Mari's POV :
I wasn't even completely awake when I had to run to the bathroom. I saw last night's dinner going down the toilet. These are going to be 8 long months...
After riding myself of the contents of my stomach, I shower and get dressed. I couldn't help but stare at my stomach, trying to figure out what's going to happen to me over the next few months.
"What if the class finds out?"
"Will they kill it?"
"I miss Damian..."
I can feel myself tearing up.
"Why did the class have to destroy my phone? I can't call Damian to tell him what's happening. I need him now more than anything..."
⚠️Suicidal thoughts and cutting⚠️
I look at myself again.
"Why am I even still alive? I bet he's going to hate me if I even see him again... Maybe he doesn't want to be a father... Maybe he was just using me... I'm just a stupid slut."
I spot the box in the corner. I reach out and grab it and open it. There, I see a sharp, light, shiny razor blade resting on the bottom of the box.
I pick it up and bring it to my forearm.
Slut 1
Whore 2
Stupid 3
Dumbass 4
Kill yourself! 5
Jump off the Eiffel Tower! 6
Waste of space! 7
Burden! 8
Damian's better off without me! 9
He must hate me! 10
I don't deserve to live! 11
Disappointment! 12
Bitch! 13
Bully! 14
Why was I ever your friend! 15
Piece of shit! 16
Unfit mother! 17
They deserve better! 18, 19, 20...
I let every insult thrown my way get to me. I let all my dark thoughts about myself out.
The water going down the drain had long turned red. Blood red.
My arms were covered in cuts. I hadn't realized that I had started crying. I sat on the floor and let the water wash over me. I stared at my stomach. Closed my eyes wishing this wasn't real, wishing I could just die. But I wasn't dead. I still had to keep going for my family and friends. Continue my balancing act.
I let my tears flow. A new tattoo appeared on my hip.
°Time skip°
I spent the day working on one of Jagged's commissions while listening to music.
I miss the old me, the happy me. The one that had friends. The one Lie-la had fun destroying.
I worked late into the night.
°Time skip°
The class was trying to torture me on Monday. I dodged all of the limbs out to trip me. All of the traps they set. Ignored the insults thrown my way. Made sure they couldn't steal my stuff when my morning sickness became to much to bare.
Adrian somehow pinned me to a wall after lunch. He didn't call Lie-la or her sheep.
Adrien : Purrincess... Why don't you just apologize to Lie-la... I'd date you if you did...
Mari : Adrien, I don't like you in that way.
His grip on my wrists tightened.
Adrien : I know you're lying. Alya told me that you loved me.
Mari : I used to have an obsession over you. I never loved you. I stopped even liking you when you told me to take the high road. "Her lies aren't hurting anyone"... They're hurting me!
I could feel the anger radiating off of him. His eyes turned a toxic green. I had to find a way out and fast, before he did any irreparable damage.
Mari : I need to go.
I got out of his grasp and walked away. I could hear him yelling at me, but I didn't listen. I was this close to bashing in his head. I need to control myself.
°Time skip°
The afternoon went by rather quickly. The teachers ignored me while I spaced out while drawing.
"Should I really keep it?"
"What if I keep it and Damian doesn't want it?"
"Should I give it up for adoption?"
"Will my parents disown me?"
"How will my friends react?"
"Maybe they can help me find Damian... I know for a fact that I will not be allowed to travel until it's born..."
⚠️Bullying & mention of rape⚠️
I am snapped out of my thoughts as the bell rings. I get up and pack my stuff. I can feel their eyes on me. Venemous, hate-filled, dangerous eyes. I can hear their footsteps as they approach. I know the drill. I feel a strong grip on my arm. They blindfold me and drag me to an alley. They push me to a wall as two of them restrain me.
They start punching, slapping, kicking and cutting me. I try my best to protect my stomach. In vain. It's a good thing I brought Wayzz and Tikki with me. Wayzz promised me that he would protect it.
°Time skip°
They beat me up for about an hour. I couldn't stand up and could barely move my arms. I look around to make sure that I'm alone. I'm not.
