Onika Tanya Maraj
Onika watched Ming make breakfeast, "Do you want pancakes or waffles?" Ming asked—Onikas mind was elsewhere though.
"Same thing just different shapes." Onika mumbled and Ming rolled her eyes and continued cooking.
"Hey Ming?" Onika called, "Hmm?" Ming responded, Onika bit her lip in nervousness.
"Do—do you really think I'm stupid?" Onika asked. Ming turned around for a second, Onika was looking down.
"I think you make stupid decisions sometimes. But I don't think you're stupid." Ming said and Onika nodded in understanding.
"Do you think me dropping out was stupid?" Onika asked and Ming froze for a second.
Ever since Onika dropped out she chose not to speak of it—didn't speak of the abortion—or the hardest 4 weeks of her life after.
This was the first time she'd be mentioning it in months.
"I don't think it was stupid Onika." Ming said honestly. "I think—I think something terrible happened to you. That you didn't deserve what so ever—and you just—couldn't take it anymore." Ming explained quietly.
Onika scratched her arm a bit, "When people experience bad things they tend to leave it behind them—or want to. So they leave the environment. I don't think you dropping out was stupid." Ming finished.
"Is that why you left home? Because you—couldn't take it anymore?" Onika asked quietly and Ming froze again.
Ming placed the pancakes on a plate—not answering that question before sitting across on Onika at the kitchen island.
"Kind of—yeah." Ming said quietly. Onika just nodded and started eating her food.
"We suck at this." Ming said and Onika chuckled a little bit. "Suck at what?" She asked.
"Talking to each other. Like—we really suck." Ming said and Onika couldn't disagree. "Yeah." Onika said quietly. Ming noticed how quiet Onika got and spoke up.
"Wanna blame the way our parents raised us?" Ming asked smiling at Onika and the younger sister of the two smiled.
"Yeah." Onika said grinning. The two bonded over their shared trauma—it's really the only way they can communicate.
"Are you doing anything for today? 4th of july! Independence day or whatever." Ming said rolling her eyes.
"I'm going to a party." Onika said and Ming quirked an eyebrow and Onika sighed. "Lauren isn't that bad." Onika said and Ming stayed quiet, Lauren was the topic of most of their arguments.
"If you have to say someone isn't that bad. Their kinda that bad." Ming said eating and Onika sighed again.
"Beyonces coming with me." Onika said and she watched Ming smile increase a bit. "You suck at being subtle." Onika mumbled.
"Listen! I know it's your life—and you can make your own decisions—but Beyoncé seems better than Lauren in all categories." Ming expressed.
"You met her like once." Onika said and Ming was still smiling. "Yeah but—I know Lauren isn't the one making you smile more often—and I know she isn't getting you out the house to get ice cream—or get matching T-shirts." Ming said and Onika put her fork down.
"How do you even know that?!" Onika asked and a laughed a bit. "You two wore them the other day. I know Im not always here but I'm not blind ya know." Ming said smirking.
"Do you like her?" Ming asked and Onika nodded. "Yeah, we're friends now." Onika said and that wasn't what Ming meant.
They shared a look and she Onika looked back down at her half finished pancakes.
"It's okay to like girls ya know. I know we don't have deep conversations most of the time but—I don't judge you Onika—it's just worry—that I let get to me sometimes." Ming muttered.
"I don't know if I like her that that—she just—makes me really—happy." Onika mumbled and Ming just smiled as she watched her sister get shy about talking about a girl.
"Well I hope you have fun at the party—don't stumble in too late I'll probably be asleep." Ming warned and Onika grinned.
"Stop playin' you're gonna be binge watching Moesha or sister sister." Onika said and Ming rolled her eyes.
"You're gonna have a ride home right?" Ming asked and Onika nodded. "Beyoncés gonna drive me home." Onika had already decided she wanted Beyoncé to drive her home.
"That's good..I'm proud of you Onika." Ming said and Onikas eyes widened. "F-For what?" Onika stammered.
"For—not giving up. You—you've been through a lot. To tell you the truth I've been worried about you since you were 14 and I—and I got that call from mom." Ming said with her voice quivering and Onika gulped remembering.
"I know you don't like talking about it but—I think you've come so far and I'm proud." Ming said Onika felt so much guilt build up.
The truth was—she didn't feel like she'd come far considering the fact she turns to drugs to forget all of the shit she's been through.
