Chapter 19: Out in the Air
A/N: Surprise! Yes, I am alive! Hopefully there are some of you who haven't given up on this story yet...
I'm so sorry it has taken me forever to post and you have every right to be mad with me, but just know that a lot of changes have happened in my personal life and I am still learning to adjust to them.
This chapter was a real piece of work as I always kept changing my mind about it so I hope it won't be too much of a drag for you guys to read.
So, for those of you who are still interested, please enjoy! :)
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"What were you really doing that day I rescued you?"
Upon hearing his words, Regina swears her heart stops.
Robin deserves to know, an insistent voice whispers inside her head. She knows he does, she knows she has to tell him the truth and yet there is a part of her that is genuinely scared to reveal the full extent of the horrors she's committed.
All for one simple reason; Regina doesn't want to risk losing him.
Yes, Robin said he could never hate her and that nothing could change his feelings towards her, yet the brunette still has her doubts – after all, who could ever love a monster like her?
But I need to tell him, the same voice persists, The only way our relationship even stands a chance is if we're completely honest with each other.
Realising her inner voice is right, Regina inhales a shaky breath before shifting her hands to take hold of his. "I think it's best if we discuss this whilst sitting down." she mutters, gently pulling on one of his hands to lead him towards the waiting chaise. Upon sitting down, Regina releases Robin's hands from within hers, being sure to leave some distance between them, "As you know, I have magic. And I have to admit it can be quite the effective tool." She doesn't fail to notice how Robin's brow furrows in disbelief at her comment. Coming to the conclusion that she might as well get it all out, the brunette continues, "I told you I'm a terrible person, and though I may not know what stories you've heard, I can almost guarantee they're probably all true." Fiddling with her fingers, Regina inhales a shaky breath and looks him straight in the eye as she states, "I killed the King."
The outlaw's only response is for his eyes to widen in what she can only assume is shock. Swallowing against the lump within her throat and averting her gaze, she continues, "He wasn't the only one. I was always sure to make an example of those that would try to defy me and I have the heart collection to prove it. Though to be honest, I've lost count of how many people I've either tortured or murdered.
"What Rumplestiltskin told you was the truth. That day you rescued me, I had asked him to disguise my true form with a cloaking spell so I could get close to Snow White without suspicion." she reveals, lowering her gaze towards her lap where she continues to nervously wring her hands. "But upon entering the town square, I happened to come across some vendors who'd fashioned a doll in my image, offering passers-by to try their luck at sinking an arrow into my heart." the brunette says bitterly, refusing to give into the thief's burning gaze, "Naturally, I tried to stop them, but in doing so some of my black knights noticed the commotion and assumed I was the one behind it all." She can't help but to darkly chuckle as the memory of Berkley and Rivers dragging her towards the public execution platform flashes across her mind's eye. I'll be sure to make those two suffer for making that mistake, she thinks, mulling over all the possible ways in which she can punish those idiots.
"So, that's why you were arrested that day." Robin murmurs, effectively breaking the brunette from her dark musings.
"Yes," Regina replies, allowing her gaze to briefly meet his, "and if it weren't for you, I'd surely be headless."
Smiling a warm smile, he quips, "Well, we couldn't have that now, could we?"
Allowing a small smile of her own to pull at her lips, the brunette lowers her gaze towards her hands once again before continuing, "As you know, I wasn't at all pleased to learn that I'd gained an injury that meant I couldn't move for three whole days."
"Oh, I remember quite well, milady," the thief murmurs with a small chuckle, "I have to admit, you were quite infuriating at times."
Unable to help cringing at her past self's behaviour, Regina apologises, "I'm sorry, I really didn't make things easy for you."
"Regina," Robin says, hooking a finger underneath her chin and leaving her brown orbs no choice but to gaze into the depths of his blue ones, "yes, your attitude towards the situation wasn't of the nicest nature, but it was perfectly understandable. You were frustrated and stuck in an unfamiliar camp with unfamiliar men. You had a right to throw a few comments here and there."
Though she's genuinely touched by his consideration and understanding, the brunette can't help but to feel that she is more than unworthy of it. So, breaking from the overwhelming intensity of his warm and caring gaze, Regina stands, moving so that her front faces the empty and cold heart of the fireplace whilst her back is to the thief, "If you knew the truth, you wouldn't be so understanding."
