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Anna woke up that morning with a saddened realization washing over her. She knew that the upcoming school year also meant that her mother's second anniversary of her passing was just around the corner - and that was a day she didn't want to think of.
She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she sluggishly climbed out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom. Hiding her emotions was going to be difficult for her - especially around this time. Keeping to herself was the best option. That way, she didn't explode on anyone.
The hot water ran along her skin in the shower. She sat at the bottom of the shower, letting the water trickle over her while steaming the mirrors. The sound of running water masked the sound of her crying. The tears ran down her face and stained her cheeks red as she felt at war with herself about getting out of the shower. She wished she could stay and hide in there all day, but she knew she must force herself out of it and try not to let the feelings consume her.
The light knock on the bathroom door forced her out of the haze she felt she was in just long enough to redress and escape back to her room. She had no appetite - no desire to talk to anyone or even see them. She couldn't even force herself to rake a brush through the tangles in her hair as she resorted to the one spot she knew no one would bother her. The beanbag chair was her safe haven sometimes.
But sometimes it was also the worst place to be. It gave her the time to sit and dwell on things she shouldn't - especially the accident. She blankly blinked away the tears as she tried to push away the thoughts, but they were pounding in her head with vicious memories and reminders. She swallowed hard, shutting her eyes tightly and trying to push through the reenactment playing through her memories.
It was an early morning. Anna and her mom were so excited to be going to visit Anna's grandmother in just a few states over. It had been a year or two since they had gotten to visit and they were determined to make the drive to and from before school started for Anna. They were laughing, dancing, and even singing along to the music in the car. Light patters of rain dropped against the windshield from the sunny sky.
The warm summer air hit their skin from the open windows and their hair blew through the wind. Anna looked at her mother, enjoying every moment of their long drive ahead of them. A drive that didn't last very long. The sky quickly darkened and the rain came down harder. The wind picked up and the girls knew to pull over until it was safe to drive. They put the hazards on - barely able to see through the heavy rain. There was no other car in sight. No headlights, no sound, no warning.
The vehicle came out of nowhere and slammed into the back of their vehicle hard. Both girls had no time to react to the sudden crash that sent their car spinning until it flipped over. Anna had no remembrance of any of it happening - just the everlasting and devastating tragedy of her mother passing.
Anna sighed heavily as she fought against remembering that night. She felt like the thoughts were weighing her down and she knew she needed to express them somehow and the only thing she wanted to do to try and help was by talking to her father. He was the one person who would understand, and she knew that. She ran her hands through her hair, over and over, roughly pulling the knots out between her fingers as she forced herself up. Then she twirled strands between her fingers, blinking more than usual to keep more tears from falling down her cheeks.
Before saying anything, she took her medicine before she almost forgot. Then she went to find Kurt, who was seated in the living room. Linda was somewhere in the house but Anna didn't care where she was at the moment.
She strolled back into the living room, "Dad?"
He looked up at her, "What's wrong?"
"Can I talk to you?" She cleared her throat.
"You don't have to ever ask me that." he watched her with concern in his eyes.
She stepped closer to the couch, leaning against the back of it as she bit her bottom lip, trying to find the right words to tell him how she was feeling without making him entirely worry over her. She tapped her finger against the fabric.
"You know this time-" Anna started to tell him but got cut off by Linda yelling from the other room.
"Kurt hurry up and come here please!" Linda shouted.
"Hold on Anna." Kurt stood up and walked out of the room without any hesitation.
Anna stood behind the couch, watching him walk away as heat rose to her cheeks. All Anna wanted to do was talk to him about how she was feeling so that someone could help her through it while it consumed her, but just like the other morning when she tried to interact with them Linda interrupted and he came to her beck and call with no hesitation whatsoever.
This angered Anna and her first instinct was to leave the situation entirely before she imploded her new forming thoughts onto her dad and Linda. Her feet led her right to the front door and out to the porch. She slammed the door behind her, not bothering to tell a soul where she was going. Staying in the house with as angry as she was was simply just not a good idea and she knew she'd eventually have to explain that to Kurt and Linda, but not until she was calm enough to talk to them without freaking out.
She ran down the sidewalk, breathing heavily as she reached her trail. Going to the treehouse was her plan to blow off steam. Her heart beat against her chest as she climbed the ladder and then sat down near the edge of the platform, letting her feet dangle off the edge. The railing was sturdy enough for her to lean against with her falling over as she stared out at the trees before her. The leaves were various shades of green for seconds until her vision started to blur from the tears and zoning out.
