Part 16
***
After you'd finished your shower and gotten dressed, you made your way back down to the lab. The kiss you shared with Clint was still on your mind, and it made you both excited and anxious. The kiss clearly overstepped some kind of unspoken line between the two of you, and you feared that it had just set you guys back. Or maybe you were just overthinking it all.
All your worrying about that kiss seemed to make you forget about what had happened in the lab earlier. Those memories only came back once you entered the space, and everyone turned to look at you. Their guilty looks immediately reminded you of all the yelling and a slight awkwardness filled the room for a moment. The only person in the room who wasn't acting guilty or nervous was Thor, and well, he hadn't been there, so he didn't exactly count.
You glance around at everyone and then looked to the floor instead, hoping this weird tension would just pass quickly, so you all could get back to work. You would rather just forget about the coffee thing and focus your efforts on getting the machine complete.
You made your way over to Tony, who was standing by the control panel. You figured he was probably the person giving everyone else their assigned jobs, and you wanted to see what you should be working on. As you approached, he gave you the same look that everyone else had been giving you. Guilty and a little nervous looking, though you figured his look was for different reasons.
"Hey, so I'm here. Where did you need me?" You ask him as Tony gives you a slightly awkward smile.
"Oh hey, yeah uh.. You can just work on whatever until I'm ready to get you fitted for a suit. I'm going to need your measurements. Clint's too. I'm just finishing up Lang's now, so it'll be like five minutes maybe." He explains, and you peak down at the panel to see the suit he's working on.
"Is that the prototype for the test run?" You ask, and Tony gives you a nod.
"Yeah. Gonna send it through a sim a few times, see what happens. If everything goes accordingly, then we'll put Scott in it and send him through. Hopefully we won't lose him or anything." He adds in a little mumble near the end. You tilted your head at him, eyes wide a little, asking him silently if he was joking or not. Tony only gives you a smile though, which told you nothing.
Before you could question him any further, you heard the doors to the lab opening. Tony's eyes flicked to whoever was coming through them, and you turned to look as well. To no surprise, it was Clint. From the looks of it, he'd taken a shower and restyled his hair and had thrown on different clothes. He was now wearing some black sweatpants and a sleeveless green shirt, which displayed his sleeve tattoo.
His eyes scanned the room, and you continued to watch him until his gaze fell on you. Once your eyes locked, you felt like all the air had been sucked from your lungs. Feeling shy suddenly, you looked away and back to Tony, but he was just watching the exchange curiously. His eyes flicked to you and he raised his brows slightly, making you roll your eyes at him.
"Five minutes, yeah?" You tell Tony, giving his arm a quick pat and then leaving to go work on whatever till he was ready to take those measurements.
"Sure thing." He says to your retreating form.
As you walk, you try to avoid looking over to Clint again. The shyness from earlier was still there, and you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze yet. Instead, you make your way over to Steve to see if he needed help with anything. It looked as though he was unscrewing a panel from the machine.
"Hey Rogers, need any help?" You ask the man, and he looks up at you from where he was kneeling on the floor. He gave you a smile, his eyeing looking you over. He was probably checking to see if you were alright from earlier.
"Well, Tony wants this thing to be hooked up to a back up power supply. In case we blow a fuse during a trip, the machine will have a reserve to hopefully bring us through. I just need to hook the cables up." He explains, wiping his hands on a rag while he explains this to you.
"Great. I'll bring you the cords. Where are they?" You ask, determined to be helpful.
"Over there." He motions across the garage area to where a big pile of rolled wires were. You could have wrapped your arms around one and just barely had your fingers touch. "But they're really heavy. I don't know if you'll be able to lift them." He comes to a stand, and you brush him off.
"I'm not that weak. I can handle it." You tell him, following him as he makes his way over to the cords. There was a grin on his face at your comment, and instead of arguing, he just nods.
"Ok. If you need any help, just ask." He tells you. He goes to the first one he wanted and lifted it up with one arm. The muscles in his arms flexed as he did so, and you watched him walk away a moment with the cord.
It couldn't be that heavy.
You went to the one that had been laying next to the one Steve was currently moving and tried to find a good hand hold. Once you thought you had it, you gave the cord a test lift, getting it off the ground just a bit. Man was that cord heavy though. Steve hadn't been joking.
