Arc Two: Delusional Reverie
Chapter Six: Reality
Despite Ruberion plaguing my dreams once more, I somehow slept relatively well. The sun was already high in the sky, giving a gentle glow outside. I could hear a couple of students talking amongst themselves as they went past my door.
Ruberion... How is it possible that you harmed and killed so many and yet... you appear so harmless? Which of us is the mistaken one? Me or the world?
I composed myself and headed to Dumbledore's office to give him the news of last night's dream. Perhaps he would have more of the answers I seek.
*****
Dumbledore was already much awake and lost in thought. He sat at his desk, eyes wandering from book to book but peered up as I entered through the door.
"Good morning, sir." I said as I approached his desk. At a closer look, the books appeared to be detailing different myths and legends from ancient times. One, in particular, was on a chapter labelled "The Cavity of Calamity". A sudden shiver shot through me. I recognised that name and yet, I was certain I had never heard of it before.
"Good morning, Miss Juniper. I presume you are here because of another dream?" he inquired as he adjusted his glasses to sit properly on his nose. He held his arm out to direct me to sit in the chair opposite him, to which I did so.
"He spoke to me again. Sir, the Ruberion you've told me about and the Ruberion I've been meeting... they aren't the same person."
Dumbledore's eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"He admitted everything you said he did. About killing the girl and being the Hound of Dreams' master but there's something different about him. He's so... honest, kind, caring, open. I can't help but wonder if you were mistaken or he's changed. At least, he said he had done so."
"You must listen to me, Miss Juniper, and I mean truly listen." His tone changed from curious to harsh-sounding. "Ruberion is a manipulator. He is using your emotions against you, just as the Hound did once before. He knows you have the compassion to trust and forgive and he will pretend to have changed to isolate you. If you give him the opportunity, he will strike at your frailty."
I wanted to protest but I knew deep down that he had to be correct. Ruberion was the Hound's master and he had almost killed me once before. This had to be some sort of ploy to do so again. But why would he want to kill me now? The Hound was gone so the students at Hogwarts were protected... unless there was something else.
The even stranger thing was that the students seemed to have returned to their normal level of rulebreaking. Had Ruberion succeeded in whatever it was that he was trying to achieve with them? If so, what was it and what is his next move? All he seems to want is for me to stay with him in that dreamland. Almost as if all he wants is to make me happy. The same with the five other students...
"I understand, sir. I'll be more careful with him." I responded as I looked down at my hands. They were shaking ever so slightly.
"I am glad you understand. I appreciate that it is difficult to be told to not trust someone who has only presented themselves as harmless. However, it is to protect you." Dumbledore looked back down at the pages in front of him and began to read once more.
My head turned around to gaze around the office. That was when I noticed something different than before or I had only just noticed it. There was an empty glass cabinet attached to the wall. It looked as if there was something in it previously that had been removed.
"What was in that cabinet, sir? I thought there used to be something in it but there doesn't seem to be anymore." I asked and pointed towards it.
"That, Miss Juniper, contained the Sword of Godric Gryffindor who was one of the founders of Hogwarts."
"'Contained'? Where is it now?"
Dumbledore grew to be a tad wary. This time, he did not push up the glasses that had fallen down the bridge of his nose.
"It has gone missing." he reluctantly admitted. "I have had Argus search every room of the castle and all of its hidden corridors and, unfortunately, it has not appeared. It disappeared the night of the portrait incident."
I felt a slight twinge of pride. I shook it off as quickly as it came. This wasn't something to feel happy about- it was awful! A priceless relic has gone missing and my inner self wishes to smile?
Dumbledore's light eyes found mine. He clasped his hands together as if he realised something important.
"I recommend you go see Severus and continue your Occlumency training. He said you made favourable progress yesterday." he praised, much as he had done the last term from my development. "And also, take this book with you." He slid the book that had been open on "The Cavity of Calamity" towards me. "You may find it interesting."