Without realizing it, she shook her leg as if she was tapping her foot against something. The thoughts of being angry and sad swirled together in her mind in a dangerous manner that she tried to stuff away. It wasn't working out too well as they fought against each other to force their way forward.
"Anna?" she ignored the familiar voice calling out to her. She didn't even want to talk to Javi right now. She wanted him to leave her alone and go away. She didn't even look down at him nor even acknowledge that he was even there.
"Anna?" he repeated, "What's wrong?"
She continued ignoring him as his voice grew closer.
"Why are you crying?" Javi questioned as he sat right down next to her and gently placed his hand down on top of the one she had gripped around a piece of the railing.
She glanced next to him, seeing that he had the same initially concerned look in his eyes that her father did when she first tried to talk to him. SHe stared at him for seconds, wondering if it was worth it to even tell him or if he'd just reject the moment like her father did.
She sighed, looking down as she rested her chin on her opposite arm that was pressed against the railing. She felt like she was silent forever while she thought about how to tell him. She never talked about the accident and she found herself wondering why she felt the urge to talk to Javi about it.
She opened her mouth, prepared to tell him but fell silent as she suddenly felt scared to talk about it at all. How was she supposed to talk about something that made her this upset? She thought that talking about it would only make her feel worse so she remained silent.
"I'm not sure what's going on," Javi lowered the tone in his voice to a comforting level, "But you're crying and I'm worried that someone or something might have hurt you."
She snapped her head back up at him, "No - it's not like that. No one hurt me. And nothing hurt me."
"Then talk to me about what's going on please so I can figure out how to help you." he watched her closely.
"This time of year," she paused, "It's just hard for me and nobody seems to want to listen to me lately so I don't know why you do."
"It doesn't matter why I want to, but clearly you have something you want to talk about and I just happen to have a good listening ear so go ahead and spill." he encouraged.
"Why? So you can just ignore me like my dad did? Or get called away?" she shook her head in annoyance.
"I'm not going anywhere." he told her.
"Javi, why do you even care?" she wondered.
"Everyone needs someone to talk to." Javi never took his eyes off her.
"Not always." she huffed.
"I beg to differ." he said, "I went by your house to see if you were home but your dad said you stormed off and you seemed upset. I just want to make sure you're okay..."
"How did you even find me?" she asked.
"I figured you would come here. You seem happy here... It seems like a place you would come to when you're upset, so I took a wild guess and decided to check. Which, I was right. Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"I just miss my mom... okay? Can you just leave me alone now?" she turned back away from him and stared out before her. She ran her fingertips long the hem of her shirt, feeling each little stitch as she tried to blink away more of the tears.
The silence in the air was exactly what Anna wanted. She wanted to be by herself, but she didn't entirely mind Javi being there with her.
Nobody understands. I just want my mom back.
Anna and Javi both started to feel little droplets of rain pelt against their skin as they escaped through the treetops and plopped down towards them. This only made her feel even worse because it reminded her of that night - the storm had caused the accident after all. It had been coming down so hard that nobody could see...
She sniffled, trying to hold it all in like she had been trying and epicly failing at doing all day. Javi hesitantly put her hand on the girl's shoulder, unsure of what to do or how to help. He wasn't entirely sure what she was going through and the full extent of her feelings, but he knew he wanted to sit there with her... even if she didn't talk to him about anything. He simply did not want her to be alone.
"Can I walk you home Anna?" Javi offered.
She didn't want to go back home. That's the last place she wanted to be - especially with the way she was feeling, but she still accepted his offer with a small nod. He got up from next to her and waited for her to stand up with him. He wasn't moving far until she was with him.
Anna took her time climbing down the rope ladder, letting her feet heavily drop to the ground when she reached the last step. Javi stopped her before she started walking and forced her too look at him.
"Anna, you know you can always talk to me... right?" He looked her directly in the eyes and waited for a response.
She lowered her gaze, not wanting to answer his question. She didn't know him all that well, so how was she supposed to talk to him? He still felt like a stranger to her sometimes even though they had been talking for days.
She gently pushed past him, heading back down her trail and trying to hurry home before the rain got even worse. She wasn't sure what to expect when she walked through the door but she was anticipating being yelled at for storming off the way she did. She jumped over all the cracks of the cement, walking on the grass when needed, and even walking on the curb in some spots.
