Lou: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.
***
Tammy: Are you a cuddler?
Lou: I'm a machine of death and destruction.
Tammy:
Debbie: *casually drinking her tea* she's a cuddler.
***
Constance: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly.
Lou: Why not?
Constance: Because I have no idea what those words even mean
***
*Young Loubbie*
Lou: I made this friendship bracelet for you.
Debbie: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.
Lou: You don’t have to wear…
Debbie: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.
***
Constance: Which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?
Lou: Neither. It's twelve.
***
Constance: What goes up but never comes down?
Tammy: The amount of stress you're bringing to this team.
***
Lou: *Seductively takes off glasses while looking at Debbie* Wow...
Debbie: *Blushes* Haha... what?
Lou: You're really fucking blurry. I can't see.
***
Lou: Do you know a turtle's only weakness?
Debbie: No... well, their slowness I suppose?
Lou: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Debbie: oh
Lou: Now I have a plan.
Debbie: what?
Lou: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.
***
Debbie: We’re friends!
Lou: I’m gonna set you on fire.
***
Debbie: I screwed up, big time.
Lou: given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
***
Daphne: We vegetarians love the environment. Carnivores are sick freaks.
Constance: How can vegetarians possibly love the environment... You keep eating all the fucking plants.
***
*Amita and Constance facing something scary*
Constance: I’m not scared of you. None of us are!
Amita: I kind of am.
Constance: Amita, shut up.
***
Lou: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed off the souls of the living I strike fear into-
Debbie: You sleep with a teddy bear.
Lou: He’s my SECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!
***
*Young Loubbie*
Lou: I had a dream we fucked.
Debbie: Relax. it was just a dream.
Lou: Huh, yeah, I wouldn’t fuck you.
Debbie: You wouldn’t?
Lou: I mean, unless you want to-
***
Constance: Why can't trees give off something important like wifi?
Lou: So, oxygen isn't important. Got it.
***
Tammy: You're violent.
Constance: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.
***
Lou: When's the last time you slept?
Debbie: Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Lou: A few- how many?!
Debbie: Uh... *Starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Lou: What you need is sleep!
***
Debbie: Hey, do you know the password to Tammy’s computer?
Lou: Fuck you, Debbie
Debbie: Hey!
Lou: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouDebbie".
Debbie: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.
***
Lou: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.
Debbie: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.
Lou: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.
Tammy: how is that you are flirting while fighting!
***
*Lou is covered in bandages*
Lou: Thanks for not telling Debbie what happened.
Tammy: *dumbfounded* I wouldn’t even know where to begin trying to explain this.
***
*Constance brings a racoon*
Tammy: *unhappy with racoon in the living room* Debbie, you live here. So, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?
Debbie: Constance, Tammy wants you to get out of the house. Keep the racoon over that table and get out.
***
Lou: *sneaking in through the window after a bike ride*
Debbie: *turning in her chair and flicking the light on* You want to tell me where you've been all night?
Lou: I was with Tammy? Helping her with work?
Tammy: *turning in her chair* Wanna try again?
***
Tammy: If I say I love you, will you say it back?
Debbie: Yes.
Tammy: I love you.
Debbie: It back.
*Later*
Lou: Why is Tammy crying face-down on the floor?
***
Lou: Debbie and I got married!
Tammy: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.
***
Debbie: How high are you?
Constance: Mm, I don’t know how to say it in feet.
Lou: No, she's asking what drugs are you on.
Constance: Oh, antidepressants, why?
***
Debbie: I'm not doing too well.
Lou: What's wrong?
Debbie: I have this headache that comes and goes.
*Constance enters the room*
Debbie: There it is again.
***
Debbie: I’m telling you, my team is competent.
Amita: *rushing in* Debbie! Constance tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!
***
Tammy: Debbie isn’t answering my calls.
Lou: Allow me. *Dials and puts on speaker*
Tammy: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Debbie: *answering Lou* Hello the love of my life
***
Constance: I feel like Debbie is looking down on me.
Lou: That’s because she's standing on the counter and you’re really short.
***
Lou: Well, has Debbie been wrong before?
Tammy: How wide are we willing to open this up?
***
Lou: *texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick!
Tammy: Moose Tracks is good!
Debbie: What the fuck is that!?
Tammy: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo-
Debbie: No. No no not that. I am speaking of Lou. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.
Lou: what?
Debbie: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!
Lou: You done now?
Debbie: Yeah ok.
Lou: whatever. Text back soon.
Debbie: *texting after a minute* Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?
***
Lou: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?
Nine: Can't relate.
Constance: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?
***
Constance: Hey, Debbie, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Debbie: Yeah.
Constance: And you, Lou?
Lou: Umm... yes?
Constance: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Lou: Did she just-
Debbie: any problem?
Lou: I'm wearing red
***
Constance & Nine: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Nine: We need an adult!
Constance: You are an adult!
Nine: We need an adultier adult! Get Lou!
***
Tammy: When I was married, you know what my husband often said to me?
Daphne: *unbuttoning Tammy's shirt* Please stop sleeping with other people?
***
Lou: Debbie isn't talking to me. I don't even know why
Tammy: Enjoy it while it lasts.
***
Lou: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-
Debbie: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug
Lou: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-
Amita: *recording* This is so cute.
***
*Debbie before confession*
Debbie: There's no way Lou likes me back.
Tammy: Lou would throw herself in front of a moving car for you.
Debbie: Lou would throw herself in front of a moving car for fun.
***
Lou: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.
Debbie: actually, it's too cold. We should hug each other tight
Lou: *blushing* Okay.
*Lou and Debbie hugging*
Tammy: It's fucking summer for heaven's sake. Just get a room.
***
Debbie: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts!
Lou: *snickering* Yeah, eat what you lack.
Debbie: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.
***
Tammy: Nice rock.
Lou: Thanks, Debbie gave it to me.
Debbie: I threw it at you!
Lou: Isn't she the sweetest?
***
*During team meet*
Debbie: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.
Tammy: Well, that’s just your personal opinion, I don’t have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?
Lou: Well, I wouldn’t really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.
***
Rose: So, what is Debbie to you?
Lou: The reason I wake up every morning.
Rose: That’s adorable. So lovely.
Debbie: *earlier that morning, barging into Lou′s room, smacking pans together* WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!
***