Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
"That one kinda look like a spoon." Beyoncé said attempting connect the stars in the sky.
"A spoon? I don't see it." Onika said lying next to her.
The two were staring at the stars together in Beyonces backyard. Her sister was out again with some friends and they found themselves in the taller girls backyard.
"That one looks like a cat." Onika said pointing and attempting connect the dots. Beyoncé nodded in agreement.
"I miss doing this." Onika said looking up at the sky and Beyoncé turned to her, "You used to do this alot?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded with a faint smile on her face.
"My sister and I—we'd spend some of our summer nights looking at stars together—we'd fall asleep outside in our dads tent he had up for us back there." Onika said and Beyoncé noticed how her smile was there—but it didn't show her dimples.
"You guys looked really cute in those photos—like when y'all were dressed up like 90s rappers." Beyoncé said and Onika laughed a little at the memory.
"I think we were going to a halloween party with our dad—and Ming and I crashed on so much sugar that night." She said as she smiled. Beyoncé noticed this time her dimples showed.
"I mean like—I'm pretty sure we yelled "Hit Em Up!" by Tupac in the back of the car with our dad on the way there. Our mom would've gotten so mad at us." Onika said laughing falling back on her back.
"Are you and your sister—close?" Beyoncé asked and Onika sat up a bit. "I'm not sure." Onika said truthfully.
"We've been through so much together—and you'd think that would make our bond stronger but—I think it weakened it." Onika said sadly.
"and I think it's my fault." Onika said and Beyoncé sat up. "I doubt that Onika." Beyoncé said and Onika turned to her—even though it was night—Beyonces back porch light was on and she could clearly see Onikas glossy eyes.
"I put her through a lot Yonce." Onika said, she could tell her voice was going to crack soon.
"What could you have possibly done? I mean like—I don't think you can do much wrong." Beyoncé said honestly and Onika felt even quilter as she looked down.
"Teenager me would greatly disagree with you." Onika said lightly laughing at her own expense.
"What was teenager you like?" Onika asked and Beyoncé had to think.
"Socially awkward as hell." Beyoncé responded and Onika smiled a bit. "I like hated doing anything like—social." Beyoncé said remembering her teenage years.
"We do realize we met in a night club right?" Onika said laughing a bit. "Yeah, yeah I know. I never said I was still that awkward." Beyoncé said.
"You sure about that?" Onika said nudging Beyoncé. "You are so mean." Beyoncé said playfully nudging Onika back.
"What's you and your sisters relationship like?" Onika asked. Beyoncé smiled at the mention of her sister.
"We're pretty close. No matter how much we annoy each other sometimes. She's helped me through alot." Beyoncé said and Onika liked how she smiled talking about her.
"Have you talked to her about the whole "maybe i wanna drop out" thing?" Onika asked and Beyoncé sighed.
"You're like the only person I talked to about it. Not even my parents know that I'm not exactly enjoying the college experience." Beyoncé mumbled and Onika noticed her change in mood.
"Why not tell them? I mean I know it's not as easy as it sounds—but maybe talking to them would make you feel better about it?" Onika asked and Beyoncé thought about it.
"I don't know—maybe. I'm just scared about their reaction.What about your parents?" Beyoncé asked and Onika gulped.
"What uh—what about them?" Onika asked.
"What was their reaction when you dropped out?" Beyoncé asked and Onika felt that pressure in her chest she's had to deal with since she was a kid. She gulped nervously as her anxiety rose.
"They don't know." Onika confessed and Beyoncés eyes widened. "For real?" She asked and Onika nodded.
"Something tells me my dad wouldn't—care. My sister is more involved with my mother than I am. My sister is the only one of my family who knows." Onika says nervously.
"What was her reaction?" Beyoncé asked and Onika thought back to it—her sisters reaction.
"She was confused but—she really helped me out." Onika said softly. She looked at Beyoncé and gulped slighty, her biggest fear was Beyoncé not liking her anymore for what she's done.
"She's always helped me out—and I feel bad after we argue—because I feel like I owe it to her not to be a little bitch."Onika said and Beyoncé frowned.
"You're not a little bitch. Or a bitch at all." Beyoncé said confidently.
"I don't know—it's just—she's always been there."
