23. GIVE ME MORE WINE
Eevi
Past days have been suffering.
I haven't heard anything of Olli, and he's at Oulu.
No messages, no calls, nothing.
We didn't talk after the gig in Seinäjoki, when we went to the hotel. I wanted to give him space, but now it feels like forever.
Oh god.. why did I told him about that poem? Why I didn't just kept my mouth shut? Everything would be better now.. I think.
It was wednesday, tomorrow we would go to Valkeakoski. I just came from work to home, and I was tired as always. The clock was about 7pm.
I walked to my kitchen and took wine bottle from the cabinet. I just drink one glass, I know that in friday when the tour is over, we have that kind of afterparty that I'm not sure will I survive from that.
I opened the bottle and poured it to my wine glass.
I took one sip of it, until my doorbell rang. I was confused, who would there be? This late?
I put the glass down and sighed, I walked to the door.
I opened it, and with eyes wide open I stared the man who stood there.
"What..?" I quietly asked confused. The man had all of his stuff with him, and he looked a bit strange.
"Can I come in?" He only asked, I just nodded and walked aside as he came in. I closed the door behind me and watched as the man struggled to get his shoes off. I was speechless, I couldn't say anything.
He walked further to my apartment as I followed him, confused. I had so many guestions to ask.
He sat on my couch and let out a long sigh.
"Are you drunk?" I asked serious as I crossed my arms against my chest. He was silent for few seconds.
"You have anything to drink..?" He mumbled, clearly drunk.
"I just poured some wine for me, but I think you have drank enough." I hinted as I went to take my wine glass with me.
"No.. give me wine." He demanded. With rolling my eyes I took the bottle with me as well and walked to the couch.
I took a seat next to him, and he took the bottle from my hand. I was so confused.
"Olli..." I sighed worried as I watched him taking a long sip of the wine.
Then he looked me, and wiped the corners of his mouth.
"What? Isn't it a thing? That you drink after you break up? Or have I got wrong knowledge?" He mumbled. Now I was speechless. I opened my mouth a bit, but I didn't say anything.
What he just said?
"What.. have you-" I started but he interrupted by talking to himself.
"Fucking Joonas.. he told me sometime ago that it's a thing to drink afterwards.. tomorrow I'll have nice hangover..." He mumbled and almost took a new sip of the wine, but I took the bottle from his hand.
"Hey!" He said annoyed and tried to get it back, but I stood up and walked couple steps back.
"Did you break up with Emilia?" I asked and he leaned to the back of the couch. He chuckled.
"I did.. at the same day I went to Oulu. I was at my parents house in the mean time and now I'm here, because I don't know where else I would go..." He explained as he stared the walls.
I was shocked.
"Why you break up with her?" I asked with my shaking voice. He turned his gaze on me, slowly. He looked me up and down, then his legs.
"I'm glad you told me the truth..." He only mumbled. I swallowed.
"You break up with her, and the poem was the reason?" I frowned confused. He chuckled again. Slowly he stood up, and walked up to me. He took the bottle from my hand, I just kept staring his every move.
He took a sip of the wine as he watched me straight to my eyes.
He placed the bottle to the coffee table, and then watched me again.
"My relationship with Emilia was toxic as hell. She controlled my every move and she didn't support my dreams.. she never supported the fact that I'm a basist in a band, and I want to tour the world with my boys." He explained. My eyes started to made tears again. That wasn't a suprise.
He came closer, he was so close. As my gaze was in my feet, he placed his fingers under my jaw and lifted it slowly up.
Our eyes met. Even when he's drunk, those eyes takes me to another reality. His eyes are art.
"I didn't love her anymore. Don't know if I ever did." He confessed. Then those tears started to fall down from my eyes, and he wiped them away.
"I started to think about you.. me.. and this whole situation. I understand it now. Now I understand why you didn't talk to me anymore, or to Emilia. And I'm pretty sure that's the reason why you moved here to study..?" He asked gently. I only nodded, because I didn't have any words to say.
This situation is unbelievable.
"Why are you crying..?" He whispered as he wiped those tears over and over again with his thumbs.
"I'm just.. I don't know..." I sobbed and covered my mouth with my hand. I closed my eyes and the next thing Olli did, he took me into a hug. He wrapped his hands around me and stroked my back.
"Shh.. everything is fine my dear..." He whispered to my ear, and I cried even more.
"You remember that one song you have written? Can we hold hands forever? If I remember right the name." He asked, still keeping me in a safe hug. I only nodded.
"I read it when we were kids.. when I read it again a while ago.. in that moment I thought of something." He said and my heart skipped at least two beats.
So he read it then? He read it that night when I wrote it, when I came into the room and he stood in front of my desk.
"The lyrics are about you..." I confessed with my weak and shaking voice. He didn't respond.
He pulled us apart gently, by now I got my crying under control, and my eyes were just red now.
He looked me worried.
"I thought of so." He responded gently.
"All these years.. I can't even imagine.. how you have felt." He mumbled as he looked our hands.
I looked how few locks of his hair fell down on his face. I watched his eyelashes, his eyebrows, nose.
