Even if Jacksonville was far from being my dream city, I had to admit that the possibility of having your morning coffee while staring at the sea was comforting.
Rosalie was upstairs taking a shower and getting ready. Edward had gone up to do the same. They were trying so hard to keep the human charade up.
"Still an early bird, I see" I got startled as I heard Renee's voice.
My head snapped to the door of the kitchen, where she was staring at me. Her eyes were wondering, almost like she was trying to figure me out.
"I guess" I shrugged my shoulders and went back into staring at the tide. Hoping that she would just leave.
"Which college are you choosing?" she asked me casually as she served herself a cup of coffee "Charlie mentioned that you have a few choices"
"I didn't know that you were talking to Charlie" I took a sip of my mug.
It did surprise me. Apparently calling her ex was normal but her youngest daughter was out of the question.
"I call people that pick up the phone" she replied in the same tone as I spoke before.
I rolled my eyes.
"So?" Renee questioned again "Which college?"
"I still don't know" I squinted my eyes slightly at her. Even if I did why would I tell her.
Renee's face was crumpled up in a scowl.
"You don't know? Or you do not want to tell me?" she was angry.
I remained silent. This was a game I was tired of playing.
"Ok, fine" she left the cup on top of the kitchen counter and took the seat in front of me "If you do not want to talk about school, let's change the subject"
"Fine" I arched an eyebrow "Choose the poison"
"Always so witty, darling" her smile was defiant, like she was calling me off in a bluff "I actually wanted to talk about this attitude of yours"
"Attitude?" I almost couldn't control my snort.
"You are different" she pointed out, too perky for my liking "You drag her here"
"I didn't drag Rosalie" I smirked "If you had at least the courtesy to speak to her then you would realize that you cannot make that woman do anything she doesn't want to"
"Seems like you know her a little too much" Renee's eye was almost twitching with disapproval.
"Of course I know my girlfriend" I laughed.
I was lying about the current status of our relationship but it served its purpose and even if I knew that Rosalie could hear me, at this point I did not care. Later I would worry about that, for now I wanted to make it clear to my mother that I had gone on with my life, even when she did not approve.
"So it's official" Renee grinded her teeth.
"If by official you mean that both Bella and Charlie know, then yes" no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face "What I don't get is what you have against me being gay?"
"You are not gay, darling" Renee smacked her tongue, I arched an eyebrow at her "You are so desperate for love that you would take the crumbs you could get, besides I don't hate gay people, my hairdresser is gay and I think he is such a good guy"
"Ok" I took a huge breath "Your hatred is not against gay people, just me"
"Don't be ridiculous" she leaned back on the chair.
"What do you want?" I put my mug aside and laced my fingers together in front of the table.
"For you to have a love that is real" Renee spoke so sincerely, I almost believed she was worried about me.
"My love is real"
"No" she shook her head "Now you are going with the high of someone reciprocating your feelings but that will never be enough, if you search for love in the arms of another woman then you will never be loved properly"
"She loves me properly" I barked, my anger was finally getting the best of me.
How dare she?
The doubts in the back of my mind were coming back in full force.
Rosalie had left me. She had broken my heart and trust. That was not love.
She did not love me properly. She did not love me enough.
Could my mother be right?
Was I dammed to be unlovable?
"Does she?" I felt like Renee was twisting the knife that Rosalie had placed in my back months ago "You, my baby, are so smart, so really think about it" she placed her hand on top of mine "What is a girl like that doing with you? Filling some empty gap until she has healed herself up?"
"I am not a body shop" I took my hands from her grasp "Rosalie does not use as a rehabilitation center"
Did she?
"You are setting yourself up for disappointment" she sighed in defeat "But like you said, choose your poison"
"The dream words everyone hopes their mother tells them" I snarled.
"Well you are not my dream daughter, so there is that" she stood up from the table and headed for the door.
My eyes were prickling with the tears I was refusing to let out. I was not going to give her the satisfaction.
"Are you okay?" Rosalie's soft words shook me out of my thoughts, standing right behind me.
I was sitting on the back, Renee and Bella were laying out in the little sun that had showed up today. Edward had claimed he had homework and was inside.
"Of course" I faked a smiled, she did not buy it.
"What can I do?" she placed her hands on my shoulders, applying pressure to just the right spots.
I dropped my head back into her abdomen, not helping the little moan that escaped my lips. This was magic. I hadn't realized how tense I was.
"She is an asshole" I open my eyes to look at her, she smelt so nice, like honey and lilies "Nothing you can do about it"
Rosalie applied pressure again, making me putty in her hands "Sorry"
"Not your fault" I could feel my eyes rolling to the back of my head "How come you haven't given me a massage like this before?"
