#% ILLIAD MOON <3 !!!
the room is silent. felix sits across from me on the other side of my bed. my spine sits curved in front of the boy i love so dearly. he was the first person i thought to call after i got the message from penny.
"moonie" he mutters. my head slowly cranes up as i look at the light haired boy. blonde pieces of hair are pressed against his forehead, falling down in front of his dark, slender eyes. freckles dance across his nose and face in various positions. if i hadn't loved the boy so platonically, i could've had a crush on him.
he is a beautiful person, on the inside and on the outside as well.
"it's going to be okay" felix's dainty hand cups the side of my face. his finger wipes off the single tear that falls down at that moment. my face is already soaked and stained with the wetness of my tears from earlier.
"i don't think so lix" i take in one thick breath, choking on it as i do so. "well i do" he comments. the simple words make a chuckle come from my body.
"thank you" i say, throwing myself forward. my head falls into his lap and i look up at his face. "you're my best friend" i tell him and a wide smile flashes on his face. "you're my best friend too, moonie" he reveals and my heart swells with the platonic love.
everyone always says that there is no such thing as platonic love especially between a boy and a girl. i didn't believe it for a while either, with how much i romantically loved hyunjin. but felix and i are the proof that platonic love can exist between a boy and a girl.
i love the boy so much, he has helped me throughout every little thing.
his small fingers move a piece of hair away from my eyes. "you're too pretty to be crying moonie. he doesn't deserve your tears" felix's eyes roll in disgust of the thought of jaemin.
"i know, i'm not crying over him, i'm crying over the fact that the entire country of korea things i'm an awful person because of what happened in the cafe. that's not fair to me."
he doesn't say anything and his silence tells me that he is in agreement.
a whole week goes by after the video had been released and i had my cry with felix. i got looks a few places i went with my parents.
glances from teenage girls were the most frequent. they would whisper to each other and point. however, when i would look at them, their heads would suddenly turn and they would completely avoid eye contact with me.
it made me beyond angry.
hyunjin debuted two days after it had happened. my parents watched as he performed his debut song for millions of people through a television screen. not to mention the hundred people that were already there.
i was proud. it reached number one in the matter of a day. as much as i hated the boy, it was somewhat nice to see someone get something they worked for.
the good thing about his debut was that he was no longer hanging around my house. he didn't babysit harley and i rarely ever saw him when i walked by his home to go to the park.
i saw him once when he was walking in after another long day of promotions. he was dragging himself through the door. the hood to my sweatshirt was pulled over my face and i hid myself from his view but when i glanced up at him, he was standing at his door.
his head was pushed up against the side of the entryway. hyunjin's body was faced my way and he stared at me. his eyes had awful bags beneath them and he just stared. i wondered what he was thinking.
if he realized it was me.
"goodnight illiad" his hoarse voice cried out. i could not even imagine how tired his vocal cords were of singing and rapping. how tired they were of continuously singing. "goodnight" i said back and he shut his door.
i hadn't seen him for days after that. in person at least, his face was still on every other channel we flipped through on the television. he was a star just like jaemin.
they loved him.
i lay across the couch watching one of the many variety shows that hyunjin was on this time. it was him, another soloist and even jaemins group. it took everything in me not to laugh at the irony of this situation.
they steal glances at each other and at one point, the host of the show mentions that jaemin and hyunjin went to the same high school. in fact, they were even in the same friend group with producer of hyunjin and so many other's music, bangchan.
i wonder how he is too. he hasn't even come to see me once since i arrived in korea. i know he is beyond busy. he has a real serious job producing and he loves what he does so i can't even be mad at him.
"yeah we had a few friends in common when we were in high school" jaemin nods, the camera pans to hyunjin who has an absolutely fake smile stapled to his face. it is as if someone is pulling at the corners of his mouth with invisible strings. he nods once again.
his silence allows jaemin to talk again. "it was actually our senior year! i had just moved a few months into the year and we were connected by a good friend of ours" hyunjin and jaemin now look at each other.
i wonder if hyunjin found out. he had to have found out about the article, everyone had seen it. i wonder how he felt.
"yeah," hyunjin finally speaks, "we weren't that close though, i was popular compared to jaemin but we shared a few friends."
he had to include that popular jab. i roll my eyes thinking about ara gwan and how she, and her popularity, had completely tore hyunjin and i's friendship apart.
"funny" i laugh out loud
"fu-fun" i hear harley next to me say and i nod. "funny, very funny."
a loud laugh comes from the baby and i smile at his chubby cheeks. "you are so stinking cute" my fingers take ahold of his face and i play with his cheeks for a solid minute before the doorbell rings, interrupting me and my antics with my baby brother.
"illi can you please go get that, your father and i are busy" my mother says from the kitchen. "yes, ma'am" my hands encase harley and i pick him up, placing him on my hip as i walk over to the front door.
i notice it's dark outside and i wonder who is ringing the doorbell after dark.
the second i open it, i know why.
