Onika Tanya Maraj
"...you what?" Onika asked and Ming bit her lip.
"You've been clean for almost 2 weeks now and I wanted to celebrate and she asked to come over and—I ended up agreeing.." Ming mumbled and Onika began to panic.
"Ming! What the hell?" Onika exclaimed, "Listen okay—I'm sorry. But at the same time not really because she hasn't seen or heard from you in half a year!" Ming said raising her voice and Onika was loosing it.
"Mom and dad said they wanted to be more involved in our lives. I know they miss you—it's only mom it's not like it's both of them..yet." Ming mumbled and Onika was trying to think of ways to act completely sober infront of her mother who watched her dad almost kill himself with the same shit she's using.
"She'll be here in about an hour." Ming said watching Onika sprint upstairs.
She took a shower—she thought a cold one would wake her up a bit. She looked for a dress that didn't show too much—while trying to fix her hair.
She picked up her phone and called Beyoncé as she paced around her room half naked.
"Pick up—pick up come on.." Onika groaned and then she heard the phone click.
"Finally!" Onika exclaimed and Beyoncé, on the other line in her bathroom was confused. "What's up?" Beyoncé asked as she walked back toward her room. and Onika took a deep breath.
"Are you—free?" Onika asked and Beyoncé nodded even though she couldn't see her.
"Yeah I am—"
"Are you home?" Onika asked frantically and Beyoncé responded with another, "Yeah I am—are you okay Onika?" Beyoncé asked slighty nervous.
Onika took a another deep breath before blurting out what she was meaning to say in a rushed tone.
"I need you right now can you be here soon?" Onika asked as her breathing quickened.
Beyonce's eyes widened before looking for one of her graphic tees, "I'll be there in like 10 minutes is that okay?" Beyoncé asked as she hurriedly took her sweatpants off.
"Yeah! That's fine just—thank you so much." Onika said and Beyoncé looked for her pair of sneakers, "No problem, I'll see you soon alright?" Beyoncé said and Onika nodded—the thought of Beyoncé coming over calmed her down a bit.
Onika and her hung up, Beyoncé was a little nervous at Onikas tone but got dressed as she jogged over to Onikas house.
When she got there and rung the door bell she was surprised to see Onika dressed in a dress, she trailed her eyes down and then quickly up, "I'm sorry." Beyoncé said immediately and Onika paid her no mind before dragging her in.
"What did you—need me for a-again?" Beyoncé asked nervously watching Onika pace around.
Beyoncé immediately grabbed her hands to stop her shaking.
"Hey, calm down for me alright?" Beyoncé said and Onika nodded as Beyoncé rubbed her thumbs on the back of her hands.
It calmed her down.
She looked up into those hazel eyes and took a few deep breaths, "Now speak to me, alright?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded before blurting it out.
"Ming invited my mother who I haven't seen since I dropped out—who doesn't know that I dropped out—and only knows I almost died of an overdose like 2 weeks ago over for dinner and I know it's last minute but I really need you right now." Onika expressed as her hands shook and she looked up at Beyonce.
Beyoncé blinked few times.
"She's probably gonna be here any minute now—-"
"I-alright let's run that back—your mother is coming—here?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded frantically.
"I—I thought you had NA tonight maybe tell your sister to reschedule?" Beyoncé suggested and Onika gulped at the lie she told earlier.
"They—they canceled last minute.." Onika mumbled not looking at Beyoncé. Beyoncé was getting a bit nervous herself, "O-okay? What—what do you need me to do?" Beyoncé asked.
"And all I need is for you to just—be here? With me? While she's here?" Onika begged and Beyoncé nodded nervously and then looked down at herself.
She had a harry potter T shirt on—jeans—with sneakers.
"I feel underdressed like really underdressed considering I'm about to meet your mother. " Beyoncé said slightly panicking herself.
"What? You're fine—you always look fine—" Onika said quickly as her sister walked past and opened the door.
The pair turned their heads to see Ming hugging a woman and Beyoncé and Onika felt their anxiety spike.
"Oh ming, I've missed you." She heard her mother say before disconnecting the hug.
Onika grabbed Beyonces hand and honestly the taller girl needed that warmth as much as the shorter one did.
Carol looked straight ahead at her youngest daughter, holding hands with someone she's never met.