About 5 Months ago..
Ming heard a rushed knock on her door and eyed it, she didn't get many visitors besides her younger sister—and she hadn't talked to her in about a month.
She put her reading glasses down, "Who is it?" Ming asked and she heard the quivering voice of her sister.
"O-Onika." She heard and she immediately opened it, to see her little sister with tears streaming down her face.
"Onika? What happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Ming immediately asked and Onika nodded as she ran to her sisters arms.
Their relationship has been rough—but whenever Ming saw Onika cry—all she wanted to do was make her feel better.
Ming closed the door and went back to hugging Onika as the girl sniffiled in her arms. She was hiccuping, and sobbing and Ming felt lost as she hugged her.
"Shh..It's alright." Ming said, and when Onikas legs buckled they both ended up on the floor. Ming's back to wall while Onika still cried into her shoulder.
Ming's seen her sister cry—but never this much.
"Just let it all out." Ming said and Onika did just that as she cried for about a full 5 minutes. She got quiet and Ming took a deep breath.
"Are you ready to talk?" Ming asked and Onika pulled away looking at her,
"I-I wanna drop out." Onika said and Ming's eyes widened. "What? Why—you love it there." Ming said and Onika shook her head as she snifilled.
"Onika I need you to tell me what happened—because you love that school—your teammates would miss you." Ming said—Onika played volleyball there—she had a lot of "friends" she enjoyed her classes—she even had a boyfriend.
Ming couldn't understand why she wanted to drop out.
"Is it Safaree? Did you guys break up? You shouldn't drop out because of that loser." Ming said and Onika nodded.
"What did he do?" Ming asked slighty pissed off now and Onika shook her head.
"It wasn't him-I-It was me. He—he's mad at me now and—I didn't mean to do it—I don't even remember doing it—and now-now I—now I'm just some whore." Onika said sobbing again and Ming couldn't understand what happened from Onikas stuttering and blabbering.
"Onika I can't tell what happened but you're not a whore." Ming assured her and Onika shook her head crying.
Ming assessed Onikas behavior—she knew it had to do with Safaree now—but she wasn't sure if the whole picture.
She decided to focus on what she could help her with.
"Onika—how can I make this all better?" Ming asked and Onika sniffiled. Before looking up at her sister.
"I—I need you to d-drive me to your job." Onika sniffled. Mings eyes widened and a rush of worry went through her body.
Ming decided to go into the medical field—and Ming specialized in Woman's health care.
The place Ming worked at—specialized in very specific procedures.
"Unless you need a cancer screening—I'm really scared on why you need to go there." Ming said her voice quivering a little bit.
The two shared a look as Onika still let a few tears slip—Ming wanted to question it—she wanted to question it so bad—but she knew her sister couldn't answer all her questions right now.
"I-I really need your help and support right now Ming—and I need you not to judge me please." Onika said as her voice shook.
Ming closed her eyes for a second and breathed in deeply— "Please Ming." Onika begged and Ming nodded helping Onika up and grabbing her keys.
.....
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"Have you ate anything greasy or heavy today?" The nurse asked and Onika shook her head.
"We need you to answer verbally Oni." Ming said rubbing her back. And Onika took a deep breath.
Kelly and Ming were nurses, and Kelly tried to stay professional as she looked at Onika. She knew the girl didn't even like acknowledging serious subjects like this.
"I-I haven't ate much of anything. I had toast." Onika said softly.
"Would you like to be tested for any STDS before we preform the procedure?" Kelly asked and Ming gulped looking at Onika.
"Y-Yeah." She said and the nurse checked something off on her clip board.
"Are you sure about this? We have many counselors you can talk to before or about your experience. We won't pressure you to tell us on why you would like this procedure, but it's good to talk to someone before making a decision." Kelly said seriously looking at Onika.
"It's okay to talk to someone about it Onika." Ming said softly. She knew Onika has issues about actually talking to people about her problems—Ming had problems with it aswell.
"I-I really just want to get it done and over with." Onika said dryly.
"do you have any medical conditions we should know about?" Kelly asked and Ming held Onikas hand as the younger girl gulped.
"I-I don't." Onika said and Ming nudged her.
"Onika." Ming said in a duh tone and Kelly caught on.
