peaks.
"Fuck-Kook. I need you inside me."
"Name's Hoseok," he says between kisses.
"Don't-don't talk."
"Anything you want, princess."
You pulled away with a deadpan expression, breathing a loud sigh.
"You just ruined it." Of course, he couldn't have known that you hated that pet name, but that pet name also brought you back to reality.
You drew the strings of your dress back over your shoulders, proceeding to grab the rest of your things. "I'm sorry, Hoseok. I shouldn't have done this," you say, looking around for your bra.
"Was it something I said?"
Technically, yes, but also, you were stupid for trying to sleep with a man you had just met. This wasn't you. You didn't go around fucking random strangers-you much preferred being in a loving relationship, not one-night stands with men you'd never see again.
"No-it's me. I'm sorry."
Quickly, you left the crime scene, slipping into a taxi, still holding your bra because you couldn't put it back on without someone stopping to talk to you. With eyes closed and a loud sigh, your head lolled back on the car's headrest. The angel on your shoulder was berating you for making bad decisions. The devil told you to return to the man who wanted to sleep with you and show you a good time. Right now, you didn't want to listen to either of them.
You open your eyes and straighten your posture, catching a glimpse of yourself in the rearview. The person staring back was unrecognizable-having sunk to the lowest of the lows, unsure if you could pick yourself back up. At this point, you wondered how your friends could even put up with you. You didn't even want to be around yourself-a pitiful mess you were.
❤️
Sundays were brunch days at Yuna and Namjoon's. It was a tradition the group had organized since the new parents had their hands full.
But you lay in bed, thinking of the many excuses you could give to your best friend to get out of this brunch you had started to loathe. It reminded you of your mother's family reunion dinners.
You 9:27 AM
*cough*cough* I'm not feeling well.I think I drank too much.
Yuna 9:29 AM
😒 Get your ass over here. I don't care if you're on your deathbed.
Tae 9:30 AM
Dang-mama don't play. You tell her, Noona!
Hyunie 9:30 AM
Seriously, taetae? Why??? Why are you like this? 😑
Joon 9:31 AM
I'm making my infamous avocado toast.
Jin 9:32 AM
Namjoon cooking? *cough*cough* I'm sick too.
Yuna 9:33 AM
Oh! Don't make me slap all of you through this phone.
Everyone be here at 10:30! OR ELSE.
You 9:33 AM
Fine...
Jin 9:34 AM
Okay-MOM.
Tae 9:34 AM
Or else, what? You'll spank me?
Hyunie 9:35 AM
Someone come strangle my husband before I do!!
Even if you were on your deathbed, huh? Apparently, you still had to attend this infamous Sunday brunch.
A notification bell came through your phone, illuminating your screen.
Jin 9:37 AM
I can come pick you up.
You 9:38 AM
Why? You don't trust that I'll go there?
Jin 9:38 AM
Nope 🙃 See you soon friend.
❤️
The car ride to Yuna's consisted of nothing but radio silence. Jin looked over, watching you mindlessly observe pedestrians, deep in thought about who knows what. He wanted to interrupt many times but didn't want to appear insensitive.
"You look like shit," Taehyung remarked, sitting at the table.
"Thanks, Taehyung. I really appreciate your honesty," you faked a smile before letting it falter. "FYI-this is what I look like, hungover."
"You seem to be drinking a lot these days," Yuna couldn't help but comment.
"There's nothing wrong with drinking," Namjoon responded as he was focused on smashing the avocados in the bowl. He looked up to see his wife glaring at him. "What?" He cleared his throat. "I mean, as long as it's done in moderation. We don't want anything bad to happen to our bodies." He looked over at Yuna again, who was pleased with his answer.
"Maybe just slow down on the mimosas today, babe," Hyunie interjected when you picked up the tall, slim glass and sipped. Whoever made it went a bit overboard on the champagne. It wouldn't be your fault, it was whoever made this.
"I'm fine," you noted. "I'm a big girl, and I can care for myself."
With her tongue in cheek, Yuna tuts as she spreads the butter on the piece of bread, preparing the pan for the avocado toast.
You wanted to let that slide because she had been like this for the past few months, making snide, snarky comments or saying things under her breath. Maybe motherhood was taking a toll. Maybe she hadn't had enough sleep. Maybe she, too, was pissed off at the world.
"Do you have something you want to say to me?" You set your glass down, folding your arms across your chest. Maybe you were feeling confident after the sip of orange juice and champagne.
Everyone quieted down, pretending not to let this conversation become awkward, trying to do other things to distract themselves.
Yuna placed the bread into the warm pan, letting it sizzle, but she didn't answer you. She had wanted to talk to you privately for a while now, but everything was bubbling up to the surface, and she couldn't hold it in any longer.
