We've come to far,
To give up who we are
So let's raise the bar
And our cups to the stars
It was Sunday morning when we came back home. Aubrey had driven a large portion of the way and I took over after dinner. Aubrey is the best person I have ever come across and I was so lucky to call her my friend.
It took me hours to sort of accept the fact that after 3 years I had seen my father again. And that I hadn't heard his voice for 6 years. He had not seen me in 8 years. But the fact that he had not recognized me. His own daughter. I didn't know how to deal with that, so the only thing I could do was cry whilst eating a bucket of ice cream that Aubrey got on the way. Aubrey had also told the other girls in the car that I needed a moment to myself and that they shouldn't worry. 3 hours later the crying had finally stopped.
I was able to calm down and make a mental note to talk to my therapist about it.
Yes, I have a therapist. Thanks to Aunt Bec. She was the one who helped me with it. She was the one that convinced me to go.
I don't think I would still be alive if it wasn't for aunt Bec.
One day I got sick, years ago wasn't because of a simple fever. My body was shutting down. My mother had made me forcefully addicted to drugs and the supplements I had stolen from Jason had run out.
Aunt Bec knew someone who was able to get me supplements that would normally be given to children that were born from drug addicts and with that I was able to get clean.
At 14 years old, I was finally clean from drugs. Aunt Bec and Aubrey were there for me every step of the way.
We were now getting the table ready for Dinner. Aunt Bec had made Ratatouille. The Sinclair's were French from origin. Aunt Bec had moved to America together with Aubrey's father, who had died years ago in a car accident. She had been thinking of moving back when Aubrey was done with high school, but didn't know for sure yet.
Sitting at the dining table, Aunt Bec was asking questions about the weekend, how the game was and what we did before and after, to which Aubrey told her all the glorious fun we had.
"North, do you wanna tell her, or do you want me to do it?" Aubrey asked me.
"Tell me what? Did something happen?" Aunt Bec asked, concern written all over her face.
"I need to tell her Riri."
"Before you start, young lady, if you are going to tell me you did the down and dirty without protection, you better start running." Aunt Bec said sternly.
As a joke I made a fake move as if to get up. With that Aubrey started to laugh uncontrollably and Aunt Bec's shocked face was hilarious.
"No, nothing like that happened. I didn't get into any trouble. The opposing school we were playing against was a school from Los angeles. And... one of the players... uhm... Aquila was one of the players." I started to choke up.
"He didn't recognize me, like, at all. And the next day... the next.." I couldn't say the words. Actually getting the words out would make what happened realistically real and I didn't know if I could handle the reality of what happened. Yes, it happened. Yes i cried, but to utter the words, would make it true, it would no longer only have happened in my mind, my memories. It would be real to the point that it was a past event that had happened. Aubrey saw me choke up and asked if I wanted her to tell her mother. I simply looked down at my wringing hands and nodded. Giving her the okay.
"Her father picked up her brother and didn't recognize her. Like at all, mom!" Aubrey was mad about the situation, even though it was not something she could control.
"Like the asshole just asked her 'have we met'. I mean who doesn't recognize their own blood? Their own child?!" Aubrey raised her voice.
"Language, young lady!" Aunt Bec Exclaimed.
"No matter the circumstance, you do not call that man an asshole." Aunt Bec sighed and looked at me. "How are you feeling right now, sweetheart? What's going through your mind?" She asked softly.
I looked up to her with blurred eyes, shrugged my shoulders and looked back down at my hands. I didn't want to talk about it right now. I didn't want to talk about it ever.
"How about we make an appointment with doctor Cavalli this week?"
I simply nodded my head. I knew I needed the council. And Dr. Cavalli was the best person for it. He didn't judge. He would simply listen, figure out the underlying problem and bring it to light.
"Alright then that's what we'll do."
"Now, on to more exciting news. The family is coming to Miami and we're going to stay at a hotel next weekend."
"Really! I missed everyone! Especially Chewie!" Aubrey jumped up and down with excitement, while I was confused. "Chewie?" "Yeah. When I was little I couldn't say my cousin's name, so I just called him Chew. And over the years it became Chewie because when he eats he's loud."
