EDITED
27
I was sitting at Rocket Diner with Matt, Dylynn, and Chris for lunch before I would have to go to Starbucks with Chris for Jackson's tutoring session.
Over time,Matt has grown to like Chris; he was a good person after all.
Jackson hated him purely out of jealousy.
I have to admit, though, it was extremely weird being around Dylynn and Matt as they acted all lovey-dovey. I wonder if Matt felt this awkward when Jackson and I were together. After all, from my understanding, Jackson had only had one girlfriend before me. If I even count.
After I ate my chicken tenders and Chris finished his Coney Dog, we left because he had to go to work and I had to get to tutoring. I doubt Dylynn and Matt minded us leaving early though.
"Bring me over my usual." I called out to Chris as I went over to the spot Jackson and I had basically claimed as ours during tutoring. Usually Jackson's here before me so it was weird when I had beaten him.
I propped my feet up on the chair next to me as I pulled out my laptop and connected to the WiFi.
I was typing out my password when someone shook the chair my feet were on. My eyes landed on Jackson and moved my feet back to the ground.
"Hey." I greeted as Chris put my drink down. I reached out for purse, but Chris shook his head.
"It's covered." He had mouthed. I shrugged it off and turned back to Jackson. He didn't look so good.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm sorry." He apologized quickly.
Jackson Garfield had just apologized. He said he doesn't apologize, but he just did. Holy shit.
"I'm sorry for hurting you when I told you I wouldn't, for lying to you, for cheating on you, for being an ass...for messing with your feelings. I am sorry for any pain that I have caused you. I know you won't change your mind, which is fine. I need you to know how sorry I am, though. I'm sick of this disappointed feeling I have in my gut, disappointed in myself."
If I didn't cut him off, he surely would've kept on going for several more minutes. "I know you're sorry." That's all I get out, I didn't know what else to say. "Want to start?" I asked after a few moments of silence. He agreed, taking out his textbooks and laptop.
Jackson has really improved since our first session when he couldn't even do middle school math. He's been doing remarkably well at all of his college work that's been given to him while leading up to the exam retakes.
At 3:30, Jackson shoved his books into his backpack and stood up. It was part of our routine.
Every tutoring session at 3:30, when my phones alarm goes off, we both waste no time in packing up our stuff and leaving with only a simple goodbye.
But today I voluntarily cut that routine to an end.
"Could you stay and talk for a few?"
He reluctantly sat back down. "What's up?"
"Did Matt, uh, tell you?"
"About him and your roommate? Yea."
"How do you feel about that one?"
Jackson shrugged his shoulders. "It's different seeing him with someone, but hey as long as he's happy."
I really just wanted to be able to have a decent conversation with Jackson again, but that isn't possible, is it? It won't ever be possible again.
"Okay, clearly you're in a rush, so I'll just talk to you later." I said to him, waving.
"No, no..." He defended quickly. "I'm stressed out beyond levels. I guess I just don't think when I'm stressed."
Obviously.
"Go home and rest then." I told him, truthfully.
I wasn't going to be a bitter bitch anymore. Jackson and I obviously aren't meant to be, why dwell on it?
"Hey, would you be okay with it if I went to Clarissa's memorial thing tomorrow?"
"Do whatever you want. It's not a private event."
"I'm asking you, Jaycee. Are you okay with it?"
"I am." Admittedly, I wanted him there. He made me feel more confident in myself.
I still remember our first date we went on together because he had gotten a good grade on his math test.
As I walked down to where Jackson was supposed to be parked, I self-consciously pulled the black shirt down to expose less of my stomach.
I got to the last step when I bumped into someone. Jackson, to be exact. He seems to get in my way often.
It's hard to believe that basically two weeks ago I said his name like...like it was forbidden. I wouldn't simply call him Jackson. It'd always be like the Jackson Garfield or Jackson Garfield in general.
"Woah..." Jackson muttered as his eyes scoped over me. I blushed a deep crimson red as I pulled my shirt down again, wishing it'd stay down. Too bad Jackson noticed. He grabbed my wrist and took me (dragged me) to his car.
"What was that?" He asked, not even starting the car.
"What?"
"I told you my whole entire life story. Can you tell me what that was about?"
My explanation would only boost his ego. I didn't feel like dealing with a times-five egoistical jerk.
"Please."
"I'm just a little self-conscious, Jackson. You're so used to pretty, twiggy, tall, tan blondes. I'm just...-"
"You're just you. You're Jaycee Gardner and you know what, you be damn proud of that. I will tell you something right now, you are gorgeous. Those other girls aren't. They're twigs, but they probably eat like a three meals a week in total. They're tanned in tanning booths and blonde from a hair salon. You? You're gorgeous: a perfect weight that's healthy, adorably short, a respectable tan, and a natural blonde."
"But so many people-"
"You'll probably laugh at me for quoting Taylor Swift, but who the hell cares? Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine." I sighed as I couldn't contain myself and reached over the center console to hug Jackson.
We had it so good at the time. Everything was so easy, but now it was the complete opposite.
He made me so genuinely happy.
"Are you gonna be okay?" He asked curiously, giving me a side-look.
"Yea, I'll be okay." I promised. "It won't be easy, but I'll be okay."
"You're a strong person, Jaycee. Even if I'm not your favorite person at the moment, I hope you know I'm always here for you."
I bit my lip. "Thanks. Uh, I should go."
Truth is, I didn't need to go anywhere. I was actually supposed to stay here because I had plans with Chris after tutoring, but I needed out now. Before I said something that I wasn't ready to say just yet.
Jackson's POV
Its been a while since I hurt Jaycee, emotionally scarred her. Since then, I haven't been around a single girl because I had hurt the only girl I wanted.
I was too late to come to realization that what I had with Jaycee was nice and I was a lucky guy. But I screwed that up. There's no way for me to cope with everything going on around me anymore because that method of "coping with myself" ruined my life.
I can't believe I screwed everything up so badly. Since I was 15, I never planned on having a girlfriend. When I was 16, I had a girlfriend. We lasted two weeks before I called it off because it was boring. When I was 17 I decided I was never getting married. When I was 18, I decided I was never going to fall in love. At 19, I realized you can't choose if you want to fall in love or not. How did I know this? I fell in love. A week after that I didn't know what to do.
I was The Jackson Garfield. I wasn't supposed to fall in love; that went against everything I stood for.
About 2 months after I realized I was in love, I screwed it up and I broke her trust. About 3 days after I broke her trust I accidentally told her I love her and I don't even think she noticed.
Nothing has gone as planned; although I am to blame that, it still pisses me off. Yet, if I had lived through my promise as an 18 year old idiot, I would've never realized how great of a person Jaycee is. I would've never fallen for her.
Jaycee Lilly Gardner has been the best thing to ever happen to me, yet I lost her. I let her slip right through my fingers.
•••
THIS CHAPTER WAS A HOT MESS BECAUSE IT WAS A 100% FILLER AND IM SO SOOORRY. I think that'll be the last really boring filler of this story.
I really love seeing so many of you enjoying this story; it warms my heart.
Also, Fall For Me got put in its first recommendation book - shoutout to @Priya-reader for that one!
Ship names for Dylynn and Matt?
Thanks for reading!
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Expect the next update by Sunday or Monday. No promises being made, but this is for an idea!
- emily