Onika Tanya Maraj
Onika stared up at her ceiling—she wished she could feel numb—and not care.
But she was filled of sorrow—sadness—grief—the worst feeling in the world? You name it.
She hadn't done much of anything these past 3 days. She slept for most of the time—staying in bed—her curtains closed—she hasn't checked her phone or talked to anyone.
She hated each time she woke up—because when she gain consciousness—the memory of 4th of july played over and over in her head.
She heard a faint knock on her door.
"Onika? Can I come in?" Ming asked and Onika didn't even answer as she buried herself deeper into her cacoon of blankets.
"I'm coming in Onika." She warned and Onika didn't protest, she didn't have the will to. She didn't have the will to do much of anything.
Ming walked in and she sighed as she looked at Onika.
Her room was messy—incredibly so. The dinner Ming had left at the door for Onika—wrapped in foil was still there. the girl hadn't left her bed in 3 days. Or ate anything in 3 days. Onika turned over in her bed—her eyes were slightly red—and she still had snifiles from the previous nights she's been crying.
"Oh Oni.." Ming sighed.
"Do you need my help?" Ming asked and Onika nodded very faintly. Her sister came over and helped her out of bed. "Get undressed for me." Ming said quietly and Onika began to do so.
Onikas been in depressive episodes before but there's only been 2 times where it's gotten so bad—she didn't have the will to take care of herself anymore.
The first time was after her abortion and dropping out, the girl didn't eat, she didn't talk, she was irritable and lost—not to mention that's when her drug use started.
The 2nd time—being now.
Ming ran her a bath, and Onika stepped in, hugging her knees to her chest as she stared at the bubbles Ming put in for her. She was still quiet—with a permanent pout on her face.
She had bags under her eyes, her lips were cracked, Onika reminded Ming of a zombie in this state and she hated seeing her sister like this.
As Onika bathed—well—sat in the tub as she stared at her bath bubbles slowly dissolving—Ming cleaned Onikas room for her. She knew the girl couldn't even have a step in the right direction if she felt disgusted in her own space.
She picked up the clothes off her floor, shaking them out before putting them in the laundry basket. As well as changing the girls sheets for her.
When Ming came back—Onika was still there. Hadn't moved much. She was quiet—still.
"Come on Oni..I promise you—bathing yourself—and taking care of yourself will make you feel just a little bit better alright?" Ming said and Onika shook her head.
Ming sighed again, "Lean your head back for me." She said and Onika did just that—allowing Ming to wash her hair. When Onika got out of the tub, Ming smiled a bit when she willingly put on her own clothes.
"Let me detangle your hair for you alright?" Ming asked and Onika just nodded. Ming still wasn't aware of what happened—but whatever it is—it took a tole on Onika.
"Whatever happened—and you don't have to tell me—It wasn't your fault." Ming said and Onikas lip quivered—she bit her lip as she silently sobbed.
Ming could tell she was crying—but she knew her sisters pride would get in the way of her telling her what's wrong.
So she let her cry.
When Ming was done Onikas hair the girl crawled back into bed, as if it was what she'd been waiting for.
Ming sat on her bed as she caressed the girls head, "Was it Lauren?" Ming asked and Onika nodded slighty.
"Was it just Lauren?" Ming asked and Onika shook her head.
"Did it have to do with..the video?" Ming asked and Onika nodded again. She knew that was all she was going to get out of the girl. She knew interrogating her wasn't going to be any kind of use.
"I love you Oni. I'm making dinner in a few hours..I'm going out in a few for the ingredients. I can make one of your favorites." Ming tried to get Onika to verbally respond but the girl stayed silent.
Ming sighed before getting up and heading toward Onikas door, not before turning around and looking back at her little sister.
The girl she watched grow up—the girl she attempted to shield from harm.
"I love you Oni." Ming said quietly before shutting the door behind her.
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
Beyoncé was in a similar state—just not to the same degree as Onika.
She stayed in bed these past days—she couldn't do anything she really enjoyed because a lot of those activities involved Onika.
"She was..raped?" Beyoncé repeated. She still couldn't believe it—she thought the guy at that party was just talking trash—but from Onikas reaction it was true.
"And some asshole recorded it?" Beyoncé asked herself. She groaned as she sat up in her bed.
She'd texted Onika nonstop.