I popped an eye open when I heard her laugh "You never asked me for one"
"I also missed the cookies you used to make" I hummed.
"I'll bake you some when we get back home"
"How did you learn to do this and the cookies?" Rosalie was not human and yet all this were discussing where pretty human things.
"I asked Esme for help with the cookies and she taught me how" Rosalie shrugged her shoulders "And the massage, I must remind you that I have an MD"
"Right" I closed my eyes.
"Your mother is watching" she warned me.
"Ignore her" I simply stated, not ready for the massage to be over, at the moment I was more preoccupied with how will I convince Rosalie to give me a full back massage.
Offering to do her homework for a week seemed a little childish and not too tempting for her. Perhaps I could offer to take Maggie off her hair for a few days.
"Want to get back at her?" Rosalie stopped her movements in my shoulders, to take a seat on the chair next to me. I whined.
"What you mean?"
"You told her we were still dating" she stated with a naughty smirk.
"So?"
"Kiss me" Rosalie leaned closer to me, her cool breathing was intoxicating.
"Wh... what?" I stuttered, feeling my mind blank.
"Kiss me and prove her you can find someone who loves you" her nose was nuzzling mine.
The honey and lilies scents was making me feel light headed. It was hard to think straight. So the only thing I could do was close the gap in between our lips.
My will was weak and Rosalie was too much of a temptation to keep abstinent.
It seemed like time hasn't passed, her lips were soft and cool but they ignited a flame within me.
After all this time, my body still remembered hers. Still loved her.
I hated it.
"Morning, love birds" Phil's joke made me pull apart.
For once, I thanked his timing because I wouldn't had been able to pull apart otherwise.
"Good morning Phil" Rosalie smiled brightly at him, she was glowing and that made her look even more beautiful.
"Morning" I let out with the little breath I had, trying to get it back to normal.
"I was thinking that perhaps we could hit the mall or something" Phil placed a hand on my shoulder
I felt Rosalie's hand squeezing my knee when I took a second too long to reply.
"What do you think baby?" Rosalie bit her lip.
"Yeah, sure"
"Great, I'll tell your mother and Bella, Edward said that he is on board too" Phil clapped his hands excited as he made his way too my mother and Bella.
They were both looking at us.
Bella had a huge smile on her face and as we made eye contact she gave me a thumbs up.
Renee was a whole different story; she was looking at me like I was a stranger. For once I didn't give a damn.
If I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.
"Edward says it worked like a charm" Rosalie stated proudly of herself.
"We are still not dating" I spoke so lowly; I was sure she heard me because her smile deflated a little.
"I know" she squeezed again "Let's just pretend for this trip"
"It will be worse when we get back to normal on Forks" I shook my head, not too convinced on the idea.
I did want for Renee to see that I could have someone as Rosalie with me. A beautiful, sexy woman that liked me. My ego wanted that, for her to see the kind of woman I had scored.
For a minute I imaged what it would be like for the whole world to know that I dated Rosalie.
The faces from my classmates, they would all be in awe. Everyone in school either wanted Rosalie or wanted to be her. That douche from the dinner would think twice before calling me nerd. Lauren and Mia would be so envious that a geek like me was that close to someone they aspired to be like. Even if they were all homophobic bastards, dating Rosalie was enough of an achievement to shut everyone up.
But it was wrong, to treat Rosalie like a trophy. She deserved better.
Still at the moment I needed exactly that.
"Fine" I leaned my head back in the chair "Just for the trip"
Rosalie crossed her legs and placed both her hands on top of her knee.
"Can I ask you something?" Rosalie stared out to the tide.
"You just did, but you can ask another one"
"Cute" she rolled her eyes playfully "Can we be serious?"
"Is that your question or a request?" I asked again trying to get her to laugh.
"Soff" she giggled and playfully hit my arm.
"Ask away"
"You are smart" Rosalie passed her hand through her hair.
"You are beautiful" I tilted my head, Rosalie snapped her head back to me stunned by my statement "I thought that we were stating facts?"
Rosalie let her sight fell into her lap, it gave me the impression that if she could then she would be blushing.
"I am smart and therefore what am I supposed to know?" I continued her train of thought, getting curious about what she was trying to ask me.
"You told me you were upset because of how I left"
"Yes"
"Would you have come with me?" Rosalie stared directly at my eyes, I was speechless "Would you have come with me have I asked?"
I stared at her for a few seconds, before standing up from my chair "I guess we'll never know"
Published 02/07/2022