You carefully set the thing back on the ground and go to readjust your hold, trying again to lift it. You strain as you attempt it, though you do get it slightly higher this time and try taking a few steps. You get maybe only six or seven steps in before needing to set it on the ground again.
"Sh*t... that's heavy." You mutter, finding yourself already out of breath.
"Need a hand?" You feel a warm hand press into your lower back and smile when you feel the person begin to rub small circles with their fingers.
"I could use some muscle." You say back, straightening up and trying not to blush over at Clint. His touch was sending sparks through your body, and you weren't exactly sure how to handle those feelings. The nerves you'd been feeling earlier though just seemed to melt away as he sends you a grin. Maybe that kiss didn't ruin anything between you after all.
"Well, I got that too." He chuckles, and your eyes automatically drift down to his arms. His arms were always something that impressed you, and with the tattoo he now sported, his muscles seemed to be even more pronounced.
"So I can see." Your eyes flick back up to his, his grin still on his face, and you blush again lightly. His hand had gone to your hip, and he gave it a gentle squeeze and then let his hand drop back to his side.
"Sounds like we're in business then." He hums, moving to the other side of the cord and grabbing ahold of it. "On three?" He suggests, watching you as you went to find a good hand hold. You gave him a nod, and let him count down.
When he said three, you both lifted, and this time the cord felt much lighter. You began walking together, Steve giving you a smile as he passed you on his way back over to grab the final cord. With just a little straining, you and Clint managed to get the thing over to the time machine before Steve got back with his.
You stood up right again, placing your hands on your hips and taking a deep breath. You were slightly out of breath from having to drag it over. Even with Clint helping out to make the cord lighter, it still took some effort from both of you.
"Sweet." Clint mumbles, crossing his arms and glancing over to you. "Mission accomplished." He jokes, making you crack another smile and laugh softly.
"Thanks for the assist." You say back, grinning at him. Your attention was then pulled away as Steve walked behind Clint, dropping the last cord onto the ground. He gave you both a smile.
"Thanks for dragging that over." He hums, not even showing any sign that he was out of breath like you and Clint were. "I'd let you help me hook them up, but Tony told me to send you guys over once you were done."
"Ah," You say, looking over to Clint. He looked confused as to why Tony would want to see the pair of you. "He probably is ready to measure us for our quantum suits." You explain, and a look of understanding crosses his face.
"Ah ok." He hums. "Well good luck getting these hooked up, captain." He nods to Steve and then steps over the cord and beside you. Steve smiles at you guys and gives a little two fingered salute before turning back to his project.
***
Getting measured for suits really wasn't too eventful. All Tony had you do was stand in the middle of this small room with your arms out while a bunch of his drones and computers scanned you. It didn't even take longer than 5 minutes and then he went off to develop them and get the models made.
After that scan was done, you got pulled off to help Natasha with something, and you think Clint went back to help Steve. You weren't really sure where he ended up going.
Natasha and you were in a side room, prepping the Pym Particles for Scott's suit, and running some diagnostics to make sure the suit was safe. Tony stopped by after getting yours and Clint's suits done to check on it. Once he felt it was safe, it was time to put Scott in it and test everything out.
So that's where you were now. Gently securing the different tabs and coms and making sure the suit was ready. Bruce was getting the particles ready, Nebula was setting the coordinates into the suits QPS (quantum positioning system), Rhodey was just observing everything, and you assumed everyone else was getting the machine up. At least that's where Natasha was. Once the suit was ready for Scott, she told you that she "needed to go make sure they guys didn't break anything" while you got Scott into his suit.
"Now Scott," Bruce started. "This isn't going to be exactly like the quantum realm you were in. You aren't just going to be floating around, you'll need to be able to guide yourself through it. The QPS will help you do that." He explains as you focus on getting the different straps set in place. You didn't want anything to happen to the man due to your lack of attention to detail.
"Yeah, yeah.... How different are we talking?" He asks, glancing to Bruce. He sounded a little nervous, you noted.
"You act like I've been there. I can't compare it to anything, but from what you've told us and the simulations we've done, it will probably be different." He shrugs, that not doing much to calm the man before you.