Tall Dummy
july 4th 11:46 pm
hey are you okay?
i'm sorry—i'm sorry that happened to you and i'm sorry if I made it worse
please let me know you atleast made it home okay
i'm sorry onika
July 5th 3:15 am
hey, i'm just checking in on you
i don't think you're a whore or anything like that
i know it's late
well technically it's early
just text me back when you can okay?
i miss you
July 6th 12:07 am
hey are you awake?
if you aren't sleep well
July 7th 1:34 pm
you haven't been at work lately—my breaks are kinda lonely without you
I really miss watching the sunset together
i miss you as a whole—please just let me know you're okay.
Now it was July 8th, and Beyoncé was starting at her last messages. She wanted a response, she didn't care if it said read she just wanted to know if the girl was atleast there.
She hadn't seen her at night like she usually does—granted—Beyoncé hasn't been in the mood to ride her bike since 4th of July.
She was tempted to knock on her door—but she didn't want to annoy or upset the girl any more. She couldn't contain it anymore though.
She got up and laced her sneakers up, before heading downstairs and straight for her front door.
She admired Onikas house for a second before looking both ways and jogging over there. She was now on her porch and she was nervous to knock. She saw that her car was in the driveway—so that had to be a sign that she hadn't gone anywhere right?
Beyoncé lightly knocked nervously and it took a few seconds for someone who was definitely not Onika to answer the door.
It was Ming.
She looked at Beyoncé cautiously—she wondered if she had anything to do with Onikas depressive spiral she was going through again.
"Yes?" Ming asked and Beyoncé gulped. "Is—Is onika here?" Beyoncé asked and Ming was still cautious.
Beyoncé caught on, "I know you'd say you'd shove my glasses up my ass if I hurt her and you can do just that if you want just—please let me know if she's okay." Beyoncé begged and Ming sighed.
She figured the girl begging on her doorstep couldn't had caused Onika to get upset, "Come on. Quietly." Ming warned and Beyoncé nodded before being let in.
She peered in the kitchen or couch for any sign of Onika and there was none. Ming pressed her back to the front door watching Beyoncé look around.
"She's upstairs. But I'm honestly not sure if she wants visitors right now." Ming said quietly and Beyoncé gulped.
"So she's—okay?" Beyoncé asked and Ming shook her head. "I-I don't think she is." Ming said and Beyoncé felt a pang in her chest.
"Do you know what happened? I much rather her tell me but—if—if it's something illegal that seriously harmed her I need to know right now." Ming said seriously looking Beyoncé in the eyes.
She was praying it wasn't the same as last time—she knew how hard that hit Onika.
"I—I mean—It wasn't illegal? But what I was told was illegal—we were at the 4th of july party and this dude kept talking about how Onika cheated on her boyfriend when she really just got—r-raped." Beyoncé stammered on the last part.
Ming put the peices together pretty quickly knowing her sister, "She's upset you found out." Ming said sighing shaking her head.
"But why? I'm not upset—at her. I'm upset at whatever asshole did that—and the asshole that told me." Beyoncé said.
"To her—you were like a blank slate. You didn't know anything about her past, you were just spending the summer here for college, you had no pre information on her that you could shame her for. But now that you know—she probably thinks that you think she's some whore." Ming explained and Beyoncé frowned.
"It's not your fault. It's not hers either. I wish she'd get that idea out of her head." Ming sighed.
"I-Is there anything I can do?" Beyoncé asked and Ming shook her head. "She's been through this before—unfortunately. She heals on her own. It took her a few days to even let me touch her. If you want you can try and talk to her." Ming said and Beyoncé wasted no time going upstairs.
Ming didn't question the fact Beyoncé already knew where Onikas room was and just followed after the taller girl.
"Should I knock?" Beyoncé asked and Ming shrugged. "She doesn't usually respond if you do. Just let her know you're here atleast." Ming said and Beyoncé nodded nervously.
She wanted to talk to Onika—desperately.
"Onika? It's Beyoncé." She said and she didn't hear anything, she looked to Ming and she shrugged. "Can I come in?" Beyoncé asked and she still got no answer.
Ming opened the door—and to no surprise at all Onika was sleeping.
Beyoncé watched Onikas chest rise and fall. "She's—asleep." Beyoncé said quietly and Ming nodded. "That's all she's really been doing the past few days. I think it's her coping mechanism? In her mind—if she's awake for less hours in the day she'll feel better." Ming said watching her younger sister sleep.