"But everyone chews too loud in your opinion. Even me!"
"Yeah because my ears are sensitive." Aubrey said with a 'duh' tone.
"Not only your ears are sensitive." I murmured.
Aubrey gasped at that. "I heard that!"
"Girls enough! You know the rules. No bickering at the dinner table."
"Sorry maman." Aubrey and I said at the same time. I didn't even recognize what I said until I saw Aunt Bec smiling at me as if she had won the lottery. I had just called Aunt Bec maman and she didn't mind it.
"Anyways back to the conversation. Aurora, do you want to come with us to meet the rest of the family?"
"Uhm.. do they know about me?" "No. Not yet. Or are you not comfortable?" Got to love Aunt Bec. That woman knows me inside out. "Not really. Maybe next time Aunt.. maman?"
"Of course honey. But will you be okay on your own for the weekend? I could call Britney's parents. Or one of the J's?" She meant Jessica and Jenna.
"No, it's fine. I'll survive. I think I'm just going to binge some Netflix, have a little 'me' time."
"If there is anything, you text or call immediately alright?"
"Yes sir!" I said as I mocked a salute.
The rest of the night was very relaxed with a movie and blankets as Aubrey and I had to wake up extra early to be on time tomorrow.
School starts at 8.30 am and here we are in the hallway at school at 7.45 am ready to get reprimanded by our principal. But guess what? He ain't here. His receptionist, Molly is here and has basically just talked about how her weekend went. It was close to 8.15 am when Mr. Hanniger started to show up. Molly told him that she had reprimanded us already and if he wanted to do it, he'd have to keep to his promises as we had. After that everyone went on their merry way.
I was in chemistry class when Asher started to whisper to me.
"I need your help." He told me, looking at me with as big eyes he could muster.
"I'm not doing your homework, bro."
"No. I want to ask Summeya to the dance. I just don't know how." He looked away and started blushing.
Yes, our flirtation actions, we had been doing since freshman year. I didn't know what to do with it at first, but I learned later on how to make good comebacks that made for good laughs. Asher basically flirts with everyone a little, it's just how he is. Everyone but Summeya. He doesn't know how to even talk to her normally and is always weird.
I started laughing out loud in class. Everyone started looking at me. After apologising and getting my act back together. I looked at him seriously.
"Simple. I'll give you a hint. 'Make her feel like Gucci'." I said with a smirk. Summeya loved the song Gucci by Jessi, it was as easy as stealing candy from a baby.
"Make it as creative as you can. Goodluck!"
"Thanks, I'll work on it, luckily I still have a few weeks." Asher said.
The rest of the day went as chill as normal. Right now I was on my way to my tattoo artist. Anders has been the one who'd done my backpiece. He specialised in tattooing skin that was scarred.
Getting my phoenix tattoo was a very long and a very painful process. Something he had said before we first started, but when he saw what was on my back he knew why I wanted it covered, especially at such a young age. When he created a phoenix sketch and explained why he drew it for me, he simply said, 'you are a survivor. You were hurt, you were abandoned. A part of you perished back then, but just like a phoenix arises from its ashes, you have picked up the pieces, were able to get out, find a support and were able to start living again. You want it covered so it can no longer hold you back. And that is what we will do.'
My tattoo has healed enough and I was ready to cover another scar. This time I had something in mind that will always give me strength, especially when I feel weak.
Entering the tattoo shop I sat down in the waiting area until Anders was done.
"Don't tell me something happened with one of my masterpieces." I smiled when I heard his voice, that thick Swedish accent in between it..
"No worries. I am actually here for another masterpiece. I want the scar on my arm to be covered."
"By the way you're saying it, you have an idea?" Anders said.
I smiled brightly at him. "Yes. I want a row of words in a minimalistic cursive font."
He proceeded to trace the scar on my arm. "What do you want it to say?" He asked.
I looked him dead in the eyes with determination.
"Non timebo mala."
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Till next time! Love, Sarah