now that Bella's leg was in a weird black boot, I had to drive us to school and back. for the most part, though, Edward was doing the driving in his car. his heater actually worked.
it was nice having the car, though. I passed my drivers license test easily. my picture wasn't half bad, either.
because I had to help Bella with certain things, like getting the boot on in the morning and off at night, I was lying off the heavy drug use for a week and some change. I was doing alright without them, too. still, I continued my system of "taking" my daily dose and stashing them in my room for a future date. I was just taking a tolerance break.
sometimes, Alice would come over for girls night and we would watch movies, make popcorn, paint our nails and do face masks. Bella and I weren't very girly, but Alice liked to spoil us. I would never say no to the expensive skincare and nail polish she carted over. it was truly an honor to use butter London and Mac nail polishes.
Jacob came around sometimes but he seemed to get more and more distant with me. he started leaving earlier and talking less. I would try and ask him if he was okay, in person or over the phone, and he would brush it off.
embry, on the other hand, finally got my number. we would text sometimes, but mostly he liked to call and talk at night. we would talk for an hour or so about anything- how our day went, where we saw ourselves in a few years time, whether or not astrology is real, etc.
things went fine for a while, until they didn't.
one night, embry took me out to get ice cream. his hair was short and he looked different. a little less like a boy, more like a man. we sat in his car with our cones, shielded from the rain. the radio was off and he was quieter than usual. not as smiley as he always was.
"I have to tell you something," he finally said, breaking me into a cold sweat. I knew it was coming but I wasn't ready for it. I sighed and nodded. "i... think we should stop seeing each other..."
I blinked at him. I tried to be cool, but I felt hurt. I didn't ever want anyone to have the power to hurt me with words like that, but here I was. "um, okay. is there a reason?"
he opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out at first. "uh... well, yeah. it's just that... I think... we're very different people and... I don't think it's going to work out."
I felt confused and wore it on my face. "I never felt like that." i couldn't believe that he saw us that way, as if we experienced this relationship totally differently at the same time.
he looked outside and tried to avoid eye contact with me. I was staring right at him. "I just don't want to pretend," he said simply, as if that was what I needed to hear. it was.
my eyes began to sting but I didn't want him to see me cry over him. I just nodded. he started the car up and backed out of the lot, heading back to my place to drop me off one more time.
we were both silent the rest of the ride. I tossed my ice cream cone from the window. I tried to keep my eyes dry and did okay until he asked, right when we pulled up to my house,
"did you have sex with jared that night at jake's party?"
my jaw dropped and I turned to look at him. he waited for an answer and I could tell he wasn't joking. he really believed that might be true.
"are you fucking kidding me?" I whispered.
he shook his head.
"did he tell you that?"
his head rolled against the back of his head against the headrest. "get out of my car."
the tears welled up and started to pour. thunder cracked in my brain, rumbling in my ears. "fuck you. I would never have anything close to sex with him, especially not while we were together. fuck you, and fuck him," I spat, then got out of his car and slammed the door behind me. without looking back, even if I were able to, I ran to my front door, turned the key, and immediately went to my room, sobbing the whole way. I didn't want to cry over him. not over any boy. I felt weak, stupid, dramatic. I wanted to kill myself more for crying over him more than I wanted to for being broken up with.
Charlie knocked on my door. "ada? are you alright?" he said uncertainly.
"I don't want to talk," I said, just loud enough for him to hear. I curled up under my comforter and thought about the night at jakes party. I was infuriated that he could take what happened that night and refer to it as sex. that he would brag about something like that. I felt sick. I wanted to throw up, just to make the emotional pain feel real, to purge it all, but I knew Charlie was already on red alert.
after a long bout of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I took a little medication from my stash. I took it to the bathroom and swallowed each pill with a mouthful of water from the tap. then I sat on the floor of the tub and let the hot water fall over me and fill the room with steam. when I'd had enough, I turned the water off and just laid there in the tub silent and still. I didn't plan on going to school the next day.
the early effects started to kick in. I got up and dried off while I still could.
in my room, I put on my biggest t-shirt and a pair of underwear, then got comfortable under the covers. I texted Jake.
me: idk if u already know. embry broke up with me
Jake: oh, that really sucks man. im so sorry. why?
me: did jared tell you that I had sex with him?
Jake: I heard that he said something to the guys but I didn't believe it
I stared at my phone. I wanted to crumble it in my hand.
me: I'm going to fucking jump him
Jake: no the fuck ur not. he will have no problem fighting back
me: idc. on site.
Jake: don't be stupid
I didn't respond. I put my phone down and looked out the window across the room. it was night time, so I couldn't see much, other than the moon and a few of the brightest stars.
when I woke up, it was past noon. I didn't remember my dad waking me up for school, but I figured he knew I needed the day off. when I got out of bed, no one was home. Bella had texted me to say Jacob told her what had happened, that she's sorry, and that she's here for me. I didn't text her back.
I got dressed, brushed my teeth, put my shoes on and drove to Jacobs house. the whole ride there, my knuckles were white on the steering wheel.
when I got there, I hopped out of the truck and knocked on the door. after a minute, billy answered.
"hi, ada," he said pleasantly. "no school today?"
