⚠️Trigger warning. Mention of blood.⚠️
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« C'est quoi la vie sans la mort? »
« What's life without death? »
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I have never been so scared in my life. The moment I didn't hear her on the other line, something in me shattered. My heart was thumping faster. The world veered around deaf. Maybe I was exaggerating. She dropped her phone and lost communication, but my gut told otherwise. It was a mistake leaving her alone. I should have known better. Shawn came not for his damn education; He came for revenge. We ruined his life; it was his turn now.
"FUCK!" I shouted. I left the bathroom in a panic. My friends stopped the music and stared at me, concerned, but their judgment and curiosity were the last of my priorities.
"Hey bro, you're good? Where are you going? The half time is about to start-." Devan grabbed my arms as I hurried to leave.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY," I yelled at him and yanked my arm out of his grip. The elevator was too slow, so I took the stairs. That was a long catch, but my legs were long enough to skip them by four. I fell on my ass and got dragged down, hitting my elbow in the wood. My calves and ankles were on fire.
I ran to my car and backed up out of the parking lot, hitting Cedric's car. I could give a single fuck about that. My hand was trembling on the wheel; my heart was sprinting, cold sweat running down my back. Perhaps I was dramatic; She was fine. She didn't return the call yet; she wasn't.
I dialed Agea's number while barely keeping an eye on the road.
"Hello?"
"Go find Xemina right now!"
"What? Why?"
"What are you? Fucking deaf? I said go look for her!!" I hung up immediately.
I swung between cars, pushing on 130 miles per hour. The limbo raged under me as I swiveled between lanes. The yellow light turned red a few feet in front of me. Cars were already crossing the intersection. It was a suicide mission, but there was a chance I would make it out alive, so fuck the police. I pressed the gas. The engine growled as I bridged the valley of cars while other furious drivers honked. Three cars coming perpendicularly to me swerved off the road to avoid a collision. One hit my bumper, sending it flying. The vehicle lost control and drifted in a circular motion, smoking my tires, but I gained control of the wheel and accelerated away. My car passed right under the parking barrier gate arm, activating the parking alarm in the middle of the night.
Where the fuck was Xemina?
Students were grouping around, curious to know what was happening. As soon as I got out of the car, I spotted Agea running in her pink robe.
"Where the hell is she?" I popped out my gun.
"I- I don't know. What is happening? Why do you have this?" She stuttered.
"You gotta fucking kidding me! I said go look for her!" I shouted at her.
"I don't know where-." She babbled.
"CALL 911 NOW!"
The library. The library. From the dorms to the library. It was nearly impossible to see the paths at night. The Campus was furnished with tall and large trees. The bushes were at least five feet elevated. The light was stifled under branches, and the building loomed the moonlight.
"GET THE FUCK OF OUT OF THE WAY!" I shoved the students around. I unleashed chaos on Trinity. Everyone was running around, scared and confused. The emergency lights turned red. This hideous alarm screeched my ears. "MOVE BEFORE I FUCKING SHOOT!" I pulled the slide back. Many pussies started screaming at the sight of the gun, and God, if they didn't move out of my way, I would have shot them.
I didn't shout her name. He would have run away. Agea followed me close, whispering on the phone as I led us away from the red chaos. A crack creaked under my boot; I looked down. I recognized the custom purple iPhone case bathing in the moonlight. The screen was demolished. I picked up the little device, and it immediately crushed in my fingers.
"Is that Xemina's phone?" Agea covered her mouth and gasped. "What the fuck is happening?"
Mumbling sounds addressed my ear right behind the bush that hid the path to the library at night. The following events were blurry to me. It made you wonder if shit was a movie. The way I was jumping from scene to scene with little control. When I saw the shadows on the ground, I immediately recognized Xemina's silhouette. He was on top of her, and she wasn't moving. I acted out of emotions. I lost control of my actions, and I pressed the trigger. Agea's scream pierced my ear more than the bullet. He fell on the side, and right there, I had the privilege to empty the clip on him.
But you promised...
So I shot twice again.
"Julian s-she is not moving." Agea sobbed, sitting on the floor next to her, holding her head on her knee. She was shuddering. "She's n-not br-breathing."
The three words that made my heart squirm. All my human strength drained out of my body. I dropped to my knees in her pool of blood glimmering in the nightlight. Although I tried to breathe and pull myself together, I broke down. Every sense of awareness or intelligence escaped me. She was still bleeding. I lifted her shirt; my fingers were cold and shaking. I saw the wound gushing out blood, and all I could say was: "fuck imma lose her." I tore my shirt and pressed it against it. My shoulder shriveled from the cold, and my knees were soaked in blood.
"Go get help NOW!" I yelled at Agea. She jumped and fell back, nodding quiveringly before running away.
