Chapter 35: Numb
Unti-unti akong lumabas ng mansion nang hindi alam kung saan pupunta. Naririnig ko parin ang mga usapan at halakhak nila mula sa balcony. Pero wala akong maramdaman. My body caved in, refusing to feel.
Bumungad sa'kin ang buhos ng ulan pagbukas ng tagasilbi ng main door. Wala ang sasakyan at ang driver na nangakong ibabalik ako sa apothecary. But asking to be drive back wasn't an option for me anymore.
Hindi ko alam kung paano makakabalik sa apothecary. But I was desperate to leave this place. Naglakad ako palabas sa gate with the gloomy gray sky above and the sound of rain drowning everything in sight.
Bawat patak ng ulan ay dumadaosdos sa aking balat but I couldn't feel anything else. It seems like there were walls clumping, squeezing my heart tight.
Naglakad ako sa kalye na pinaliligiran ng naglalakihang bahay, but everything feels empty and secluded. There's no face to see, only walls and fences.
There must be a main road here somewhere. I could ride a bus from here... I could go back to the apothecary and everything will be fine. Tuluyang namuo ang hindi inaasahang luha sa aking mga mata. I'm okay... it's nothing. I'm okay.
Isang itim na sasakyan ang nakasalubong ko sa tahimik na kalye. I stepped to the side of the street, expecting it to pass through. Pero unti-unti itong huminto hanggang sa tumapat sa'kin ang pintuan ng backseat.
The window rolled down and from the backseat, a familiar voice called my name.
"Eleanor from the apothecary..."
I blinked back water from my eyes, drenched and cold from the rain, I stared at the face staring at me from the warm comfort of the car. Callahan.
"What are you doing in here?"
Hindi ako nakasagot at nanatiling nakatitig sa kanya. Napansin niya ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko at ang hindi pantay na paghinga ko sa ilalim ng ulan.
Binuksan niya ang pinto, much to the surprise of the older looking driver in front. "Sir..."
Hindi siya pinansin ni Callahan. Lumabas si Callahan mula sa sasakyan and stood in front of me under the rain. Pinagmasdan niya ako, eyes glaring, wondering.
"What are you doing making a mess like this?"
I lowered my gaze, shutting my eyes for a second to shake off my blurry gaze. "Sorry..."
Nawala ang patak ng ulan na dumadampi sa balat ko sa paglapit ng matandang driver na may hawak na itim na payong. It was only supposed to cover Callahan but he pushed the driver's hand to my direction so I could stand under the umbrella.
"This won't do," Callahan muttered before reaching for my wrist.
Pumasok siyang muli sa sasakyan habang hila ang aking kamay. Napaupo ako sa tabi niya, soaking the leather seat. The driver closed the car door before heading back in front.
I stared around the warm, cozy car before facing Callahan. "Kailangan kong bumalik sa apothecary..."
"Soaked like this?" he pointed out, an eyebrow raised. Bumuntong hininga siya saka sumandal sa upuan. "My house is around the corner. You should know since you've been in my place. At least dry yourself before leaving."
Hindi ako sumagot o tumanggi. Habang tumatagal, unti-unti akong nanghihina. Maybe it was exhaustion from all the field work from the previous weeks... or maybe because I could feel my heart shattering inside of me.
Halos wala pang ilang minuto nang makarating kami sa familiar na driveway ng Winslow mansion. The same towering trees lining the driveway muted the sound of the heavy rain. It must have been warm and peaceful living in a place like this... or this neighborhood. But I never would have dreamed of such lonely place to be in... where people live the most luxurious lives, unaware of the struggles of the people around them.
Bumukas ang pintuan ng backseat. Naghintay ang matandang driver hawak ang nakabukas na payong sa tapat ko. Sumulyap ako kay Callahan sa tabi ko, who pointed out with his gaze.
"Go on."
Lumabas ako mula sa sasakyan at sumabay sa driver hanggang sa makarating kami sa main door ng mansion kung saan naghihintay ang ilang tagasilbi para batiin ang kanilang amo. Agad nilang binuksan ang pintuan, dipping their head low when Callahan arrived inside the mansion.
"Get some towels and help her dry up."
Tumango ang dalawang tagasilbi bago pumanhik sa pangalawang palapag ng mansion. Nanatili akong nakatayo malapit sa main door, unable to completely walk inside the house. Hindi ito ang unang beses na tumapak ako sa lugar, pero hindi ko parin mapigilan na magalangan sa pinapakita ni Callahan.
He's an elite... my first encounter with him wasn't pleasant either. Natatakot akong maging tulad din siya ng ibang nakasalamuha ko, na lahat ng ito ay isang biro... isang laro para sa kanya.
"Eleanor, I'm not planning anything," Callahan muttered while drying his damp hair with a small towel, eyes a little annoyed behind the damp strands covering his forehead. "What are you even doing in that place? Did someone mess with you?"
Umiling ako. Muli akong pumikit nang makaramdam ng panandaliang hilo. Dumating ang dalawang tagasilbi dala ang makakapal na puting twalya. Agad silang nagtungo sa'kin at tinulungan akong punasan ang aking basang buhok at katawan. I asked for the towels, telling them I could do it myself pero hindi nila ako pinakinggan kaya hinayaan ko lamang sila.
I stood, with people around me, with Callahan watching me, but my mind was elsewhere. Someone patted my face with the soft towel but a knife was continually stabbing my chest.
Tahimik akong pumikit, letting my uneven breathing filled my chest. Gusto kong matulog... mabigat ang aking pakiramdam... gusto kong magpahinga...