"Does she usually do this when she's upset?" Beyoncé asked, "Yeah. That or ignore me and go hang out with Lauren."
"She'd do this a lot when she was younger." Ming said quietly watching Onika.
"Can I—talk to her? I know she's asleep but—believe it or not I think this makes it easier for me to speak." Beyoncé said nervously.
Ming nodded, "I'll give you privacy. I have to go run some errands. You can let yourself out." Ming said turning around before stopping.
She turned to see Beyoncé sitting on Onikas bed as she slept, she could see how genuinely worried the girl was for her.
"You—you can stay if you'd like. She may need something and I know she won't get up to get it. I usually just—stay downstairs and check on her once an hour." Ming said and Beyoncés eyes lit up.
"I-I'd really liked that—thank you so much." Beyoncé said and Ming nodded.
Ming had been taking care of Onika since she was around 7. her parents were too busy arguing or involved in their own busy lives to really focus on their kids—resulting in Ming leaving asoon as she could—unintentionally leaving her sister behind.
And to see someone other than herself, or her parents show so much care for Onika knowing what's she's been through comforts her a bit while also making her nervous.
She closed the door behind her.
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
Beyoncé focused her attention on Onika, as she slept quietly.
"I'm really—sorry about what happened to you." Beyoncé said looking down at her hands.
"I can't believe I'm the one that's nervous when you're the one that's been through the ringer." Beyoncé said sadly.
"I—I don't think you're a whore. I don't think you deserve what happened to you. I still like you. I really like you." Beyoncé said—she found herself smiling at the last bit.
"And—about—the drug thing—If you have an addiction—I think maybe rehab could help you—or therapy—or a combination of both. I don't know how much of a problem it is for you.." Beyoncé mumbled.
"You aren't even awake right now I'm seriously just talking to myself." Beyoncé said looking back at Onika, who was indeed—still asleep.
Infact she groaned and buried herself deeper into her blankets. Beyoncé smiled.
She got up and closed Onikas door behind her carefully, she was nervous about being downstairs by herself—so she decided to just sit out in the hallway.
Onika Tanya Maraj
Onika woke up slowly, staring at her wall.
She hated when she woke up—she knew she couldn't hibernate like some bear—but she wished she could.
She was still upset—still sad—and she's sure she had an headache from how much she's been crying. As well as dehydrated.
She looked at the bottled water on her night stand and chugged it before sitting up. She wanted to fall asleep again.
She groaned when her brain reminded her of the aftermath. "Jesus christ." She mumbled.
She didn't like thinking about it—she's managed to repress it for awhile.
Till she couldn't—and now it's all coming back.
*
*
*
About 5 Months ago..
Onika woke up with a pounding headache, she felt sore everywhere and when she tried to move her leg she felt a cramp.
"Shit." She said quietly sad she winced. She sat up in bed slowly.
She was in her dorm, that she was lucky enough not to share with anyone.
She thought back to last night—"A party." she groaned.
She went to a party for the kick off of spring break, She just cracked her back and stretched before being able to finally get up.
She still felt sore, incredibly so.
Over the course of the next few days—and showering—Onika noticed bruises on her back and some on her thighs.
She was confused—she don't remember hurting herself. She just ignored it—they didn't hurt that bad.
It wasn't until after spring break where all hell broke loose for Onika.
She was sitting in her Science class taking notes, she was tired—and it was any other day. When the class finally ended she began to pack up her stuff and she heard someone whisper her name.
"Onika!" She heard and she looked up and looked around, and then set her eyes on one of her friends, Katie.
Onika smiled, "Hi Kat." Onika said and she was a little confused when the usually smiley girl wasn't smiling. Katie opened her mouth to speak and then closed it before looking Onika up and down—she looked disgusted.
"Never mind." The girl mumbled before packing up quickly and leaving and Onika was confused. She shook it off and as she walked through the hallways of the building she felt some stares on her.
Many stares.
When she peered at them they started whispering. She was even more confused and now a little self conscious. She left the building and just tried to make it to her dorm as quickly as she could.
Even on her way to her dorm she saw people paying a little bit more attention to her and she attempted to ignore them.
When she finally reached it she closed the door behind her quickly and sighed. "What the hell is with everyone?" She mumbled.