"Thank you, sir." I politely took the book, got up from my chair and, like most days, made my descent to the Dungeons.
*****
"Gooooood afternoon, Professor." I jived as I entered Severus's office. Except... he wasn't there. The fireplace was unlit, his desk was almost entirely free of clutter and there was no indication that he had gone to another location other than not here.
I thought carefully about where he would be. If he wasn't in his office then the only other place would be his storeroom. After all, Severus most certainly was not the type to bask in the spring sun's radiance by his own choice. I made my way there leisurely but as I went through a particular corridor, I felt a tugging in my chest. It was directing me towards a beige blank wall under some upwards stairs. Every step I took closer to the wall, I felt the pulling increase drastically. The moment I got within arm's reach, the feeling was unbearable. It was going to tear me to shreds if I did not proceed. I began to reach my arm out to touch the wall...
Only for Severus to come down the staircase and break me from my trance. Whatever instinct that was guiding me towards the wall vanished. I had to shake my head and blink rapidly to refocus myself in my surroundings.
"There you are! I was wondering where you went!" I called out as he reached the end of the stairs.
"I was in my storeroom. More of my ingredients have gone missing," he told as he clutched a small bottle in his hand. "I believe I know exactly who has been poaching my fluxweed."
"Don't tell me you're going to use whatever is in that glass to poison someone." I half-joked half-worried about the unfortunate soul that Severus had in mind.
"It is only Veritaserum."
"What!?" I cried out. "You can't use that on students! It's banned! I hardly enjoyed using it when I was interrogating Death Eaters but these are children!"
"Yes, it is rather regrettable which is why I won't be using it on a student." He looked at me and gave an interesting smile. "I will be using it on you."
"You're kidding."
He let out a small laugh. "I am afraid not. It is part of your Occlumency training of which you did not use against me just now."
My mouth dropped. "I wasn't ready." I protested, giving him a mildly irritated look.
"Ruberion will not care if you are ready or not. Come on now, before we lose more time." And with that, he turned and marched on ahead, leaving me behind to comprehend what just happened.
"What a guy..."
*****
As before, we arrived in Severus's office and I sat down in one of the chairs but before doing so, I placed the book Dumbledore had given me on top of his desk. As Severus began to prepare the Veritaserum, he stole a glance at the cover.
"Is that not one of Dumbledore's tomes?" he asked curiously as he filled a glass of water with "Aguamenti".
"Yeah, he leant it to me when I went to visit him this morning to talk about more of my dreams. I'm clueless about what he wants me to achieve with a book on myths but hopefully, it'll be an interesting read."
"Did he speak to you again last night?" Severus's face had a small escaped sign of concern on it.
"He did but I was able to block him out partially. It does seem like Occlumency is working." I began to fidget slightly with my hands. How would I ever be able to tell him what Ruberion was doing to me?
I took a deep breath of air. If I kept it as a secret from him and he found out through some other method, like Legilimency, then it would make it all the much worse.
"Severus... I've not been telling you everything about the dreams."
He did not reply. Instead, he focused entirely on pouring exactly three drops of Veritaserum into the glass of water.
"Ruberion is using the things I love against me. He used my memories from the ball and he took me to the Quidditch World Cup arena. I want to say that he thinks if he creates an "ideal world" for me, then I'll choose to stay with him. And... he's very physical."
Severus almost dropped the entire bottle of Veritaserum as those last words seeped through my lips.
"He made me dance with him. He held me. He almost kissed me." Before I knew it, I had told him everything that had happened, right down to the smallest details I could recall.
His face was blank. I couldn't tell what emotions he was feeling and it terrified me. He picked up the glass and handed it to me.
"Drink." was all he said.
"Severus, I-"
"Drink." he said once more with more force. His onyx eyes were piercing straight through me.
There were no other courses of action. I put the glass to my lips and drank its contents. Had I not known he had put the potion inside, I would not have been any the wiser.
