september 2016
"Why did that flight feel like it went on for days?" Awsten groans, rubbing his hands over his face, as he and his friends proceed to exit their gate.
"I think I slept the whole way," Otto shrugs, wearing a smile, which causes Awsten to shoot him a disheveled glare in response.
"Maybe you're just too excited to see Sadie," Jawn teases, dragging out his girlfriend's name mockingly; he wiggles his fingers, creeping them closer to Awsten, wearing a mischievous grin.
"Dude. Cut it out," Awsten swats his hands away.
"You know I'm right, though," Jawn smirks.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Awsten rolls his eyes. "So, what? I'm excited to see my girlfriend," he shrugs, a tiny smile beginning to play on his lips.
"Are you sure you don't want to come to the B&B with us?" Geoff asks, finally speaking up.
"Yeah. Of course, I'm sure," Awsten responds, a little thrown off by the question. "Why?"
"Well, I'm just—" Geoff pauses, letting out a sigh. "I'm just making sure you're okay with staying with Sadie, you know?"
Awsten rolls his eyes, which makes Geoff regret even bringing it up.
Geoff doesn't like Awsten's girlfriend. He's a sweet guy, so he doesn't make a big deal out of it. He's nice to Sadie when she's around, but he won't do much more than exchange pleasantries with her.
Otto doesn't like her all that much either, but he's far too care free to put much effort into actively hating anyone.
Jawn feels guilty for disliking her. He tried to confront Awsten about their relationship before, and it blew up in his face. Awsten wouldn't speak to him directly for a whole week. It was painful and awkward and he doesn't want to put the whole group through that again.
For now, he quietly observes— he sometimes teases to make it seem like he's okay with the fact that Awsten is still with her.
The last thing Jawn wants is for Awsten to feel abandoned by his friends— it'll only push him further into her toxic grasp.
"I've told y'all," Awsten looks to the three of his friends. "Everything is fine," he insist. "I don't know why you act as if it's not. I'm really happy."
It's only half a lie, technically. Forcing yourself to believe your own lies means that there has to be some truth to them, right? At least, that's the logic that Awsten is running with currently.
The topic is brushed under the carpet, once again, when they all get into an Uber together.
The driver stops at the B&B first, where Awsten helps everyone get their luggage out of the back.
"Last chance to come with us," Geoff says, quietly to him.
"Honestly, man, I'm good," Awsten works up a smile, knowing that Geoff only has his best interests at heart— it's hard to be mad at him when he knows deep down that he does have a reason to be worried.
Awsten gets back in the car, giving the driver the address for his girlfriend's apartment.
His reunion with Sadie goes how it normally does. She tells him that she missed him and pulls him into her bedroom before he can even think twice about it.
It almost makes him forget about the fact that she has ignored every call and text from him since the fight they had over the phone three days ago.
They order food in the evening and Awsten thinks it's the most normal things have felt for a while.
That is, until they go to bed.
Sadie lays in Awsten's arms for a while and he feels like everything is settling— every voice in his head that tells him things aren't right is starting to shut up.
He's half-asleep when she rolls out of his grip.
His eyes are barely open when she reaches for her phone, stands up and goes to the bathroom.
Awsten tries to keep his eyes open until she comes back, but he's so exhausted that can't help but allow them to drift closed.
He isn't sure how long she's gone for, but he feels the bed dip beside him when she returns, and reaches for her.
Instinctively, in a state of sleepy haze, Awsten slides his arms around his girlfriend's waist, wanting to feel the comfort of being close to her.
"Awsten, get off," Sadie mutters, bluntly, under her breath, assuming that he can't hear her. But, he's just awake enough to register the words.
"What?" He mumbles, quietly, beginning to frown.
"I said, get off," she repeats, frustratedly, huffing as she pushes him away from her.
Awsten sits up, now suddenly more awake, his mouth gaped slightly.
"Wha— Did I do something?" He asks, cautiously.
"You're being so clingy," Sadie snaps, carelessly.
"I... Sades, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"Oh, stop it with your pathetic apologies," she groans, clearly deciding that it's time to start an argument. "You do this every time. Always trying to make me feel bad for you. Why?" Sadie stands up from the bed, in a challenging manner. "Is our relationship not good enough for you? Is that what it is?"
"When have I even—?" Awsten tries to response, only to be cut off.
"Well, you're constantly looking for pity, so it seems that way," she continues, talking down to him, as he remains sat in bed. "You're the one who leaves all the time. And yet, you expect me to feel bad for you?" Sadie scoffs, crossing her arms.
"It's my job, Dee," Awsten sighs, running his hands over his face.
"Stop it with the nicknames. We're arguing, it's not going to make that disappear," she states, flatly, as if to slip out of character for a moment, before reasserting her deep frown.
"Look, I'm sorry," he apologises again, now standing up, on the opposite side of the bed to her. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm so tired, I didn't mean to do anything to upset you. Can we just go to bed?" Awsten pleads. "I've missed you...I just want to sleep with you next to me—"
"You missed me? Enough of your little sob story," Sadie starts again, now raising her voice slightly, and Awsten cringes internally. "You say that as if you didn't choose this. You choose to leave me."
Here we go again, he thinks, bracing himself for the turn that this argument will take.
As he predicts, it spirals— fast.
Sadie is screaming at him, and Awsten's head is pounding.
He doesn't even know what time it is, but she's throwing his belongings at him.
Before he knows it, Sadie is slamming the door in his face.
He's walking outside on autopilot, with his bag in one hand and his phone in the other, trying to figure out a way to get to the B&B that his friends are staying at.
He wishes he listened to Geoff and stayed with them in the first place, but his pride won't let him admit that.
"You've got to be kidding me," Awsten mutters to himself, upon finding that there are no Ubers available.
This prompts him to look at the time. 1:03am.
He tries to look for an Uber again, then tries Lyft— still no luck.
So, he just starts walking.
Awsten pulls up the maps on his phone, typing in the address of the B&B and following the directions.
He texts Jawn, telling him that he's on the way there, since he's the only one that's likely to be awake at this time; and because he's least likely to ask too many pressing questions right now. He'll probably ask what happened, if Awsten is okay, and tell him to get some sleep. He's sure he'll have more questions in the morning.
Jawn unlocks the door for Awsten when he arrives.
"What happened?" He asks, gently, stepping aside to let him in.
"We had a fight," Awsten mumbles, hoping it's not too obvious that he'd been crying— but it is, and Jawn can see how red his eyes are clearly, even in the dark.
"D'you mean, she started a fight with you?" Jawn counters, and Awsten doesn't have the energy to glare at him.
"Yeah, whatever," he shrugs, absently, which makes Jawn feel a little guilty.
"Just— You should get some sleep, man," he insists, just like Awsten knew he would.
Jawn points him in the direction of a spare bed— it's already made and set up as if they knew he'd end up here; Awsten doesn't know whether to feel glad his friends care so much, or feel stupid that they seem to know his situation better than he does.
By the time he ends up crawling into bed, tiredly, Awsten's phone begins to ring.
The sound makes him wants to cry.
He knows it's Sadie. He doesn't want to answer it and he tries not to. He really tries to ignore it, but he can't bring himself to. He knows it'll make things worse if he ignores her.
So, with a hesitant and cautious motion, Awsten reaches over and answers the phone.
"Hello?" He squeezes his eyes shut, speaking quietly so that he doesn't disturb anyone.
Every part of him is hoping that she's calling to apologise. In reality, he knows that won't happen— but, his hope is all he's clinging onto.
***