I was watching the clock the entire day and I knew something was wrong when I checked the time and saw that Finnick should have called over thirty minutes ago. The baby kicked in my stomach and I gently rubbed it.
"I know. Your dad should have called by now," I said as I tried to keep my worrying in check. Maybe Finnick just got busy or he forgot. He should be calling soon.
However as time continued to tick on I went down to Beetee to see if he'd know anything. When I came down to the Special Defense he was buried behind a pile of work as usual, but this time I didn't hesitate to interrupt him.
"Beetee," I called. He jumped from his work and smiled at me.
"Annie, hi is everything alright?" He asked.
I shook my head and sat down. "I don't know. I think something is wrong. Finnick told me he'd call hours ago. Do you know what they're doing today?"
"Yeah, they're just doing a more complicated propo. I was supposed to air it tonight," Beetee said.
He glanced up at the clock and his expression changed. It darkened before he quickly concealed it behind a mask of ignorance. However I caught the change. I've become an expert at seeing through masks.
"Beetee, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing," he lied. "I just need to go talk to President Coin upstairs."
With that Beetee wheeled himself around me and took the elevator up without waiting for me. If he was trying to convince me nothing was wrong, he was doing a terrible job at it. I ended up going back up and just sitting around until someone I didn't recognize called me and told me President Coin wanted to see me.
Now I'm sitting here in Command. I don't know most of the other people here. I only know Mrs. Everdeen, Prim, and Gale's mom so I stick by them. Everyone seems worried and confused. I may not know any of these people but it doesn't take long for me to discover that we're all the families of the squad Finnick left with. If we're all gathered here then nothing good can be happening.
Everyone is murmuring nervously but I'm just sitting silently and playing nervously with the necklace Finnick gave me. I look down at my wedding ring and pray that everything is okay.
Suddenly the door opens and Plutarch and President Coin walk in. Someone demands to know what's going on and Coin holds up a hand for silence. She stands at the head of the room with Plutarch slightly behind her.
"I know you're all wondering why you're here. Earlier today we sent Squad Four Five One to film a more complicated propo deeper in the Capitol. Boggs, the commanding officer, has a Holo device which contains a map of the traps laid in the Capitol's streets. Things have been going smoothly but circumstances have arisen which cause us to believe that there were some unforeseen traps."
A middle aged man stands up angrily and points accusingly at Coin. "You said they were safe there! Now you're saying there were complications?"
Coin doesn't even seem fazed by the outburst. She just calmly holds up a hand again. "Please sir, we are in a war. Safety is never guaranteed, but with the Holo and our inside sources we have ensured the maximum amount of safety for our soldiers."
The man along with a few others scoff at her words. I never liked Coin that much, and with what she's saying now I'm beginning to understand why Finnick hates her so much.
"Given that, we can't foresee everything. This afternoon we lost contact with Squad Four Five One. We've been doing our best to discover their current status and whereabouts. However we haven't had any luck and just recently saw this."
Coin nods at Plutarch who clicks a button. The screen at the front of the room turns on to show breaking news from the Capitol. They're showing a group of workers digging through the rubble and remains of a building. It's surrounded by a black gel like substance and looks like it was blown up by a bomb.
The camera pans to show a reporter standing in front of the pile of stone and glass.
"Earlier this afternoon a group of rebels attempted to infiltrate the Capitol. It is now confirmed that this group consisted of victors Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen, and Finnick Odair along with Gale Hawthorne, Boggs, Cressida, a former Capitol film director, and a group of soldiers from District Thirteen."
My heart jumps at the mention of Finnick's name. Then all of a sudden his picture is staring at me through the screen with his piercing green eyes. However this picture must've been taken while he was in the Capitol because he lacks all of the ease I love about him. Inside I can see the fear and confusion going inside him, and I can't help but think that's what Finnick is going through right now.
"However through the efforts of President Snow, the group of rebels were thwarted. They are now believed to be dead after getting trapped in this building before it was blown up by a bomb. After everything this is where the fate of these victors lies, including the leader of the rebellion and the Mockingjay herself, Katniss Everdeen. That's all for now but stay tuned for more details and a message from President Snow himself later this evening."
The reporter flashes a wide smile at the camera and I want to slap it off her face. My heart is racing and I can feel my hands shaking. Plutarch turns the television off and I look around the room. Everyone is in different states of shock. Some are just staring at the screen with tears in their eyes. Mrs. Everdeen, Prim, and Gale's mom are all holding each other as they cry into each other's shoulders.
I feel someone's hand on my shoulder and I jump. They quickly take their hand off and I turn around to see Beetee looking at me sadly.
"Are you okay?" He asks gently.
I shake my head. "He's not dead. Finnick isn't dead."
Beetee looks down uncomfortably and shifts in his wheelchair. "Annie, you saw the explosion. We saw camera footage from the streets. They went inside and never came out. It's highly unlikely that--"
"No," I interrupt Beetee firmly. "He's not dead."
I get up and walk out of the room. I rub my stomach and look down at the protruding bump. "Your father isn't dead. He's going to come back. He promised."