I love every piece of this man. But this night has been weird. I feel like I'm not real. That he's not real.
That anything isn't real.
What if this is just a dream? No.. can't be.
"Maybe you should go to sleep to get your head sober, tomorrow is early morning and you have a gig." I then broke the silence. He lifted his gaze up, and he looked very tired.
"Go to my bed." I said and tried to go to the bathroom, but he still hold my hands.
"Will you come next to me..?" He asked shyly.
I thought that for a moment.
"Yeah.. I will." I responded, he looked relieved. He let go of me and went to my bedroom as I continued my way to the bathroom.
I looked myself from the mirror. I looked bad, from all the crying and millions of thoughts and emotions I have felt tonight. I washed my face with cold water, and then I looked myself again from the mirror.
I leaned against the sink with my hands.
I took few very deep breaths, but still I felt the same.
"Pull yourself together." I quietly said to my reflection of the mirror.
I took slow steps towards my bedroom, the door was wide open. I walked in, and almost closed the door behind me. He was laying on my bed, probably in sleep already. I changed my clothes fast, and then I grawled under the covers, next to him.
I layed down on my side, and my back faced him. I didn't close my eyes, I'm scared that I will not fall asleep.
I'm scared that I will lay here all night, and soon I will realize that it's morning. That has happened in the past, and it's one of the worst feelings I know.
Tired, but can't sleep.
Suddenly I felt hands around me, and his body was close to mine. I felt his breath in my neck, and it smelt like alcohol.
"Can we talk..?" He mumbled, and I was suprised he was still awake.
"You're too drunk for that." I replied and closed my eyes.
"I'm sorry..." He mumbled again quietly, then I opened my eyes, confused.
"For what?" I asked.
He didn't reply.
I heard him slightly snoring, so he felt asleep already. I sighed and closed my eyes again.
But then I've got a message, and my phone buzzed in my bedside table. I tried to ignore it, but it kept disturbing my mind.
I reached the phone and took it in my hand, I watched who it was.
"I think I left my wallet there yesterday.." It was from Joonas. Yes, he visited here yesterday and we watched some movie and stuff. The clock wasn't that much, and yes, I would give it to him tomorrow.
But I kinda wanted to see him, I needed someone to talk to now.
Gently I moved Olli's arms from me, and I stood up. I put on some pants and walked to the living room. Yeah, there it was, in the couch.
"It's here, you can come to get it now if you want." I texted back.
About fifteen minutes, and my doorbell rang. I walked there and opened it.
"Hi, I'm sorry that I disturb you this late." He chuckled as he walked in and closed the door behind him.
"It's fine." I replied as we walked to the living room. I took his wallet from the couch and gave it to him.
"By the way, who's stuff is at the hallway?" He asked curious and pointed to the hallway's direction with his thumb, over his shoulder.
"Olli's..." I said underneath my breath, and Joonas looked shocked.
"But.. there is like all his stuff what he has." He chuckled nervous. I didn't react to that, and his smile disappeared from his face.
"He.. uhm.. broke up with Emilia." I said hesitating while I crossed my arms against my chest.
His face got confused. He needed answers. I took a seat from the couch and he sat next to me, watching my every move.
"He was completely drunk when he came here. He came without texting or calling, so it was a big suprise." I explained while I looked that blonde into his blue eyes.
"Why he broke up with her? I mean, I'm happy he did because she almost controlled his whole life but.. what happened that made him finally do it?" Joonas asked confused and his gaze wandered around.
I swallowed. I felt nervous.
"Uhm..." I started, but couldn't say anything.
I'm pretty sure he knows the answer, but he wanted me to tell it.
"I told him.. how could I explain this." I nervously chuckled.
Then I told him about the poem and stuff, about the past better. He looked suprised, and shocked.
"So I finally told him about the poem last week. We haven't talked after that." I said, and Joonas' face was worth to see.
"That's like the cutest fucking thing ever." He chuckled and smirked a bit. I frowned.
"The poem, it's something I would excatly imagine how you would told about your feelings. But, did you told him that you love him? Like, all these years you have loved him?" He then asked curious.
"No, there hasn't been a chance to talk about it. And now he was drunk, we can't talk about the whole situation when he's like that." I sighed and Joonas only nodded.
We were silent for a while, and he was about to leave.
"But yeah, thanks for the wallet and.. good luck with his hangover. Tomorrow we have a early morning." He chuckled and I only nodded smiling.
"Well, Olli is good at recovery, so maybe I handle it." I responded, he chuckled and nodded.
Before he left we hugged.
"You guys have to talk." He whispered and I nodded, then he disappeared from the apartment.
I walked back to the bedroom and snuggled next to Olli. Our faces were close to each other, I put some locks of his hair behind his ear. I felt how he wrapped his arm around me, and clearly pulled me closer. I only smiled and closed my eyes.
So, Olli broke up with Emilia. Finally! :D
I'm so glad to you all, 4k readings already! You're guys crazy.
I'm very thankful to you all for reading this story, leaving votes and comments <3 words can't describe how thankful I am.
Stay strong and safe🖤