When they were 4 years old, Frieda pushed Heidi down the few stairs that led up to their green front door.The poor girl fell head first into the gravel. The tiny sharp stones cut her fragile hands. Tears dripped down her face within seconds.
(Fun fact in 1936 a group of kids had given Apfelstraße the title of "most painful street to fall on." I invite you to keep this information in mind.)
I never figured out why Frieda did it, and I doubt she even recalled the event, but Heidi certainly did. A boy laughed at her that day. I don't blame him. It was quite funny to see from the outside, but what started in her mind that day would have stopped anyone from laughing.
Think of it as a match being lit, and over the years this spark, bright enough to light a candle would grow into a glowing burning flame capable of turning Heidi into ash.
This flame could have many definitions and names, but what fueled it was more specific.
Heidi subconsciously held onto it all. Storing it at the very back of her mind.
"Oh Heidi, this will take hours! If only your hair was like Frieda's, these curls will be the death of me."
"Heidi! What might you be doing? Doodling in class now are we? I expected better behaviour from you considering your siblings are all model students."
"Who is that girl Frieda?" "Your sister? Really? It's a pity she looks nothing like you.."
"Oh Frieda, we're so proud of you!"
"Straighten your posture, heidi. You look like an old man. Your sisters are all making an effort, so should you."
"Oh don't waste your tears, It's not my fault you can't read, I've tried to teach you Heidi. You're simply incapable of putting letters together."
"If Frieda can do it, so can you. I will not hear any further fussing from you, miss Seide."
"Can't you just let go of your paintbrush for one moment!" "It's no wonder no one likes you!"
"It isn't the best painting I've seen."
"It's a miracle if you ever marry."
Most of these remarks were not meant to hurt Heidi, yet they did, because of what they incinnuated.
One thing I have noticed with humans that I find rather unfortunate, is how incredibly skilled they are at being pessimistic and holding onto negative emotions. Humans are also terrible at understanding when they have hurt another. Heidi's family didn't mean anything bad by constantly comparing her to Frieda. I strongly believe that if they knew how much pain it caused her, and how many issues stemmed from it, they never would have.
But you cannot modify the past and what is done remains done.
And as Heidi hit the ground that cold day in early april 1930, just when her skin shattered on the gravel, so did her relationship with Frieda, and nothing indicated it would ever mend.
And later in life, this would be Heidi Seide's biggest regret. She held onto all the negative things about her sister, she forgot to forgive and lost many years for it.