As soon as he had gotten back to the apartment, he had told his carers about his situation with the homeless shelter, to which they reacted very enthusiastically. So of course, it was no problem for him to go to the homeless shelter the following day to help. They even offered to see if they could help him, but he told them he'd rather not, have a sense of normal for a bit. They didn't blame him.
So that's where he stood, the following day. He stood in front of the door to the homeless shelter when he saw one of the regulars approaching. It was a mother and her child and due to a relative with influence at the government thwarting them, they were living on the streets. Peter always made sure to give them a generous amount of food. He tried to give everyone enough food, but there were a few people he knew that really needed it, such as children and teens, so he tried to help out where he could. As long as there was enough for everybody, he didn't feel guilty about it.
"Hey Ami, how are you and my favorite dinosaur doing?" Peter asks, holding open the door to let them in.
Ami looked up and smiled. "Hey Peter, we didn't see you yesterday. Everything alright?"
Peter's smile faltered ever so slightly before regaining itself. "Yeah, I'm fine. Family emergency. I'm here now to make up for it though!" He looked out into the street whether he saw anyone else approaching but he didn't and stepped inside with them, letting go of the door.
"There you are, Pete! Can you catch up with Ami and Ay Ay while manning that stove over there?" Abu asked and Peter nodded. "Good to see you, kiddo." Abu ruffled Peter's hair and ran off to solve an issue.
Peter walked over to the grill, on it was a large pot of potatoes, probably almost ready for mashing seeing as it was almost time to start handing out the food. "Any luck finding housing?" He asks Ami.
Ami sighs and sets down a struggling toddler. "Not really, most of the shelters are either government-controlled or full. But I have put my name here and there and I just keep going back every day or two, hoping that something opens up." Peter nods his head in understanding. She didn't deserve this. No one did but Ami... Ami did the right thing and wasn't believed and now she had an entire family against her, with people in high places.
"Well, I'll keep an eye out as well, the sooner you get back on your feet the better. Meanwhile, you can always stay here." Peter responded. Ami responded with a nod while playing with Ayush's hair. "Hey Ay Ay, you haven't been terrorizing people, right?" The toddler responded with a playful growl and a swipe of his hands like he was clawing at Peter's arm. It was just the fingertips that touched the skin though, he couldn't injure Peter even on accident. "Alright then, let's see if we can get some food in you. Gotta grow to become a big strong dinosaur. One who can help his mother when she asks. You want that, right?" Peter asks and points at Ayush questioningly. He responds with a smile and Peter goes in for a high five which Ayush happily accepts.
Meanwhile, Peter has started mashing the potatoes and more and more people have started coming into the shelter. Abu had joined them again and was instructing the volunteers. A line was starting to form so they could get food as soon as it was ready to be handed out. Ami and Ayush went to the back of the line, still early enough so there was definitely food over, but they were not the first in line. Peter mashed and mashed and mashed and finally it was done for serving.
Lightly bantering with the people coming by his station, Peter served the mashed potatoes. It wasn't a very busy day, one of the ones where they might have some food leftover. It gave Peter a double feeling, fewer people at the shelter meant they didn't have to turn people away, fewer people were in need of their services. But it also meant that food might go to waste or people were out there, unaware of the services or feeling like they might not be worthy of them. But it wasn't like he was wishing for more people, but he knew that there were still people out there who needed the help but weren't receiving it.
Peter knew that if he could, he'd change it in a heartbeat.
---
Tony Stark didn't know what to aim for in a mentee. Because of course, they needed to be smart, because they needed to keep up with him. He shouldn't have to explain basic physics to them. But if they were too smart, they might be a smartass and Tony would not like that. But it could help with insights. They needed to be smart but be unaware of how smart they were. If that made sense. Well, it didn't have to make sense to anyone but Tony, seeing as he was the one choosing them. Whether it made sense to anyone else aside from Tony or not, he needed to have a way to test it. But first, he needed criteria he wanted in a mentee.
So they needed to be intelligent. That's one. You can't be good in everything but at least do alright in Physics, Math and possibly Chemistry. They should be able to at least read code, understand what it does. Know what to look for when spotting bugs, that kind of thing. Okay, so a smart kid with some general STEM subjects understanding.
