19. MESSY MIND
Eevi
I woke up to the sound of alarm that came from my phone. I sighed and turned it off. Olli's arm was wrapped around me, I was laying on my back, and I felt his breath against my neck. It made chills to my body.
I smiled little bit, I didn't want to go. Also I couldn't, because he got so tight grip on me. I moved my head a bit, so I could see his face. His curly hair was messy, and he looked so relaxed, and I knew he was in deep sleep. Like always. I slept way better when he was next to me.
As much as I wanted us to stay here, and I would've had liked to watch him sleeping as long as he wakes up, but today is two gigs, and I'm sure that boys wouldn't like to find a new bassist.
"Olli..." I said and took grip of his hand that was wrapped around me, and I tried to shake him little bit. He didn't react, so I did it over and over again.
Then he was finally moving a bit, and he mumbled something while still keeping eyes closed.
"Olli we have to get up, today is going to be a hurry and tough day." I said to him. Then he started to open his eyes very little bit, that much he could almost see me.
"I don't want to..." He mumbled with his raspy morning voice, I sighed.
"Maybe I should call to Santeri then..." I said and started to reach my phone from my bedside table.
"No you don't!" Olli said and pushed me against the bed, I only chuckled.
"You know what Santeri will do to you when you don't show up in time?" I smirked and Olli did too, but he tried to stay serious.
"He will ring the doorbell, and none of us is moving, because you won't let us. He will ring it again and again, and shout throught the door. He will ring the doorbell, bang the door and call you at the same time." I told the story, grinning and Olli just chuckled next to me, while we both watched each other in the eyes.
"And then..?" Olli asked quietly, waiting for me to continue this exciting story. My gaze wandered around his both eyes, and they did their magic again.
"Then, suddenly it's going to be silent. You thought it was over, and you will sigh in relief. Until Santeri will run through the door and breaks it. He will shout at the same time, and he looks every corner of this apartment. You think he can't find you." I kept the tension up, and Olli just kept smirking, and he studied my face at the same time while I talked.
"Will he find me?" Olli asked curious, showing his wonderful smile, and his cute teeth showed.
"Santeri thought he watched every place in here, until he sees that door that is closed." I pointed the door with my gaze, and then looked him again.
Olli looked it guickly too, and then me again, he was waiting curious how the story will continue.
"You hear his steps coming closer and closer, until you see that door handle going down. He opens the door, and here he finds you, almost naked and laying down." I chuckled and he did too.
"What will happen then?" He asked, trying not to laugh because of the tension.
"He looks very angry, you can imagine that. He will take a grip of your feet, and then he starts to walk forward, dragging you after him." I smirked and he chuckled. He was laying on his side, supporting his head with his hand. I was still on my back.
"What about the beautiful lady? What happens to her in the story?" He asked, smirking and frowning.
"What lady?" I asked chuckling.
"The lady that layed down next to me, you know, brown hair, green eyes." He talked, studying my face. I felt my cheeks burning. I started to get up, and I was sitting at the edge of my bed.
"Oh, that lady. Well, Niko the lady would miss you and cry after you." I said smirking and stood up.
"What?" Olli started laughing, his laugh is so wonderful, I love it.
"Now, get up before that story will actually happen. I don't want that Santeri will break my door." I threw Olli with his hoodie, and he only groaned.
We ate some breakfast, and soon Tommi was texting Olli if we were ready. I was standing in the hallway, keeping my hand in the doorhandle, and time was ticking.
"Come on, how long it takes?" I shouted to Olli who still was in my bedroom, packing his stage outfit.
"Yeah yeah, Tommi can wait couple minutes. He never looks the clock anyways." Olli said while he walked to me, and put his shoes on.
We hopped in the van, and others were already there.
"Morning dudes, it's gonna be another tough day." Joonas said smiling as we take seats, and I sat next to Joel. He looked a bit grumpy.
"What is on your mind?" I asked him, and he only sighed and continued scrolling his phone.
"Nothing." He answered. I frowned, but I let it be. We haven't talked that much after our little conversation in Mariehamn. We haven't even mocked each other, and that's only a good thing. But still.. I miss talking to him. After all, we had very interesting conversations sometimes, when we weren't fighting. And we had fun too.
We arrived to Allas sea pool, and I was in my own thoughts all the time. I watched and listened as boys talked about the both gigs tonight, and as the crew went here and there. I felt useless. But, at least I wasn't in anyone's way, I have learned that in life. I can always find a place where I'm not in trouble.
Only me and my thoughts.
"Joel..." I said as that blonde singer was walking past me. I was standing, leaning against the black tour bus, where is that picture of Joonas. I don't know what to think about it.
"Yeah..?" He asked quietly, and walked next to me. He had his sleeveless shirt, and black jeans on. Also, hair in messy bun.
"I want to talk.. like.. are you okay? You have been avoiding me lately." I went to the point right away. Joel just tried not to look at me in the eyes, and he clearly wanted to find a reason to leave.
He didn't say anything, only opening his mouth but no words coming out.
