Chapter 34: Gloom
Before leaving the village that afternoon, isang magulang ang lumapit sa'kin at niyakap ako, thanking me for treating her child. Kahit ilang beses ko na itong nagawa sa Van Zanth, naninibago parin ako tuwing may magpapasalamat sa'kin, sa halip na isipin na trabaho ko ito at inaasahang gawin.
Hindi ko napigilan ang maliit na ngiti na sumilay sa labi ko nang bumalik ako sa grupo na naghahanda para sa pagalis. Buong araw na silang wala sa mood dahil sa pagtagal namin sa village. They were casting glares at my direction specially when the residents seem to approach me more.
Matapos mag-empake ng mga dalang gamit, nagpaalam kami sa mga residente at sa village leader. Hinatid kami ng ilan hanggang sa bungad ng daan na tatahakin namin pababa ng bundok. Muli naming tinahak ang maputik na daan dala ang aming mga gamit, habang nasa unahan ang grupo ng mga elites, leading the trail since they were all aching to leave.
Habang naglalakad sa hulian ng grupo, bumalik sa isipan ko ang mga narinig ko kanina. Pilit ko itong pinagsawalang bahala at tinuon ang atensyon ko sa paggamot ng mga residente buong araw. But now that we're heading back, their words slowly crept into my head, spreading like wildfire.
She's seducing the alpha...
Am I really using Zackary? Natatakot ako na maaaring totoo ang kanilang sinasabi at hindi ko lang ito nakikita sa aking sarili. Am I really as bad as they thought I am?
Rebecca... siya ba ang babaeng minahal ni Zackary?
Malapit na kami sa paanan ng bundok kung saan kami nagkita-kita kaninang umaga nang lumapit sa'kin ang isa sa mga elites. I've never learned their names dahil hindi kami nagabalang ipakilala ang mga sarili namin sa isa't isa. But from their conversation, I knew her name was Lilian.
Hindi ko mapigilang mangamba nang lumapit siya since most of the group were already ahead of the trail. Nakangiti siya nang huminto sa harapan ko, a pleasant smile. Umatras ako ng isang hakbang mula sa kanya. Tumaas ang kanyang kilay nang mapansin ito. But her smile didn't falter.
"I'm not gonna eat you up," she told me. "We're just thinking of inviting you to celebrate with us tomorrow since this program was held successfully."
"It's okay..." I mumbled. "You don't have to invite me..."
Hindi niya napigilan ang irap sa kanyang mga mata. "It's not like we want it to be honest with you. But you came here with us so it's basic camaraderie. I know you find us annoying but we know how to pay gratitude."
"Thank you... but I can't..."
"It's gonna be held at my house," she stated, not minding my statement. "I'll just send a car tomorrow, okay? We've worked hard today so don't miss it... and dress casually since tayo-tayo lang naman."
Muli siyang ngumiti bago naglakad pabalik sa grupo.
Pagdating namin sa ibaba ng bundok, the helpers were already lifting things to the waiting cars. Nawalan na ako ng pagkakataon na kausapin silang muli nang magkanya-kanya na silang pasok sa sasakyan. I was ushered to the same car na sumundo sa'kin sa apothecary kaninang umaga.
Habang nasa byahe pabalik sa bayan, naisip ko ang alok nila. A celebration for tomorrow. Umiling ako at pilit kinalimutan ito. Hindi ko kailangang pumunta.
I woke up with a heavy feeling the next day. It was like tiredness had silently blanketed my body and took over last night. Mabigat ang katawan ko nang bumangon para magbihis at bumaba sa hall para mag-agahan.
Kahit ang ibang mga staff ay napansin ang maputla kong mukha. Someone suggested I should take the day off and rest dahil panay ang alis ko para sa field work nitong mga nakaraang araw, but I still have reports to do at the tower at hindi pwedeng pareho kaming wala ni Anabeth para tapusin ito.
Agad akong nagtungo sa tower para tapusin ang mga naiwan kong trabaho. Kaunti nalang ang reports na kailangan kong gawin so maybe I could take the afternoon off. Ito ang iniisip ko buong umaga, ang makapagpahinga nang tuluyan. Pero nang dumating ang hapon at matapos ako sa ginagawa, one of the staff informed me that a car was waiting for me at the driveway.
Naalala ko ang celebration na inalok ng mga elites. Niligpit ko ang mga gamit sa work station at sinara ang kwarto bago lumabas ng tower at nagtungo sa driveway. Ang balak ko ay sabihin na hindi ako makakapunta but I wasn't even fully in the driveway when the driver opened the car door for me.
Umiling ako at humingi ng pansensya. "Pakisabi na hindi ako makakapunta..."
