Harry said that the reason for his outburst was that he was just tired, and surprised I was going back home. I didn't buy it, not a bit. There was too much else dancing behind his eyes that completely gave him away. I thought about asking him about it, but after that weekend I decided against it.
It was the following Thursday. It wasn't a long drive back so I wasn't too worried about it, but I knew that I would still need a decent amount of snacks - for myself and Belle. Lydia said she wanted to meet my 'fur child' so she invited her to come along. I had everything she'd need stacked neatly on the counter by her crate ready for the next day.
I had packed a few things already since I was essentially going to leave right from work. 'Leave work, pick up dog, go see Lydia'; that was my Friday evening. Harry and I made plans to hang out though before I left so he made sure to have Thursday night off so we could watch a movie and have dinner at my apartment. I suggested going to his house, but he turned that idea down quickly. Bummer.
"Do you need anything for tomorrow? I'm at the shop," Harry offered over the phone. I looked at my list and told him no. He then proceeded to list the sweets he chose and said he'd be over in a bit.
I plunked down on the couch and texted Lydia about her plans for this weekend and what needed to get packed still. She responded about a few things and I eventually put my phone down and grabbed my laptop to make sure it was ready for whatever movie we would bicker over.
Belle had been curled up half in my lap, half on the couch, her head in the direction of the door. Her head lulled to the side as I scratched her ear and she nearly fell asleep. I had to wake her from her slumber though when there was a knock at my door. Benny must have been at the door down front and let Harry in without needing to press the intercom.
"Welcome," I said as I opened the door for him. "What movie did you choose tonight?"
"I went with 'The Matrix'," he said and handed me the movie. I rolled my eyes and he furrowed his brows at me. "It's a good one!"
"I'll be asking you questions," I pointed out to him. He chuckled and made his way to the kitchen counter as I made my way back to my couch to get the movie ready. I put the movie in and waited as he meandered around my kitchen.
He acted as if nothing had happened, which I mean, was a fair play and I went along with it. Ideally that was what we would do - just forget about it and move on. So, we tried. And did. But I still wanted to know more.
I wanted to know why he was so upset, or whatever it was that he felt. I hated to sound like someone super nosey but who was I kidding? Nosey's my middle name. I told him the biggest skeleton in my closet and he hasn't told me a single thing yet. I know that he moved here when he was a little older and that he lived with his mom after his dad left. I understood the feeling.
But that was all I was aware of and I knew for a damn fact that that wasn't all.
"C'mon, slow poke!" I teased and pressed play. I heard my refrigerator shut and I turned around to see him walk towards me, his large hands carrying multiple things. He plopped down next to Belle and I and handed me a beer that he cracked open for me. I mumbled a thanks and took it from him happily. Silence fell over us as our eyes focused on the computer screen.
I barely focused on the confusing movie. I'd steal a quick glance at Harry, look down and watch Belle, and think about what kind of secrets Harry kept in his head. I also thought about the lack of packing I knew Lydia had done.
When the credits began to roll down the screen, I shut the laptop and turned to Harry. His eyes were drooping and he looked so tired yet resistant to sleep. I smiled at the sleepiness, only to get a half smile in return as he laid his head back onto the couch.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked him any questions. We were back to normal, we moved on. After coming back to seeing Harry standing by the elevator, I knew that we would at least talk a bit. After hugging him and apologizing like we did, I knew we'd moved on. It was refreshing. It was a quicker recovery than any argument Lydia and I ever had.
"Harry?" I turned away from him and picked at my nails.
"Hmm?" He hummed and reached to pet Belle's head that was laid in my lap.
"What happened?" I asked, my eyes finally looking up to Harry. Once the words left my lips, his head hung and his free hand fumbled with the water bottle in his lap. One thing I noticed was that he didn't drink. He said he used to, and he would on occasion, but he didn't enjoy how alcohol made him feel.
"What do you mean?" He asked. I knew he knew what I meant and he was just dodging the question. He was good at that; dodging questions and moving past things. But I couldn't let that question slip.
"Before you came here, moved in to your house. Tell me anything?" I practically begged but ended it in the form of a question. I turned completely to Harry, Belle's head falling off and she hopped down to go and curl up on her dog bed. "Please, Harry? You can trust me," I added.
"I know I can," Harry mumbled. He leaned forward and leaned on his elbows, the water bottle dangling from his hands. I hesitantly placed my hand on his back and slowly rubbed up and down. I had one leg tucked under the other and quite frankly, I couldn't feel my foot.
