"I never knew the view from my house could be so breathtaking..." Kongpob looked at the setting sun and the birds that flew by. Chirping and settling in their little nest. Life was so peaceful looking at this image.
Sitting on the rooftop with your first love, eating ice cream, and watching a beautiful sunset with a small breeze raking their hair.
"I like my view too...in bed," Arthit scooped some ice cream and stuffed his mouth, staring forward.
Kongpob halted his hand midway, his jaws dropping. He needed to know what kind of energy drinks and bars Arthit was consuming. He was sore and beyond exhausted every night. What was this man intaking?
"Let's go down. You saw yours, and I wanna see mine," Arthit grabbed Kongpob's sundae and went down the ladder. "Jump," Arthit took away the ladder and looked up, his arms held out.
"It's a long jump, Arthit..." Kongpob looked down, gulping a lump.
"Trust your daddy," Arthit winked. Kongpob blushed but let go, jumping right into Arthit's arms. Arthit stepped back, grunting. Kongpob was gaining some weight and Arthit was happy. Now he can grip onto some flesh instead of all bones.
"You're putting too much batter into the tray," Arthit rolled his eyes and continued to do what he wanted to do.
"Shut up before I bend you over and make you fill them 'correctly' while I fill something I know how to do," Arthit glared, mumbling more profanities.
Kongpob muffled his laughter looking at Arthit's dumbfounded face. The muffins became huge. And Kongpob put his hand over his hips and gave Arthit an 'I told you so' face.
"Whatever," Arthit walked away and opened a bottle of wine, and poured himself some. Sipping and watching Kongpob bend over and take the muffins up. Kongpob could feel the hot stare and mumbled things himself. His bottom needed rest too.
Arthit rolled his eyes again, for the nth time. Kongpob was bossy in the kitchen, forgetting all his fears when it came to his pots and pans.
Kongpob had given him so much shit, almost put him on time out like a misbehaving child. Okay, maybe he was acting like one, doesn't mean he should get treated like one.
Arthit had just accidentally used a steel spoon to stir on a nonstick pan. How was he supposed to know you weren't supposed to do that?
Arthit could swear that he's never seen Kongpob so mad until he saw the scratch marks made. Kongpob was boiling, but he took a deep breath and smiled.
He was deliberating whether to have some wine or not. Maybe being tipsy could help him get through the night.
"You're such a bully in the kitchen," Arthit mumbled, twirling his pasta around his spoon.
"You almost burned down the renovated house Arthit...and all of your money would be wasted..." Kongpob grumbled, chewing his food.
Arthit stared up at him. That was Kongpob's concern?
"You bought me everything I have, and I want it to last a lifetime..." Kongpob kept looking down, gulping a lump. He wanted to keep it all even if Arthit won't be there one day. For the sake of memories and for him to keep living another day. "I am sorry..."
Arthit looked down and felt his heart dropping. How innocent can one person be? He was falling deeper into his pit of remorse, day by day. And he wouldn't dare give a name to what the other emotion was.
Because he was still a monster. Even if he got back the ability to feel remorse, he was and will always be a monster. And he won't change for anyone, even Kongpob.
They shared a meal in an awkward silence, neither wanting to break it. And as rare as it was, this was one of those days where Arthit left with a small smile and not the one who left with a flushing face.
Kongpob went straight to bed, still feeling giddy. Arthit hadn't said anything so he wasn't mad. Because Arthit would show when he's mad, so that's one thing Kongpob never had to guess for. That was good...but not for Kongpob's body.
Arthit's two-week leave was almost over and a little part of him wanted to extend it. But it wasn't a biggie, he could manage Kongpob and his work just fine.
He found himself leaned over the brand new leather, cherry brown couch. His one arm over the headrest. Giving Kongpob a death glare while the latter just squirmed.
"I'm sorry..." Kongpob kept looking down, his hands folded on his lap. Arthit had been frying him about his classes and jobs for the past hour. And the takeout was getting cold on the kitchen counter.
"Really? How are you going to pay the bills?" Arthit glared, getting up and running a frustrated hand through his hair. "Just trying to get your bills paid by me?"
Kongpob looked up, feeling his heart drop. Was that what Arthit felt? Kongpob felt the tears gushing, and cursed at himself, for having no control over his emotions.
Arthit looked down at the droplets of tears falling on Kongpob's pants and the soft sniffle. He felt bad instantly. He just got mad..."That's not..."
"No. It does seem like that," Kongpob gave him an apologetic smile, wiping his tears. "And I will pay you back for everything. It might take some time, but I promise."
Arthit felt a stab in his heart, hearing those words. He didn't want to get paid back. He just liked doing those things, because Kongpob's smile was what he wanted.