I pressed harder on the wound. I checked her pulse to feel nothing; She was cold.
"Come on, baby. You can't leave me out here like that. You can't! Fuck!" I shook her shoulder. Her face was barely recognizable. It was just a mass of blood and flesh.
"Forever together, remember? You can't, I need you. We have so much to do together. Open your fucking eyes!" The wind itching my face soaked in salty tears.
"You don't even know how to drive yet. How are you gonna fucking die and not know how to turn a wheel? Say something! Breathe!" I shook her violently. I didn't know for how long I was sobbing and begging for her life until the red and blue light swung us.
They peeled me off her. I didn't want to leave her side, but I guessed paramedics needed to do their job. I was furious they were helping the bastard. He was wailing like a bitch. I did hit him but I didn't know where? Why were they giving medical? I, multiple times, screamed to let him die. Two officers were trying to calm me down. In the heat of the moment, I punched one of them. The next thing I knew, four more pigs face-planked me on the ground. As much as I fought to get into the ambulance, they insisted I go to the police station. Agea reassured me she would stay with her. I watched her from the back of the police car, getting rolled inside of the ambulance. She was lying lifeless with tubes in her mouth.
The next thing I knew, I was in an interrogation room panicking. They gave me this black t-shirt that was too tight. My jeans and hands were stained with dry blood. I stridden around the room, my hands buried in my hair. My lips were dehydrated and salty. The room was too small, with a table and two chairs, a single lightbulb suspended from the low ceiling, and a large mirror that covered three-fourths of the wall opposite to me. The door was made with reinforced steel and had one handle from the outside. I was stuck.
Fucking shit.
I walked to the mirror and stared at my reflection. My face was covered with dirt residue; I had blood on my cheek. I looked so familiar, yet so different. I stared infinitely; my image began to disfigure. My mind was twitching, and I couldn't recognize who I was anymore.
"If you're just going to observe and not come talk to me, then let me the fuck out!" I spoke to whoever was standing on the other side. "NOW!"
Silence erupted, then the door opened. Donovan entered the room. I met Donovan when I moved to Toronto. Five-foot-eight, a soft body with a belly. He was the chief police. He hated me, and he tried to throw me in jail since then. Seeing him tonight was more upsetting. I didn't expect him to understand me.
"Do you want to sit down?" He offered to me.
"Fuck you. Do you think this is the moment for me to fucking sit down? My girlfriend is at the hospital, and I have no fucking idea if she died or not, and you're offering me a fucking chair? Let me the fuck out!" I lashed out.
"I just want a statement from you."
"What more fucking statement do you want?"
"Many witnesses saw you with a gun-."
"Oh my fucking God." I banged my head twice on the wall. I channeled all my inner peace.
"Yes, the gun is mine. It is legal and registered under my name and the state of Texas."
"Why did you use it tonight at your school?" He leaned on the table.
I was channeling still. I was channeling.
"Because I was on the phone with my girlfriend, I heard the attack. I saw him over her, I fired. Am I done with your fucking statement?"
"Are you responsible for the hit and run at the 4th intersection?" He wrote something on a paper clipboard.
"Get me the hell out of here now!" I hissed between my teeth. I had no more inner peace left, and the adrenaline pumping through my veins was a clear indication I was about to lose my shit.
"Are you sure you're not responsible for both attacks?"
I grabbed the chair and threw it at the mirror, which cracked.
"I don't know what the fuck is your fucking problem with me. Since I was fifteen, you've been trying to throw me in jail, and I don't give a shit if you don't like me or my family. But now, be a fucking human being. The girl I love just bled in my hands, and I have no fucking idea if I am going to spend one last time with her. Her fucking sicko ex attacked her and wasn't even breathing when I arrived. I caused the wreck at the intersection because I was trying to get there in time, so did anybody fucking die?" I spat on his face. "DID SOMEONE FUCKING DIE?"
"No. Not that we are aware of." He swallowed.
"Then I don't give a fuck. Unless you're charging me tonight, cause on my mama if she dies and I am not even there to say goodbye, I will personally burn down this station and your house with your wife and kids trapped inside, and you know damn well I will get away with it, so call my dad and get me to the hospital now!" He stared at me for a while before leaving the room.
After a few moments, the door opened. I had a ride to the hospital.
Then the scene switched. I ran inside crazy. I asked for her at the front desk. The nurse raised her eyes to me, analyzing the blood on my face, before telling me the floor she was on. I took the stairs. I was afraid to be alone with myself in the elevator. The more I saw my face, the more I felt guilty, and it ate me alive.