Namjoon clenched his jaw and lightly elbowed her, giving her the staredown of the century, mouthing, "Not now."
"Why not? Hmm?" she answers aloud to her husband. "She needs to hear what I have to say."
He looks at everyone whose eyes are now on the couple in the kitchen. "There's a time and place if you want to talk, but not in front of everyone," he said in a hushed tone, quickly glancing at you, then back to his smashed avocados.
"Yuna, if you have something to say, just fucking say it." You were tired of all these side eyes and unspoken words.
She sighs and then turns off the stovetop, removing the pan from the heat. "It's been six months, Y/n. Six months since Jungkook left."
"Yeah, you don't think I fucking know that? I have to live with that knowledge every day. Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone and let me drink in peace?" Picking up the glass, you took another sip; the bubbly drink fizzled down your throat. "I'm fine," you lied. "Sometimes I just want to wallow in all the shit I'm feeling, okay? And be fucking depressed, sad, and hurt. Am I not allowed to do that?"
Hyunie steps closer, grasping your arm. "Of course, you can, but we're just worried about you and want you to talk to us."
"What do you want me to say?" You look around the room, trying your best to hold it together. Your tongue darted to lick your lips, teeth nibbling your bottom lip, but the yearning in your heart welled to the surface, just waiting to erupt. "You want me to say that I fucked up? Instead of pushing Jungkook away, I should've tried to work through it. That I should've gone to LA to get him back? Well, it's too fucking late. I can't do shit now. He's probably moved on with his life and is doing ten times better than I am."
You let go of Hyunie and sat in the dining chair. "God-I'm so pathetic." You wiped the tears streaming down your face. "I feel so numb, so broken," you said with a shaky voice. "I just want to wake up from this stupid nightmare, but I can't because this is my fucking reality. I know I have no one to blame but myself for this mess."
Everyone looked at you with pity and remorse. Practically watching you fall apart. You didn't want this to happen but knew it eventually would.
Yuna sympathized with her best friend, and she did. But she also had her baby brother to worry about as well. She knew how he was doing-which was much better than you right now, and you were right, he had moved on and was in a better spot, mentally and emotionally.
She walked over to you, placing her hand on yours, gently rubbing the top of your hand. Yuna softly sighed, "I love you, I do. But sometimes I just wanna give you a good smack."
"Jagi!" Namjoon quips, setting down his fork.
"In a loving way, of course," she pauses, "I'm sorry things turned out the way they did with you and Jungkook. It hurts me to see you like this-living life so aimlessly. If you want him, go get him. If you don't, then move on."
"It's not that simple," you said, turning to her.
"I know-but you have to try. Take it one day at a time. Do something fun. Try something you've never done before. Get your mind off everything," Yuna suggests.
She was right. Since your show had wrapped up and nothing else lined up, you could do as you, please. Maybe you could find a new hobby or travel-it's been a minute since you had a proper vacation. Honestly, traveling to a secluded place seemed like a dream. But would it be a ruse to run away from your problems, or would it help you move on? Could it be a bit of both?
"I'm sorry, guys. I am." You look up to your friends who have been supportive these past few months while you were at rock bottom.
Jin, Namjoon, and Taehyung grunted or hummed, acknowledging your apology before distracting themselves with something else.
Hyunie comes in for an embrace. "You're gonna be okay. I know it." She pulls away, the corners of her lips curving into a reassuring smile.
"I don't deserve you guys."
"You don't," Jin jokes, in which Namjoon glares at him. "What?" He stuffs a blueberry in his mouth. "Just saying."
You were conscious of your choices and actions and aware of the consequences; nevertheless, accepting and coming to terms with them was another matter.
Regardless, if you wanted to get out of this deep, dark hole you've dug, no one could help you unless you helped yourself.
❤️
With nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see-your life felt like it had no meaning, no purpose.
Do something fun.
Yuna's voice echoed from the day before. Fun? You didn't even know what you considered fun anymore. What did you even like besides writing and working? No new films were interesting, at least not enough to make you want to pay to sit in front of the big screen. And you just knew you'd be scrolling through Netflix for hours trying to find something to watch before ultimately giving up. There was no point, you thought.
And since none of those things were riveting, you again found yourself at the bar. At least, it was the first time you'd gone this week. Well-to be honest, the week had just begun.
"Another Moscow mule, please," you inquired, waving down the bartender. It was only your third one of the night, but given that your speech was becoming unintelligible-you'd be cut off soon.
The bartender nodded, acknowledged your request, and began working on your drink.
You held onto the black straw, mindlessly stirring the ice in the copper mug. Your eyes laser-focused on the bottle sitting behind the bar back-Highland Park, single malt whiskey. You preferred cocktails over straight liquor. You didn't think you could handle all the alcohol content; hell, you could hardly hold the ones in cocktails.