Tears fall down my cheeks but not because of the news I just heard. I'm scared and worried about what's happening to Finnick right now. I know he's not dead. I would feel it inside of me. I would know. He's far but I can still feel him fighting. He'll come back. He needs to.
"Annie!" Someone yells. I blink from my daze and realize I have no idea how long I've been walking around.
"Annie!"
I turn around and see Johanna jogging up to me. Her hair is finally growing out. It's in a pixie cut now, giving her an extra edge. Not that she needed it. The hard glint in her eyes are enough to tell people to stay away.
"Is it true?" She asks. "People were saying that the squad Finnick was in is..."
"No," I say firmly. "They're wrong."
"But I saw the news recaps," Johanna says unsurely.
"No, Finnick isn't dead. I would know," I tell her.
I'm expecting Johanna to argue with me or give me an uncomfortable look like Beetee, but she just smiles a bit. She crosses her arms in front of her and nods once.
"If you believe he's alive then that's good enough for me. I've seen you two together. You're pretty much the same person," Johanna says. "Have you eaten dinner yet?"
I give her a quizzical look and shake my head. "No."
Johanna nudges her shoulder as she walks past me. "Then let's go get some."
I watch Johanna go down the hall for a bit before I hurry to catch up to her. I thought for sure she'd laugh in my face, but Johanna almost seemed to believe me. Maybe she was just looking for a reason to believe that the worst hadn't happened. And for her my faith is good enough. When I finally catch up Johanna gives me the smallest of smiles and I think we might be able to be friends.
***
After dinner I go back to the room Finnick and I share and sit down on the bed. I haven't been in here all week since I've been staying with Delly in her room. I open the drawer that holds our few belongings and take out a pile of drawings.
Finnick doesn't think he's any good but there's a beauty and eye to the messy style of his sketching. He's drawn me a couple of times since we've came here. He's also drawn Mags, Dad, and Luke from memory. I dig deeper and take out the sketches he's drawn and doesn't know I know about.
Finnick doesn't like talking about the arena and I don't push him. He tells me things when he wants to, but many times I catch him drawing scenes from the arena that he quickly hides when he sees me. They're really rough sketches that people may not recognize unless they knew what he was drawing. But they're detailed enough to know that these are the images of his nightmares.
There's one of a rabid monkey with its fangs bared. Then there's a picture of a clock and a couple full of jabberjays. Some drawings are more blurred but this one is clear as day. Its mouth is open and letting go a sound that I can imagine all too well.
I think back to a couple months ago around the time we were finally reunited. We were happy and preoccupied with preparing our wedding, but our nightmares still had a way of creeping back in no matter what.
I had a dream I was back in the Capitol. I woke up screaming but I couldn't stop because it was the only thing drowning out the sound of everyone's tortured cries. However no matter how loud I screamed I could still hear Finnick, and he was crying and begging me to stop yelling.
"Annie, please stop! Open your eyes. You're here and safe with me. Please, love!" Finnick shouted.
I finally opened my eyes and saw tears glistening on his cheeks. He looked scared and vulnerable, and when he saw me looking at him he pulled me in for a tight hug. Finnick wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. I could feel him still crying and I leaned back to look at him. I gently brushed off his tears and he smiled a sad smile.
"Finn, I'm sorry. I can't help it," I apologized. I hated putting him through this.
"I know. It's not your fault. I didn't mean to start crying. It's just that hearing you scream..."
Finnick's voice cracked at the end and he quickly looked away. I took his hand and squeezed it gently.
"Finn, what is it?" I asked quietly.
He sighed, closed his eyes, and shook his head. When he opened them again there was so much pain in their depths that it made my heart ache.
"It's just that, it reminds me of the arena. The jabberjays. Your voice. The way it sounded, it still haunts me," Finnick whispered. "I was so scared I lost you."
I held his face gently in mine. It was dark in the room but there was just enough light that I could see the trail his tears made on his cheeks.
"You won't lose me," I told Finnick. "You told me yourself. We're going to be okay."
Finnick smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. We are."
We were better than okay these last few months. We were together and relatively safe. There was no reason to hide anymore and we just had the future to look forward to.
I put the darker drawings away and take out my favorite one. I trace my finger over the layout of our son's nursery that we drew up together. We're planning on painting the walls blue with wave patterns along the bottom. Then we're going to weave a rug and make a mobile full of little sea animals. That's all we have for now, but so far it's perfect.
I look down at the necklace Finnick gave me years ago during the first year we were together. I never met his mom, but he said the pendant was hers. The fact that he was giving me the only thing he had from his mom meant a lot. Looking at it reminds me of that night we spent on the beach. Everything looked breathtaking from the dancing flames from the candles to the burst of flowers all over the sand. Everything was good and perfect then.
I need him here with me again. I want him to wrap his strong arms around me and leave kisses all over me. I miss Finnick's one sided smirk and teasing eyes. His gentleness and the whispered words he'd tell me in the middle of the night to remind me that I'm always safe with him. I miss my love and best friend.
"Please come home Finn," I whisper.
***********************************
Guess who found wifi?
Thanks for all the comments and votes on the last chapter!
I'm also double uploading since I got another chapter written on the plane!