She knows Ming wouldn't be proud of her anymore—and she was scared.
14 Year Old Onika
Young Onika woke up slightly drowsy, she was confused—and she felt awful.
She felt restricted in a way as she looked up—she was met with the ceiling lights of her room—instead—
This wasn't her room.
She noticed the slight beeping noise next to her and was met with a monitor—she quickly realized she was in the hospital.
She looked to her left to see her mother, she was sleeping. Onika didn't know what time it was—she didn't even know what day it was.
She looked down at her wrist—they were bandaged.
She heard a door open and close, and she was met with the widened eyes of her sister holding a small carton of orange juice and a cup of chocolate pudding.
She walked over slowly to Onika, sitting on the chair that was right next to her. "I—I brought you chocolate pudding. It's your favorite." Her voice quivered.
Onika witnessed her sisters hand tremble as she placed it on Onikas table.
Her sisters eyes were slightly red—she looked tired. She took Onikas hand slighty and broke down in front of her.
Onikas eyes widened watching her tough older sister—completely break down infront of while shaking her head.
"Please don't do that again Onika—please." She said teary eyed looking up at Onika.
"You're my only sibling Onika—I can't loose you do you understand me?" Ming asked and Onika nodded as her bottom lip quivered.
"Why didn't you talk to anyone Onika? Don't they offer counselors at your school? Why didn't you call me?" Ming asked and Onika wanted to cry.
"Y-You're always busy with school. Moms always busy at work—and if I told the counselors—Lauren told me they'd put me in a crazy house." Onika said and Ming shook her head.
"Don't try that shit again Onika—I refuse to bury my sister do you understand me?" Ming asked as she quivered.
"I'm sorry Ming Ming." Onika got out as she cried.
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Ming held Onikas hand as they looked at each other's teary eyes before laughing a bit. "Damn you got me crying at 10am Ming." Onika chuckled.
Onikas teenage years were tough, especially since her sister left—she didn't even have anyone to talk to. Along with going through puberty, being diagnosed with depression—and having two parents that still argued—it was hard for her.
"I'm sorry it's just—I'm really proud of you. I know we argue a lot but—that doesn't make me any less proud. And if anything else happens—I want you to tell me ya know." Ming said and Onika was tempted.
Onika didn't know what was happening to her, but whenever she went more than 16 hours without any kind of pain killer—she'd get irritable and restless.
She was tempted to tell her—but in her mind she was wondering What would that fix?
"You okay?" Ming asked and Onika nodded.
"I'm alright. I'll tell you Ming." Onika said and Ming held up her pinkie.
"You promise Oni?" She asked and Onika smiled at her pinkie swear.
"I promise Ming ming."
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"You have all of the Harry Potter books? You get no pussy." Onika said walking around Beyonces room.
"Hey! In my defense my dad got them for me when I was in 8th grade—and I don't think I even finished them." Beyoncé said as she sat on her bed.
It was the 4th of July, and Onika and Beyoncé decided to hang out a little bit before the party. Onika claimed because Beyoncé snooped around her room she should be able to snoop around hers.
"Lauryn Hill? Whitney Houston? Micheal Jackson? Prince? I take it back—you might get some pussy." Onika said smiling at Beyoncés posters and Beyoncé rolled her eyes.
"Ooo, is this your guitar?" Onika asked and Beyoncé nodded shyly. "It looks so cool. " Onika said in awe.
"I got it custom made for my 17th birthday. I think it's probably the best gift I've gotten." Beyoncé said admiring her guitar.
"Okay I know I make fun of you a lot but—your room is genuinely cool." Onika said looking around.
"Thanks." Beyoncé said admiring Onika. "So—who's gonna be at this—party?" Beyoncé asked and Onika had to think.
"Probably some of the people from our job—my friend Lauren—pretty much anyone Nate knows and anyone who's friends with nate's friends. Nate's the bartender at the outside bar." Onika explained and Beyoncé nodded remembering him.
"You seem nervous." Onika pointed out and Beyoncé chuckled nervously. "Yeah— I kinda am. Haven't been to a party in awhile. And I won't really know anyone." Beyoncé said and Onika sat next to her.
"If you don't want to go we don't have to. We can stay in. If you want we can actually just watch the fireworks while we're there." Onika said and Beyoncé smiled at how she included her.