"Oh, hey Clint." You caught Rhodey saying, making you look up from what you were doing for just a moment. You caught Clint giving a nod to the other man in greeting before he just leaned up against the door frame, watching what everyone was doing. "What brings you here?" Rhodey continues, and Clint shrugs.
"Got bored just waiting out there. Came to see what you guys were up to." He explains, looking over Scott's suit a little bit.
"Where do you want to go?" Nebula asks suddenly, glancing over to Scott. "For the test we can send you to any point in time, anywhere you want to go. Just don't pick a time from a month ago or a location near the tower." You wanted test out traveling farther back in time and to locations further away.
Scott thinks a moment, letting out a long, "Ahh" as he thought. "How about to... my daughters sixth birthday party? That was a long time ago. And I didn't get to see it cause I was in jail at the time."
"You do know you only get a few minutes to walk around right?" Bruce asks, opening up the compartment for the Pym Particles and going to put one of the tube in. Scott suddenly moves away though and pushes at Bruce's huge hand.
"Hey, hey, hey! Easy! Easy!" He exclaims, making you move back a moment since he was moving around too much.
"I'm being very careful." Bruce tells him calmly, but Scott takes the particles from him anyway.
"No, you're being very hulky." He holds the particles further away as Bruce tries to make a grab for them. "These are Pym Particles, and ever since Hank Pym got snapped out of existence, this is it, this is all we have, we're not making anymore!"
"Scott." You scold, walking around to the front of him now. He kept backing up and you didn't want him running into you if he tried to go further. "He's being careful. Remember, he did a lot of the fine wiring for the machine you're about to use." You remind him, trying to calm him down. This wasn't going to work if Scott was freaking out.
"Sorry.." He sighs, seeming to calm down a little. "It's just that we only have enough for one round trip each. That's it, no do overs..."
"And two test runs." You remind him, walking over to the door frame Clint was leaning against and leaning up against the wall right next to him. Clint was pretty much right behind your right shoulder now, and you were loving being so close.
Scotts sighs softly and nods in agreement. "And two test runs." He mumbles, going to put the particles in himself. He let out a scream, which was quickly muffled as he shrank down in size. Your eyes widen a moment, but he was back within a second.
"One.. one test run." He corrects, making you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. Even you were feeling stressed about this now, and you weren't even the one going.
Before you could stress too much about it though, you felt something stroke the back of your arm. When you looked over, you saw the back of Clint's fingers slowly tracing up and down your arm, just above your elbow. Your eyes flicked up to his, and he sent you a soft smile, one which you returned.
"Oh God.." Scott groaned, looking even more stressed now. This nervous behavior pulled your attention away from Clint. "Alright, I am not ready for this... I-I don't..."
"I'm game." You whipped around to look at Clint, giving him a confused look. "I'll do it." He nods, but you shake your head.
"No. No you're not doing it." You said, probably a little too firmly. Clint glances down at you, and the room goes silent. A stare off starts between you and Clint, and you hear Bruce awkwardly clear his throat behind you.
"Uhh, we'll give you guys a minute? Yeah?" Bruce says softly, motioning for the others just to follow him out the back.
You remained silent, just staring at each other, until the door behind you softly clicked shut. Then you repeated yourself. "You're not testing this, Clint."
"Why not? Scott clearly isn't ready for this. I can handle it." He argues back, but you shake your head at him. You bounce off the wall and stand in front of him now, while he kept leaning against the door frame.
"I'm not saying that you wouldn't be able to handle it, but this is experimental. What if something happened and we couldn't bring you back?"
"You're willing to send Scott through though." He points out, his voice calm still, but firm. "If you didn't think you could bring him back, then he wouldn't be five minutes away from testing this machine."
"Yeah, but you're not Scott. If we put you through, and you didn't come back, what am I supposed to do?" You'd just gotten Clint back and now there was a chance you'd lose him all over again. This was just a risk you didn't want to take.
"What are we supposed to do if we can't test this thing cause no one wants to do it?" His voice was still soft, trying to reason with you.
"If Scott doesn't want to do it, then Tony or Steve can." You argue back. Anyone except for Clint.
"You and I both know we can't risk losing them. Tony is the whole reason this machine is even here, and we can't afford to lose someone like Cap. The world can't afford that. Whoever goes needs to be expendable."