She just set her books down and attempted to relax—before hearing a banging on her door. She scrunched her face up—no one urgently knocked on her door like that—ever.
She got up and cracked it open to see her boyfriend, Safaree. She opened the door for him—just for him to rush through. She shut it behind her and she could tell he was upset.
"Hey—are you okay?" Onika asked and Safaree looked at her like she was joking.
"Do I look fucking okay Onika?" He asked and Onika jumped back at his tone of voice. "You don't have to be so rude—what's wrong?" Onika asked and he was still looking at like she was joking.
"What?" Onika asked.
"Are you playing dumb or are you actually dumb?" He asked angrily and Onikas feeling were now actually hurt. "What the hell are you even talking about?" Onika asked and she watched him pull out his phone.
"This. I'm talking about this. This is you right?" He asked angrily and Onika squinted at the video he was showing her—before her eyes widened.
It was of her—naked—with another guy. To Safaree, this was a clear video of Onika cheating.
To Onika, she was in disbelief.
"I—I—" Onika stuttered and Safaree cut her off. "This is so fucking low Onika. You've been asking me to hold off on sex—and then go fuck another guy?" He asked angrily.
"I don't remember this Safaree I swear." Onika said as her voice cracked.
"You don't remember? That's bull shit. Can you not fuck with me right now? It's clearly you—bent over—for whoever the hell this asshole is." He said as he kept showing her and Onikas lip quivered.
"I'm so serious—I-I don't remember any of this." Onika said as she began to hug herself. "Safaree please I—"
"Nah—don't talk to me. We're domes How about you go suck this losers dick again? Fuck you." He said moving past her, slamming her door behind him as he went.
Onika could feel tears reach her eyes before streaming down her face. She cried into her pillow that night—praying it was some kind of nightmare.
But when she woke up again and again the next few days it was definitely real.
Everyday her friends stopped talking to her—some questioned her—some even believed her when she said she didn't remember—but not the majority of the campus.
She got dirty looks whenever she walked—she even called Lauren.
"I-I don't even remember—I swear—and—I don't even know who that guy was. His face wasn't even in the video." Onika cried to Lauren.
"It'll all blow over eventually—are you sure you didn't make a accidental sex tape or something?" She asked and Onika nodded.
"I-I'm sure. I—I don't remember." She said and Lauren hummed. "You try reporting it?" Lauren asked. "I tried the campus security and I could tell they didn't believe me." Onika said feeling a few more tears threatening to fall.
"It'll all blow over—just hang in there." Lauren said and Onika nodded.
Onika attempted to deal with it—she broke within 3 weeks.
She couldn't deal with it anymore—it didn't blow over. She gotten called a slut from people she t as her friends—Safaree won't even look in her direction anymore—and it's hard focusing on her work when all she wants to do is cry.
The thing that scared her was her missing her period, and throwing up.
She took a pregnancy test—and that was what broke her.
She cried—for what felt like hours to her. She stared at the test that clearly said positive. She took another—and another—praying it was just some mistake—and 5 test later—
She got the same result on all of them.
"I can't have a baby—I can't have a kid not right now." Onika panicked as she paced her dorm with a headache.
She left.
She grabbed her car keys, phone and left in the middle of the night.
She drove to the only person she knew that could help her immediately—
Ming.
.
.
.
.
Onika felt another headache coming on as she remembered that night. She wanted to forget again.
She looked around her clean room—and got out of bed slowly—checking under her bed and as she expected the pill bottle Lauren have to her was there.
She was able to reach for it—and when she grabbed it she eyed it. She opened it quickly, pouring some into her hand.
She knew snorting it would be immediate.
Onika didn't even know what drug she was snorting, as she plugged one nostril and snorted.
She looked up at her bulletin board full of memories—she expected to feel that same high. But she felt something different this time.
Her body felt like it was on fire after a few minutes.
"Fuck." She mumbled as she leaned on her bed frame. The door—her door was right there. She didn't know what was happening to her—she didn't know if anyone was there to help her—
She was scared.
Because this time—Onika didn't want to die.
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
It had been a little bit and Beyoncé had dozed off in Onikas hallway. When she woke up she knocked on Onikas door.
"Hey Onika? You awake?" She called out. She heard a faint sound, "Can I come in?" Beyoncé asked.
Onika on the other hand felt like her heart was gonna explode. "What the hell?" She asked herself as she held her chest. She started to feel nauseous.
when Beyonce didn't hear much of anything she opened the door.