I shook my head. "is Jake home?"
he nodded. "he's in his room. playing hookie as well," he said with a smile, then moved backwards in his wheelchair so I could have enough room to come inside.
"thank you," I said quietly, and walked up to his room with determination. without knocking, I opened the door.
he turned around quickly. he was sitting at his desk with a notebook and pencil. he looked a little pissed. "ever heard of knocking?"
"we're going to Jareds," I said, ignoring the comment.
"no, we're not," he sighed.
"Jake," I said sincerely, "if you don't take me there, I'll find out myself where he lives and go alone."
he looked angry, but defeated. he didn't say anything.
"I'll drive around all fucking day until I find him."
"fine," he spat, standing up. "you can talk to him, but if you start to get physical, we're out."
I shrugged and followed him to his car. he drove to la push, which surprised me. I thought for sure the guy had a house. apparently he was boogie boarding with some of the guys.
I stomped all the way to their spot at the water. Jacob trailed patiently behind me. some of the guys had gone for haircuts since I saw them last. I didn't recognize some. I immediately recognized embry, though, who was sitting with a new girl. I stared at him bitterly but didn't say anything. I didn't have to.
sam, jared, Paul and Collin were in the water. Leah, Emily, embry and his new friend were sitting on towels, watching me as I approached. "jared!" I shouted, getting everyone's attention.
those in the water looked over to me, then jared started walking out of the water. sam eventually stepped forward a little bit, maybe about 20 feet from me. him, embry and Jake were certainly on edge, but no one else sensed the rage I had built up.
when jared left the tide, I marched up to him angrily and pushed at his chest, which was covered with a wetsuit. he dropped his boogie board. "what the fuck is the matter with you!" I screamed, pushing him again. Jake came behind me and tried to pull me back. I pushed him away and stared up at jared, who was frighteningly tall and fit.
"what are you talking about?" he asked, eyes wide, looking bewildered. he took a step back from me.
"why the fuck are you going around saying we had sex? what the fuck do you think sex even is?" I shouted at him, balling my fists up tightly. "shoving your hands down a drunk person's pants is not fucking sex!"
"woah," sam said, coming up behind him. jared was shaking with anger, clenching his fists as well. he looked like he wanted to wail on me with all of his strength. sam put a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off.
"I'm surprised you can even remember that night at all," he spat, eyes dark and overcast. I wanted to step back in fear but I was too angry to back down. I wanted his head. "you were fucking begging for it."
I went absolutely feral. "I'm going to fucking kill you!" I screamed, jumping at him with my fists banging on his chest, his face, his arms, whatever I could hit. I think I accidentally punched sam but no one flinched under my hands. jared swung a fist at my face and just one hit knocked me on my back. my body froze in shock. the boys were yelling and two were pulling him back away from me. it all happened so fast.
"Jake!" one of the boys yelled, and I was lifted and dragged away. my entire face was throbbing and I couldn't help but cry.
"let go," I cried, waving my arms. Jake had his arms wrapped around me and he swiftly turned me in the opposite direction so I couldn't see the boys or the water.
the boys were shouting, then suddenly, a loud rumbling growl came from behind us, then another, different one. I squirmed in jakes arms, frantically trying to see around him. he lost his hold on me and I watched one gigantic wolf chase another into the woods by the water.
I held my hand in front of my mouth but I couldn't touch my face. sam and jared were gone. everyone had a similar look on their face like they couldn't believe what just happened.
"Jake?" I whispered, looking up at him. he didn't look surprised like everyone else. he looked annoyed and a little sad.
nobody said anything.
"can someone.." I whispered, "can someone tell me what's going on?"
"why did you bring her here?" embry hissed after scrambling angrily to his feet. he hastily approached Jake and i.
Jake shook his head. everyone maintained the silence. finally, he said, "I didn't know."
he looked at me sadly, suddenly remorseful. he hung an arm loosely around my shoulder, then took a closer look at my face. embry stomped back over to his little girlfriend and they both collected their things and walked off the beach.
Leah stood cautiously and walked over to us. "that could've been a lot worse," she said gently, then eyed my face over. my eye was beginning to swell shut. the throbbing was a little unbearable. "still..." she said in a softer voice, looking at Jake. "I think you should take her to the hospital."
he groaned. "they'll think I did it," he said, eyeing me up and down.
she shrugged. "she could have a broken bone."
other than my face, I felt numb inside. I wanted to cry but it would hurt too much.
"Carlisle?" was all I could say with the pain growing in my whole face. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and located his number, then presented the phone to Jake, hoping he would call for me.
Jake had Bella meet him in the middle of the driveway at the Cullen's house. he was nervous to get too close. I didn't care. I needed something to take the pain away. my head was near exploding. I figured this is how people spontaneously combust.
Bella came to my door, looking horrified at my face. I didn't look in the mirror, I couldn't. "oh my god," she gasped, opening the door. "Jake, what the fuck happened!?"
he frowned at her, feeling guilty. "I'll explain. just get her inside," he said shortly.
she guided me out the car and up the driveway as fast as she could, wobbling with her big boot.
Carlisle met us at the door with a stern expression. he took me the rest of the way. I couldn't tell where he was taking me and I didn't care to pay much attention.