"But, Regina–"
"Remember the night when I left?" the queen asks firmly, causing the thief to stumble over his next few words. "Remember how I was prepared to run away from the life you offered me and to never look back?" she continues, letting her question hang in the air between them. When she can no longer stand the weighted silence, Regina shakily reveals, "It was what I had planned to do the moment I was able to walk again."
As silence threatens to fall over them once again, Robin quickly breaks it with a single question, "What stopped you?"
The question rings within her mind. She knows the answer without a shred of doubt, and yet finds herself hesitating to reveal the truth. Maybe it's because of the way in which he said it, his voice failing to give away anything as to what he's currently thinking. Or maybe it's because Regina knows that upon revealing the real reason as to why she chose to stay, she will no longer be able to hide how deeply she has fallen in love with this man.
Yes, Robin knows how she feels and loves her in return, but Regina knows she wouldn't be able to take it if she were to tell him just how much she loves him only for his rejection to follow upon realising that he could never be with a monster like her.
But when she turns and once again meets Robin's gaze, Regina knows that she could never lie to him. Her love for him would never allow it. So, after taking a shaky breath to settle the churning within her stomach, the brunette admits, "You."
"Me?" Robin asks as his eyes widen in disbelief.
"Yes," Regina replies with a small smile, "You helped me with something that I haven't had in a very long time."
"And what's that?" the thief gently prompts, his gaze never leaving hers.
Giving a slight smile, the brunette reveals, "For years I've hidden behind a mask, controlling how people would see me...how I would see myself." Sitting at his side once again, the brunette clutches his hands within her own and continues, "But being with you made me realise that I had become so tired of hiding my true self, because you were the only one who reminded me of who that person was – is." Feeling tears brim within her brown orbs, Regina lifts a single hand to cup the man's cheek, "Because of you, I no longer felt I had to hide, and I am so grateful for that and I love you so much I just–" But just as she goes to finish her sentence, Regina's voice catches within her throat as words choose to fail her.
Suddenly two strong arms wrap around her waist, pulling her against Robin's chest. It's only then, wrapped up in the security of his loving embrace, that Regina realises she's crying. And though the sweet nothings that are muttered against her ear appease part of the gnawing ache within her heart, Regina cannot dispel the fear of losing Robin that has settled within the pit of her stomach – the same fear that causes the brunette to curl further into the thief's chest.
"You just what, Regina?" Robin asks, moving one of his hands in soothing circles against her back.
Closing her brown orbs and taking a shuddery breath to steady her voice, Regina replies, "I don't want to lose you."
Using his other hand, the outlaw tenderly lifts the brunette's chin before placing loving kisses against each of her closed eyelids. "Look at me, Regina." he murmurs and the woman has no choice but to comply. Her breath catches as her brown orbs are met with his stunning blue ones that are filled with so much love.
Does she truly deserve something so pure after all of the suffering and death that she's caused?
But as Regina continues to gaze into his shining blue orbs, the question slowly ebbs away from her mind and suddenly all that matters is this moment in her thief's arms.
"You're not going to lose me," Robin murmurs into the space between them, "not now and not ever."
Not intending to push him away but wanting him to understand the reality of the situation, the brunette starts, "Robin, I'm such a horrible person, I have done so many unspeakable things."
"And it's in the past now." the thief states, burying his fingers within her dark tresses.
Shaking her head and gently removing his hands, Regina stands from the chaise, fiddling with her hands as she moves to stand before the empty hearth once again. "It's not that simple, Robin." she mutters.
"Why, Regina?" Robin asks, his footsteps moving across the cold stone before his palms come to rest against her shoulders, "Why can't it be so simple?"
It takes everything she has not to lean back into the outlaw's loving embrace. Instead, Regina steels herself, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before replying, "Because no matter how far or fast we run, my past will always find a way to catch up with me."
