18. WHEN IT WILL PASS?
Eevi
Late at night, I have been waiting for Olli to come back. Tommi left couple hours ago, and now I have been just sitting in my couch and staring the walls.
I started to dig my pockets, and there was that old wedding ring.
A ring I got from my neighbour, Anna.
I looked it, and played with it.
Then I heard my doorbell ringing, immediately I got up and almost runned to the door.
I opened it and Olli stood there.
"I waited for you, where were you?" I asked as he came in and get rid of his shoes, then I followed him to the living room.
"I was hanging out with Joonas and Aleksi. I really needed some air. Where did she go?" He asked, looking a bit around.
"Don't worry, she's not here." I said as I sat next to him in the couch.
"We talked a little bit, and then she left. Don't know where. Hasn't she called or texted to you?" I frowned and he looked his phone then.
"Apparently yes. She left back to Oulu." He looked his phone, and I only sighed in relief, but guietly.
"What is that?" He suddenly asked while I still played with the ring in my hands.
"Oh, this is.. my neighbours wedding ring, she passed away and left this for me..." I gave the ring to Olli, and he studied it close to his eyes.
"Why she gave this?" He asked curious.
I shook my shoulders.
"Try it on." He gave it back to me, and I hesitated.
"Isn't it wrong? To use someone else wedding ring?" I asked confused. He just shook his shoulders and I watched the ring. Then I decided to put it on, but to my right ring finger, it would be wrong to put it on the left one.
"It suits you." Olli smiled a bit.
"You still want to get married, like you said back in the days?" He then asked after a moment of silence, my heart skipped a beat. I only nodded while I watched the ring in my hand.
"By the way, have you had anyone? Like boyfriend or something? We haven't talked about that." He then asked. I was speechless.
I didn't want to say anything. Like yeah I have never been in a relationship, because none of the men out there isn't you. Should I say that?
None of them hasn't been just as interesting as you are. None of them can be you.
"No..." I only said, and took that ring off.
For the next day we went to the gig place, Allas sea pool. It would be a hurry weekend, four shows.
I just watched as the boys did their soundcheck, and a little bit fooling around. It always made me smile to see them acting like little boys.
"You want something to drink?" Kiril suddenly stood next to me, and I turned my head to his direction for a second.
"No thank you." I smiled a bit, and then continued watching how Joonas and Olli laughed a lot to something in the stage.
"Do you like him?" He asked curiously. I swallowed and then looked him again. Kiril just scrolled his camera and the pictures he has taken already, and I didn't know what to say.
I thought of him. How he smiles, and how he laughs. His eyes, brown hair. How he talks about yoga, and gives me advices how to relax your mind and body. How he almost throws up when someone burbs next to him or to his face. The way he walks, the way he plays bass in stage. How he plays guitar, and piano.
And his voice. I could listen him forever how he talks. And how he sings.. not many have heard that. But I have heard.
"I don't..." I then said. And in that moment Olli looked me, and smiled. It made me smile too.
"You don't?" Kiril asked, and I sighed.
"No.. he has a girlfriend as you know." I said, and it made me serious again.
"And..?" He asked with low tone, I turned my gaze on him. He didn't look me back, only his camera.
"What?" I asked confused, then he lifted his eyes up on me. He looked a bit amused.
"I see how you look at him. That's not how friends look each other. And about his girlfriend.. well that's another case. I know we two haven't known each other a long time, but I see how you watch him. Maybe everyone sees that." He told me and looked me under his eyebrows. I frowned.
"How is it another case? Is there something I should know?" I asked right away, and I tried to ignore the fact that he has seen how I watch Olli. Maybe I should control myself. How?
Kiril shook his shoulders.
"I don't know. That Emilia is just very.. different I thought she would be. She doesn't really care about this band. She doesn't support Olli at all, and I don't know how that man can take all that." He watched the boys doing their things as I watched him talking.