Next to the shelf of liquor stood a mirror, but you couldn't recognize the person in the reflection. Who was she? Six months had passed since the breakup, and the person in the mirror looked grim and unhappy. You couldn't remember the last time you genuinely smiled or even laughed, and you had forgotten what true joy felt like.
This past year drained you emotionally and physically. You weren't sure you had even gotten through all of it, and storing these traumatic, unpleasant memories in your amygdala only to resurface when you drank, forced you to deal with your emotions and feelings-things you didn't want to touch. They were too painful and tortuous. It was easier to leave them be, brush them off, pretend that life could go on-but you had to face these memories and feelings sooner rather than later, or you'd never be able to pull yourself out of the hole you had dug.
The soft murmur of your name broke your focus on yourself in the mirror. You turned to see Min Yoongi beside you in a black button-down with a turtleneck underneath.
"Why do you look like you just sat down to be interviewed for a documentary?" You ask without regard to how he is doing or what he was doing at the bar.
Yoongi laughed at your abruptness. "I just came from a meeting with a colleague and came here for drinks, but he had to head out; then I saw you sitting here, so here I am."
"Mmhm, here you are." Your eyes lit up when the bartender handed you your drink.
"Can I get a single malt whiskey? Neat."
You chuckled because you were looking at the bottle the bartender picked up.
"You okay?" Yoongi asked, sitting beside you, his knee slightly brushing against yours before swiveling away in his stool.
It would be easy to say, 'Yeah, I'm fine,' and go on the rest of the night indulging in small talk, but did you want to open a can of worms?
You gave your attention to the new Moscow mule sitting before you, stabbing the lime with the black straw and pushing it down to the bottom. You turn to him, "I feel like I'm gonna break down and cry at a moment's notice."
For some reason, it felt easier to bare your soul to someone who knew nothing about your life because all your friends quickly judged you and your decisions. But not with Yoongi. He knew the bare minimum about you.
"It's okay to cry. Just don't cry alone," he simply said before thanking the bartender and sipping his whiskey.
Honestly, you hadn't cried in the past few months. You felt more numb than anything, but the accumulation of your relationship with your mom, infertility, and Jungkook was enough to make you want to break down and give up on everything in life. The weight of it all was coming to a peak, ready to erupt.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You just did," he teased, to which you rolled your eyes. He took another sip, waving for you to continue.
"Do you ever ask yourself what the fuck you're doing with your life?"
"All the time," he chuckled. "It's normal to ask that question. Think about it-we're living, breathing humans that live on a rock floating through time and space."
"Yes! Oh my god! I think about that all the time. Why do all of my problems seem so big in my little world? But compared to how big the world is, it seems silly, minuscule, and unimportant. I mean, the person walking down the street probably has bigger problems than me."
"Mm, that could be true, but don't minimize your hurt and feelings. It's important to recognize and learn from those things and let them shape a better you."
"Why get a shrink when all you need is 'Min Yoongi' in your life?" You finally take a sip of your drink, the ice already melting in place, the condensation pooling a rim on the napkin.
He chuckled at your joke. "I'm hardly a therapist. I've just-I've been where you are, and I'm sorry it sucks, but give it time. You'll be okay."
"But, like, how do you know that?"
"Well, I don't," he took a swig of his whiskey. "I mean, there aren't many things in our control, but for the things that are, it's important to do what we can. We can only manage what's right in front of us. We don't know what will happen tomorrow, next week, or three months from now. Just worry about what's happening right here, right now. That's all you can do, you know?"
You recognized the truth behind Yoongi's words and wanted to believe it. You did. But it was always easier said than done. Maybe you just needed more time, time to find yourself again. Maybe find joy in the little things, in yourself, and become comfortable in your skin without the dissonance of your friends. This time in your life would be as good as any since you had nothing lined up for you, work-wise. There was no one to keep you here in Seoul. You could go anywhere if you wanted to. Would now be the right time to uproot your life and go wherever your heart desired?
Yoongi could see you pondering his words, maybe letting the reality of it all soak in. He chugged the last of his whiskey, setting the glass down. "Come on, let me take you home."
❤️
You lifted your finger, ready to key in your apartment's code, before returning to Yoongi. "Do you wanna come in?"
He hesitated before answering, "I shouldn't."
"You're not going to tuck me in; make sure I don't drown in my vomit?" Yoongi snickers. "Sorry, I'm not in my right mind right now. You don't have to come in."
"You're not gonna make this easy, are you?"
"I just gave you an out. You can leave if you want, but if you don't hear from me tomorrow, will you be ready to live with that guilt if something happened to me?" You could've easily eliminated the last line but couldn't help yourself. Let's blame it on the alcohol for the sudden confidence.
Yoongi's tongue darted out, licking his lips, the corners of his mouth curving into a smile. He nodded toward your door. "Come on. Let's get you tucked in."