"Regina–"
"I'm a monster, Robin!" Regina exclaims, shifting from the thief's hold as she whirls on him, "I had the King killed because I knew he was the only one who stood in the way of gaining my revenge against Snow White." An almost repulsed expression crosses Robin's features, causing her stomach to clench painfully, but knowing that she has to continue, Regina lowers her gaze from his, even going as far to step away from him as she reveals, "I asked Rumple for a disguise that would enable me to get close enough to kill the girl undetected. But when I saw the full devastation that my actions had caused..." She pauses, leveling her gaze to the full intensity of his in the hope that he'll read the truth within her eyes, "I couldn't do it, Robin."
The outlaw's only response is to remain silent though his gaze never strays from hers. Regina desperately wishes to know what it is that he's thinking, but much to her dismay, his face remains a stoic mask.
"Robin, I swear to you," she continues, grabbing one of his hands within both of her own, "I never meant for you or the Merry Men to get hurt."
Robin merely shakes his head in what she can only assume is disappointment and disbelief.
"Please, Robin," Regina murmurs, lifting a hand to cup his cheek, "I know I was wrong, and I was going to tell you, I swear, but I was just so scared because I knew once the truth came out, you would hate me."
The thief closes his eyes upon leaning into her touch. And as his lips press a gentle kiss to the inside of her wrist, the brunette can only dare to hope.
"I could never hate you, Regina. You know that." Robin replies, opening his blue orbs to once again meet her teary brown ones. In one swift movement, the outlaw is wrapping his strong arms around her and puuling her against his broad chest. Regina doesn't resist, collapsing into his embrace, allowing the sense of security and warmth to wash over her. "And darling, you are not a monster. Yes, you may have done some terrible things, but you told me yourself, those actions were a result of your anger and grief. Actions that are a mere act of the past."
"But how can you know?" Regina croaks, lifting her watery gaze to meet his, "How can you possibly know that I won't revert to my old ways?"
Tenderly cupping both of her cheeks, Robin claims, "Because, my love, I know that you're no longer that person."
Giving him a watery smile as her tears threaten to spill over, Regina says the only thing that seems fitting, "I love you."
"And I, you." he replies, pressing a loving kiss to her forehead.
They remain like that for a while, simply wrapped in each other's arms. However, the brief silence is broken when the thief murmurs a question against her ear, "Why didn't you tell me?"
Tightening her hold onto the man she loves, Regina reveals, "Because I was terrified that you would think the worst of me and I would lose you because of that."
In response, Robin gently tilts her chin upwards and kisses her deeply. He only pulls back when breathing becomes a necessity, gently resting his forehead against hers. "Sweetheart, I've said it once and I'll say it a thousand times if you need me to," the outlaw states as he gazes into the depths of her brown orbs, "You'll never lose me."
Choosing to believe him, Regina leans in to place a loving peck against his lips before pulling back and peppering kisses along his jawline and down his throat, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. "So, you're not mad?" she asks.
Robin puffs out a sigh, "I must admit, I'm not entirely happy that you've been keeping the truth from me for so long, especially after that particular dream I revealed to you. But, I do understand why you felt the need to do so."
"You do?" Regina asks in disbelief.
"I do," he nods, running his hands soothingly along the length of her back, "At the time, you felt that keeping your identify and personal motives a secret would not only protect yourself, but also the lives of those around you."
Misty-eyed, the brunette lifts her gaze to meet the thief's as she admits, "It will never cease to amaze me how you understand me so well, or how you continuously manage to see the good in me."
Brushing a stray lock behind her ear, Robin murmurs, "I will always see the good in you, Regina."
Not trusting herself to put her thoughts into words, Regina allows her actions lead her as she firmly presses her lips against Robin's. He doesn't hesitate to respond, tightening his arms around her frame as he deepens the kiss.
Sighing at the feel of his lips against hers, Regina trails her hands over his broad chest before bringing them to the back of his head and burying them within the strands of his hair as she pulls him impossibly closer. They remain locked within their passionate embrace, caressing and touching every inch that their hands can reach as their mouths move against each other in a sensual dance.
When the need for oxygen burns within her lungs, Regina reluctantly ends the kiss with a few firms pecks against her thief's mouth before pulling back and lovingly bumping his nose with hers. And as a blissful grin tugs at the corner of her lips, Regina cannot help the small chuckle the breaks past her lips upon thinking of the real reason as to why she never had a chance to reveal the truth to Robin.