He adored seeing those grateful eyes because it was different from others. There was no lust, greed, jealousy, or any other intentions behind them. Just pure...love. That's what Kongpob had for Arthit. He wasn't blind.
Either Kongpob wanted him to know, or he was a horrible actor. And Arthit was siding a little more to the second option.
"You need to be independent. Don't you have goals?" Arthit sighed, letting his arms fall free on both sides.
Kongpob nodded, gulping down lumps. Arthit probably was just feeling bad. He was sympathizing with Kongpob all along... He accepts it though. He knew how pathetic he looked to everyone and now, Arthit was seeing him in those eyes as well.
"Stop overthinking," Arthit hauled Kongpob over his shoulder and gave him two hard spanks. "For giving up on yourself so miserably..."
Arthit made sure to erase the impact of those words. He didn't like seeing the droopy face. The fallen eyes, and the forced smile.
"You will give me what I want," Arthit bit into Kongpob's shoulder. Licking over the bite marks that were already there. Swiping his fingers delicately over the carved words. Letting Kongpob come part under him and lull to the side, drained.
He stared down at Kongpob's teary face, then his chest. He bent down and pressed a small kiss on the slightly faded scars. The words still visible. "I'm sorry puppy..."
Arthit covered Kongpob's body with the sheets and dressed up. He needed to let it out. He had been a little on edge, feeling a chagrin rise once more. Another emotion bubbling inside, screaming at him to accept it.
And he knew he was back to hurting Kongpob a little, becoming more aggressive. Although Kongpob kept smiling and showing his gratitude for him.
He put on his hoodie that was stored in his jeep, and the gloves, cap, and mask. It had been a while and Arthit was pumped with adrenaline. He whistled, walking through the empty warehouse. Swinging a bat in his right arm.
"Sorry for being late," Arthit smiled behind the mask at the teary, gagged, and tied woman and man. "I promise your lovely children will be safe. They don't need weirdos...raising them."
Arthit pulled down his mask and smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. "Remember me?"
Kongpob heard the door creaking open and he wanted to move and see. He usually wasn't alarmed because it would always be Arthit or who else would come? He had faith in Arthit to protect him, weirdly. Something just told him, nothing BUT Arthit could hurt him.
He shook his head a little and tried opening his eyes. Whining when he felt the bed dip and arms around his waist, pulling him in.
He panicked, shooting his eyes open. Before smiling and pushing back closer into the very familiar warmth and hard chest. "You're back?"
Arthit didn't say anything, just gave a small squeeze. He had showered and gotten in some comfortable joggers. The room soon enough smelling like strawberries and cinnamon.
Kongpob inhaled the comforting scent, getting as many memories as he could. He was so happy. And that was such an understatement and he didn't wanna ruin his own happiness with 'what if's,' but if you always lost everything that meant anything to you...won't you have the same fears deep inside?
Kongpob wouldn't be upset if Arthit decided to walk out one day, he couldn't blame him and he never will. Kongpob was just happy that Arthit had stayed this long because now he knows he has enough memories for a lifetime.
"Shut your head off. It's loud," Arthit murmured in a low voice, licking his lips.
"Where did you go?" Kongpob knew the answer. Well, he was ninety-nine percent sure what the answer was.
"Had to take care of someone. Some people," Arthit pushed his face into Kongpob's naked back, inhaling the sweet scent. Feeling something different swirl inside.
"Will...you ever stop?" Kongpob didn't want to cross any boundaries, nor will he ever ask or tell Arthit to do anything. Who was he? He was still a nobody even if Arthit treated him better out of sympathy.
"No," Arthit answered straightforwardly, he wasn't going to lie. He wasn't ever going to stop for anyone. He enjoyed the thrill and satisfaction of cleansing society of wasteful THINGS. And he'll continue doing so.
Kongpob didn't respond, just leaned back a little, giving a little gesture of acceptance. He didn't mind. If Arthit wanted to create a safer society by breaking a few laws. Oh well. The lawmakers were breaking them anyway.
But something kept tugging at Kongpob. No matter however many times, he shoved the thoughts out. It kept coming back louder. Arthit was doing something good, in a bad way. And he knew it was wrong. Killing is wrong.
And one year ago, if anyone told him that he'd justify this. He'd punch them, even though he's not a violent person. But look at him now. Finding every excuse in the book.
And he knew he wasn't going to stop, no matter how heinous the crime became. He saw everything, the teasings, and threats. All that went down with the police and he cheered Arthit on. The cops are corrupt anyway, someone had to get them in line.
And a little part of Kongpob was happy with what Arthit was doing. And a lot proud...
But a part of him wanted Arthit to stop, for his own sake. Not because he was afraid of Arthit going to prison. No, Arthit was well calculated and highly intelligent. Can trick the police from under their nose. Arthit had proved that many times.