"hey" hyunjin's face beams. he has a grin that goes from one ear to another but i can see the obvious exhaustion on his face. his eyes look tired, the bags tell more sleepiness but i can tell with the look of them, and the fact that they're blood shot, that he's beyond tired.
my eyes scan his face and i see a few particles of makeup glitter underneath his eyes still. "yes?" i ask, my tone ponders why he's here.
"hello to you too," he tips his head somewhat sarcastically, "and of course hello harley." "hi" harley waves. i watch as the smile on hyunjin's face becomes a true one.
"hyunjin please come in" the voice belonging to my mother makes my head turn. when our eyes meet, my mother squints her eyes.
my body moves to the side and hyunjin walks inside of the house. "hyunjin is here because we invited him over for a celebratory dinner for his debut. congrats by the way honey" my mother walks over and hugs hyunjin's taller body. "thank you" he smiles as he hugs my mother. harley squirms in my arms and holds his own out towards hyunjin.
"is it okay if i?" he asks and i glance between the two boys before nodding. "yeah, he wants to go with you anyways" i mutter.
hyunjin smiles as his arms grab harley. his hands brush against my bare arm and i can feel my entire body warm up as he touches me.
i feel sick. there's no way this man should be able to make me feel like this.
"hi harley" he smiles as harley's teeny hand reaches out and grabs onto hyunjin's cheek squeezing it. "ji-ji" hyunjin smiles as harley speaks to him. "jinnie" hyunjin repeats.
his eyes flash over to me as he says my nickname for him. "jinnie" harley whispers running his hand over hyunjin's cheeks.
"good job little man" hyunjin and him high five and i smile at them. "why don't you guys go sit on the couch" i turn and look at my mother and that's when i realize that i'm actually smiling.
the pads of my finger touch my cheeks and i want to slap myself then and there.
"okay" hyunjin walks in, talking to harley the entire way over. he stops in his trek to talk to my father for a second before both he and harley are on the couch together watching what was left playing on the television.
i take a glimpse at my mothers face. one of her perfectly groomed eyebrows is raised and her dark juniper colored eyes stare back at me.
"don't give me that look" i point my finger at her and her head quietly shakes, the only sound is the incredibly soft clinking of her earrings together. they are expensive and made of pristine metal.
"forgive the boy."
i push her comment aside and walk into the living room with my brother and old friend. they watch the tv, the ending credits of the variety show are playing now. hyunjin and the rest of the stars are bowing and saying their goodbyes.
"having fun watching me?" hyunjin cocks a brow as he plays with harley sitting next to me. "yeah of course," i roll my eyes, "my favorite thing to do in my free time is see what you, of all people, are up to."
a small smile creeps up on his face. "it was on tv to start and then i watched to see how jaemin was doing" my fingers push my lower lip in between my teeth and i chew on it after i finish my words.
"do you guys not talk anymore?" the male next to me plays dumb. my head shifts in his direction. "i know you're dumb but not that dumb" i remark and he nods.
"i wasn't gonna bring it up, i heard about the backlash you're getting because of it" his eyes soften as they look at me, as if he's sad about what's happening.
"it's whatever." it's not.
"come on illiad, like you said. i'm dumb but i'm not that dumb. we used to be best friends, i can tell when you're lying" he's looking down at me now. i hope it's not pity in his eyes. i hate to be fucking pitied.
"it's really whatever," i lie through my teeth, "he's an asshole, he deserved it. i know the truth, that's all that matters."
"well what's the truth?" hyunjin questions me. "like i would tell you" my voice is laced with rudeness, i scoff at him.
his eyes are still fixated on me and i can see the hurt that takes place in his eyes after i say what i do to him. the redemption is there, he's trying to be a good person unlike jaemin. i have to remember that.
he's trying at the very least.
"i'm sorry, that was-"
"illiad, it was totally deserved, you have the right to not tell me anything. i was awful to you, i know. i don't expect anything in return" he says as his hands tickle harley's stomach.
my head nods and it goes silent between the two of us. we don't say another word for another few minutes before the music showcase for hyunjin comes on.
i can feel him shift uncomfortably as he watches himself perform. we watch his debut single and then the two other side tracks that were released alongside it.
they were good. if you call me was more upbeat and i liked watching him perform it and then there was put it straight. it was a ballad. beautiful. my heart yelped as he sang and danced to it. his dance performance was beautiful and i almost had tears in my eyes.
"i'm just sighing as if i'm sorry. that's how it collapses. i'm falling apart. i'm gonna stop time with you, but i can't see the future i have drawn. it breaks like a dream. it's all broken" the lyrics sing. he is a beautiful singer, a beautiful song writer and a beautiful dancer.
my head turns when the song is over and i look at him. his eyes were on me. i don't know how long they have been there but he is studying every single thing on my face.
i stare back for a second.
i still hate him so much. i hate him for what he did and how he treated me.
but i melt for a second. i melt just the tiniest bit.
AUTHORSNOTE.zip
so the lyrics are from put it straight
by g-idle but i put it in for jinnie bc i
feel like it can fit for them. anyways
i love my babies so much. they're
coming back maybe😋 i love you guys
so much! thank you for being patient
with me!!