"Psychical and Mental conditions Onika." Kelly said and Onika sighed.
"D-Depression? I guess? and..anxiety." She mumbled. "Do you take medication for either?" Kelly asked and Onika shook her head—and then remembered she had to answer verbally.
"I—used to—in like highschool. I stopped." Onika said and Kelly nodded.
"In case you're worried this won't have an effect on if you decided to have children in the future." Onika just nodded listening.
"How—how does it feel?" Onika asked unconsciously squeezing Mings hand.
"Well it takes about 10 minutes, and iy usually isn't extremely painful—you'll be sedated—
"I don't want to be." Onika said immediately and Ming noticed how quickly she said that.
"I—I want to be conscious—I don't want to be—" Onika sounded slight panicked. "No—no. You're conscious just super relaxed. And don't worry Oni I'll be there." Ming said quickly.
Onika calmed down a bit. "Are you sure about this Onika? This isn't reversible." Ming asked and Onika could feel Kelly's eyes on her.
"I-I'm sure." Onika said.
"Alright. We'll have you in a few minutes." The nurse said smiling at Onika and the girl just nodded.
Ming still held her hand.
"How you feeling?" Ming asked and Onika gulped. "To tell you truth I want to shrivel up and die right now." Onika mumbled.
"Don't say that Oni." Ming said and Onika shook her head looking down. She couldn't look her sister in the eyes.
"You'll be okay. You always end up okay right?" Ming asked and Onika turned to her.
"Do I?" Onika asked with a quivering voice.
Ming kissed her forehead as Onika laid on her shoulder in the waiting room. In about 13 minutes Kelly walked out.
"We're ready for you Onika."
....
..
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The ride home was silent, and Ming kept looking over to Onika.
"Do you feel any regret?" Ming asked and Onika nodded.
"Not about the procedure—just about what brought me there." Onika said drly.
Ming wanted to ask Onika more questions—but she knew the girl wouldn't want to talk about it. And she couldn't help but be more worried when she saw faint bruises on Onikas back and thighs when she was getting changed.
"Do you—want a milkshake? Oreo?" Ming asked and Onika managed to give a small smile through her tears.
"Yeah." Onika responded.
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Onika sniffled remembering the details. "It was ready hard for you huh? I'm sorry." Beyoncé said as Onika leaned on her shoulder.
"I think dropping out was probably the hardest experience of my life. Not to scare you or anything because your reason for dropping out and mine are definitely completely different." Onika said scratching her neck.
"I think it depends on what you want in life—college isn't everything. But for me? It was a new chance at life. It was my escape from home. And then it got all screwed up." Onika mumbled.
"And you feel like it's your fault?" Beyoncé asked and Onika nodded sniffling. She didn't want to cry again.
"But—this isn't about me. I think whatever you choose to do—you'll be happy with." Onika said and Beyoncé looked back up at the sky.
"I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. But—at the same time—I don't think I'm supposed to be sure. I'm only 21. I feel like I have room to fuck shit up." Beyoncé said.
"I think we have room to fuck shit up. Nothings wrong with messing things up. Do you regret dropping out?" Beyoncé asked and Onika had to think.
"I think I do. But I couldn't go back. Not to that college at least—or any. Im sure none would want me." Onika mumbled.
"You're confusing." Beyoncé said and Onika looked up at her. "What do you mean?" She asked.
"Not in a bad way—you seem so care free at times but—you're like always putting yourself down. I'm not sure exactly what you've been through—but I doubt it was all your fault." Beyoncé said and Onika felt like she was being told unbelievable information.
"I'm sure any college would want you. What were you working towards when you were in college?" Beyoncé asked and Onika thought about it.
"Nothing academic—I wasn't entirely sure—but—I really liked volleyball." Onika confessed. "I had fun, I was good at it, I never knew exactly what I was working towards—but I was having fun." Onika said.
"I think you make things fun again." Onika said and Beyoncé felt warm when Onika said that. "I mean—my sister and I aren't as close as I'd like—and Lauren—I don't even know what our relationship is." Onika said honestly.
"What do you mean?" Beyoncé asked. Onika got a little nervous again.
"Just—how did you know you—liked woman?" Onika asked and Beyoncé chuckled nervously.