"Then tell me," I whispered. I rested my chin on his shoulder as he hung his head down.
He shook his head and stood up abruptly. I caught myself from tipping over and watched as he stood in front of the couch, his hands squeezing against each other. "I can't."
"Harry, I get it, you have the right to not tell me but I- I just wish it didn't feel like you were pushing me away," I said and my voice stung my own ears. I sat still on the couch as Harry walked over to the window and placed both hands on the window frame to hold himself up. His back muscles constricted beneath his t-shirt and he hung his head low. His shoulders moved up and down with every breath and his hands gripped the metal window frame. It took all of the will power within me to not walk over and just drag my finger tips down his back and try to comfort him.
The moon lit up the apartment through the windows. The only artificial light spilling into the room was from the soft light that hung above my sink. It was nice, calming.
"I'm not pushing you away, Opal," he whispered yet I could tell his jaw was clenched. I finally stood up but I couldn't move from that spot, my feet were glued to the floor.
"Can't you just try to... I don't know. Let me in?" I begged softly. He spun around, his eyes fixated on me. I nodded my head once in encouragement once I saw the internal battle that just flashed through his eyes.
"I have, I just- It's not that easy, nothing is ever that easy," he mumbled and slid his back down the window and onto the floor. He tipped his head back and it tapped against the window with a consistent tempo.
"Is there something I can do to make it easier?" I asked, my feet finally able to move. I softly stepped over towards Harry and crouched in front of him. I placed my hands on his knees and waited for him to look up at me. "Harry," I whispered.
After a long silence, one so long it would make anyone in their right mind just give up, his green eyes connected with my grey ones and he began to speak.
"My dad ruined any chance of happiness in my life. Once he left, I thought there was some sliver of hope that everything would be fine. But when the abuse stopped...the drinking began. My mom just kept going out and coming home completely plastered and I couldn't do anything to stop it," he spoke slowly. I sighed and sat back, my legs crossed in front of me.
"I liked to leave home and ride the train to central London. I'd take these absurdly long train rides and walk around the city for a whole day and just think. Then I'd secretly hop the train and ride all night back home. Mom never noticed," he continued. He took a moment to catch his thoughts. I reached my hand up and placed my hand on his shoulder. Without looking at me, he put one of his hands on top of mine and continued.
"I loved my mom, but life wasn't the same. I thought that maybe, just maybe once I moved away, everything would be fine. But I was wrong." Harry cried, then. His shoulders shook with quiet sobs and he dropped his head to his arms. I wasn't sure what to expect, I wasn't sure what he was going to say. A pang of guilt washed over me when I saw how many tears had fallen.
"I know that that was hard, but Harry...Thank you," I whispered. I got onto my knees and nudged his legs apart. He looked up at me as I had a bit of height on him at that moment and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I leaned forward. One of his arms reached around my waist and held onto me.
"No," he said and softly pulled away. I pulled my eyebrows together and let my arms hang next to me as they slid off his shoulders. He kept shaking his head, his eyes focused on the ground. "Thank you for- I haven't talked about that in a long time," he said quietly as his eyes met mine.
I wanted to kiss him. I wanted nothing else in that moment than to lean down and place my lips on his. Everything was so intimate and it just felt right. I wanted to feel what it would be like to have his lips cover mine, his hands hold onto me and touch my sides and my face. Sadly, though, in this world it's difficult to know exactly what you're going to get.
"Thank you," he repeated and moved closer to me. I leaned back on my heels and he adjusted to kneel in front of me. He then had a bit of height on me at that moment and the moonlight haloed around him. "Opal, I'd like to do something," he said softly.
I raised my eyebrows but nodded once, curious what he meant. I waited for him to do whatever it was that he wanted to do. He moved his hands to my neck and my heart began to race. It felt like you'd be able to see it beating through my chest. He crept a bit closer to me.
My breathing wasn't, by any means, tamed. It was short and light and erratic. His face got closer and closer to mine. His eyes danced between mine and his hands moved to cradle my cheeks. My hands held onto his forearms and I felt it. It was going to happen.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked and the words sounded like magic coming from his lips.
I didn't say anything. I was afraid that I would make a fool of myself if I opened my mouth to speak. Instead, I slid my hands up his arms quickly and pulled on his shoulders to make him collide into me. Our lips finally met in a soft gentle kiss and it was exactly like I thought it would feel like to kiss Harry.