She took a few steps in and Onika felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest. She wasn't completely high off her ass but she definitely still had it in her system.
Her mother seemed a little nervous herself which was a new sight for Onika.
"Good evening Onika." She finally said and Beyoncé felt like the tension in the room could be cut with a knife.
Onika cleared her throat avoiding eye contact. "Hey mama." She said lowly. Ming and Beyoncé eyed each other at the awkwardness of the other two.
"I—I'm still making dinner it should be done real soon—Onika—how about you help me?" Ming said gesturing toward the kitchen and Onika looked at her confused till Ming cocked her head.
Beyoncé felt the warmth of Onikas hand go away as she awkwardly stood with the woman who gave birth to Onika.
She felt Carols eyes scanning over her—Beyoncé can confidently say she's never been this nervous. And she had no idea why.
"We should sit down." Carol stated and Beyoncé was all for that. "Uh—y-yeah." Beyoncé agreed as the two sat in the living room. Beyoncé felt like she was reverting back to her awkward self.
She tapped at her bare knees that showed through her ripped jeans.
"So—who—are you exactly?" Carol asked and Beyoncé felt like she was sweating bullets.
"I'm uh—I'm Beyoncé." She managed to get out without much struggle. Carol nodded, "You're..Onikas..." She trailed off to give Beyoncé time to answer.
"Friend! We're friends—slash co-workers—slash friends." Beyoncé said quickly.Not realizing she repeated the last part.
"And how'd you two—meet?" Carol asked. Beyoncé wasn't sure if she should tell her that they met at a club—and Beyoncé was Onikas way of getting out of a conversation with a guy.
"At—a—store. In a—mall?" Beyoncé phrased it like a question and even Carol was confused.
"That's—nice. How long have you two known each other?" Carol asked and Beyoncé felt like her eyes were piercing through her soul.
"Like uh—around 2 months now? I think." Beyoncé muttered. She did not want to keep up small talk with this woman.
She felt like she was being judged and was regretting not atleast getting one of her flannels out her closet.
Meanwhile..
"Why are you acting so damn weird?" Ming asked whispering in the kitchen.
"Because I haven't seen her in months!" Also because Onikas half high right now. Ming shushed her raised voice.
"Okay? Just try to have a conversation with her. I can't have this dinner being awkward as hell." Ming said and Onika wished she could be un awkward.
"What the hell do we even talk about? What am I supposed to say when she asks how I'm doing?" Onika asked frantically.
"Say the truth—say you've been sober for almost a full 2 weeks." Ming said and Onika couldn't dare utter those words out in a room full of people who believed in her.
Onika bit her lip and ignored Ming's suspicious stare, "That would imply I have an addiction." Onika harshly whispered.
"You do have an addiction! You're an addict!" Ming harshly whispered back.
"Ming! I love what you've done with the living room. It looks so nice." Carol yelled from the living room and the two sisters shared a nervous look.
"Yeah! I've been trying to keep it nice looking!" Ming shouted back before going back to whisper yelling with Onika.
"Yeah I'm an addict—She doesn't need to know that." Onika said and Ming sighed.
"Just try to have a normal conversation with her—please? Atleast Beyonces here." Ming said trying to look in the bright side.
Onika was the one to sigh this time, she wanted to avoid talking to her mother at all cost but she knew she had to suck it up.
And her sister was right—atleast Beyoncé was here.
The two exited the kitchen, "Dinners ready!" Ming exclaimed with a nervous smile on her face.
.
.
.
"So how's work been Ming?" Carol asked digging into her plate and Beyoncé and Onika just nervously eyed each other.
"It's been good, it's usually busy." Minh responded. Onika felt like she was just 3rd wheeling a business meeting with the way they were talking.
She wasn't complaining though—she wanted to avoid talking at all cost.
Beyoncé was still sweating bullets.
"And you—Onika?" Her mother spoke up and Onika stopped zoning out to try and answer.
"I—Ive been good. Yeah—great actually." Onika said as her leg bounced.
"How's safaree?" Her mother asked and Onika tensed up. Beyoncé whispered in her ear, "Who's Safaree?" She asked.
Onika ignored her and tried to think of a quick answer. "He's good—great —actually." Onika said nervously. Beyoncé scrunched her face up in confusion. Ming looked at her like she was crazy.