"You're not expendable.." You shake your head, not wanting to admit that he made a good point. But you weren't about to agree he wasn't important to the team either.
"Yes I am. The world doesn't need me like it needs the others." He says, voice way to calm and accepting for you liking.
"Clint, stop! Don't say stuff like that! I don't care if the world will miss you or not, I'll miss you! My world needs you..." Your eyes were stinging now a little as tears began to blur your vision. You didn't want to cry again today, so you shut your eyes and took a breath, trying to center yourself once again. It helped a little.
While your eyes were shut, you felt a pair of hands gently rub down your arms, starting on your upper arm, and moving down until they got to your hands. Clint gave them a little squeeze and continued to hold them. You took a shaky breath before you continued.
"I'll go then. If you can risk it all, then I can too." You mumble, trying to keep your voice even. You look back up to Clint, but he just smiles and shakes his head at you.
"You can't. If this works, you gotta be here for our little one. I can't be pregnant." He tries to joke, and you know it's just his defense mechanism to joke in serious situations, but it really wasn't helping at the moment. You squeeze your eyes shut again, feeling almost guilty that you forgot that you were doing this so your unborn child could have life. You had to be alive for them.
"You know this is the only way." He says gently. "Scott doesn't have the right mentality for this, and there's no one else who can go. I'll be fine, alright? I promise." His hand drops one of yours and comes up to cup your cheek softly. Despite being upset with him, you find yourself leaning into his hand anyway and sighing.
"Then we can wait until he has the right mentality..." You argue back weakly, and Clint lets out a small laugh.
"That's just going to put us back. The world has waited long enough for their loved ones to return." His hand drops from your cheek and he picks up your hand again.
"Clint..." You sigh.
"Just let me do this, (y/n)..." His voice was quiet. Fragile almost. "Let me do something good for the world."
Deep down, you knew you couldn't stop him. If he was set in doing this, then what could you really do to stop him? And he was frustratingly right. If Scott couldn't do this, he was the next most capable person. That didn't make what you were about to say any easier though. With a shaky breath, you sighed and nodded a little.
"Fine.. But you need to promise you're coming back to me."
He squeezed your hands. "I promise."
***
So now you were watching as Scott took his suit off, and Clint got into his own. You had your arms folded across your chest, chewing on the inside of your cheek while you tried to keep yourself from creating different scenarios in your head of all the horrible things that could happen. You were having a hard time sitting still and kept shifting on your feet while you watched Clint test all the gear out.
"Where do you want me to set your coordinates?" Nebula asked, typing on a small panel by Clint's shoulder. He hums softly in thought before answering.
"How about six years from now. And set the coordinates to my farm." He requests, and Nebula enters in what he told her. You knew he was going to pick going back to his old house. It was where his kids were. Part of you wondered if he was doing this in order to just see them again.
"Ok, Clint. You might feel a little discombobulated from the chrono shift, don't worry about it." Bruce tells him, going over some more information to help Clint prepare for time travel. "As long as you don't try to go off course, the QPS in your suit should automatically show you to the location you've picked. Even if it doesn't get you there, we still should be able to track you and pull you back. You'll have about five minutes to walk around, so if you end up somewhere you shouldn't be, try to stay alive."
You paled at what Bruce said. "I'm sorry, what?" Even the thought of that was making you feel sick to your stomach. Bruce glanced over to you, getting a look on his face that said, "oh, I probably shouldn't have said that."
"Odds of that happening are slim though." He adds for your benefit. It didn't help.
"Ok, wait, let me ask you something." Rhodey starts, making you glance to him. "If we can do this, you know go back in time, why don't we just find baby Thanos and..." He makes the motion of wrapping a rope about someone's neck and pulling.
"That's horrible." Bruce comments, and then you tune them out. You were still freaking out what Bruce had said earlier.
What if Clint wasn't brought to the farm. What if instead he was thrown into some battle field, deep in the ocean, or an exploding building? You chewed on you thumb nail as your mind ran all these scenarios. You weren't even sure how long you'd been out, but suddenly you heard Bruce say, "Ok, let's go Clint."
Your head snapped up, and you looked at Clint. You really weren't ready for this. He was already looking at you when you looked to him, and he seemed to sense your nerves right away. Then again, you didn't think it would have taken a spy to tell that you were very nerves.