Agea was sitting on the floor, her knees close to her stomach, and Xavier was already there. He was leaning on the wall, staring at the ceiling. They saw me, they ran to my arms. Agea looked like a mess. She never had a bad hair day, her hair was a bird's nest. Her mascara smeared on her cheeks, and her eyes were red, full of tears. Xavier was any better. He looked like he went through World War II. Their destructive state sunk my heart even deeper. Shit! Was my heart still even there? I wanted to puke. The blue and empty walls with the smell of death and medicine made me want to puke. I hated hospitals. It was the portal between the living and nonliving. Life had been given and taken at the same place. I just hated it.
"Is she alive?" These were the first words that came out of my mouth. To be honest, I didn't know if I was ready to hear it. The memory of her laying on the floor lifeless and unrecognizable wouldn't leave me. I was truly scared. And that scared me worse.
Agea nodded and burst into tears. The knot on my stomach relieved and I realized I held my breath to hear the answer. When did I become so emotionally dependent on a person like that? Fuck that. When did I even become emotional?
"She is on the table. They are stitching her, but she lost a lot of blood. She needs blood, and I can't even give her because I don't fucking know my blood type, and they are in a worry." She slid against the wall and wept in her hands.
"I can't either." Xavier sadly spoke. "She's A+, and I'm AB+." He sadly pursed his lips.
"I can give it to her!" I exclaimed, and a light of hope illuminated their face. "I'm O-. I'm universal."
"Go go right there go!" Agea pointed me to the double doors at the end of the hallway.
Then the scene switched. Sitting with a needle in my arms, I observed my blood drop so delicately. I was eligible to donate to her. My latest tattoo was three months old, and I had no blood infection or disease on the test. Now, give me no shit about not giving blood frequently. I gave blood at least twenty times since I turned sixteen. Tattoos were my life story. I had to wait for them to be at least three months old to donate. I had ninety-three tattoos, do the math. The nurse told me my girl was lucky to have me. She was trying to reassure me, but she just made me more depressed. Was she though? She was in the hospital, almost dead. How was that lucky?
They took away my blood and told me to join in the waiting room. I was pacing up and down all night. Everyone gazed at me like I was crazy. Hell, maybe I was. My ass was on fire. In a minute, I wanted to take off all my clothes. Two security guards stared at me suspiciously. I mean, a tall guy, covered in blood, debarked with a police cruise, unintentionally freaking everyone else. I would be ready for action too. Agea and Xavier were ready to pass out in any minutes.
The news traveled to the ears of social media quickly. Journalists were nesting in front of the hospital. I would spit fire on them if they let them inside.
A doctor finally showed up. He called us to the hallway. At this point, I expected the worst. My heart was thumping in my ear. My hands were sweating extensively, and my stomach ached. I would like to take a stress shit right now!
"She is fine."
The pure gasp that came out of our mouth was satisfying.
"She suffered severe concussions, three to be exact, and needed fifteen stitches. She lost a lot of blood, and her body requires rest for a while. She may wake up in three days or four if that's what she needs. One of her rib cages broke, but most damages were to her face and head. Thankfully, you put enough pressure on the wound and acted rapidly. If you hesitated for one more second, she wouldn't have made it."
She wouldn't have made it.
She wouldn't have made it.
She wouldn't have made it.
That ringed in my ears multiple times until it was nothing but a whisper. The hallway became deeper. Everyone else disappeared; The world turned silent. I looked around and screamed, but my mouth was mute. Laughters echoed around me. They were coming closer and closer. I turned around to stand face to face with Shawn. A devilish smirk on his face. He laughed, laughed, and laughed.
"Boo!"
"Julian!" Agea shook my heart.
I jumped and almost slapped the shit out of her. She looked at me bizarrely.
"Are you okay?" The doctor asked.
"Yes." I swallowed and nodded.
"You're in shock. You should clean up and rest. She will be transferred to one of our best-promised rooms. Once she is comfortable, the nurse will tell you when you can see her." He tapped my shoulder. "Give yourself a break. You did everything you could. You did great. She is alive." He smiled and left.
Before I could breathe again, Xavier jumped on me. He deadass twirled his legs around me. I had no choice but to grab his thighs so I didn't fall back.
"Thank you for being there for her. I don't know what I would be if she's gone." He sobbed in my neck. "Everything you need me to do, I'll do it. I own you that."
"Yes, everything," Agea emphasized.
"Okay, then keep me out of jail. Chief Donovan is going to ask you for a statement." I put down Xavier. Xemina's big ass is heavier than him. "I made a mess, and this case is going to be wide. My authority here is not the same as the state. When they ask you questions, tell exactly how you know it. Don't stress, don't stutter. That guy hates me. He will think I put you up to this, and if he asks about the wreck at the fourth intersection, you know fucking nothing!"
"Okay, it's clear."
"And if it's getting out of hand, say nothing but ask for a lawyer. Understand?"