"What's so funny?" Robin asks with a smirk.
"You know," the brunette says, levelling her brown orbs to his blue ones, "there were several occasions where I attempted to reveal the truth to you."
"Is that so?" Robin queries, a quizzical look crossing his features, "What happen during these occasions that caused you to change your mind?"
Chuckling, Regina reveals, "Each time I gathered the courage to reveal who I was, you would cut me off, ever so romantically claiming that despite only knowing me a handful of days, you knew the real me and that the actions of my past no longer mattered."
"I just couldn't help myself could I?" he murmurs with a chuckle.
Giving a slight shake of her head, the brunette fondly replies, "No, you couldn't."
Lifting a hand to tenderly cup her cheek, Robin claims, "But in all honesty, your past does not define you. Though the Queen overcome with hatred and revenge is a part of you, she is not who you are. Regina, you're the most resilient, kind, loving, brilliant and stunning woman I have ever met." Touched by his words, tears brim within the woman's eyes, but before she can form a reply, the outlaw continues, "Yes, you're as stubborn as hell, but that's only because you're not afraid to hold your ground and refuse to give up. And despite what you want me to believe, you clearly put others before yourself."
"What makes you say that?" Regina asks, wondering how on earth this wonderful man can turn her ugliest faults into the prettiest of compliments.
In response, Robin moves to place one of his hands to the left side of her chest – directly above her heart, "Because, though it has been battered and bruised, you have a big heart, Regina. One that allows you to feel deeply and to care for those who are in need of help the most."
Scoffing, Regina cannot help but ask, "Yes, because I certainly helped the countless of innocents I carelessly murdered."
"Look," Robin says, shifting his hands to grasp both of hers as his deep blue eyes bore into the depths of her brown ones, "all I'm saying is that the woman I know is the furthest thing from a monster."
Swallowing against the lump that has formed within her throat and lowering her gaze from the intensity of his, the brunette murmurs, "Well, maybe you don't know me as well as you think."
Without missing a beat, the thief hooks a finger beneath her chin and forces her brown orbs back to his, stating, "I know you better."
Shaking her head as tears threaten to spill from her eyelids, Regina attempts to form a reply only for words to fail her.
"We all have a dark side, Regina, myself included. But we also have a good side too." As he says this, Robin once again places his hand over the place where her heart lies within her chest, "All that matters is which side it is you choose to listen to."
Overcome with so much love her chest physically aches, Regina lets a few stray tears fall down her cheeks as she leans forward and places her lips against Robin's in a sweet and tender kiss.
Her thief returns the kiss instantly, pressing his lips firmly against hers and wrapping his free arm around her, pulling her impossibly closer as his hand trails up from her chest to rest at the nape of her neck.
Letting her emotions guide her, Regina loses herself within Robin's kisses and the things only he can make her feel – feelings she had thought to have become dormant long ago.
Suddenly, Robin falls back onto the chaise and consequently pulls Regina along with him. Chuckling, she presses a sweet closed-mouthed kiss to the thief's lips as she pulls back and lovingly frames his face with her hands. She lets her gaze leisurely roam over his handsome features before her brown orbs become lost within the depths of his sparkling blues. "What did I do to deserve you?" the brunette breathes into the small space between them.
Robin places a soft kiss to the inside of her left wrist before replying, "I've been asking myself the very same question as of late, and do you know what I've come to realise?"
"What?" Regina asks simply, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs.
Gently hooking his hands over her wrists, the thief bores his gaze into hers and says, "I've done nothing. Absolutely nothing and yet, here you are, loving me. So I figure, I must have gotten something right."
"You must've," the queen replies before scrunching her nose and adding, "though I can't exactly say the same."
Running the back of his fingers across her right cheek, Robin claims, "Regardless, the only thing that matters is that we love each other. And I do, Regina, I love you so much."
Smiling a smile of pure and utter bliss, Regina rests her forehead against his, murmuring "I love you too."
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How long Regina remains within his arms, Robin doesn't know, but quite frankly he doesn't care as he relishes the feel of having the woman he loves curled up against his chest. And as he lays a tender kiss to the top of her head, the outlaw once again thanks the heavens above for bringing this stunning queen into his life.