Smart with an understanding of STEM subjects, that's two. That kind of covered the intelligence department. But there was also the personality department. Their morals needed to be okay. Just be a good person. Have a drive to help others. There needed to be some sort of morals assessment in the test. It doesn't always have to match up with Tony's morals, but they should at least be in the same ballpark. Can't exactly clash on whether someone deserves fundamental human rights or not. But the example of the trolley problem, same someone you care about or a bunch of strangers, that's something that they can disagree on. As long as their reasoning is alright, they don't need to match.
Smart, STEM, morals. That's three. Now he didn't want to give the opportunity to just another rich kid who had someone take the test for them to achieve the optimal score. He wanted to give someone an opportunity, but not make it... a pity contest. But more of a recognizing your abilities to represent people. Or someone who might be struggling but who isn't using it for pity.
He already had 4 key points he wanted to look for. But he did want to allow the ones being tested to show themselves in a way that was not test formatted. Show him a project they were working on or a vision they had for the future. Tell them a bit about themselves. Express themselves, present themselves how they want to be presented.
That made five. Five main points he wanted in his test. And he wanted to test the limits of his mentee. Assess his skills. Throw in some impossible questions just to see whether they would admit defeat.
Tony went to work, starting with creating a list of problems for them to solve varying in difficulty. He was confident that this would give him the best way to find a mentee that he actually liked. Despite the reason for getting a mentee was so he would take better care of himself, he went to work focusing on the project, food, or sleep not even being considered.
---
Once Peter's shift at the shelter was finished, he had about an hour of rest before his shift began at Delmars. Normally he wouldn't, but seeing as he got an extra shift at the shelter today, he had a packed day. It took him about half an hour to travel to Delmar's, he could've been faster if he swung but changing into the seat and back felt like such a chore right now, especially seeing as it meant he'd have to feel dysphoric because he had to change out of his current clothing. The suit didn't really allow for underneath, a binder and some thin shorts were all the protection he was getting from dysphoria. Spider-man usually made him feel better about it, but sometimes it just lingered and he couldn't shake it. He didn't want one of those days on top of everything today so he just walked to Delmars.
Once he got there, he got a sandwich to eat before work while waiting for his shift to begin. It was relatively quiet in the store, there were a few people in but most people came in and left after getting their food. He didn't blame them, the weather outside was nice. Not too hot but just a bit of the sun that you just want to shine on your face.
For him it meant less cleaning up tables, just putting together some sandwiches, which he loved to do. Chatting with the other employees while waiting for a new customer, wiping down the counter, just a laid-back shift. It wasn't going down in the history books, but it paid and he enjoyed it. It gave a sense of normalcy, just for a second being able to forget what happened and just be Peter Parker.
Peter had needed that.
---
It wasn't until Peter was in 'his' room, sitting on the bed, with no way to distract him, that it sunk in. That those moments of normalcy are going to be an exception from now on rather than a rule. He couldn't really settle in here, he was only staying here for a week, who knows where he would go after that. He might be moved out of the district, away from his work, his school, his.... Friends.
Shit.
Ned and MJ had no clue what had happened yet. He hadn't felt the energy to respond to their messages. But they were going to find out soon and he couldn't deal with their questions at school, he had to tell them before that. On top of that May's funeral was soon and she'd want them to be there. She would want them there and he NEEDED them there. So he needed to tell them about that too. But first, he'd need to break the news itself.
He didn't think it was news a text message could convey but he didn't think he could utter the words, so he would have to.
With hesitant fingers, he opened the group text that had over a hundred messages sent to it over the past few days. He took a deep breath and started typing.
Hey...
I'm sorry for not responding for a few days but a lot has happened and I just couldn't mentally.
Three days ago, May passed away. She had been quarantined for around two days before that. I was just done fighting with the Kangaroo and was forced to go to an Avengers debriefing when I got a call from June that May was in critical condition. CPS brought me to temporary housing shortly after, two nice people who can house me for a week. After that, I don't know where I'm being placed.
May's funeral is the day after tomorrow at 4 PM. I won't be attending school tomorrow but I will be there on Tuesday.
Anyways, that is what happened. Sorry for not telling you sooner.
With shaky fingers, he sends the message. It is a miracle it is still typed correctly but he did go back and correct a few things when he messed up.