"Understood." They synchronized.
_______
After an hour, we could see her. I let Xavier and Agea visit her first. I didn't have enough bravery to enter the room for a while. She was just laying there, an oxygen tube in her mouth, wires going in her arms. The bandage wrapped around her head. The constant beeping made me uncomfortable. I wanted to scoop her up and run away.
"Hey!" I grabbed a chair and sat next to her. "I know you're sleeping and won't hear anything. But-." I held her pale and cold hand. "I'm so sorry. None of this should have happened. I am sorry."
Bip Bip Bip.
"Forgive me for what I am about to do. But I should have never listened to you. Your heart is too big, and it's hurting you. I am not that nice, that great guy I am trying to be for you. I don't have a big heart like you. I genuinely tried, but I can't. I'm breaking the promise. I'm weak when it comes to revenge. But I guess it's my strength. I am an Elvero, and that's what we do. That's why we exist. That's what I am. You can't expect me to watch you laying down in this bed, beaten and unresponsive, and not do anything. I just can't. So please forgive me." I laid my head on the trim of the bed.
I was guilty. I didn't listen to my feelings and let it happen. I could have taken him out, but spent a week doing nothing while he was cocking a plan. I should have known better, and I let my guard down, and life turned into a mess. That guilt quickly turned into rage. Rage turned into darkness. Love softened me, and it was time to go back to the old time.
I stayed all night with her. I washed up in the bathroom and slept on the chair, holding her hand all night. Sleep was an exaggerated word to use. I didn't close my eyes at all. I hoped she would wake up and talked to me. I sang to her. I told her silly stories about my childhood. I waited for an answer. I didn't even know if she was even listening.
My family flew the next day to Toronto. Mom brought a suitcase of medicines. She was arguing with the nurse all day because hers was the best. Ronald wasn't here. Dad told me he was looking out for something. We moved her to the presidential room, and it filled out quickly. Mom, dad, Amara, Agea, Xavier, Max, and Juan. No doctor could say shit because my mom assaulted one with a slipper. Yes, she did. It warmed my heart to see them embrace her like that. She wasn't alone. I could leave now.
I stood at the door frame watching my mom caressing her head while applying a pomade she swore to the doctor would help with the inflammation. Juan and Max were playing cards while Xavier, Agea, and Amara were arguing about hair.
My dad pulled my arm to the hallway before closing the door behind him.
"Any charge against you is dropped. Don't mind Donovan anymore. The story is circulating. CNN is calling it a vicious attack."
I scoffed and leaned on the wall. "Did you know that she already had a relationship with this guy? He assaulted her multiple times, horribly, when she was only fifteen. Do you know what Mark did? Nothing. He swept it under the rug and blamed her. I want to eliminate all of them, but Mark knows what's coming for him. I'll let him destroy himself."
"What about Shawn? You had him right in front of you. Why did you shoot only his leg and missed two times? You're a better shooter than that, mijo."
"I didn't miss. I promised Xemina I wouldn't kill him, and now look at her. Listening to her was a mistake, and look at what it did."
He stepped towards me and grabbed the back of my neck. "I love you so much, and I will always get your back. An attack on someone you love is an attack on us. What makes The Elveros stronger is not our blood but our loyalty. So what do you want, mi vida?"
We leaned our forehead against each other. I closed my eyes and deeply breathed.
"Let me kill him."
He smiled. "His leg got treated, and his parents transferred him to California. Ronald is already there waiting for you with a few men. I already have a plan."
"Look at me." He locked our eyes.
"You're no killer. You don't do it for pleasure. You just know how to take care of your business." He patted my stomach. "We don't let anyone destroy us, remember that."
"I know. Te amo, papa."
"También te amo, mijo. Go say bye to your mother and friends. Your plane is ready and comes back as soon as you are done."
I listened and re-entered the room. My mother glanced at me; She already knew. I kissed her forehead, and she grabbed my face and whispered.
"Leave no prints behind."
I nodded and hugged my sister.
"Once a hero, always a hero, right?" She winked at me. She wasn't dumb; She knew I took revenge, and it didn't bother her once. I always thought she would be the most powerful out of the trio. She followed me close. Amara adored Ronald. He was the underdog; He spied, I acted, and Amara observed. May she be the best of us.
"Take care of her," I told the group. They were clueless and confused, but I was determined and ready. I looked at her one last time before disappearing. Maybe all these efforts were in veins. I tried to get better, but I couldn't escape who I was. Hell, I thought I could live a Saint life. I was no Saint, and I was no good human. I wasn't educated to be one.
I was on my way to kill someone's son. Should have raised him better cause hell bitch I was karma.
Shawn, here comes daddy with a treat.
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Have a great day!