"Yeah—I'd like that." Beyoncé said and Onika grinned and hugged her. Beyoncés eyes widened. "Thank you for coming with me." Onika said into Beyonces shoulder and the taller girl smiled.
"I-It's no problem." Beyoncé said softly as Onika pulled away. "Sorry—I—should've asked first." Onika mumbled and Beyoncé shook her head.
"Don't apologize for hugging me. I enjoyed it." Beyoncé said and Onika looked up, the two shared a look and Onika found herself smiling.
Both of them heard fireworks and Onika grinned as she grabbed Beyonces hand. "You ready?" Onika asked and Beyoncé nodded absentmindedly as she let Onika drag her downstairs toward her car.
.
.
.
"Take a right here—yeah that's it." Onika said and Beyoncé parked a few cars down from the house.
"Yeah I never would've guessed the glowing house with drunk adults falling out is where the party is." Beyoncé said sarcastically and Onika nudged her.
"Come on—let's go." Onika said and her and Beyoncé walked in together. Beyoncé was a little nervous—but she was enjoying the fact her and Onika were holding hands.
"You think there's illegal fireworks here?" Beyoncé asked and Onika spoke up over the trap music they heard.
"We're in Californa—hell yeah there's illegal fireworks here." Onika said grinning and Beyoncé laughed a bit.
Onika led Beyoncé through the house as she tried to navigate herself as well. "Where do you think the kitchen is?" Onika asked and Beyoncé shrugged.
"Oh wait I think over there—there's Nate." Beyoncé pointed out and her and Onika went to the kitchen.
"Nika! What's up?" Beyoncé watched them hug and the guy stretch out his hand. "You work with us right? I'm happy you could come! Happy 4th Of July!" He yelled before walking away and Onika nudged Beyoncé.
"I think he's drunk." She said and the two snickered.
"Stay here, I'm gonna look for Lauren." Onika said and Beyoncé nodded. She poured herself a cup of soda and held it in her hand, watching the fizz go down as she waited for Onikas return.
She smelled a overload of alcohol and looked up to see a dude squinting at her.
She looked side to side to see if he could possible be looking at anyone else—and he wasn't.
"You good dude?" Beyoncé asked and he nodded slowly. "Are you—Onikas friend?" He asked in slight disbelief and Beyoncé nodded.
"Dude for real? I thought Lauren only hung around her now. That druggie." He said rolling his eyes and Beyoncé was slightly confused.
"Why wouldn't I be her friend?" Beyoncé asked. The dudes eyes widened before he laughed a little bit. "Seriously? You like—don't know?" He asked and Beyoncé shook her head hesitantly.
"I've almost had this conversation like 2 times—what's wrong with her? She didn't kill anyone or anything." Beyoncé said taking a sip of her soda.
"Man..you didn't go to our university did you?" He asked and Beyoncé shook her head impatiently. "Can you stop stalling and just tell me? Or leave? Youre probably some drunk anyways. " Beyoncé mumbled and he shook his head.
"Tipsy—yeah. But not drunk." He said before burping.
"What did she do?" Beyoncé asked again. She was curious—but she also wasn't entirely set on trusting some dude at a party.
"she got like black out drunk, and cheated on her boyfriend during a party that was over spring break. The dude she fucked recorded it and it like—spread everywhere.. " He said and Beyoncé stared at him with a beyond confused look on her face.
She shook her head. "She wouldn't do that." Beyoncé said and he laughed a bit.
"Nah she would—and did. She kept saying she didn't even remember it—in the video she did seem black out drunk but either way she was known as the campus pornstar for the rest of the month. Safaree—her ex boyfriend was fucking livid." He said slighty laughing.
"She dropped out like a month later—I heard a few rumors—heard she tried to kill herself-heard she moved to Utah or something—didn't expect her to stay in the same state. But seeing as her and Lauren are still friends I'm pretty sure she's a druggie too with her. " He said shrugging.
"Surprised she didn't tell you this—actually I'm not." The guy said drinking from his red Solo cup.
Beyoncé gulped she wasn't sure on believing this guy.
Beyoncé looked behind the guy—to see a wide eyed Onika. She looked terrified. The guy turned around and smiled.
"Hey! You a pornstar yet?" He asked and Beyoncé watched Onika immediately run away. "Dude—fuck you." Beyoncé said and the guy put his hands up in defense.
