Adelaide
We skipped Macy's final two classes of the day, and Dad drove us home after learning that Macy had another episode. When we get home, my dad goes to her room while I take Macy to mine because I don't want her to be alone. She hasn't said anything since the car ride home, and I'm not pressuring her to do so. I'm sure she's upset because I kissed Brooklyn.
Yes, I know to some extent, I am a coward when it comes to showing public affection towards her. I don't deny it nor do I deny that I have a tremendously large crush on her. It's just hard for me to display my true feelings for her in front of other people. I mean, it's not like I kissed Brooklyn on purpose, like I did at the party, she kissed me this time. I just didn't push her away. Honestly, I was more shocked than anything else.
Brooklyn and I aren't even close. She's had a crush on me since she moved here last year. Though I never reciprocated her feelings, I also never turned down any of her advances. We weren't even a thing so I don't know why she kissed me. Now both times we've kissed were to make Macy jealous.
I've never even been in a relationship, but my first and second kisses were nothing like I imagined. I wanted to save my first kiss, like my virginity, for someone special. Something that will live long in my memory. In a way, it was special, because Macy is special to me. I guess I at least got that part correct.
I assisted in removing the top layer of Macy's clothes because her tremors started back up the moment we stepped into the house. She never stops sweating or shaking for the most part. Sometimes I watch as she drifts off, staring into the abyss as if someone is in her presence. It's almost as if she is hallucinating but won't say anything. I loathe seeing her like this.
From my dresser, I handed her a pair of shorts and an oversized top. She glances at me first, knowing that her belongings are in the room next door, but I'm too lazy to walk all the way there. I help her change into her clean clothes before changing into panties and a long shirt for myself. I always sleep in my underwear. I'm not sure why. I despise wearing pants or socks under the blankets since they cause me to overheat quickly. I'd rather sleep in a freezing cold room than an immensely hot one. You can always continue to layer up, but once you strip down to your birthday suit, there's not much more you can do in intense heat.
I'm oddly comfortable sleeping next to her in only a shirt and panties. Macy and I used to have a lot of sleepovers with just the two of us when we were younger. We'd lie next to each other in our matching pajama tops and cartoon underwear, horseplaying and giggling all night until one of our parents came in and told us to stop making such a commotion and go to bed. Since she's moved in, every night, we've shared the same bed and assumed the same position as if no time had passed at all.
After we finish changing into something more comfortable, my body collapses into the bed, desperately in need of a nap after today's events. Macy comes to stand at my side of the bed instead of hers. We didn't necessarily assign definite sides, but for the last few days, she's slept on the left and me on the right. She looks at me with a straight face, not saying anything, standing there as if she's waiting for something, and I look back at her confused.
Her face saddens, and I think for a second, wondering what she might be asking for. A light bulb goes off in my head, and I give her a soft smile before scooting to the center of the bed to give her my side. I lift the blanket and pat the vacant spot next to me. Instead of lying on the actual mattress, she crawls over to me and lays her whole body on top of mine.
The weight of her body soothes me. I pull the covers back over our heads and run my fingers through her long blonde hair. She sighs and begins twirling a loose string on my shirt.
"Addy?" I hum a response, "Why did you call me baby?"
I almost forgot that I called her that.
"Because I care about you Mays. Whether you want to believe me or not."
"Then why did you let her kiss you? Why did you kiss her at the party? Do you like her?" Her gaze is fixed on the string as I ponder her questions.
Her feelings were clearly written all over her face when it happened, she was pissed. Brooklyn, like myself, is well-known and popular throughout the school. She's a junior, and she thinks that if she dates me, she'll become more popular and gain superiority for her senior year. To be honest, I'm reconsidering the whole thing. Popularity is only useful if you want to be invited to the best parties. None of the students at Clearwater are my true friends, except for Gina. Besides, she only likes the popularity because she gets to skip the lunch lines and get into the parties with booze for free. Those things used to appeal to me, I wanted those benefits for myself at one point, but now I"m not so sure.
"Macy, I didn't let her, and I most definitely didn't want her to. I'm sorry that I didn't do more to stop her though. Before I kissed you, I had never kissed anyone before. Then I kissed her at the party because I was pissed at you for basically calling me out, even though it was all true. I just wasn't ready to hear it at the time, so I took it out on you. When she kissed me today, I... I had never been put in that situation before, so I panicked. I'm sorry, okay?"
She doesn't answer me right away, and I almost think she won't accept my apology. But she sighs deeply and nods her head. "Okay." She whispers. It falls quiet between us as I rub her back under the blanket. "So, you're a virgin." She says, chuckling into my chest, mocking me.
"Are you not?"
"Nah, junkies fuck for a buck, holla for a dollar, and sometimes we do a little something strange for a piece of change." She wiggles her eyebrows, looking up at me.