Ned responds almost immediately.
Nedward:
Duuuuuuuude. I would totally offer you to stay at my place but you know how my dad is always busy taking care of my mom. I can come over and give you a big hug though!
Anyways I was worried because you were at that fight and I saw you got hit pretty hard and then you didn't respond anymore.
Also.... The AVENGERS. You fought alongside the Avengers. You were in an Avengers debriefing, how cool is THAT!
MJaywalker:
There is a time and place to geek about avengers. This is not it.
Anyways, sorry loser. We can't take you in either, but foster care can be a good solution. It's not a perfect solution but we take this day by day. You say you are with nice people? You are good for now. Once you move places we will see again whether we need to do something about it.
Maybe you get a semi-permanent placement where you are free to do whatever you want and get food and a bed. Maybe you get a place that isn't the right fit for you. We'll make it work.
Nedward:
Yeah! And who knows, maybe you will end up with a famous celebrity who decided to foster. Or just someone rich. Who can get you all the lego sets you want. Where you can have sleepovers with me to build said lego sets.
Pjotr:
Thanks peeps. No hugs necessary, but I'll want one Tuesday.
Soon they went back to sending memes to each other. Peter welcomed the distraction. His friends always knew what he needed.
---
[tw: Mental Breakdown, depressive thoughts, mentions of religion - till end of chapter, summary at the end in bold]
His clock read 2:33 AM. Peter was wide awake. He couldn't sleep. He wanted to go out and patrol but he didn't want to risk it. So he stayed put. He sat on his bed and slowly let his thoughts get untangled. Slowly let the chaos in his head form actual thoughts.
He wished he hadn't.
Because as soon as he did that, he started spiraling. He was alone, it was dark, no one was there. He couldn't go out as Spider-Man right now at night, and who knows whether in the next placement he could go out at all. That's also a thing. Placements. He couldn't get attached to people because he already knew, he could be moved without notice. He. Had. No. One. No family, just a few friends, but it was only a matter of time before they realized that he was too much effort and left him too.
He wondered. He wondered why he deserved all this. He was an orphan, he had 4 parental figures die. He watched 2 of them die. He was transgender, so he also had dysphoria to add to that mix. Because of the dysphoria, he had also developed depression and anxiety. He was bit by a radioactive spider, which isn't necessarily bad because it gave him superpowers but because of it he put his life at risk and put his body in harms way time and time again, something that he had to do to live with himself but which wasn't ideal nonetheless. All that is just the tip of the iceberg.
He wondered whether there was someone up above testing him. He doubted it, who could even imagine something like this, it had to be dumb luck. But if there was, why him and what were they testing. His resilience? He thinks he proved that one. His mental health? Yeah, he was already aware he needed therapy to work through some issues, why worsen it.
His mind kept adding to the list. The list of things that were wrong with him. The bad things that happened in his life and Peter just broke. The dam of everything he was holding back broke. He started crying and to make matters worse, it made him more dysphoric, which made him cry more and it became an endless cycle. Meanwhile, his brain was still adding to the list.
When your brain is even working against you, how are you supposed to stop it? How are you supposed to become alright again? Because if your brain can't even justify what is happening to you, how will it ever justify the steps you need to take to feel okay again. It didn't make sense. Peter wanted to sleep so badly, he was exhausted but he couldn't. Not while he felt like this. Not while he was still crying. May was sleeping forever so he had to be awake.
It was not healthy, Peter knew this. But Peter couldn't get out of this. The time on his alarm read 4:54 AM. Dave had told him that he was going to get up at 5:30 AM so he could go for a run before work. 35 more minutes. Peter didn't know whether he would like people checking up on him. It were people that would just leave later anyways.
Slowly Peter stopped crying. He wrapped himself in a blanket and just felt numb. At least his head had stopped screaming. He couldn't really process anything going on inside his head but at least it was better than the screaming. For now at least. Anything was better than the screaming, he figured.
Peter slept for a total of 48 minutes that night.
---
Okay so during the trigger warning Peter gets depressed and has a mental breakdown. He starts thinking about what happened to him and is pessimistic about the future.
//Edited to include the trigger warnings (I posted on AO3 first, but had copied from my original writing which didn't have the trigger warnings / summary yet