"Just go straight to the reason, we have not much time to talk." I continued, and crossed my arms against my chest. Then he moved his eyes on me.
"I'm just.. well.. scared that we would start to argue like before. I don't want that. Also our conversation didn't lead us anywhere in Mariehamn. I was so tired and stressed then..." He explained and I only nodded.
"Also I want to know the reason why usually you were the one to start arguing with me." I looked him under my eyebrows. He clearly bit his teeth together, I saw how his jaw got tense.
"I'm just like this.. you know." He tried to explain, chuckling.
"You're not." I said immediately with serious tone. He just got more serious and looked around. He didn't like this conversation.
"How you know that?" He then said, and it made me only sigh.
"I have seen how you're acting with other people, you don't mock your friends, or start arguing. You have done that with me, and clearly you have enjoyed it when I feel angry and bad." I said as I watched every people who walked past us.
"Now you're wrong." Joel chuckled, and he placed his hand against the van, next to my head while he stood close to me.
"Wrong? I have seen how you grinned when I felt bad." I looked into his ice blue eyes. He changed his gaze between my both eyes, and he didn't say anything.
Then he looked a bit around, and then our shoes.
"I don't enjoy to hurt your feelings. Always when I did that.. well maybe I wanted to get your attention more, I don't know..." He sighed. It made me confused, I frowned. But I wanted him to go on, so I stayed silent.
"You know why I always said that you should go on, and you deserve better?" He then lifted his gaze up to me. I swallowed. He leaned just a little bit closer, so no one could hear him.
"You fascinate me. I like you, Eevi." He said with low tone. I froze, I didn't know what to do or say.
"No one has ever said that to me." Was only thing I could say, and I was confused. Joel just smiled and looked our feet for a moment. Until someone shouted his name somewhere, and clearly somebody needed Joel now.
"You know why?" He asked then, and stepped back. I didn't had the chance to say anything when he continued.
"Because you're in love with a man who doesn't see that. And you don't let anyone else into your life." He said and then continued his way to the direction where someone shouted his name.
Day went quickly, and the first show was already over, now there was the second one going on. I was standing near where Joonas and Aleksi are.
I was zoning out again, because my mind was a mess and all I could think about was what Joel said to me. I stared Olli, most of the time. He looked so happy, and I was happy to see him happy. Our eyes met when he came in this side of the stage, and immediately I started to smile.
What should I do? Continue my life? Without thinking about him like that?
Should I give up?
At night we came back to my apartment with Olli, we both were tired as hell. Straight away he layed down on the couch, and let out a long sigh.
I was in the kitchen, and I watched as he almost fell asleep.
"When was your flight tomorrow?" I asked, scratching my neck.
"At 10am." He yawned, and I nodded. But of course he didn't see that, because he kept his eyes closed.
After that I went to change my clothes, and then I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. I watched myself from the mirror, and studied my face. I was missing his touch already, and how he slept next to me.
But those words what Joel said, they started to spin around in my mind. I shook my head and took a deep breath.
I opened the door, and started to walk in my bedroom. But I stopped in front of it, and placed my hand in the door frame. For a moment I hesitated, and I didn't know what to do.
But I just decided to open my mouth.
I don't know if he's awake anymore, but it's better to say it out loud than not say anything.
"If you want, you can come to sleep next to me." I said, and then walked in to my bedroom, and almost closed the door behind me.
I layed down in the bed on my side, and closed my eyes. I felt a bit nervous, and I didn't hear any sign that he would come here. So I just gave up, and tried to fall asleep.
I just had to think one thing, but my mind was like a tornado. It made me frustrated again. I really have to buy some sleeping pills.
Then I heard steps, but I kept my eyes closed.
The bed went down a bit, when he layed down next to me.
"Can't sleep..?" He whispered. He knows me too well, how he saw that I was not sleeping?
"Just.. come here..." I whispered back, and offered my hand to him, he took it and came right behind me, and we were in spoon. This was the safest place on earth. Sleeping, his arms wrapped around me.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked then, and I felt his breath in my neck.
What would I answer to you?
"My mind is a mess.. and I think I'm lost in my own thoughts..." I told him, and he started to stroke my arm.
Oh god.. this is too much. Olli my dear.. please, don't ever stop that. Don't ever leave me. Stay.
"We're all lost sometimes.. what are you thinking about right now?" He asked, and his gentle voice made chills all over my body.
"That you're leaving.. again." I said, and one tear escaped from my eye, and started to dance in my cheek.
He tightened his grip, and pressed his forehead against my neck. I started to cry even more. I know that he knows it. He knows me too well. He has seen me crying many times, and I'm sure he will see me crying over and over again.
"Don't cry.. I'll be back in couple of days, you can text and call me anytime. You know that." He whispered. I tried to control myself, but I think that my feelings are controlling me. I can't do anything, only cry here, in the safest place on earth.
Hi, new chapter for you guys! I'm feeling better, and the news we got today from boys.. it made me feel a lot better. So much better. Can't wait the album, summer and gigs.
Thank you for reading this story, giving votes and comments, they mean a lot to me <3
Stay safe and strong🖤