❤️
"I just want to lay on a nice, warm beach. Or I guess I'll try to dream of it tonight."
Yoongi followed you into the bedroom and lunged forward to keep you standing straight before you plopped onto the bed. "I have a vacation home in Phuket if you ever need to get away from here."
"You do?" Your eyes widen in delight, almost wanting to take up his offer.
"Yeah, Tae and Hyunie went there recently, and I'm only ever there occasionally. Feel free to use it if you'd like."
"Is this the part where you plan to murder me, and no one will ever find my body?" you joke, referring to when he said he'd take you home the first night you met, even though you hardly knew him then.
"I think you've been watching one too many Law and Order episodes, huh?"
You shrug. "You can never be too careful, you know!"
Yoongi laughs. "If I wanted to murder you, I'd have done it already."
"I don't know. Maybe you're waiting for the perfect moment. Like when I'm all vulnerable in my bed." He shows off his gummy smile, a feature you've come to appreciate. "You should smile more often. You have a really pretty smile."
He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle as he turned away from you. Through the short time, he's known you, you were never this honest with him.
You sigh. "Can I skip to the part where everything will be okay again?"
Yoongi kneeled by your bedside and flashed a closed-lipped smile before scanning over your features. Apparently, you were just full of questions tonight, but he didn't mind. "Where you are now is not where you'll always be."
He seemed so positive and empathetic toward your situation, which you were grateful for. It's possible he was just being kind, but he had plenty more to say. He was almost like your personal fortune cookie, always ready with an answer.
"That's easy for you to say." You snuggled deeper into your fluffy pillow, pulling the duvet under your chin.
"Mm-yeah, it is," he chuckled. "Well, there's a high chance that the future you want never happens, and if you put too much meaning into it, it'll torment you."
"Gee, thanks," you said dryly.
"You know what I mean."
You stick out your tongue in protest, pulling the duvet over your head. "Just say I'm being pathetic. I can handle it," you lie, muffled through the sheets. You were one step away from losing your shit.
Yoongi cleared his throat, lifting the duvet so he could say goodbye. He could see the sadness in your eyes when you looked back at him, and he only knew what you were going through because Kim Taehyung had a big mouth and shared whatever details he knew about you and your ex-boyfriend. But he never wanted to press you further unless you wanted to share.
"Well, I'm gonna head out. It looks like you're tucked in safely and not dying, so..."
He proceeded to stand, but you sat up, grabbing his hand, your hand lingering longer than usual. Your eyes focused on his plush lips, then you moved in, closing your eyes for a kiss, but he pulled away.
"I'm sorry." He stood, taking another step toward the door. "You're cool, but I don't kiss people when they're not sober."
Your cheeks become warm, your gaze avoiding his. "I'm sorry. As you can probably tell, I'm not in the right mind frame, and I'm very susceptible to handsome men when they're sweet."
Yoongi flashed a thin smile. "It's okay. I'll pretend nothing happened," he remarked, waving his hand again before leaving you alone in your bedroom.
When you heard the front door closed, you grabbed your pillow and screamed into it. Why was kissing someone always your answer when feeling shitty about yourself? At this point, Yoongi probably found you as foolish as one could be. He probably wondered how and why Hyunie and Taehyung continued to be friends with someone like you.
You set the pillow aside, sliding under your covers, thinking about the question you asked Yoongi earlier at the bar.
What the fuck are you doing with your life?
So much of your adulthood was spent trying to survive your childhood and the trauma that came with it, and as you became an adult, you hoped the person you had become would be the person you needed when you were a child. But in reality, you felt like an imposter. The adult version of you was trying her best to be what that little girl needed, though ultimately, you failed her.
You knew deep down inside that you needed to stop whatever this path of destruction was, stop blaming others, not wait to be rescued, and most of all, stop refusing to participate fully in life. You had friends who became like family to you, who loved you no matter what you did. Was that not enough?
Inevitably, you were aware that no one could save you but yourself. You'd spent your life stuck in this endless cycle that no one had created but yourself.
You stopped before you started. You gave up before you even attempted. You talked yourself out of it before you got into it.
In retrospect, you knew you were also at fault regarding Jungkook. You sabotaged your relationship because you couldn't bear the pain. But what if you had tried and given everything, and it worked out?
But as Yoongi said, it's better not to dwell on a future that may not happen. Otherwise, you'd continue this endless cycle of torment.
❤️
a/n:
so, how are we doing? how are we feeling? do we have any theories on what'll happen next? what do we think about yoongi?
also!! when the series is finished, i have a fun podcast episode planned. so i'll link a google form for any questions or comments you may have. but in the meantime, if you wanna ramble off here, please do. if you wanna do it on anon, find me on my tumblr.