Veritaserum is an extremely powerful and dangerous potion when in the wrong hands. When consumed, the drinker will answer truthfully any question asked of them. The Ministry of Magic strongly regulated its use with it only being used in high profile Wizengamot trials. However, it was no secret that senior members of the Ministry used it, such as Umbridge. Now with the potion fully in my system, I was entirely helpless to anything Severus was to ask me.
What's this now, darling? Do you need my help?
Severus stood in front of me, peering down at my helpless state. He began to speak with his words smeared with venom: "I will ask you these very simple questions. I expect the utmost honesty from you, lest you wish to test the very thin threads of patience I have left. Did you try to push him away?"
Of course you did not! Tell him the truth, my love. You adored every single moment in my embrace...
"Y-Yes, after I realised what he was doing." I stammered. The potion made it exceptionally difficult to speak.
"Good. Now, did you enjoy what he was doing to you?"
What a buffoon. I saw how your eyes glimmered. You wanted more of me. I know you did.
My stomach churned. "Not because I wanted to. He was making me enjoy it."
Severus looked as if he was holding back shaking. "What does he mean to you?"
Everything.
"Nothing. I don't want anything to do with him. I wish he would leave me alone."
You lie.
Once more, looked deeply into my eyes. "You weren't resisting the Veritaserum. Why?"
My lip trembled. "Because I treasure you more than everything. I don't want to hurt you. I've never felt this way about anyone before and losing you would..." My throat closed on me. "It would destroy me."
His expression began to gradually soften. "I am not angry, Cassandra."
"Why? You seem it." I asked, mildly scared.
"Dumbledore already told me what he had been doing to you. I pretended to not know so that we could lure him out. Though, I understood that you were not doing these things of your own volition." he explained proudly as he knew his plan had succeeded.
I stood up, forcing the chair out from behind me and almost wanted to grab his robes and shake him to death. "You better tell me what's going on right now."
"We needed confirmation as to why some of your behaviours have been abnormal as of late. You may not have noticed it but your memories and emotions have not been aligning as they normally should. Ruberion is altering you. Dumbledore was correct; his powers are growing in ways that we did not expect initially."
It explained so much. Why I feel like I've been having memories of things that I know I've never seen before... Why I've felt happy at horrific things...
"I apologise, Cassandra, but it was the only way to be certain."
A sigh escaped from my lips. The tension collapsing my chest inwards began to relax. "I've felt better for sure..."
"We shall begin your real training now. You are still weakened from the Veritaserum, however, that is no excuse. I will begin. Attempt to resist. Empty yourself of your emotions."
*****
Hundreds of memories and feelings flew through me the instant Severus began casting the spell. I began to focus on voiding myself. The memories must be ignored. He can't see them. Ruberion can't see them. All was going well as Severus failed to penetrate through a single one until...
"The trial of Damien MacKenna will now commence. Miss Cassandra Juniper will be proceeding today as the Minister, Cornelius Fudge, is at present unable to attend." the voice of Amelia Bones rung out through the circular courtroom.
"Thank you, Miss Bones." I spoke firmly, sitting at the principal chair that loomed intimidatingly over the hole in the centre of the room where the defendant sat at the mercy of the Wizengamot. "Mister MacKenna, you sit here accused of being a supporter, more commonly known as a Death Eater, of You-Know-Who. What say your defence?"
Don't look, Severus. Please. You mustn't.
Silence.
"Mister MacKenna? Are you standing undefended?"
The man only nodded shamefully. His face was sullen and his skin was wearing away. The worst sight was who I could see sitting in the spectator area... Lionel MacKenna.
I sat back in my chair, with a tall straight back and a dominant smile on my face.
"I am sure by now that this court is familiar with my stance on Death Eaters."
Stop...