"So you guys are serious now I assume?" Carol asked keeping a close eye on Onika. "I—I uh—wouldn't say all that." Onika said nervously and Ming put her head in her hands. Beyoncé, was still clueless.
"Hmm, that's understandable. I'm just happy that you're happy with him." Carol stated and Onika avoided eye contact.
She looked up for a second when Ming and her mother began talking and toward Beyoncé who was trying to peel the tails off her shrimp.
"May I be excused? I have to go to the bathroom." Onika said getting up and she did a "come here" motion to Beyoncé who was confused as she aburtly got up.
"With—Beyoncé?" Carol asked and Onika and Beyoncé eyed each other.
"I also—have to—use it." Beyoncé stammered and Carol just slowly nodded watching the two nervous wrecks stumble up the stairs.
As they walked through Onikas hallway Beyoncé spoke up.
"Your moms fucking terrifying." Beyoncé mumbled and Onika shook her head, "That whole interaction was nerve racking." Onika said as she opened her bedroom door.
"Why do you guys talk to each other like programmed computers? Like I've never been in a dining room that felt like a conversation with the Adams Family." Beyoncé said and Onika held her head in her hands as she sat on a chair near her desk.
"I mean seriously Onika I felt like If my life had a narrator—and that narrator was retelling on how I used to talk to girls in highschool—which was a terribly awkward and sweaty situation each time—I feel like i'm that narrator! I'm watching you a awkward fest!" Beyoncé exclaimed.
"We're awkward! Our relationship with each other is awkward and is hanging on by a thread. You're lucky my dad isn't here—it would turn into an argument at that point." Onika mumbled.
"Why not like—brighten the conversation or something? Say you're almost 2 weeks sober!" Beyoncé suggested and Onika shook her head.
She couldn't lie to all 3 of their faces.
Atleast not at once, in the same room.
"She'd know I have an addiction." Onika mumbled.
"She doesn't know you have an addiction?!" Beyoncé asked and Onika covered her mouth with her hand.
"She might now with how loud you are. Calm your southern ass down for a second please." Onika said as she paced around her room.
"Who's safaree?" Beyoncé suddenly asked and Onika groaned as she sat in her beanbag chair.
"My now ex boyfriend who she doesn't know is my ex boyfriend." Onika said staring up at her ceiling.
"Okay so—she doesn't know you're an addict, doesn't know you dropped out—and doesn't know you aren't dating a guy that you've been apparently "dating" long enough for yall to be serious?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded.
"Yeah that—and a few other stuff you honest don't need to know right now." Onika mumbled.
"Jesus Christ—you invited me to your suicide Onika because what the hell?" Beyoncé vocalized.
"I rather kill my self right now than be in the same room as her." Onika mumbled.
"Why haven't you told her any of this? Didn't you drop out like 5 months ago?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded.
"Then why haven't you said anything?" Beyoncé asked softly as she sat next to Onika.
"I—I just—I don't need her judging me and criticizing me for the same fucking thing my dad was doing." Onika mumbled.
"Your dad—was an addict too?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded.
"Along with his mom, being my grandma and than her farther being my great grandad.." Onika said looking down at her plush carpet.
Beyoncé sat next to her to try and take it all in, "You're scared of—disappointing her?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded.
Beyoncé knew the fear of disappointment—she's battled it and is still trying to battle it herself. She knows how Onika feels to some degree.
"I was never the perfect kid or even close to and I really got on track when I was in college and then—well—now I'm here." Onika said disappointed.
"You're here and alive. I think that's something to be proud of." Beyoncé said nudging Onika and the shorter girl smiled a bit.
"You should talk to your parents. I mean—I'm not sure what went down between them but—if you feel like there's a chance of restoring a relationship there—I'd say take it." Beyoncé said Onika huffed.
"Maybe—I'm still not—sure." Onika said and Beyoncé just smiled as she grabbed her hand and squeezed it again.
"Let's just get through this dinner alright? I want this awkward fest to end as much as you do." Beyoncé said and the two smiled at each other.
"We should get going before they think we're constipated or something." Onika mumbled before Beyoncé laughed a bit helping her up.
"You look really nice tonight—by the way." Beyoncé said and Onika shyly smiled. "Thanks—you look like you're on your way to challenge someone to dungeon and dragons." Onika said and Beyoncé scoffed as she watched Onika walk out of her room.
