Lisa had found herself coming to the agency more often than before for the past few months. She had been isolating herself inside the studio blasting the loudest music possible as she danced herself out—hopefully until she could figure out from where she picked up an unidentified unsettling feeling or how she could shred the annoyance in her heart out of her system. It had been hours and she still had yet to stop.
She did not care.
She would do anything just so she could take her mind off of things. See, nothing worked lately. The company had been facing the biggest issue and scandal they had ever faced; their CEOs were forcefully stripped of their position due to several accusations and allegations under the law and one of her close friends from the company was also dragged into a mess that he ended up resigning and going AWOL. Her fight with Irene back in February had yet to find its enlightenment either and Jennie had never been more distant than she was at the moment. So yes, to the current Lalisa Manoban, nothing worked.
"Ah, you're here," a familiar voice knocked her out of her reverie.
It was Yang Hyunsuk—their recently stripped down CEO. Lisa did not know that the man would be around that day, considering how he had not been around for quite a while by then. If anything, really, Lisa thought it was a miracle that the company had not gone bankrupt yet.
"Oh! Sajangnim, have you been well?" Lisa bowed automatically.
"Yes. Yes," Yang Hyunsuk answered her but his eyes were wildly thrown anywhere else but the woman who addressed the question to him. He was looking around, scanning the whole room where it all started, as if studying every crease on the wall and absorbing in every bit of the atmosphere inside the room—after all, he would not be around for an indefinite time or probably he would not even be around forever, he could no longer tell.
"This is the only place that hasn't changed over the years," he whispered. There was a sentiment latching in his words and his eyes were empty. It took them a few seconds, being stuck in the stillness of the air surrounding them until Yang Hyunsuk smiled quite bitterly and shook his current state off, changing it to his usual cheeky self.
"Show me what you've been working on."
"Eh?"
"You've been locking yourself in here forever, Lisa. Might as well show me what you've got," Yang Hyunsuk shrugged as he took his position at the furthest back of the room, for the first time ever Lisa saw the man sitting on the floor instead of the bench at the back of the studio.
So she blasted her music again; it was unlike the other up-beat music she usually danced to, the music she played was mellow and sentimental, it was slow and calm. It was unusual but nothing around them had been usual for the past months anyway, so Yang Hyunsuk kept his wonder to himself as he watched Lisa starting to blend into the music. That was the thing about Lisa that caught his attention in the first place; even when she was still an unpolished jewel, he knew that she was a diamond. Her talent was raw and it could only go bigger and bigger as time went by. She was meant to shine. She caught eyes and kept all the attention on her when she started moving her body, you feel what she wanted to say, all those that the words failed to say. It took him a couple of seconds after Lisa finished the song for him to ask the girl he watched growing up to sit next to him in the corner of that room. It was hard not to be left stunned by the overwhelming emotion that Lisa just exhibited.
"Have you been well, Lisa?"
"Yes, sajangnim."
Yang Hyunsuk scoffed bitterly at Lisa's way of addressing him. It sounded familiar but it was so distant for him then. There were a lot of things that had changed in the course of less than a year. They were at the peak of the momentum; everything seemed to be going perfectly and they were untouchable—they were sky-high, so they thought, but then there they were, trying to collect their scattered pieces from the impact of their free-fall.
"You know that it's out, my brother and I must step down from our positions. I'm no longer your sajangnim."
"I know," Lisa weakly chuckled, "But for us, you'll always be our sajangnim. I can't imagine calling you any other way anyway, so—" She hitched a breath, and suddenly a rush of melancholic mood washed over her. Yang Hyunsuk saw how Lisa suddenly got teary-eyed, he understood at least this much; he was one of the reasons why Lisa had come to such a state. His decisions up to that point had created damages here and there and although he was aware of it, and not that he was trying to defend himself, but he was put in such a tight corner that he could not help his decisions—after all, whatever he decided on would end up hurting someone. It was for the greater good, he reminded himself and everybody knew that—even if the greater good ended up hurting some parties; like this particular one.
"I'm sorry because I had to drag all of you into this mess."
This mess.
The mess that started somewhere close to the end of 2018. One of their sunbaenims' names was dragged into one of the biggest scandals in South Korea—it was even eligible to be labelled as a crime. He was one of the biggest names in the industry that the scandal drew a lot of attention; there were pros and cons, half part of the public supported him but the major half of it despised him. It was beyond anyone's control that it turned into havoc. Releasing Jennie's and Kai's dating news was one of the company's ways to divert the public's attention but turned out it did not work out the way they originally hoped to.