"Death Eaters are unforgivable vermin who should be destroyed. There is no salvation for them, including those who were held under the Imperius Curse. They are weak-willed sheep who will herd once more under their master if given the opportunity. I wish to take the leading initiative and propose Mister MacKenna be sent straight to Azkaban. We need not waste further time deliberating."
The court was silent as the other members of the Wizengamot mentally prepared their votes. Damien MacKenna had sunk even further into his seat. Lionel sat there, entirely unsurprised at the result.
"All those in favour of condemning Damien MacKenna to a life sentence in Azkaban, please raise your hand." I commanded and raised my hand.
Unanimously, every hand on the prosecution's side was raised. I could not hold back the smirk that spawned upon me.
"Well, the result appears quite clear to me. However, for the sake of fairness... all those who are against condemning Damien MacKenna, raise your hand."
Not a single soul moved.
"I believe we have reached our decision. Damien MacKenna, you are hereby sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban for your actions as a Death Eater. A retrial would be pointless." I announced. The members of the Wizengamot nodded in approval as Damien was removed.
"Dismissed." I said unempathetically.
Lionel had not moved. Instead, he only stared directly towards me. His frame was shaking and his lip was quivering. Had he been able to get within reach of me, he certainly would have punched me.
I killed him... He's dead because of me...
....
The scenery of Severus's office faded back into view. My forehead was drenched with sweat and my body was on the verge of collapsing.
"You... saw..." I sputtered. He finally saw the memory I feared most: the damnation of Damien MacKenna.
"I was aware of your unforgiving nature at the Ministry. However, seeing it first-hand is certainly a different experience." he said, sitting down across from me and observing my frail state.
"Do... you hate me?"
"No." he responded instantly. "Listen to me, Cassandra. I know you are wallowing in self-hate at the reappearance of this memory. I do not need Occlumency to know that."
For once, he was the one to take me in his arms. My shaking began to slowly diminish in his embrace.
"But you are not that person anymore. Your speech at the funeral showed that. And you were not the one who killed MacKenna. The only person who did that was Ruberion." He loosened his grip slightly to look me directly in the eyes.
"You are no longer bound by the past and you have changed. You no longer hold the opinions once forced upon you by your father. For what it stands for, I accept you for your past, present and future."
I wrapped my arms tightly around him once more. "Severus... thank you."
Severus was the one who broke the embrace first. "However, there is one thing I need to show you." Carefully, he pulled his left sleeve up to expose his bare forearm. There was a faint red imprint of a snake coming out from a skull. It looked as if it had almost entirely faded. I recognised it at an instant.
"A Dark Mark..." I muttered, knowing exactly what this meant. "You're... a Death Eater?"
"Formally."
"How? How are you here? Does Dumbledore know?" I had a thousand questions and so few answers.
"Dumbledore is aware. I defected to the Order of the Phoenix when I discovered the Potters were in danger. In other words, I became a double agent. Because of that, Dumbledore spoke for my defence during my trial."
"Okay. Right. I'm sorry, this is a lot to take in." I wiped my head in stress. How had he managed to hide this from me for so long? "And you relinquish any form of support for You-Know-Who?"
"I do." he assured.
"Then that's all that matters to me." I responded happily.
"You did not ask me what I did when I was a Death Eater." he prompted.
"I don't need to know. As you said to me, it's in the past. We've both done horrible things but if we chain ourselves from when we didn't know better, then how can we ever hope to move on? It hasn't changed how I feel about you." I relayed much to his relief.
"Good. We still have time to practice. Are you ready?" he asked as he readied his wand as he always had done.
"I've got this." I declared.
It was at this moment that I felt something different inside of me; something I had never experienced before. We had both finally accepted everything about ourselves and each other. There were no more secrets. Nothing was left unsaid. We were simultaneously at our most vulnerable and yet also at our strongest. Only with him could I ever feel like this and I never want to let that go.
There was only one logical conclusion:
I'm in love with Severus Snape.