But all that blood was on Arthit's hands, no matter what the excuse was. He couldn't justify this in front of the higher powers. He was always taught that he was no one to punish. And that, that was the job of the ones above.
He was taught to be kind and loving, especially to those who hurt you. And he did that, lived by it. And now, all his morals were gone. Kongpob knew that asking Arthit to stop or maybe ask for penance was stupid. Arthit would laugh in his face. Be extremely mad. Or just walk out.
And Kongpob didn't want any of that to happen, he was just starting to get closer to Arthit. Not just sex, but truly talking. And sharing small little stories from both their childhoods.
And Kongpob could start seeing Arthit caring a little. Even if Arthit would mask it with rude words, Kongpob knew. Kongpob could see Arthit's eyes. It was easy. The ever-so-blank eyes would sometimes have a softness to them. And it made Kongpob's heart soar.
He wanted to keep it that way for as long as he could. He wanted the Arthit that would accompany him to the bathroom, sometimes carry him when he gets nauseous and throw up all the food they eat.
He wants the Arthit that would make something completely new because Kongpob got sick. Although Arthit yelled and yelled, saying Kongpob was going to ruin the furniture. And that Arthit didn't want his money ruined.
Arthit was still a jerk, but it was humorous to Kongpob. He sometimes, if he were lucky enough, could see a faint hue of red on his cheeks.
And the biggest shock was when Kongpob felt sick and Arthit immediately stopped touching him. Kongpob knew Arthit was beyond aroused. Because Kongpob would always be feeling a little sick recently.
But he denied seeing a doctor. He wasn't insured and it was expensive. He's not letting Arthit pay. It was probably from bad food or too much stress anyway, it happens.
It'll pass, it always does.
It wasn't just Arthit who'd sometimes threaten and nag Kongpob about his stomach problems. But Marie wouldn't keep quiet for the love of the heavens.
Because Kongpob accidentally almost fainted one day. Marie was ready to call the ambulance, but there was another elderly woman in the library. Who just smiled softly and gave him a glass of water and calmed Marie down.
But he was kicked out of the library for two weeks with pay and was told to go rest. He grumbled and grumbled. Even tried sneaking the money back into Marie's purse but was caught red-handed. And his ears paid the price for pissing his nana off.
Marie didn't let go of Kongpob's ear for a good ten minutes, all the while still twisting and lecturing. He could still feel the pain when he touched it.
He had asked Marie one day while organizing shelves together. Whether it was alright to pay for someone else's sins. If it would be acceptable. Because Kongpob was getting restless, he didn't know what all Arthit had done. But he had SEEN two. And he knows there's so much more he doesn't know. That nobody knows.
Marie had stared at him for a long time. She had cleared her throat and Kongpob remembers what she said clearly.
"If you truly wish for their forgiveness, it may work. Why not give it a try? There's nothing to lose, but much to gain." Marie had smiled at him, ruffling his hair. And started with the teasings. But the warm smile encouraged him.
So Kongpob found himself behind a curtain and kneeling. Speaking through a little net of small, intricate patterns, hiding both persons.
"Bless me Father...for I have sinned..." Kongpob felt himself tear up, feeling immensely overwhelmed. He had not stepped inside of a confessional in a long time.
Not because he was sinless, but something has stopped him. The hurt from many, many years had stopped him from going to church.
But seeing Arthit, he had gone once. To pray for peace of mind. Because he had none else to turn to. And like Marie said. He had nothing to lose, but much to gain.
"Your sins are forgiven, go in peace..." a comforting voice was heard from the other side.
Kongpob had said everything, leaving out obvious parts. Sobbing during some of it. And he was glad that the man opposite was kind. Just like how a man of God should be.
Unlike many. Too many. They were the true sinners...for all that they've said and done...and covering it up with the facade of the warriors of God phrase.
Kongpob left the confessional with a calm mind. Feeling something get off his shoulder as he walked to the altar and bowed before kneeling.
He led his hands together and looked up at the crucifix. His eyes always welled, seeing the man look so exhausted on the cross. Yet he did it, for all of them.
So Kongpob could do his penance. Fifty Hail Marys, ten Our Fathers, and a month of serving his community. Anyway he wished.
He began his penance, starting with his Our Fathers. It was one and a half hours later and Kongpob was finally done saying his prayers. His knees were hurting from kneeling for so long. But he wouldn't complain.
It was a penance after all. He walked outside, smiling as he closed his eyes. Feeling the slight breeze, cool his nerves.
Confessions always scared him, as a child and even now. But maybe there's some truth in it. Kongpob wasn't a believer or nonbeliever. Something in between.