It was not long from the dating news that suddenly one of the company's uprising artists, a close friend of Lisa's, was accused of abusing illegal substances. As all the investigations for the two scandals went on, Yang Hyunsuk's name was slowly being dragged into another scandal as well. At that time, everybody knew, there was no way to go but down.
Yang Hyunsuk heaved a sigh. It all started with him, this particular one of the artists who helped him build the company from scratch. They were close but he could not help save him from all the mess he was dragged into—or probably gotten himself into, and then Yang Hyunsuk himself was even also dragged into a set of a mess of his own.
"Everyone had warned him. But that kid—"
Yang Hyunsuk's eyes were lifeless; it was as if he was staring into the abyss and the fire of hell burned everything it touched. There was no salvation, there were only sacrifices, that was the furthest and the lowest they had fallen. He could not think of any more ways for them to go down, way below from where they already were.
"—It's his nature. To be good to every living soul he encounters, even the nastiest kinds, unfortunately, those were the ones who bring him down too."
He was talking about the man who started all the shenanigans, yet still, he did not have it in his heart to blame him; he was in a state where he thought he was mature enough to handle and get involved in things he apparently could not control.
"I'm to blame too, I guess. I was too hard on him. Now he goes about seeking approvals elsewhere just to end up screwed," he looked at the ceiling as he kept on talking, while Lisa had her head hanging low. Never had it crossed her mind that she would end up at a scene where she became the person her sajangnim vented his problems to.
"I'm sorry about things on your end."
Lisa pulled her head up and stared bewilderedly at her sajangnim as if asking him what she had to do with anything.
"I know what it was between you and Jennie, Lisa. Why did you think I put all of you in that room?" Yang Hyunsuk finally came clean to the woman. Lisa had never thought that her sajangnim was aware of the relationship between Jennie and her because she expected him to flip tables when he found out; turned out he just proved himself that he was a cool man indeed. Well, that was anti-climatic. Yang Hyunsuk chuckled looking at Lisa's 'I was not expecting that' face.
"Suppose it's the perks of being CEO, Lisa, you hear things," Yang Hyunsuk smiled teasingly, then he stopped seemingly trying to think of words to rephrase his meaning, "Or more like things are delivered to me to hear?"
By then Lisa's face was already puffing red, probably out of embarrassment, not because of the relationship—no, she felt like she had just been caught red-handed. All the trouble she went through to keep her relationship with Jennie a secret from their sajangnim felt like foolish efforts.
"You look good together," he said again.
"How can you tell?" Lisa asked, not out of curiosity but because there was something else inside her that sparked as the question was asked, something that felt more like insecurity. Yang Hyunsuk shrugged.
"It's just from what I've been seeing, Lisa. I look at the cover and based on what I see, I see you two being happy. So it makes you look good together. Happiness makes you look good," he explained before he continued his words to his regret, "Sorry I ruin the picture for you."
Did he?
There was silence. A deep wonder had paid Lisa's mind a visit; a wonder about whether the sajangnim did ruin the picture for her or whether the picture had been flawed from the very beginning. Ever since the dating news, the ever-so-dense Lisa started to wonder about a lot of things but mostly about her reaction towards the big elephant in the room itself.
"You make me think of a lot of things actually, sajangnim."
"How so?"
"You see, Jennie had always been someone I could rely on. Getting into a relationship with her was just the natural thing to do. It was like if I ever must spend my life with someone then it must be her. But when the media play happened, I felt like she was lying to me, and now I don't know if I'll ever trust her again, but the feeling doesn't falter with my trust because again if I ever must spend my life with someone then it must be her," Lisa explained her end as her sajangnim listened to her quietly, "The problem is how can I spend my life with someone I doubt?"
"So it feels more like an obligation?" Yang Hyunsuk dug deeper.
"I don't know. What I know is being without Jennie is unimaginable for me, sajangnim."
"So, do you stay because you want to stay or do you stay because you're scared of what to happen if you stray?" That question snatched Lisa's tongue out of her mouth. There was only silence.
"Nobody asked you to stop befriending her, Lisa," the former CEO suggested as he laid his body back, casually supporting his torso with his arms stretched wide at his back.
"You're best friends first. Don't stay the way you are out of obligation if you no longer have the heart to portray the happy picture or if you portray the happy picture out of what feels like an obligation."
"Was it wrong to take our step further than a best friend?"
"That is for you to answer, Lisa. Can I be honest with you though?"
"Sure," she said in her mouth, 'When did you never?' She said sarcastically in her mind.
"I'm afraid if you already have such a doubt, one of you will eventually end up hurt. It could be you, it could be Jennie. It depends."
"On?"
"On whether or not you listen to what your heart has to say, kid."