"Can you give us five more minutes?" Clint asks, glancing over to Bruce. "We'll meet you out there." He adds, and Bruce hesitates a moment before nodding.
"Sure. Just don't accidentally set off the Pym Particles. Be careful." He warns.
"Ok. Will do." Clint nods, hanging back until the others had left. He watches the others backs until they were gone, and then turns his focus to you.
You stayed in your spot in the middle of the room, arms still crossed, and watched him. You were bubbling with worry and were afraid that the smallest movement would release all of it. Clint looks to his feet after a while, searching for what he wanted to say.
"You seem a little nervous." Was what he finally settled on. You scoff at him. That was definitely an understatement.
"A little?.. I still just don't see why you have to be the one to go." You answer him, looking at a distance spot on the floor.
"We already talked about that." He say gently, eyes still trained on you.
"Doesn't make me feel any better about it." You mumble, and he goes silent for a moment. Right as you thought he wasn't going to say anything else, he began walking toward you, and stopped once he was a few feet away. You still refused to look up at him though, but he doesn't try to force it.
"Two of the smartest men I know built this time machine. Some aliens who understand this tech assisted them. Men and women I worked closely with for years poured themselves into this work, and two of the most amazing women I know worked on this suit. I'm not scared to test this, cause I know I'll be ok." You still can't bring yourself to look up.
"But Clint.." You felt like you were getting ready to burst.
"I'm going to come back through. You'll be able to bring me back." His voice gets softer when he notices the slight quiver to your voice.
"And how do you know that?"
He gently brings two fingers under your chin, slowly tilting your head to look up at him. You let him bring your gaze to his and study his eyes. He had a little smile on his face, and a look in his eyes that you hadn't seen for a long time. Slowly his fingers move from under your chin, and he cups your cheek instead, thumb running along your cheekbone.
"I've got something to come back for." He answers, a loving look in his eyes. Your heart skips in your chest, and your lips part, trying to find something to say to that. Instead of using your words though, and without giving it second thought, you bring your hands to his cheeks and pull him down for a kiss. He responds immediately, hand dropping from your cheek and wrapping around you instead, pulling your body close to his.
You felt dizzy, and the kiss itself held so many emotions. Clint's lips were soft and comforting. The way he held you, hands pressed into the small of your back, made you feel stable and secure.
After a moment, you break apart, lips making the softest little popping sound as you break for air. You press your forehead to his, and your nose gently bumps his. His eyes focused on your lips a moment before flicking up to your eyes.
"I'm definitely coming back for that." He chuckles, a smile gracing his face. You find yourself smiling despite yourself, and you nod.
"You better." He grins at you.
"Yes ma'am." He then leans in again, making his kiss lighter this time and much slower than the first one. You savor it, hand gently running down his cheek and moving to his chest.
"You two about done? Hurry it up before you set off that particle."
You pulled away from Clint and looked behind you, though Clint kept his arms firmly around you. Rocket stood in the doorway, arms crossed and looking impatient.
"How long have you been there?" You ask, hoping he hadn't been there for your whole intimate moment. Though you knew Clint probably would have seen him.
"I asked for five minutes, man." Clint comments, sending the raccoon a glare. Rocket just shrugs.
"It's been five minutes. We're all waiting."
"And you can wait one more. We'll be there." Clint waves him away, and Rocket rolls his eyes, acting like one more minute was going to kill him.
"Finnneee." He groans, walking back the way he came.
"And don't you say a word about this to the others!" You shout after him. The team didn't need know what you and Clint were doing. That was your private life.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He babbles, his voice echoing off the walls a little. You sigh and look back up to Clint. You were sure your face was red. He just seemed more annoyed than embarrassed though.
"One of these days we won't be interrupted." He grumbles, but then he ends up chuckling softly. "Just like old times though right?"
You chuckle softly and nod in agreement. Back during your SHIELD and Avengers days, it always seemed like people were walking in on you while you and Clint were trying to share in a romantic moment. "Just like old times." You mumble back, smiling at him.
"You ready for this?" He asks, his tone getting serious now. You sigh softly. Honestly you were probably as ready as you were gonna be.
"No. But yeah." You nod. "Just come back to me in one piece."
"You got it."