Maybe it was because this was his only hope, but he felt good. Very good.
Kongpob walked through on the sidewalk, looking up at the flower petals falling in the breeze. It was beautiful like it was raining flowers. And Kongpob felt like a princess, walking through them.
He looked around, looking for a coffee shop, hearing his stomach growl. He hadn't eaten anything because he was feeling sick. He had recently stopped eating breakfast because of it too. It was new, Kongpob never felt like this before.
But maybe it was because he was eating a huge dinner, unlike before. Things changed a lot since Arthit became a whole new person. Other than sex, sex was still just as rough, but Kongpob was extremely happy.
Although it was rough and Kongpob still couldn't walk straight for days, Arthit had a softness in his eyes. And while he would be spanked and thrown around, he could feel a soft caress on his head or back.
Kongpob started back working and decided to keep doing online classes, he still wasn't ready to go back to class. Maybe next year.
He went inside a cafe nearby and ordered a small muffin. He sat down in a corner with a small table and two chairs. He sipped his coffee, or maybe milk. Kongpob despised the taste of strong coffee, so he prefers milk with a tinge of coffee. Unlike most people.
He nibbled on the chocolate muffin, holding his stomach as he felt it churning from the sweet smell. Kongpob loved muffins and chocolate. It was comfort food, so he doesn't know why he had to run into the bathroom. And spill his guts out.
He stood up and flushed the toilet, he had barely eaten anything yesterday and he can't eat even a muffin. He had tried to make some warm oatmeal but he threw that up after the third spoon.
Kongpob was exhausted, he just wanted to sleep. He could feel the heaviness in his eyes, but the moment he laid his head down on a pillow. Gone, he was wide awake and bored.
He looked up at the mirror and looked at himself. He looked much skinnier and pale with sunken eyes. But he was happy and eating well. Even getting enough rest, and no he wasn't stressed. Even his daycare job was stress-free because the children and parents loved him.
Kongpob lowered his head and washed his face, splashing cold water on his face. He closed his eyes tighter and splashed more water, not caring about his rolled-up sleeves getting wet.
He took some paper towels and patted his face dry, his eyes locking with an amused face behind. Kongpob snapped his head around and gave a small scratch, scratching his temple. "Sorry..."
"Bad morning?" A man in his maybe mid-thirties asked, nudging his nose with his forefinger.
"Something like that," Kongpob smiled, throwing the paper towels in the trash can.
"Well, I hope the day gets better," the man shoved his hands in his washed jeans pocket. Looking very handsome in his black turtleneck sweater.
Kongpob smiled and gave a small thank you before rushing out. That was embarrassing. He rubbed his forehead, feeling a throbbing headache begin. The pounding in his chest and head only getting worse the more he kept walking.
He should just tell Marie he wasn't feeling well, but he skipped so many days of work at the library. Whenever anything happened, it was Marie he always ditched. And that poor woman managed without her only helper each time with a smile.
He was taking advantage of her kindness. He didn't feel too bad because Marie wasn't that gentle. She knew how to bark and when to bite, so Kongpob wasn't too worried. But he still felt bad.
He walked through the library, smiling as the small bells rang, announcing his entrance. His face scrunched up, getting the smell of fresh cookies.
Kongpob groaned internally. If Marie sees him getting sick one more time, he'd really get it. God knows what that woman would do, the lengths that she'd cross.
Kongpob set his bag down and put on his apron, already feeling his stomach feel uneasy. He didn't even know what there was to throw up. He just threw up the couple of sips of coffee and some nibbles of the muffin. All he had to throw up was some water and stomach acid.
"Have a cookie. I made them this morning," Marie placed a whole tray of cookies on the table with a big glass of milk.
Marie stared at him with a fond smile. Kongpob was looking so tired and she didn't know what the kid was going through. She wasn't stupid, she saw right through him. First loves were hard.
They were the only thing that could make someone so bipolar. Happy one day, miserable the next. She remembered her first, awful.
So she decided to make things better; Kongpob looked happy but sick. Marie knew that Kongpob being the saint he was, would go around caring for everyone else, being elated. Then fall down because he 'forgot' to take care of himself.
So she arose early in the morning to make this kid some cookies. And she'll make sure he eats and finishes it all.
"Marie, I just had a big breakfast. Maybe later," Kongpob forced a smile, he could feel the churning in his stomach become more violent. And he'd throw up right here if he stood by these cookies a minute longer. "Let me put these back."
Marie watched as Kongpob rushed away, holding his stomach. She was going to force but she could see Kongpob was struggling to stay near the cookies. She picked one up and took a small bite. They were delicious, of course, they were. Nana Marie's cookies were to die for.