Her eyes widened when she saw Onika—she was sat up leaning against bed—sitting on the floor. She looked like she was holding her chest.
She heard the front door open and she figured Ming was home. "Hey your sisters home.." Beyoncé said kneeling next to Onika.
When Onika looked up Beyoncés eyes widened in horror.
She was sweating—her face was flushed—and she watched her hands fall from her chest.
"Onika? Are you okay?" Beyoncé asked slightly panicking.
Onika began shaking her head quickly—or atleast she tried. To Beyoncé it was a faint head movement.
"Ming?!" Beyoncé called and Ming was there in seconds, slight confusion from the desperation of Beyoncé voice and dropped everything when she saw Onika.
She rushed towards her, she looked like she was dozing off. "Onika? Onika!" Ming yelled and Onika didn't respond much but a blink and Ming was beyond confused.
When Ming looked around and saw a pill bottle, and witnessed Onikas body convulse slighty she turned her head to Beyoncé—who was looking at Onika with great concern.
"Beyoncé I need you to call 911 right now, and tell them it's a overdose." Ming said and Beyoncés eyes widened.
"But while you do that—See that door? That's a bathroom, I need you to in there and find a box labeled Naloxone." Ming said as calmly as she could.
"I—is she—"
Please just do it Beyonce." Ming pleaded as Onikas skin began to get clammy.
Beyoncé hurriedly pulled out her phone cursing when it slipped out her pan clammy hands and called 911 immediately.
She rushed to the apparent bathroom and looked in the medicine cabinet.
"Naloxone..Naloxone—god where the fuck are you?!" Beyoncé cried in panic till she found it. She threw the box where Ming was and Ming quickly caught it.
Beyoncé heard the operator on the phone and tried to get her words out as quickly as she could.
She stayed on the line with the operator as she watched Ming practically destroy the box and stab Onika with some kind of needle in her arm.
Beyoncé could see the sweat forming on Ming's forehead, "Beyoncé—update?" Ming asked in a rushed tone.
"T-They said they should be here soon." Beyoncé said and the older sibling just nodded as she kept her eyes on Onika the entire time. "Stay awake for me." She mumbled every few seconds to her.
"W-What did you give her?" Beyoncé asked.
"Naloxone. It's whole purpose is for situations like this. It's like - uh—uh epipen for addicts." Ming explained.
Beyonce had a lot of questions after that—Was Onika an addict?
They both watched Onika, her breathing was slow. She watched Ming keep her fingers lightly pressured on her neck. She blinked ever few seconds but it was a slow.
"Onika, can you talk to me?" Ming asked and Onikas head turned towards Ming slightly. Ming's face lit up—Beyoncé guessed that was a good sign.
"Onika—you're gonna be okay alright?" Ming said as Onika nodded weakly gripped her shirt.
Beyoncé stood there in shock—she didn't fully understand what was happening considering she had to find a medicine she didn't even know existed and call 911 within 2 minutes.
When Ming noticed Onika was having a harder time keeping her eyes open—and could feel her grip loosening even more on her shirt her hands were full as she held her.
"B-Beyoncé see that? Put it in her arm." Ming said attempting to stay calm. "Again?" Beyoncé asked and Ming nodded quickly.
Beyoncé did just that, and Onikas eyes widened as she really woke up this time. "Stay awake for me Onika—Beyoncé—stay with her—I need to check outside." Ming said starting to stand up.
"Make sure she stays awake, her head isn't hung low—talk to her." Ming said as she quickly left and Beyoncé sat right next to her.
"C-Can you speak?" Beyoncé asked as her voice quivered. Onika was breathing normally again.
"Y-yeah." Onika said lowly.
"A-Am I gonna die?" Onika asked after a few silent seconds and Beyoncé didn't know how to respond.
"I-I really hope you don't." Beyoncés voice broke and Onika gulped. She couldn't make a joke at her own expense—she was scared.
She could breath and talk again but she still felt weak and slightly nauseous.
"T-Thank you." Onika said and Beyoncé didn't know what for. "For what?" She asked and Onika spoke up as she heard the sound of the ambulance in the near distance.
"Being here." Onika said lowly and they both heard the multiple footsteps coming up the stairs.
"I always will be okay?" Beyoncé said holding her hand.