She stopped in the doorway and held out her hand and Beyoncé took it.
__________________________________
The dinner was a little less awkward but still uncomfortable for Onika, but they finished their food.
Onika and Beyoncé were on the porch.
"That was so bad to watch but atleast It ended." Beyoncé said and Onika sighed. "Yeah that sucked." She said rubbing her neck.
"Thank you for—being here though. I would've spontaneously combusted or something if you weren't there." Onika said and Beyoncé smiled down at Onika, her brown orbs being lit up by their porch light.
"It's no—it's no problem." Beyoncé said and Onika shyly looked down, "Can—can we—hug?" Onika asked and Beyoncé nodded before the two embraced each other.
Onika felt better when Beyoncés arms wrapped around her—she felt—secure. She never felt secure in Lauren's embrace.
She just felt needed.
In Beyonces—she felt safe.
"Thank you." Onika said lowly as they pulled away, "You're welcome." Beyoncé said softly.
The two shared another admirable look, before they completely pulled away from each other.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" Onika asked and Beyoncé smiled at the pure eagerness in her voice, "I'll see you tomorrow!" Beyoncé yelled and the two waved at each other.
Onika sighed and sat on the stairs of her porch, she made it through the dinner and now all she had to do was wait till she left.
Just then she heard the door behind her open and she closed her eyes praying it wasn't her mother.
God didn't answer her prayers.
She could tell she sat next to her and the two just sat there for a few minutes.
"Onika?" Carol spoke first and Onika bit her inner cheek. "Can I tell you something?" Her mother asked and Onika was a little intrigued. She nodded.
"I know we haven't talked in awhile—but I respect you. And I thought we had it clear that we respected each other." Carol said and Onika didn't know where this was going as she stared at her mothers side profile.
"Which is why I was confused when I walked up in there to see my half high daughter pretending to be sober." She said casually and Onikas heart dropped.
"I—I—" Onika tried getting out and her mother put a hand up.
"Don't give me excuses I've heard way too many of those through out my life and don't you dare lie through your teeth and tell me you're sober." Carol said roughly looking at her daughter.
Onika felt like her mother was reading every secret through her eyes and Onika hated it.
"And not only that—you sat there and lied to your mother, your sister—and your little "friend" who looked confused as hell when I mentioned Safaree." Carol said and Onikas jaw was slacked.
"You're pretending to be sober not only infront of me but infront of your support system? Fucking hell Oni I thought I raised you better than that." Carol mumbled.
Onika was confused—and surprised. How could she tell? She thought she hid it well.
"H-How could you—" Carol cut Onikas stammering off.
"I was married to your farther for 18 years. That man was a true addict. I know what it looks like when someone is lying straight to your face because their struggling." Carol said.
Onika felt embarrassed—she felt her cheeks get hot.
"I don't know what's going through your head and I know you must be dealing with some shit to turn to drugs and cut off contact with me." Carol said looking at her youngest daughter.
"I'm not going to attack you—i'm not going to judge you. You have my number if you're ready to stop being a liar you can message me at any time." Carol said looking down at her heels.
Onika was still quiet as she looked down—she felt embarrassed and tears threatening to fall.
She heard a tear of paper and some writing and turned to her mother holding out a torn paper as she got up.
Onika looked down at it to see a number and a address on a street she didn't recognize.
She looked up at her mother who had her purse over her shoulder.
"Your farther was an addict. He knows how to deal with relapse and how to prevent it. He's been through the fucking ringer and has hit rock bottom several times. He knows how to deal with this shit Oni." Carol explained.
"Don't isolate yourself because you're scared of being judged. Get help because you're scared of loosing yourself. Call him." Carol said and Onika eyed the paper.
"I love you Onika. I always have and I always will." Carol said—it hurt her to see her daughter struggling with addiction—but she knew yelling at her or telling her it was stupid would be a bad idea.
"You're smart Oni you always have been. Don't act stupid now." Carol said before beginning to walk off and Onika watched—still shock as she walked off.
She looked down at the paper again—she wanted to tear it up. Never go to that man for help—she feels like she hasn't hit her low yet—she doesn't want his help.
She found herself keeping the little paper as she went back inside her house.