Kongpob swallowed some saliva, taking in deep breaths to calm down. He was just too tired to throw up one more time. But he was happy that Marie didn't force, or things would've taken a turn.
He held his head, feeling he'd drop and his other hand flew to the handle of the step stool. But everything was looking woozy, all running into each other. And everything was moving in a wave-like motion. With bright colors. He tried stepping down, but he couldn't see where the step began.
He squinted his eyes and blinked hard, swaying on the stool. He took a small step down and he felt gravity pull him close as all turned black.
Kongpob moved his eyes side to side and blinked, trying to open them. He felt a small caress on his hand and turned his head towards the source.
"Arthit?" Kongpob whispered, before his body stilled again, falling into a deeper slumber.
Marie halted her hand, hearing the breathy whisper. She may be old, but she damn well knows who Kongpob just called for. Was he the reason for all of this? Or the good parts?
Marie caressed his head and leaned over, moving his hair out of the way, and placed a small kiss on his forehead. "Fell for him...huh?" Marie smiled, dabbing her wrinkled hand over Kongpob's cheek.
Kongpob blinked, adjusting his eyes to the light. He opened his eyes to find Marie looking down, smiling and still caressing his head.
"How are you feeling?" Marie tucked some of the loose strands of Kongpob's hair behind his ear.
"Tired," Kongpob gave a small smile and looked around, the surroundings registering in his head. "I fainted?"
Marie nodded and leaned over to get him some water, "here. You are very dehydrated." She adjusted his pillows and helped him lean back. "Open," Marie brought the small plastic cup to Kongpob's lips.
Kongpob gulped a lump, blinking back tears. The gratitude he was feeling for Marie was so overwhelming. "Don't cry," Kongpob stared at Marie, more tears falling.
"Don't cry my boy," Marie dabbed away his tears, the smile never once faltering. "The doctor will come soon."
Kongpob nodded and leaned back, looking at the IV hooked to his arm. It looked scary, the needle was so big, he was just happy he wasn't awake for that. Because that would've been more embarrassing.
Marie and Kongpob shared some small talks, Marie not mentioning the name that was whispered. They turned their heads, looking at the young doctor walking in.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Beam. How are you feeling?" Beam walked over and took Kongpob's pulse, smiling warmly, listening to Kongpob explaining all he was feeling.
"The test results came in. Nothing to be too scared for," Beam sat down on the rolling stool, crossing his legs. Looking seriously at both Marie and Kongpob.
Kongpob reached for Marie's hand, feeling himself shake with anxiety, feeling a little stronger with Marie by his side.
"You are six weeks pregnant. Everything will be okay, as long as we can bring your blood count up." Beam leaned over and took out his notes, flipping the pages. "You are also vitamin D deficient. This explains your extreme exhaustion."
Kongpob stared at Beam, his body going stiff. He felt the world stop, just him in a racing world. He looked around, seeing the blur of faces. He heard the distant calls of Marie. He saw his doctor get up and come around.
"I'm pregnant?" Kongpob whispered, taking deeper breaths, feeling everything to be a little less hazy.
"Kongpob," Marie called out softly, holding both of Kongpob's hands together, rubbing them because they were so cold. "Kongpob please..."
"I'm pregnant..." Kongpob closed his eyes, and leaned back, holding his tummy. Looking down with blurry eyes. Droplets of tears falling onto his tee.
Beam gave a small glance to Marie and kept standing, quietly. Giving the young boy some time to calm down. Beam sat down, telling him everything he needed to know. Giving him names of vitamins, and affordable companies to buy from.
Kongpob nodded blankly to everything, staring at the papers that Beam had given him. Telling him to read over with a clearer head.
Kongpob rested some more while Marie had to do all the discharge arrangements. And he was too hazy and tired to argue with her. He looked down at his tummy, lifting his shirt a little. There was a life in him. For six weeks.
He didn't know what he was feeling. He was scared, he wasn't ready. He could barely provide for himself who would adjust with anything. But a baby? His child needed the best for everything, he wanted that for his future family...
Family...Arthit. Kongpob's eyes widened, he had to tell Arthit. He felt his heart racing and dizzy. Arthit never talked about kids. They had formed a friendship the past couple of weeks. Everything was going smoothly and Arthit felt comfortable sharing small things about himself.
Like his love for pink milk, sleep, honesty, innocence... And his hatred for noisy people, corrupt officers, greed, and betrayal. Arthit's dislike were common among most people, but knowing Arthit he went to make a change.
And he did, there were less corrupt officers because Arthit had killed some. But that wasn't the main point.
Nowhere in that list did Arthit say he liked children. He never said he hated them, but he never had spoken about kids. And Kongpob just had presumed Arthit would never want them, and he was sad. But having kids with Arthit was a farfetched dream and Kongpob never gave a second thought to it.