"And the way how Olli gets so happy around you is.. well that is always a positive suprise for all of us. He's so comfortable around you, and sometimes I have thought why he hasn't left Emilia and be with you instead." He smirked as he turned his gaze to me and almost left. I was speechless.
"Because.. we are friends." I said a bit hesitating. Kiril just smirked even more and nodded as he turned around and walked away.
Then I turned around to watch Olli again.
It's not that simple Kiril.. definitely not.
This night was a hurry one, and soon it was coming to it's end. The second show was almost ending, and I was sitting in the backstage, in a chair. I was enjoying how the boys sang, and how the fans singed and screamed. It made me smile, the second time today.
I remember when I was younger and went to conserts, it was the best time of my life and there, with hundreds of other fans, it was like I was home.
Dancing, singing, cheering.. and what else.
"What a day! I'm fucking sweating right now." Joel said hyped, having that adrenaline and taking a long sip of his beer. All of the boys were sweating, and some of took their shirts off.
"Two behind, two to go. We will be so dead after this weekend." Tommi said tired next to me while he drank water.
"But it's worth it." Niko said as he took a seat across from me.
"And in two weeks this tour is over. Eevi, has it been fun?" Joonas smirked. I was just staring my bottle of water that was in front of me. I was zoning out again.
"Yeah, it has been fun." I only said, trying to smile a bit, but it was kinda hard. I saw how Niko frowned as he stared me.
We were standing in front of the van, waiting that we could hop in and Tommi would drive us all to sleep.
"What is it? You seem weird." Niko asked quietly.
I chuckled.
"That's nice to hear." I said as I scrolled my phone.
"Seriously. For the past days you have been.. like.. sad again." He said with worried tone, and I put my phone back to my pocket, and then my gaze wandered around.
"Maybe I have been. But don't worry, it will pass." I said, trying to show him a smile but it didn't succeed.
"When?" He asked serious. I couldn't say anything. I don't know the answer. Maybe never? It feels like it.
I layed down on my bed, in a dark room. It was 2am.
I haven't slept at all. I'm so tired, but I can't fall asleep. Every thought is spinning around my head, and everything goes so fast that I can't focus on one thing at the time. I'm frustrated. I don't have any sleeping pills. And in the package it says "take before midnight", why? If I would took it right now, would I die or would somebody come here and take me to hell?
I gave up, so I took that blanket off and stood up.
I walked out of my room, and tried to be quiet as possible when I made my way to the kitchen.
"Shit!" I whispered loudly as I got scared, Olli came from the corner and we almost smashed in to each other.
"Sorry, why are you not sleeping?" Olli asked curious as he placed his arms to my shoulders.
"I could ask the same from you." I said tired, my eyes almost closed.
"I went to the bathroom." He answered calmly. I only nodded lightly, as he waited my answer to his question.
"I.. can't sleep..." I almost whipered, and then he turned me around and we started to walk to my room.
And without any hesitation, we both layed down on my bed.
I snuggled closer to him, and he wrapped his arm around me. It made chills to my body. As I kept my head close to his neck, I placed my hand to his chest. This felt illegal.
"Is this fine..?" I asked shyly, and he stroked my arm with his hand that was wrapped around me.
"We have been like this many times before.. don't worry." He whispered, and I loved it when he did that.
"Why you can't sleep?" He asked then, I swallowed.
"I really do want to sleep, I'm so tired.. but it scares me..." I told him, my voice being weak.
"Why?"
"I have seen very disturbing dreams.. and I'm scared that I will see them over and over again.. they feel so real.. and everytime when I'm going to sleep, I get anxiety that I will not fall asleep.. this is too complicated." I told him as I listened how he breathed.
"I'm here now, you don't have to be scared." He whispered and I closed my eyes.
His breath, scent and everything made me calm down. Only his touch and presence made me feel safe again.
I only wish we could be like this every night.. forever.
Thank you so much for reading this story, and my other ones as well <3 Every vote and comment means a lot to me!
It has been tough days again, and I'm trying my best to publish new chapter soon, but we'll see.
Stay safe and strong🖤