My eyes widened and I nudged her into a seated position on top of me. "Are you serious?"
She covers her mouth and bursts out laughing. "I'm joking! You should see your face though. No Adelaide, I didn't sell my body for drugs, but I'm also not a virgin."
"I should have known it wasn't just an act when you said you slept with Brooklyn's sister. You literally got jumped in an alleyway for sleeping with another guy's girlfriend." I shake my head.
"What? I have needs. Not everyone wants to spend the rest of their lives as a little ol' virgin perfectionist. What are you waiting for anyways, loser?" She looks down at me laughing.
I nervously rub my palms up and down her thighs as she straddles me. I breathe deeply, looking up to the ceiling with embarrassment. "You," I whisper with total sincerity, "I was waiting for you. And being a virgin does not make me or anyone else a loser or less than. I want a real connection first. I've had plenty of opportunities, and each time I've shut them down because I was waiting for someone else. Regardless of me being the most self-centered, entitled, cowardly, narcissistic jerk... I still have feelings and want something that feels real and worth remembering."
She stops laughing and looks at me in disbelief. Her expression softens, and she smiles shyly before leaning forward and stopping an inch before. My teeth sink into my lower lip as I gaze into her eyes anxiously. She grips my chin and pulls gently down on it, releasing my lip from the clutch of my teeth.
"I'm sorry," she whispers against my lips. "I should have never said any of that."
"No, don't be sorry. I was just hurt, but I deserved it. You were right, and I shouldn't have ignored you after." I lower my head as tears form in my eyes. "Maybe if I didn't ignore you... you wouldn't have gotten worse."
"No, no, no, Adelaide, baby" Her palms gently lift my head back up. "My addiction was already really bad long before then. It would have gotten worse regardless. Don't do that. Don't blame yourself for something that was completely out of your control." She wipes my tears away and grins. "I am here, okay? After continuous months of battling addiction, I am here finally on the road to recovery... because of you. So please, don't cry, I don't like seeing you upset. Okay?"
I slowly nod my head, "okay."
That goofy smirk on her face is still there, and I watch as her stare moves from my eyes to my lips. With her still sitting on my lap, my gaze moves in the same direction from her eyes to her lips.
She crashes her lips onto mine without warning. I close my eyes and smile into the kiss, tightening my grip on her hips and pulling her deeper into me. I eagerly tilt my head and part my lips, allowing her soft tongue to swirl around mine in a warm embrace. Our breathing becomes heavier as we crave each other's comfort. My hands travel to her ass and firmly squeeze it, causing her to groan into the back of my throat. It was the most captivating sound I'd ever heard, and the longer this went on, the more I craved her. As I feel her hand trailing under my shirt, butterflies flutter in the bottom of my stomach. An uncontrollable intense arousal washes over me, and it becomes too much for me. My fingers entwined in her wavy blonde hair, tugging on it to pry our mouths apart.
"I'm sorry. It's just..." I say, panting, trying to catch my breath.
"You've never got this far. I know I'm sorry I didn't mean to push."
As we collect ourselves, I admire her in my clothing for a minute. "It's not that I don't want to Macy. It's just... I've waited all these years. I want it to be special... and I want it to be with you," I gaze into her brown eyes, meaning every word. "I want to wait until your detox is over so that you aren't in pain from my touch."
She sighs, moving her hair out of her face. "Adelaide, that could take weeks, or months, and who's to say I won't relapse?"
"Uhh... shoot, yeah, I forgot. I mean, I would wait that long if I had to, but... I don't particularly want to," I groan to myself. " That... that was intense, and I crave that feeling so much. Macy, I crave you, and I don't know when I'll be ready to go all the way, but I do know that it's not right now. Who knows, that might change tomorrow or in two months. You will be the first person I notify when I'm ready."
"Well, I sure hope I would be. Who else would you tell?" I chuckle along with her.
"You know what I mean."
"I do." She leans in and lightly kisses me. "So does this mean... we're, you know... together?" I smirk and nod my head.
"If you're in, I'm in."
"Oooh, I'm all in." She does a happy dance, and I shove her shoulder.
"Quit it, weirdo. Hey? And no more relapse talk. That won't happen, okay? Promise me."
She chuckles to my pinkies in the air. "You still do those?"
"Yes, and you know the drill." She puts both her pinkies in the air, and we cross our arms in an x connecting our opposite hands. This was how we made double pinky promises as kids. She said doing them with both hands would lock the promise in tighter so it could hold forever. Except for this time, she added a quick kiss at the end, "For good measure?"
"For good measure." She repeats, and just when we think her symptoms were gone, she begins to rub her hands together, and her teeth begin to chatter. I grab her hands in my palms, blowing warm air on them.
"Come here." I lay flat on my back again, and she scoots down to reposition herself on top of me. I reach for the covers, pulling them over us, and rub her back until I notice her breathing slowing.