"What should I do?" Kongpob looked at his tummy and caressed it, whispering. "Should I tell?"
"Yes," Kongpob snapped his gaze up and looked back down, playing with his fingers.
"Tell him, he deserves to know," Marie sat on Kongpob's bed and pulled him against her chest. "It will all be okay in the end, Kongpob ."
Kongpob kept still, just letting himself be consumed in the motherly embrace, letting Marie hum and soothing tone. Patting his back and giving him everything he needed. Motherly love.
Kongpob was curled up in bed, continuously caressing his tummy. Feeling overwhelmed but so much love for...their baby. He was scared, to say the least. But something inside him bloomed at the thought.
He heard his phone vibrating on the nightstand, he looked at it and felt the butterflies storming. He couldn't face Arthit now, he barely wrapped his head around the whole thing. And Arthit could always see right through him.
He put his phone on silent and put it back, face down. He turned on his back, staring at the ceiling, feeling so much looking at his room. All the things that had happened. From the first day, he fell to the floor in fear, to now. Laying in bed with butterflies in his tummy. And a life growing inside.
He closed his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. The fear was very much inside of everything. But he was happy, having his dream come true. A child with his first and only love. And no matter what happens, he would be okay. He will be okay for their child.
Kongpob woke up early in the morning, hearing clashes of pots and pans downstairs. He rubbed his eyes and jumped out of bed, before placing his hand on his tummy. All the events of yesterday coming back to him.
He walked downstairs in his fluffy socks and teddy bear pajamas and smiled watching Arthit flip some pancakes. Ridiculously high. Pouring the syrup over them, three feet above. Drizzling syrup all over the counter more than the pancakes.
"I'll clean up," Arthit grumbled, hearing Kongpob walk in. "You didn't answer the phone."
Kongpob swayed side to side with his hands folded in front of him, with a cute pout. "I fell asleep..." Kongpob was shaking. Having the father... of his child cooking breakfast for him. For them.
Kongpob was getting ahead of himself. This wouldn't be Arthit's reaction if he knows.
"Come eat. Are you feeling better today?" Arthit sat down, eating some of his sausage and eggs.
Kongpob made a face at the eggs and pushed them away. "I just want to sleep some more."
Arthit stared at him, Kongpob was so beautiful. Even when he had just woken up and in his pajamas, and looked so tired. He was glowing like no other.
"ARTHIT," Arthit gave Kongpob a blank stare, hearing his name shouted. "Sorry, you were blanking out. I'll eat later," Kongpob got up slowly, only to be pinned against the wall.
"You've been sleeping enough, don't you think?" Arthit caressed Kongpob's cheek, with a smirk. His hands traveling inside of Kongpob's shirt. Kongpob looked away, his heart almost pounding out of his chest. Sparking flying when Arthit dabbed over his belly button.
"I have another idea..." Arthit leaned down and gave a small touch of his lips against Kongpob's cheek. Biting the plump flesh under. Kongpob squirmed, taking ragged breaths, pushing away.
"Please...please. I don't feel well," Kongpob cried, grabbing Arthit's shirt in a tight grip. Arthit parted and looked Kongpob up and down. Kongpob wasn't lying, he looked exhausted. The bags under his eyes still evident.
"What's making you so unwell?" Arthit stepped back, giving Kongpob some space, crossing his arms while Kongpob stared at him. Arthit was so handsome even in the gray sweatpants and black hoodie.
"All the overworking may have just gotten to be, finally," Kongpob forced a laugh, scratching his head. Hitting himself internally for making his lie so obvious.
Arthit gave him another look and nodded. "I'll make some lunch for you too."
Kongpob nodded and stood by the counter, watching Arthit make some warm soup and tea to soothe his stomach. The only problem was, it wasn't a stomach virus.
Kongpob thanked Arthit and almost shut the door in Arthit's face. He was being rude, but he was afraid if his heart would leap out of his chest if he stood near Arthit for another second.
He ate his breakfast and his lunch while reading over all the papers Beam had given him. He looked at the affordable prices and sighed. It was still expensive but he can't neglect the nutrition their baby needs.
Kongpob felt giddy, thinking of those two words. It seemed like such a faraway dream and if not for the horrible morning sickness, he would doubt it was true.
Arthit raked his hand through his wet hair, slamming his bathroom door shut. He almost had enough with Kongpob pushing and pushing.
He was doing everything kind, cooking, visiting, respecting boundaries, and being sweet. Letting Kongpob do as he pleases. Was Kongpob taking advantage of his kindness?
Arthit threw his phone off the bed, pacing around his bedroom in his joggers and shirtless. Kongpob wasn't that type, Arthit would've known way, way back.