Javi walked quietly behind her - giving her the space she was trying to achieve as she found her way back home. He just wanted to make sure she got home safely, but neither of them were expecting Linda and Kurt to be sitting on the porch when they came walking down the street. Anna silently ignored them as she walked right past with the full intention of sheltering herself in her room for the rest of the evening since she felt like nobody else wanted to listen to her.
She stopped when Linda and Kurt invited Javi to stay for dinner. He looked at her before giving his answer, and Anna gently nodded - suddenly not wanting to be left alone with the two adults who would just ask her numerous questions. If she could prolong it for just a little while, then she would. Maybe they would just leave her be if she could hold them off for long enough.
Anna rushed right into the house and took her place at the table before anyone else had the chance too. Javi sat down across from her, watching her as she rearranged the silverware and dining ware in front of her until it was satisfactory for her. He watched her with curiosity and amazement until she looked up at him. He raised his brow slightly, and then gestured for her to repeat her process with the things in front of him. She looked at him a second time for confirmation and then began rearranging the items in the same order she had just down her own in.
Linda moved around the table - making sure everyone got a portion of each dish on their plates. Anna refused to look at each of them, or even talk to anyone. She just wanted to make it through the shared meal so she could escape from the awkward tension that she felt in the air. She ignored the conversations going on around the table purposely and tried to not get involved in any of it. That's what she thought she was doing until her father caught on and called her out on it.
"Anna, why are you so quiet today?" Kurt asked.
She looked at him and then Linda before the words came blurting out of her mouth, "Why don't you ask your stupid fiance?"
She slammed the silverware in her hand down on the table as she stood up and removed herself from the group. She marched through the house until her feet led her to the porch where she took a seat on the top step of the porch.
Kurt followed right behind her and stepped off the porch so he could try and figure out what was going on. He put his hands in his pockets, hoping that his daughter would willingly tell him what was going on - but she remained just as silent as she had been during dinner. He didn't seem to care earlier, so she wondered why he would care now.
"Anna, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on kid. You've been upset all day." he said.
Silence. Anna knew silence was her best option right now otherwise she would explode and she wasn't even mad at her father. It was Linda she was mad with - and Anna knew that probably made her seem stupid or ungrateful, but Linda wasn't her mother and she wasn't even trying to act like a mother to Anna. She was just a woman standing in her mothers place - a mother to Aris, a future wife to her dad, but nothing to Anna.
She heard the door close behind them and then Javi passed the two standing there. He gave Anna a small wave and then took off down the street.
Great, there goes any chance with Javi...
"I'm not exactly sure what's going on with you, but the way you talked to Linda tonight was unacceptable and I know you know that. You speak to adults with respect. Linda didn't do anything to you so I don't understand why you are acting out the way you are but I highly suggest that you figure out how to change that attitude of yours." Kurt scolded hers.
Her head snapped up in confusion. She got the confirmation she needed that Kurt was oblivious to what she had been doing or the way Anna had been feeling, but hearing it hurt her even more than she was already hurting. She felt like the world was plotting against her and nothing she was doing was right.
"You're grounded. No library, no trail, no leaving the house. Until you can change that attitude, you're not going anywhere." Kurt told her.
"That's not fair!" Anna stood up.
"Neither is the way you're acting." he glared.
Kurt had never acted this way towards Anna - let alone ground her. They always talked about things, figured out a solution to avoid the arguing and grounding stations. But the more she looked at the situation as a whole, the more she realized how much being with Linda had changed her father. He was still the same person, but he didn't act the way he once did. He wasn't as understanding - he had another kid and an entirely new woman to care for now and Anna was starting to realize that it was just no longer about her and her mother.
Anna's lip quivered out of anger as she spun on her heels and stopped up to her room. She flung the door open and slammed the door behind her as hard as she could - not caring if she was only creating more of a problem or tension in the house. She threw herself on her bed, hoping that her dad wouldn't come in after her and only yell at her some more. She just wanted to sob quietly into her pillows without a single interruption. The day had already been a complete mess, so it wouldn't surprise her if things continued going wrong for her.
Anna didn't know if anything was going to get better for her or if the world was going to continue making everything seem impossible and hurtful. She just wanted it all to stop. She wanted a break from it all.
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