Again, Lisa could only stay silent.
"Jennie was mad about you. About all of you," Yang Hyunsuk told as his mind took him back to the day after the media play plan was proposed, "She came crying to my office the next day after she refused the proposal. 'If this could save my family then I'll do it,'" he recited Jennie's line when she came to him crying the day after she rejected the media play proposal, "You're a pain in the arse sometimes, sajangnim, but you're the closest thing I have to a father and this is home," he continued his words, repeating Jennie's, actually trying to stifle his laugh because the scene playing in his mind was a bit comical then that he thought about it.
Lisa giggled, that did sound like what Jennie would say and she stopped. Jennie sacrificed everything and there she was being selfish. Guilt seeped into her system unavoidably being painted on her face and Yang Hyunsuk knew the kind of face all too well.
"Jennie has always been vocal about what she wants and what she doesn't. What she did and what you feel afterwards don't necessarily need to go along. Don't feel like you're responsible for anything she did. Jennie chose to save our arses, the least you can do is, to be honest with her," he dramatically stopped then he continued, "Even if it might break her."
"Why are you so sure I won't stay with her?"
"Ah. I didn't say that."
Well, true. He did not say that.
Yang Hyunsuk chuckled as he saw a horror of realisation starting to stream down Lisa's face. He never said anything about her being sure of not wanting to stay with Jennie. Her face, however, did not show a horror from being caught red-handed, it was not like she had been toying with the idea of leaving Jennie for a while by then.
No.
The horror on her face was addressed to herself. She could not believe what she just said. Her brain did not know why she would want to leave Jennie. The sweet Jennie who had been nothing but patient; the Jennie who had been trying so hard to mend things with her even when she sometimes unconsciously ended up ignoring the woman.
How selfish could she possibly be?
"I watch you two—you know, from the very beginning. I can see how unchanging Jennie's fondness towards you and I know you love her too—that much I can tell. However," he paused as if trying to pick his words wisely, "It looks to me that loving her is no longer the same for you. What have you found?"
'What has she found?'
"Is it possible to love two different people the same way, sajangnim?"
She had probably found another—that was what.
"You never love two people the same way. Every love for every person you love is different; you can never compare one love you give to the other. You can't exactly say I love this person more than I love the other—because loving a person is incomparable, it comes in many different forms. There is never any comparison, you just know, which one you love enough that you don't want it any other way, it's either them or nobody at all."
It hit her.
"Funny, ain't it?" Yang Hyunsuk chuckled after seeing how Lisa's face suddenly shifted, "I didn't even say a name but your mind just automatically shows you the face of that one person I just described."
It was not funny to Lisa.
It was not funny at all because she realised her mind did not show her the image of the person she thought it would.
"I see you've found your answer."
Yang Hyunsuk knew. He might not be around much and he was definitely not one to judge, but he loved both Jennie and Lisa so much he could not possibly let them stuck in places that would make them suffer and from the way he saw it, things were definitely unfavourable for them because what Jennie had for Lisa was it, but what Lisa had for Jennie was not quite. Yet he knew where Lisa came from and it was understandable that the kid was so clueless about the whole thing. All that had somewhat been foreseen.
What he did not foresee was the realisation that just hit him, a bit too late by then. It started from Lisa's impromptu trip to visit a Red Velvet member in Yeosu earlier last year—so Lisa's manager reported to him, then came her trip to Japan during the same time Red Velvet had their concert there, and that one time he saw Lisa running out of his office wearing a face that was so stiffened out of overwhelming worries that he could have sworn Lisa was possessed or on her way to turning to a stone.
And that one time in December last year.
"Lisa, is it Irene from Red Velvet?"
"W—What."
Lisa's face said it all. She could swallow her words but she could not cover the tracks of her body's natural reaction to the mention of the name because her ears were mad red and it clearly was not from her dance routine.
Oh, Lisa.
"W—What is it, sajangnim?" Lisa was still trying to collect herself, Yang Hyunsuk's face discouraged her to think of what might come out of the man's mouth, but at the same time encouraged her to listen to what he ought to say.
"Back in December, Lee Sooman Hyeong called me upon receiving an anonymous tip with evidence about two of his artists. He discussed the matter because we had already made a deal with the media about Jennie and Kai. So we settled to pay the anonymous tip so the evidence wouldn't be blown up to the public."
'And what does it have anything to do with Irene?' She stopped her thought, 'Unless—'
"It was a photo of Irene and Suho of EXO, Lisa."
Yang Hyunsuk heaved a breath, the man clearly had a knack for dramatical pauses that Lisa was so close to slapping the words out of his mouth.
"It was a photo of Irene and Suho kissing."