Shout out again to @WearyandMary ! Comment down below your favorite food (Excluding deserts). Can I be basic and say I think mine is fries?
Therapy was a long and gruesome road for Asher. There didn't seem to be any simple way out, and every place he turned revealed more work he'd need to do. Asher was never easily embarrassed, but as he sat on the sofa and revealed how he'd spent the previous school year, he was certainly very close. Just saying some of the things he'd done out loud made him realize how silly he'd been. Silly was the word he used, an upgrade from despicable, how he'd described them. His therapist asked him not to use such critical words for himself. Silly, the man said didn't take away responsibility for wrongdoing, but wasn't quite so damaging to his ravaged self esteem.
It was very difficult to have any self esteem when working through all of his issues. How was he meant to love himself, when faced with the reality of who he was? The true reality of who he was, was someone Asher was certain he'd never met. He was a different person than a month, or even a week ago, and he imagined he would continue on that path, like a series of evolutions. Asher looked at his time in school as if he were watching the actions of another person, as if he were watching some strangely meta movie. The person in the mirror looked like him, it just didn't feel like him.
"I think you might feel better if you make apologies to some of the people that have been hurt by you." The therapist stated, and Asher looked at the man as if he had two heads.
"But I've hurt so many people." Asher pushed at the blonde hair dangling in his face. "Where do I start?"
"I'd start with the boy.. that Simon boy. I think you would feel much better if you would just come clean to him. Tell him you're going through therapy, trying to better yourself, and tell him what you did last year. If he's a real friend he'll see that you had good intentions."
"Alright." Asher groaned.
"Then, the other boy." The therapist said, and flipped through his notes. "The one that you almost got kicked off the team after breaking into the school."
"Yes. Garret deserves an apology for a lot of things I did." Asher nodded.
"Finally, I think you need to apologize to the boy you forced to transfer schools."
"No." Asher shook his head.
"Yes, Asher. I know you don't like him, and he did many things as well, but you need closure for all of these things. The only way to move forward is to apologize for your part in the affair, and be done. No more vengeance, no more retaliation, just end it."
"Fine." Asher sighed deeply. He did owe Shea an apology, perhaps as much as Shea owed him an apology, but Shea wasn't going to be the first to make a move, so he had to.
"Then-"
"You said that was the last one." Asher cut off quickly.
"I said that was the last person you needed to apologize to, and it is. When you apologize, not everyone will forgive you, and that's alright. So, I want you, after making a true apology, to forgive yourself." The man explained.
"I'll try."
....
"Asher?" Simon's surprise colored his cheeks with red. "What are you doing here?"
"Is Liam here?" Asher looked beyond Simon through the door, but couldn't get a good view.
"No.. He's out with his friends." Simon looked up towards Liam's room, then back to the door. "How are you? I heard you've been going through it, but I figured you might need some space."
"Want to.. Do you want to go get some coffee?"
"Um..." Simon hesitated for a moment. "Sure. Let me grab my coat, and the house keys."
"Definitely."
"You can drive me?" Simon asked from deeper in the house.
"Yeah."
"Okay." Simon pulled the door closed behind him and locked it. "Um.. So.." Simon began, and Asher didn't respond, so he quieted himself. Asher led the boy over to his car and they both got in.
The coffee shop wasn't far from Simon's house, and they made good time. Being a summer day, the roads were light, and the sun shined down through the windshield. Simon was slightly uncomfortable. His relationship with Asher was foggy, and hadn't ever really ended properly.
"We're here." Asher grunted, and both boys hopped out of the car. The shop was quiet, despite being early morning, and Asher asked Simon to grab a table while they ordered. It was the kind of place that had concerts on weekends, and sofas and such, but they had a few regular tables as well.
"Tea?" Asher asked, setting a cup down in front of Simon. "I guessed."
"Thank you." Simon smiled. "I can pay you back, you shouldn't.."
"It's just tea, Simon." The corners of Asher's mouth turned up slightly in a smile.
"I know... but Kit told me you aren't living home and... oh, I shouldn't have.. I'm sorry." Simon rambled.
"It's alright." Asher's smile disappeared. "Money's okay. I got a job."