And I will to everything in my power to ensure she stays there, Robin silently vows.
Because despite all that he has learnt over the course of the past few hours, Robin knows that the woman currently in his arms is very different to the one of her past.
"I'm sorry." Regina murmurs, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over them.
Scrunching his brow in confusion, Robin questions, "Whatever for?"
"For dragging you into this." she replies simply.
"Hey," the thief murmurs, gently lifting her chin to bring her gaze to his, "you haven't dragged me into anything. I'm here of my own free will."
The brunette merely gives him a weak smile, "That may be true but if I had tried harder to keep you safe–"
"You would have only tried to push me further away." Robin claims, cutting the woman off.
Cutely scrunching her nose, Regina coyly looks up as she asks, "Would it have worked?"
Giving a fond shake of his head, the thief chuckles, "Not in the slightest."
The brunette sighs in response before snuggling further within the outlaw's embrace. "I have no idea what to do next." she admits after another brief silence.
"Well, we'll figure it out together." he replies, tightening his hold on the brunette.
"But, Robin–"
Not giving her a chance to plead her case, the thief briskly presses a finger against her lips and states, "No buts, Regina. This is something we're going to figure out together."
"But if Rumple ever tried to hurt you, I would never forgive myself." Regina protests with a trembling tone after moving his finger from her lips.
Gently cupping both of her cheeks, Robin firmly reassures, "That's not going to happen."
"How can you be so sure?" she asks as she loosely hooks her hands over his wrists.
Stroking across her cheeks with his thumbs, the thief says, "Because I know that you will do everything in your power to keep me safe, just as I will do the same for you." Wanting to reassure her with more than just his words, Robin leans forward and kisses her softly. Upon pulling back, he murmurs, "I love you, Regina. Never forget that."
"And I, you." Regina replies with a smile that causes his heart to soar.
Unable to resist, Robin leans forward to capture her lips once again in a sweet kiss that soon turns into a series of lazy and languid kisses. He then presses a quick peck to the corner of her lips and to each of her eyelids before pulling her impossibly closer to him.
The brunette responds by pressing a loving kiss to the crook of his neck as she snuggles further into his embrace, sighing contentedly.
They stay like that for a while and soon Regina's body becomes a comforting weight against his chest as her breathing slowly evens out.
The thief takes a moment to admire the sleeping beauty in his arms, thankful that she can finally put her mind to rest and wander the land of dreams. Though he is loath to move her and risk waking the brunette, Robin knows she will have a more comfortable sleep under the covers of her bed than the chaise.
With this thought in mind, the outlaw carefully secures Regina within his arms before lifting her in a bridal-style fashion and carrying her towards the lavish four-poster bed, gazing down at her stunning features as he does so.
Upon reaching the bed, Robin gently lowers the sleeping beauty onto the bed, being sure to arrange the covers so that they shield her body from the chill of the cool night air. Overwhelmed by how much he loves her Robin can't help but to tenderly tuck a single stand behind the woman's ear before leaning down to place a loving kiss to her forehead.
Gazing down at the sleeping queen with a smile on his lips, Robin murmurs, "Goodnight, my love."
But just as the thief turns to leave and find his own place to rest his head for the night, he feels a single hand catch his wrist. Upon turning back, Robin finds Regina looking up at him with a very drowsy expression as she gives a single request, "Stay with me."
Unable to find it within himself to deny her, Robin briskly removes his boots and his leather tunic, leaving him in only his undershirt and breeches before he lifts the covers and settles beside Regina. Almost instantly, she curls into his side, wrapping an arm around his torso and resting her head against his chest as she releases a contented sigh. Feeling a warmth spread throughout his chest, Robin tightens his own arms around the woman he loves, silently vowing that they will share many more of these peaceful moments together.
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A/N: Now Robin knows the whole story. Will Regina and Robin figure out a way to defeat Rumple? Or will the Dark One destroy everything Regina holds dear?
Keep an eye out for updates and read to find out!
Please feel free to leave a review on your way out, I would love to know what you guys thought if this chapter.
And if you're looking for something to read until the next update, please check out my other story, Fading Away - I can assure you, you won't regret it ;)