I got back to my knees, pushing myself closer to him. We were just two young adults kneeling in front of big, industrial windows, in a 900 square foot apartment, making out like it was the last thing we would get to do, like we were desperate for it.
It soon turned into a deep, yearning kiss. Our chests collided as we breathed. I resisted moving away to catch my breath in fear that if I would pull away, I'd never get to kiss him again. It was an indescribable kiss.
His lips kept moving with mine, one of his large hands gripping my waist and the other cupping the back of my head as my hands fisted the back of his t-shirt. I felt so close to him. The kiss kept getting heavier and deeper, our mouths battling against each other. I started to stand up and Harry followed suit, still keeping our lips together. Once we stood, Harry pulled away and looked at me with tired eyes and a smile on his kiss-swollen lips.
"I swear I- I didn't intend on it being so-" Harry began, but chuckled. I laughed with him and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him again. Immediately, Harry's arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me up a bit. Subconsciously I jumped up and wrapped my legs around him. He stumbled back a bit and his back hit the window frame.
With a smile mirroring mine, he tried to talk. "I never thought-" He began. I kissed him harder and then began to trail my lips across his jaw instead and I felt his breath hitch. "I never thought I'd be able to do this."
"I thought you never would," I mumbled and hovered my lips over his. We stayed quiet and just nudged our noses together. My thicker thighs were wrapped tightly around him but he had no problem holding me up for as long as he did.
"Hey, don't stop now," I whispered against his lips and smirked.
He smirked back at me. "I didn't plan on it," he responded and his words tickled my lips like feathers. He began to kiss me and suddenly his lips made their way down my jaw and onto my neck. I bit back a small moan and tucked my bottom lip between my teeth. His hands slid down to hold onto my thighs and his kisses got more aggressive as he pushed himself off the wall. It felt like he was feverishly kissing me in fear that I was going to just disappear in front of him.
"I'm not going anywhere," I said softly into his ear. He bit me softly where my neck met my collarbone and looked back up to me. His eyes then jumped over to my bedroom door and I smirked. I let my legs fall and my feet finally touched the ground. I felt the tension between us pulling me closer to him and I stumbled towards him a bit.
"C'mere," I said and gestured for him to follow me to the bedroom. I scanned his body as I was a few feet in front of him. His pants were tighter around his crotch and his chest was heaving underneath his t-shirt. I smirked at the sight of his disheveled hair and flushed cheeks. His sock feet padded against the wood floor, as did my bare ones, and we made our way to the bedroom. I wasn't sure what was going to happen at that moment, but I was fine with anything.
I got to the edge of my bed and as soon as the door clicked shut, I spun around and Harry took a few long strides to me to collide our lips again. My hands immediately went up to his hair and gripped tightly.
This had to have meant something, right? You don't just kiss your best friend like that and it does not mean anything. I wondered if he cared about me the same way I cared about him. I didn't mean to sound like a preteen 'falling in love' for the first teenage boy she saw - even though that was exactly what I sounded like. I actually hoped that it was the same way that I felt about him. There was always more than a friendship between us and it was obvious in that moment.
His hands spread over my back and he held me close, our chests flushed against one another. I began to kiss down his jaw and then his neck. I nipped on his neck and his body lowered towards mine a bit more. I made my way back to his ear and bit at his ear lobe. I let go of his hair and tugged on the bottom of his t-shirt. He pulled away for a brief moment and pulled off his t-shirt over his head with one hand without a single problem.
I pulled away to look at his bare torso and ran my fingers down his abs. I saw goosebumps raise as I did so and my fingers lingered over his 'Might as well...' tattoo, like they wanted to the first time I saw it. His eyes fluttered shut and he lowered his forehead to mine.
"You're wonderful," he whispered against my lips. We fell onto the bed and he hovered over me, his body laying between my legs and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I pulled him down and kissed him again. "I'm not going to have sex with you," he said softly and left a trail of kisses down my neck. I pulled back as far as I could and gave him a look.
Why not? I thought.
"Not tonight," he added and leaned his forehead on mine. I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach at his words. He pushed himself up but I caught his wrist, pleading with my eyes for him to just stay in bed with me. "I just have to pee, I'll be right back."
He disappeared out of the door and I heard the bathroom door shut. I rolled myself into my duvet and felt a grin spread across my face so big that my cheeks started to hurt. I didn't regret what happened at all, because when he came back in and jumped into bed with me, we were still us. Between the kisses and soft moans, he was Harry and I was Opal.