"Sir..." I heard one of the servants said, calling Callahan. "Mukhang nilalagnat siya."
Binuksan ko ang mga mata ko. Nakatingin sa'kin ang dalawang tagasilbi... followed by Callahan's gaze. His eyes narrowed, inhaling sharply.
"Hindi..." I tried to say. "Okay lang ako-"
"Are you stupid?" Callahan glared at me, words stinging. Kahit ang mga tagasilbi tila nabigla sa kanyang sinabi. "You're drenched in rain with a fever. Are you trying to kill yourself?"
Umiling ako. I tried to form words to answer him. Pero hindi ako makapagisip nang maayos. My body was too tired to even stand... and dealing with my thoughts was harder.
"Prepare a room upstairs. Get her some dry clothes," utos niya sa mga tagasilbi.
Agad silang tumanggo at nagtungong muli sa pangalawang palapag. Lumapit sa'kin si Callahan, ang mga titig nagbabanta. Hindi ko alam kung bakit galit na galit siya.
"You think you're a saint, Eleanor? Suffering alone, sacrificing yourself?"
I opened my mouth to respond but failed. I gripped the side of my damp dress, trying to stay still while standing in front of Callahan who was glaring at me.
"What's the point of helping people if you couldn't ask for help? Demand if you need to, Eleanor. No one survives this world by being meek."
Nagsasalita siya sa harapan ko. Alam kong galit siya. Pero wala akong maitindihan. Maging ang imahe niya sa paningin ko ay unti-unting nanlalabo.
"You can't even-"
Bigla akong bumagsak sa harapan niya. Callahan caught me just in time bago pa ako tumama sa sahig. He gripped my shoulders tightly as I fell into his arms.
"Eleanor..."
Sinubukan kong muling tumayo but he lifted me off with his arm around my back and the other one around the bend of my knees. Naglakad siya paakyat sa pangalawang palapag. Masyado akong nanghihina at nilalamig para tumanggi pa.
Minutes later, I found myself in dry clothes that the servants had ushered me to change in the bathroom. Nakahiga ako sa malambot na kama, binabalutan ng makapal na kumot.
Kanina, bago umalis sa kwarto, nakiusap ako kay Callahan na kung pwede manatili ako kahit ilang oras lang sa kanyang mansion. I couldn't go back to the apothecary this way. Hindi ko gustong maging sila magalala sa'kin.
Pumikit ako at hinayaan ang sarili na magpahinga. In the verge of sleeping... several thoughts played inside my head. If Zackary has someone destined for him... am I the one ruining things between them? Is that why I'm a bad person?
Ilang oras ang lumipas nang mapabalikwas ako ng bangon, as though waking up from a bad dream. I sat on the bed, beads of sweat trickling down my face.
Nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid, sa hindi familiar na kwarto. Then I saw Callahan at a corner, sitting crossed legged in a settee, watching me. Biglang bumalik sa'kin ang dahilan kung bakit ako nandito, kaharap siya ngayon.
"I... I had to go back to the apothecary..." I mumbled. It was late afternoon. Tumila na ang ulan sa labas and the sky was blanketed by watery orange glow from the setting sun.
Tumayo ako mula sa kama nang biglang umikot ang buo kong paligid. Hinawakan agad ako ni Callahan sa braso para alalayan. Muli niya akong iniupo sa kama, pushing me down with his hands over my shoulders.
"You act so heroic when you couldn't even handle yourself."
"Sorry..." I mumbled.
"Is this about Zackary?" I flinched at his words, like I heard a curse.
"The alpha has nothing to do with it."
Umarko ang kanyang kilay. "The alpha?" tugon niya sa salitang ginamit ko.
Umiwas ako ng tingin. "Can I go back to the apothecary, please?"
Bumuntong hininga si Callahan na tila maging siya hindi gustong pagusapan ito. Inalis niya ang mahabang coat na suot niya at marahan itong pinatong sa balikat ko.
"At least get yourself warm before you go."
Sinundan ko siya nang maglakad kami pabalik sa living room. Nang pababa na kami ng hagdan, narinig namin ang tunog ng padating na sasakyan sa driveway. Callahan scoffed in front of me, expecting a guest.
Kasabay ng pagbaba namin sa staircase ang pagbukas ng main door. Nagsiyuko ang mga tagasilbi sa paligid nang makita ang alpha sa loob ng mansion.
"Zackary..." bati ni Callahan, may tonong mapanudyo. "How was the meeting with the elders in town?"
"I'm not here to chat with you."
Zackary took several long strands to our direction. Pero sa halip na magtungo sa kanya tulad ng dati, umaatras ako palayo. Natigilan si Zackary sa nasaksihan.
"Eleanor..."
Zackary's voice rung in my ear, the same voice I once thought was melted honey, low and smooth. Ang mga titig niya, ganoon parin, nakakapanghina. Tinatawag niya ang pangalan ko... pero hindi ko siya kayang harapin.
I used to talk to him about everything... about my fears and doubts in this place and his assurance would calm me. Pero anong gagawin ko ngayong siya ang dahilan kung bakit ako nasasaktan at natatakot nang ganito?
Napansin ni Callahan ang panginginig ko sa kanyang tabi... kaya iniharang niya ang sarili sa pagitan ko at ni Zackary. "Looks like she didn't want to be with you at this time."
Nawala ang mapanudyong tono sa boses ni Callahan saka seryosong tinitigan si Zackary. "I told you before, Zackary... one wrong move and I won't hesitate to take her away from you..."
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