~Paige
August 2, 2015
It's 2am and I can't fall asleep. My mind has been replaying everything that happened with Calum hours prior.
Making out, about to take it one step further, stopping, apologizing, repeat.
I adore every single thing about Calum and can't see myself being with anyone else, but we can't be together. Not now at least.
I've never been the type to associate myself with boys and get involved with relationships. My parents ruined what a good relationship is supposed to look like for me a long time ago. It would take a miracle for me to fully commit my mind, body, and soul into having a boyfriend. I can't do that to Calum.
The tour bus is quiet meaning the boys are most likely asleep. I decide on getting water and heading straight back to my bunk to try and sleep.
Tomorrow we have a long day of flights ahead of us and I can't risk being exhausted the whole time. I still have to finish editing the 'She's Kinda Hot' music video.
I open the curtain to the bunk and to my surprise see Calum's -who's bunk is right across from mine- wide open. He's distracted with something on his phone and has his headphones over his ears probably too focused to even notice I'm awake.
When I met Calum for the first time, I never expected anything like this to happen between us. We connected from the start and have miraculously overcome every obstacle we've faced thus far. It sometimes makes me feel sad that we've been put through this much and yet we're still okay somehow.
Would it be too much to ask for a normal life at this point? A life where Calum wasn't famous and I was just a photographer for our school's yearbook.
I wonder how much easier our relationship would've been if that were the case.
A few crew members and our stage manager are up at the front of the bus working and having quiet conversations. I don't want to be a distraction so as quietly as I possibly can, I grab a water bottle from the fridge and walk back over to my bunk.
Its crazy how comfortable I feel in this environment. I am wearing nothing but a 5 Seconds of Summer sweater from their merchandise, comfortable shorts, and fuzzy socks.
I drink from the water bottle as I walk back over to my bunk and am about to slide back in when warm hands wrap around my waist and pull me backwards, ultimately making me land in the opposite bunk.
"What are you doing?" Calum whispers.
I brush the hair out of my face that went everywhere from the impact, "I was getting water." I whisper back.
"It's late," He says, adjusting our positions so that we could be more comfortable. "You should be sleeping."
"I should be telling you the same thing." The two of us look at each other as if there is so much we both want to say but so little time. I was the one that ended things completely between us just a few hours ago, I've already said what I needed to say.
Before Calum had a chance to bring up what happened I beat him to it, "What were you doing on your phone?"
He turns on his side to face me completely, "Just scrolling through twitter." I nod my head not knowing what else to say or do.
How can two people be doing so well then have that entirely ruined in a matter of minutes?
"Im okay by the way," He says, noticing my change in mood. "I can deal with the fact that you're not ready and that the timing for us just isn't right."
"Calum..." I shake my head not finding the words. He doesn't realize how badly I truly want to be with him.
"Don't. You don't have to say anything to try and make this better." He found my hand and intertwined our fingers together.
My other hand finds his face and I gently brush my fingertips across his cheeks, "I will never find a person more perfect for me than you."
If the two of us had a normal lifestyle the best thing for us to do would be avoid each other until the lingering feelings we have are gone. But we don't live a normal lifestyle, therefore we've made an unspoken agreement to just work through this together.
The hardest part about this all is having to remind myself that it's for the best. That thought becomes so difficult because I start to analyze and make sense of if it really is for the best or if I'm just wasting the time that we still have together.
"Neither will I." He agrees and places his hand on top of mine that is still tracing his skin. "It's for the better though. Right Paige?"
It pains me to say it out loud, but I do for his sake, "Yeah."
It's dark on the tour bus but there is a faint light peeking through, giving us just enough to see the outline of each other.
My hand moves into his hair bringing him closer so that he can rest his head on my chest. He situates himself so that he doesn't fully place all of his weight on me, but just enough so that we can still be comfortable with the other.
"Did you know that the blonde streaks are my favorite hair you've had so far?" I bring up a light change of topic. My fingers gently brush through his curls and I swear this moment is the most peaceful I've ever seen either of us be.
His arm wraps around my stomach and rests on my waist as a way of bringing us even closer. I could lay here forever with him.
"Did you know that your blonde is my favorite hair you've had so far?" He jokes.
"Cal, my hair has only ever been blonde." I laugh at how he completely avoided my compliment to fool around. These boys have always been good at that.
They take a tough situation and make it light hearted. Whether that's through their music or making jokes.
Calum closes his eyes and breathes deeply in and out. I try to take in this moment between us as much as possible. We hardly have any time to be this way together.
As much as I want to try and stay awake now, I'm finding it impossible to keep my eyes open. I'm too comfortable and warm to move Calum off of me and move back to my own bunk so I choose to stay here for the night. Even if I wanted to move back, I wouldn't want to disturb Calum from how obviously secure he feels right now.
I've never felt more safe than in his arms. He makes me feel as if all of the problems I am going through right now are no match against what the two of us have.
"Thank you for giving me a second chance Paige." Calum mumbles making my eyelids shoot open.
"What do you mean?" I say not stopping the movements of my hands in his hair.
"Most people wouldn't want to stay friends after being so vulnerable with a person they were dating, but you're still here." My heart beats faster with every word he speaks, I'm afraid he might be able to feel it.
"I think it's obvious that the two of us are a lot more than just friends, whatever that means." I say what both of us are thinking. "I'll give you, us, a second chance no matter the circumstances Cal. I promise."
Calum lifts his head up from my chest making my hand fall from his hair. He places a soft kiss onto my forehead and reinstates his position on my chest, "Thank you Paige."
"Thank you." I take a beat to think my words through. "For being so good about this. I don't know how my life turned out this way. It's as if it turned upside down the moment I met you."
"Mine got better the moment I met you."
No one knows what my childhood was like for me growing up, except for the parents who made it so terrible. Calum doesn't know this now, but I know for certain that my life changed for the better because he's in it.
A/N
So cute :,)
Who's your favorite 5sos dog? Mines moose
moose <3
Do we want more spaced out updates or frequent? lmk!
Have a great day loves!!