"That's nice." Simon sipped his tea, trying to dispel the awkward situation. "So.. why did you want to meet?"
"I think we need to talk."
"Sure." Simon nodded. "What about?"
"I haven't been honest with you..." Asher paused to sip his coffee. "About...About how we met."
"How we met?" Simon asked. "You helped me up... when someone was-"
"I didn't tell you what happened next." Asher sighed. "I told.. I told all the boys on the football team not to push you around anymore... and of course, they did."
"Oh? Thank you."
"No... not just not to push you around." Asher swallowed solemnly. "I told them not to talk to you at all.. Not to speak to you even a little bit. I told them to ignore you... Not just them. I chased Shea away from you. I told the entire student body to stay away from you."
"I- Why would you..?" Simon ran a hand through his hair, his brow furrowed in confusion.
"I didn't want to see you with anyone else."
"Why?" Simon sat back in his chair.
"I told you before. I liked you." Asher explained, wincing at his own words. "I wanted... I wanted you all to myself."
"And you thought getting rid of all of my friends would make that happen for you?" Simon crossed his arms over his chest.
"I.. was a mess. I am a mess. I didn't know what to do with my feelings.."
"I've liked people who didn't like me back." Simon explained. "I've felt broken, afraid, rejected, and all of the above at once, but I... I never ruined... I never used that as an excuse to leave that person so alone. Do you...? Do you know how lonely I was? Do you know what it's like to have nobody talk to you?"
"Yes." Asher nodded. "That's what I went through during the last few months of school after everything that happened with Garrett. It was awful.. just awful. Simon I'm so sorry." Asher's voice cracked in his throat. "I just.. I can't have you mad at me right now.. Please tell me you understand." Asher could feel his eyes welling up with forbidden tears. He never cried, and he didn't want to do it so publicly, but he could feel it coming.
"You don't get to do that." Simon scolded. "You don't get to tell me something awful you did, and then tell me I can't be mad at you because you told me during a hard time. Don't you see how difficult that makes things for me?"
"You're right." Asher winced. "That was wrong... I'm sorry.. I'm sorry again. I'm sorry for everything."
"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to just forgive you because you've had a rough go of things?" Simon pulled at his sleeves. "You made my life a living hell for months. If things hadn't gone so badly at the beginning of the year, Liam never would have thought to make me transfer schools. That all played into everything that went down."
"I'm sorry." Asher repeated.
"And Shea? My one and only friend... it was you, that made him ditch me." Simon's eyes widened with realization. "You... you chased him away and then sat there and fed me bad things about him. You made that happen, then had the nerve to make me hate him for it?"
"I'm sorry." Asher could feel the tears on his cheeks.
"What do you want from me, Asher?" Simon wondered aloud. "What the hell am I supposed to say?"
"I don't know."
"You left me, so I'd only have you... then you didn't even.. you didn't even want to be with me until later in the year? What was your plan until then?" Simon rubbed his temples.
"I didn't have one."
"Of course not. You went and ruined my life first, before you made the next part of the plan." Simon sighed again. "Asher."
"I'm sorry."
"I know you are, and I want to forgive you... but.. everyone told me you were so bad, and you turned me against them.. "
"I-" Asher began.
"While I thought they were all wrong about you, you were out there doing all the things they were worried about." Simon mused. "I fought so terribly with Liam over you. I sat there and defended you for months."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that!" Simon groaned. "It doesn't mean anything."
"I know."
"Asher." Simon inhaled sharply. "The last thing you need right now is to be worrying yourself about this." Simon stated, and Asher looked up in surprise. "I need... I don't know what I need. I think I need space."
"I- I'm going to therapy, and I'm trying to get better."
"That's good." Simon nodded. "I need to think.. about everything... for a while."
"Of course."
"I...Asher just because I'm upset with you doesn't mean I don't think you're a good person. You know that right?" Simon explained.
"I know."
"Okay. I'll see you again soon." Simon stood from the table. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye." Asher grunted, and was left at the table alone with his thoughts. The worst of the apologies were still yet to come, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to handle it. Of course, he cared most for Simon's feelings so it was a difficult measurement. Next he'd need to get into contact with his former best friend, Garrett.