"I kinda always knew. I think I had my first crush in 4th grade. And then when I was given internet access—I think that was a game changer." Beyoncé said remembering.
"Set up in your room watching porn huh?" Onika joked and Beyoncé groaned in embarrassment. "It was once! And I didn't know what ebony meant at the time." Beyoncé said and Onika laughed.
"I had my first kiss in 7th grade with a girl who ate garlic pizza too much, and then like never got an actual girlfriend. I think I always knew I liked girls—had no attraction to guys whatsoever." Beyoncé said sighing.
"Do your parents know?" Onika asked and Beyoncé nodded.
"They were kinda surprised. But at the end of the day they accepted me." Beyoncé said with a smile on her face.
"Can..can you tell me the story?" Onika asked shyly and Beyoncé smiled at her curiosity.
"S-Sorry if that's personal." Onika said quickly and Beyoncé shook her head. "I don't mind—I think it's cute that you wanna know more about me." Beyoncé said honestly.
Onika found herself for the first time in months genuinely blushing.
"I think I came out in 8th grade. I was really nervous but atleast my sister was there for me." Beyoncé said remembering the moment.
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14 Year Old Beyoncé
"I'm gay." Beyoncé said.
"That was a dry coming out." Soloange said and Beyoncé groaned.
"Then how should I say it then?" Beyoncé asked sitting next to solange. Beyoncé was practicing how she would come out to her parents.
"You should like—say you would prefer to bump thy cooters with woman." Solange said grinning and Beyoncé blocked out any further ideas from her.
"This is serious solo what if they kick me out or something?" Beyoncé asked. Beyonces biggest fear was disappointing her parents—her worst case scenario was being kicked out.
"Our pastor at our church is literally gay. They won't give a fuck." Solange said and Beyoncé was still nervous.
"You should just like—say it. And dont just say gay, say you're a lesbian. Say it with your head raised." Solange said and Beyoncé gulped nervously.
Both sisters heard their front door unlock, "Girls we're home! Your dad got pizza for dinner!" They heard their mother yell and both girls eyed each other.
"You got this lil sis." Solange said and Beyoncé took a deep breath before heading downstairs.
"Hey Bey—we got you pepperoni." Beyoncé heard her mother say. Beyoncé walked toward her and sat as her mother got her slice for her.
She watched Solange eye her and Beyoncé felt her anxiety build. "Bey? You okay sweetie?" Her mother asked and Beyoncé struggled to speak.
"She has something to say." Solange said for her while nudging her. Beyoncé panicked.
"I like pussy." She said in a panic and Solange bursted out laughing and her parents eyes widened.
"Shit Giselle!" Solange said laughing and Beyoncé stammered.
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Beyoncé watched Onika laugh till she was cackling with a dull look on her face. "Thats fucking hilarious Yonce." Onika said.
"It's not that funny now." Beyoncé said playfully rolling her eyes.
"What was their actual reaction?" Onika said after finally dialing down.
"They were chill about it. I think it took them some time to get used to but—they accepted me. Solange wasn't even phased." Beyoncé said smiling.
Onika looked at Beyonce—she then looked down at herself.
"I think we're polar opposites." Onika said and Beyoncé turned to her.
"Why do you think that?" Beyoncé asked.
"I mean—our backgrounds—our personalities—I don't think we have much in common." Onika mumbled.
"I think we do." Beyoncé said and Onika scoffed. "Oh yeah? Like what?" Onika asked and Beyoncé grinned.
"I don't think either of us know what we're doing with our lives." Beyoncé said and Onika couldn't disagree.
"I think I still like you." Beyoncé said referencing to when they first met as she looked up into the sky.
"Really?" Onika asked. She thought back to what Lauren said—about her doing drugs—she's sure beyoncé wouldn't like her for that.
"I don't think you'll keep liking me. I have a lot of issues." Onika mumbled.
"Real friends help each other with their issues. Whatever you're dealing with—I want to help you." Beyoncé said honestly.
Onika found herself tearing up again. "Fuck I'm a cry baby." Onika mumbled and Beyoncé took the initiative to hug her. Beyoncé allowed Onika to cry into her shoulder again.
"T-Thank you." Onika said quietly as Beyoncé hugged her.
"Anytime."