"Don't hate the messenger! Not my fault she "suck dick on accident"!" He yelled and Beyoncé threw her soda in his eyes before chasing after Onika.
"Onika? Onika!" She yelled. She pushed herself through a sea of people to find her—she managed to get outside and she saw who she knew was Onika walking away from the house quickly.
"Onika!" She said as she jogged over to her.
"Onika—I don't believe anything that guy said alright—don't worry—" Beyoncé said smiling before her smile dropped when Onika turned.
She had tears streaming down her face.
"Onika?" Beyoncé asked softly.
"I-I told you people talked Yonce. A-And sometimes they're not always wrong."She said as her lip whoever's.
Beyoncé wasn't sure on what to say—Onika was crying. "Do you still like the way I think? I-I sure don't." She snifilled and Beyoncé shook her head.
"I still like you—I just—I..I don't know what to say right now to be honest." Beyoncé said and Onika looked up at her.
"I mean aren't you gonna laugh? Make fun of me? It's funny right? I turned to fucking drugs for release after loosing my future—the same thing that probably got me raped that night?" Onika asked as her voice cracked.
"Onika—" Beyoncé said softly reaching for Onika and the girl pulled away—as if she'd been burned.
"I need to go." Onika sniffiled and Beyoncé shook her head. "Onika I think you've been drinking and you probably shouldn't—" Beyoncé watched Onika completely ignore her advise and walk.
"Onika—"
"Leave me alone!" Onika shouted. And Beyoncé stepped off. She felt someone rush past her—a girl around the same height as Onika.
"Onika? You good?" She heard her ask and Onika shook her head before sobbing into the girls shoulder.
The girl looked up at Beyoncé, scrunching her face up. "I-I didn't make her—" Beyoncé tried to defend herself and the girl ignored.
She watched the two go as she stood there in shock. Hearing cheers and firework behind her. But she found herself with a quivering lip.
"Crap." She said wiping her tears.
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Onika Tanya Maraj
Onika cried in Lauren's cars as the girl attempted to comfort her.
Terribly.
"Onika what the fuck is wrong with you?" Lauren asked and Onika just kept sniffling. "B-Beyoncé won't like me anymore." Onika wailed and Lauren rolled her eyes.
"Who the fuck cares about her? She's not important. And she obviously made you upset." Lauren said and Onika shook her head.
"N-No—she just found out about—about me—and—" Lauren shook her head.
"The drugs—the attempted suicide—the abortion—Im loosing track—A lot of shit checked off your list huh?" Lauren asked and Onika just kept crying.
"Jesus christ stop crying—here." Lauren said digging through her bag—to pull out a bottle of pills. She gave them to Onika and the girl who was still sniffling as she looked at it.
"I—I don't know if I want—that—maybe a hug?" Onika asked and Lauren looked at her like she was stupid.
"If you want to forget—take these. We don't hug unless we're drunk or high Onika you know that." Lauren said like it was obvious and Onika sniffiled.
She took the pill bottle and got out of Lauren's car.
"Where the fuck are you going?!" Lauren asked yelling. "Fuck you!" Onika yelled and Lauren was beyond taken back.
"Know what? Be mad! I don't give a fuck! Youll be crawling back when you need an outlet." Lauren said getting back in her own car.
Onika angrily stumbled down the street to get to her house—her anger went back into sadness as she made her way home.
When she finally get home she opened her front door and slammed it behind her. Ming jumped looking behind the couch. "Damn who pissed you off?" Ming asked before seeing the tears streaming down her sisters face.
"Onika?" She asked and the girl ran up stairs and shut herself in her room. Ming knew that Onika wouldn't talk when she was upset—but it didn't stop the girl from being concerned.
She walked upstairs with worry.
"Hey Onika? Are you alright?" Her sister asked from outside the girl and Onika didn't even hear her.
She was too busy sobbing into her pillow.
In her mind, she lost the only friend that actually made her feel good—"She probably thinks I'm some whore now—j-just like they did." Onika sobbed into her pillow.
She heard her sisters voice from on the other side of the door.
"Leave me alone—please." Onikas voice quivered and Ming backed off as she looked at her little sisters door.
Onika ignored the buzzing of her phone, as she cried herself to sleep.
Tall Dummy
hey are you okay?
Im sorry—i'm sorry that happened to you and Im sorry if I made it worse
please let me know you atleast made it home safe
will I see you tomorrow??
i'm sorry Onika