Adrian is still here. Why is he still here?
I am aware of how vulnerable I am right now. I can feel myself panic as he slowly approaches. I'm frozen in place.
Adrien : Last chance purrincess... You will apologize to Lila tomorrow and I will date you.
Mari : I am not apologizing for trying to help the others see the truth! I don't like you Adrien! Why would I like such a worthless coward!
I see hurt flash through his face, but it soon turns into rage. He looks at me menacingly.
Adrien : If you will not join me willingly, then I will make you MINE!
Before I could respond or run away, he shoves something in my mouth and pins me to the ground. He soon binds me and cuts my clothes. I'm left naked as he props me up to his liking away from any prying eyes. The last thing I see before blacking out is him, with his pants down, stroking his already hard thing.
⚠️End of warning⚠️
°Time skip°
I wake up a few hours later to Tikki and Wayzz's worried gazes. They had healed most of my injuries, leaving a few bruises. I grab my clothes and put them back on after sowing them up quickly.
I go to the police and report what happened with Adrien. They do all that's to be done in this kind of situation.
Officer : I can't guarantee that he will be brought to justice. I hope you know that.
Mari : I know... I'll try to get a restraining order though... Goodbye!
Officer : Goodbye and good luck!
°Time skip°
I get home, eat, head straight to the bathroom and lock the door. I need to be alone right now.
"Why did he do that?"
"Am I to blame?"
"Why didn't I fight back?"
Hundreds of thoughts go through my mind, each worse than the last. I couldn't help but feel like it was somehow my fault...
"Maybe if I had acted differently I wouldn't have been in that situation..."
I couldn't help but feel weak.
⚠️Cuttind and dark thoughts⚠️
I get undressed and turn the shower on. The water is boiling.
"Good. I can still feel him on my skin. I want to burn it off. Rid myself of my body, my problems..."
I curl myself into a ball under the falling water. The water is burning my skin, but I don't care. I want to get rid of it.
The scene is playing on repeat in my head. No matter how hard I try to forget, it keeps coming back with more detail. Feeling more real every time. I can't tell if these are tears or not. I don't even care anymore.
I reach for the box I know all to well. My arms aren't under the water anymore.
The blade. The sharp blade. The beautifully sharp blade. What might now be my favorite possession.
I run the cold metal against my forearms. It feels nice. For a brief moment, I don't feel his hands all over me. I can't see what happened to me. All my brain seems to be able to process is the feeling of the cold blade against my skin and the beauty of the deep red that follows it. The deep red covering my arms and legs. The deep red of the water that's going down the drain.
⚠️End of warning ⚠️
°Time skip°
I didn't even realize that the water had gone cold. I didn't see the tattoo appear under my bellybutton.
The rest of the week went by normally. I did my best to protect myself from the class and managed, somehow, to not get beaten up and avoid Adrien.
I had also made my decision. I was going to keep it. I didn't want to abort it without telling Damian first, knowing that he is my soulmate.
I have finally finished the portrait of my Demon and I am pretty proud of it.
"I hope the baby has his eyes..."
"I really miss him..."
I stare at it for a while, tears running down my cheeks.
"I wish he was here with me. To comfort me, to go through this journey with me. Who knows, maybe I'll never see him again... Maybe he'll never meet our baby... Hopefully I'll be able to avoid Adrien long enough to not have to go through that again."
A shiver runs down my spine. Tears stream down my cheeks.
" I definitely don't want to go through that again... "
⚠️Cutting⚠️
I have flashbacks at night. I barely sleep anymore. I usually sleep about an hour before waking up crying and shaking. It rarely wakes the kwamis, so I usually go downstairs to work on commissions and, if I can't seem to calm down, I usually grab the box and cut my forearms and thighs. I watch the red blood flow. It is the only thing that seems to sooth me.
⚠️End of warning⚠️
I place my hand on my stomach and stroke it. I wish my life wasn't turning out like this, but at least not everything is that bad...