He was at a dead end. He didn't say anything harsh, do anything harsh, or EVEN kill anyone. He did nothing. Didn't even have sex because Kongpob wasn't feeling well.
Maybe Arthit was doing something wrong? Kongpob had never pushed away from him, it was always Arthit. Kongpob always embraced him with open arms.
But what frustrated Arthit the most was that Kongpob pushed away so subtly. Nothing too alarming, but the little things meant...something to Arthit.
Like how Kongpob would stand behind him and tell him how to do stuff in the kitchen Whether he put too much salt or too little pepper. And as annoying as it was, Arthit enjoyed the small pouting creature.
He missed Kongpob telling him about his day, whining about the tiniest of inconveniences, and telling everything Marie said to him. With so much enthusiasm.
He missed the Kongpob that would scoot closer and closer while watching a movie, to end up under and scream. The movie being long forgotten.
He missed seeing the teary, begging form. Trembling underneath.
He missed Kongpob. This was like Kongpob just existing, without his personality shining through. Kongpob still watched movies with him but remained so stiff. That Arthit assumed he did something to scare him off.
So he made his voice extra soft, almost like when talking to a child and doing his absolute best to hold his tongue, to not hurt.
Arthit opened his phone and pressed Kongpob's contact, leaning against the huge window in his bedroom. The leaves falling with the harsher winds.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, gritting his teeth hearing the automatic voice. Arthit was ready to barge into Kongpob's house and teach him a pretty little lesson. Or keep him locked in his room, ready for whatever Arthit wants.
But he won't, he opened up his gallery and scrolled up to the numerous pictures at Kongpob. From all different positions. Sexy, cute, and crying.
He scrolled through all the pictures. His favorite one being the one where Kongpob slept on Arthit's chest unknowingly after Arthit had exhausted him. Kongpob had collapsed on him, and Arthit couldn't find it in him to push him away. And so, he has about twenty-five pictures just from that night.
His favorite picture he stares at every night, to get a more peaceful night off sleep, is the one where Kongpob was hugging the six-foot teddy bear. And Arthit had snapped a shot or two. Or ten, without Kongpob knowing.
Kongpob was lying in bed, doing something similar. He scrolled on his phone, reading all of Arthit's messages. From the beginning days or commands and demands to requests and asking for permission.
Along with a few pictures he had sneaked in, here and there. He liked showing the pictures of daddy to their baby. And telling all that he knew to their child. All in a good light.
"This one is from daddy baking and accidentally dropped the carton of eggs," Kongpob giggled, showing his tummy the picture of Arthit standing there stiff.
With a wooden spoon in one hand and splattered eggs on his feet. While Kongpob clicked a small picture and laughed.
Running the next second only to be swung around and have eggs dumped over his head, while he cried and begged. And Arthit had smiled, smudging some cake batter over Kongpob's cheeks.
Kongpob kept talking to his tummy. Their baby, sharing all the good stories and laughing. Forgetting the clocks been ticking.
Kongpob left his house, much later than he had promised Arthit. Arthit had demanded Kongpob come to his house and all Kongpob could do was pray and hope Arthit wasn't actually mad.
Arthit yanked open the door, giving a tight smile. "You're late."
Kongpob smiling back, looking down when Arthit gave a hard stare. "I overslept."
"What were you doing up all night? Not answering my calls, for sure." Arthit mocked while Kongpob lowered his head, Arthit was right. He was being the jerk now. Arthit had no idea why he was acting so differently but Kongpob couldn't help it.
He was just surprised with his own strength for being able to come to the man's house. Arthit sighed and opened the door wider, letting Kongpob in. "I was thinking that we can cook. It's been a while..."
Kongpob winced, hearing the slight...hurt? In Arthit's voice. He placed his bag on the counter and followed Arthit to the kitchen.
Arthit was at a loss, Kongpob was extremely silent all day. He even put a steel spoon in a nonstick pan just to get a reaction from Kongpob. And all he got was a small whisper to not.
Arthit had a lot planned. Okay, not a lot. Just cooking, eating, watching a movie, and maybe some sexy time. He missed their sexy time, he wasn't going to lie. It had been a very long time.
But Kongpob barely moved, just standing around stiff. And it made Arthit feel bad like it was back to square one, where Kongpob would be afraid to breathe around him.
He gulped down another glass of whiskey, staring out on his deck. Feeling the chilling breeze cut through his exposed skin.
"It's cold. Come inside," Arthit looked back with a cheeky grin. "Aw come on. It feels nice."
Kongpob gaped at Arthit and came closer, "you're drunk."
Arthit put his hand over his chest, "I am not." Arthit pouted at Kongpob and looked at his glass. "It's empty, fill."
