Warning: jumbled thoughts, holplessness, just overall not a happy chapter
Alistair is wary of me. Yesterday I would've thought that was good. Today it makes my stomach twist. But I'm tired and my heart is heavy, so I don't dwell on it too much. My thoughts are jumbled. A pile of string wound together for protection. I poke at it aimlessly, letting random strands fall out. Paying them no mind. Reading them and discarding them all in the same breath.
I don't look at my owner. He's not a priority.
Nothing feels like a priority right now.
Once, his gaze catches mine and I stare until he looks away. I wonder later if my eyes looked as empty as my head felt.
I finish my bowl of pellets. They're not as strange as they once were.
They're not the ones who have changed.
He offers me a spoonful of his food. It hovers under my nose. He's calling me, asking me if I want some. If I'm okay.
He finally puts down the spoon.
I don't move as he cleans up. I don't rush to the living room. I don't care that I should probably be doing something, anything, that would suggest everything was normal.
Another strand unravels.
He's led me to my room. There's a colorful book in my hands. He's reading, pointing at words and waiting for me to say them. I don't have the energy to even try to speak.
This used to be fun.
I sit with the closed book in my hands. Alistair is speaking. He has been for a while now. None of what he's saying is important right now. Except now he's taking the book and heading across the room. He comes back with something soft.
Gray.
The koala plush.
I give no reaction. But he must have seen my fingers twitch because he moves it closer until it brushes against my hand.
Several strands unravel.
I should throw it. I should rip it apart. If I could trace my breaking to once point it would be to that day at the school where Alistair took this from me.
The soft fur brushes against my chin. My arms have tightened around the plush. My knees have been drawn to my chest.
The strings fall away.
The koala never did anything to me.