Hindi umimik ang driver na nagbukas ng pinto para sa'kin. Nanatili siyang nakatayo, hand on the opened car door. "Hindi ako maaaring umalis hanggang hindi kayo sumasama, miss."
Pinagmasdan ko ang sasakyan at tahimik na bumuntong hininga. I knew this feeling too well at hindi ko masisisi ang driver dahil pinagdaanan ko ang mga bagay na ito sa mga naging amo ko noon. When things didn't go well for them, helpers and servants usually were the one who face consequences.
"Can I ask one thing though?" I asked. "Pwede bang pakihatid agad ako pabalik dito?"
Pumayag ang driver sa sinabi ko. Nagtungo akong muli sa tower at kinuha ang coat na iniwan ko sa work station. It didn't really matter what I wear since they say it's gonna be a casual celebration and they saw me at work anyway.
Tahimik ang byahe habang palayo kami sa apothecary. Makulimlim ang langit at nagbabadya ang ulan. I didn't have to stay long at their celebration. They seemed to be genuine with their invitation but I was only planning to show up.
Dumaan ang sasakyan sa kalye na pinaliligiran ng mga naglalakihang bahay sa likod ng nagtataasang gates. Nagsimulang bumuhos ang ulan sa labas. The street was empty, wet and silent, reflecting the gray, gloomy sky. Tagong-tago ang bawat bahay sa likod ng mga mataas na gates.
Pumasok ang sasakyan sa likod ng itim na gate. Paghinto nito, agad na lumabas ang driver na may dalang payong para alalayan akong makalabas nang hindi nababasa. Isa sa mga tagasilbi na nagaabang sa main door ang nagbukas nito para sa'kin.
I didn't get to see what the house looks like from outside because of the heavy rain. Pero hindi na kailangan dahil sa loob palang, mahahalata agad na hindi basta-basta ang mga taong nakatira dito. The reflecting chandelier on the white marble floor, the tall glass windows and white furniture. Everything was elegant and clean like I wasn't bound to be here.
I heard voices from somewhere in the mansion. Sinamahan ako ng tagasilbi papunta sa balcony. The giggles and conversations became louder. The balcony was protected with glass walls and glass roof like a sophisticated green house with colorful sofas and couches and tables around tall green plants.
They were having tea and on the white tables were layers of colorful pastries and sandwiches. The servant left once I walked to the group. They were all girls wearing delicate pastel dresses, floral with laces and ribbons on their hair.
They paused, tea cups in hands, as they turned to me, eyeing my dirt brown coat and gray working clothes underneath. Even the shoes I wore which was stained with mud.
"She's here..."
"Is she the girl?"
"Looks like you're right, Lilian. Her innocent look is perfect for her motives..."
"She doesn't look pure to me..."
Unti-unti akong nanliit sa harapan nila, like I was an attraction at a circus, they eyed me with such scrutiny, searching for something to comment on, to point out.
Bumaling ako kay Lilian, sa babaeng nagimbita sa'kin. This isn't a celebration... dahil wala dito ang mga taong kasama namin kahapon sa village. All of their faces were unrecognizable to me, like people wearing smiling festival masks mocking me.
"Is it true? She wanted to be a resident here?"
"Don't be so mean, even slaves could dream," Lilian stated, her eyes fixed on me.
Nagtawanan ang mga babaeng nasa harapan ko. "She looks desperate though... desperate to be with the alpha."
Naikuyom ko ang palad ko. Pilit akong huminga nang malalim bago tumalikod mula sa kanila. I couldn't cause a scene... couldn't say anything that would cause me and the apothecary problems.
"Poor Rebecca, who would have thought some stranger would desperately take her place?"
"As if this girl could..."
Naglakad ako pabalik sa loob ng mansion. I need to go back... because I didn't know how long I could take this. I've come so far to the person I once was. Hindi ko hahayaang maapektuhan ako ng mga salita nila.
"Wait, Eleanor."
Lilian approached me, with the same pleasant smile I once thought was genuine. "Why are you in such a rush? Hindi pa nagsisimula ang celebration."
Tuluyan akong humarap sa kanya. "Why are you doing this?" My voice trembled.
She folded her arms over her chest. "We're just stating facts, Eleanor, why are you so offended?"
"I'm not... I'm not any of those words..."
"That's what you believe, but what we see is different. Ikaw naman kasi... do not aim for something out of your reach." She took a threatening step towards me. "You could never be like us... you could never be more than us."
Inabot niya ang ilang hibla ng aking buhok, twirling it with her fingers. "Everyone knows it and thinks the same way. You're nothing but a desperate girl."
My hands were trembling on my side, eyes stinging with her every word... pero ang tuluyang nagwasak sa'kin ay ang mga sumunod na salitang sinabi niya.
"Don't you know, Eleanor? Rebecca is the alpha's mate."
***