Kongpob smiled and grabbed the glass and walked back inside. Not coming back, he washed the glass and put all the alcoholic beverages away.
"Are you mad at me?" Arthit plopped himself on top of the counter, swinging his legs.
Kongpob looked up at the curious face looking at him, expectantly. "I promise to not make you mad." Arthit put his hand over his heart and smiled.
Kongpob felt a pang in his heart and came closer to Arthit. He had never seen Arthit like this, and he drinks a lot. But never was he ever drunk.
"I'm not mad," Kongpob smiled, caressing his cheeks, sniffling, and blinking away his tears. Arthit wouldn't remember this, and maybe he really needs this right now. So he won't back away.
"So you are sad?" Arthit tilted his head, Kongpob still cupping his face.
"No, Arthit. I am very happy," Kongpob tucked some of Arthit's loose hairs behind his ear, dabbing over his cheek.
"No," Arthit shook his head, holding over Kongpob's smaller hands. "You are crying. I made you cry so much..." Arthit gulped a lump, backing away.
Kongpob let the tears fall and smiled, "you made me much happier...P'Arthit."
Arthit stared at him, both looking into each other's eyes. Visions getting blurred, they rested their foreheads together. "I never feel sorry. But I am...for everything I've done to you..."
"I forgave, long back..." Kongpob whispered, gulping down more lumps. He wanted to spill so badly, Arthit wouldn't remember. "Such a long time ago..."
Arthit gave a goofy smile and clicked his tongue. "I will go to sleep. You go to sleep too. There is a room next to ours if you don't feel comfortable sleeping in mine."
"Your room is cozier," Kongpob walked ahead of Arthit, holding his heart. Kongpob wished Arthit doesn't remember, although there's a small part that does want it. But whatever they had now was good enough, and Kongpob was afraid to do anything a little different because what they had was fragile.
Arthit fell back onto the bed, giggling a little. "It's so fun to do that." Kongpob hummed, pulling the blanket from under him and covering Arthit.
"Look at the fireflies," Arthit pointed behind Kongpob, towards the windows. Kongpob looked back, and Arthit brought his phone up.
"There are no fireflies..." Kongpob looked around and jumped a little, closing his eyes as the flash hurt his eyes.
"Oops, Sorry," Arthit put the phone away and didn't show Kongpob, even though Kongpob pouted and pouted.
"Pleaseeee?" Kongpob whined, trying to snatch Arthit's phone.
Arthit grinned, switching the phone from his left hand to his right. "That's all you got?" Arthit got up, pushing Kongpob down, and straddled his waist.
Kongpob looked away, blushing mauve. "Let's s-sleep..." Arthit leaned down and placed his lips on Kongpob's cheek, resting it. Breathing softly against him.
"You always smell so good," Arthit got off Kongpob, laying on his back, closing his eyes.
"You smell good too. I use the strawberry one and..." Kongpob heard some soft snores and looked over, leaning on his side and propping his head upon his hand.
Kongpob smiled, softly touching Arthit's hair. He tucked some hair behind Arthit's ear and took Arthit's hand. He softly placed it on top of his tummy, "feel daddy, baby?"
Kongpob wiped his tears, smiling softly at Arthit. Taking a deep inhale of the earthly, strong scent. It felt so warm and safe. Kongpob could sleep in Arthit's arms forever. He closed his eyes, Arthit's hand still on Kongpob's tummy. Giving him constant butterflies.
Kongpob woke up in the middle of the night, feeling a painful grip on his arm. And some moaning beside him, muffled painful cries.
Kongpob looked over and could see Arthit grip onto him and the tears streaming out. He sat up, wiping the tears away, "Arthit..."
Arthit buried his head into Kongpob's blotches chest, "Ma..." Kongpob rubbed Arthit's back, feeling his heart clench painfully, hearing the broken, pained cries. From the always strong man.
"Pa...don't go," Arthit grip tightened and cried louder. Kongpob rubbed his back soothingly.
"Shh...it's okay Arthit," Kongpob whispered, patting Arthit's head. "It's okay."
Kongpob let Arthit cry into his shirt, whispering sweet nothings to Arthit until the cries stopped, sniffles still being heard through the darkroom. "Shh...you're okay."
Arthit buried his head deeper into Kongpob's chest, smiling a little from the comforting warmth. "Thank you, Ma." Kongpob smiled, caressing his head in reply. Waiting for Arthit to fall asleep.
Arthit turned over, groaning with the sun in his eyes. He put his arm over to the side and blinked, feeling it empty. He shot up, looking around, and saw a small note, pills, and a glass of water.
Arthit read the letter, crumpled it, and threw it on the floor. Grumbling and shoving the pills down. Not bothering to wash it down with a glass of water.