"Grief is two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life."
- Anne Roiphe
Earth was sitting on the sofa, his body was progressively getting more and more see-through. It wasn't only his hands but also his chest that was back to being nothing more than just air.
He was starting to be nervous. He thought that if he could calm himself down, everything would be back to normal — well, his kind of normal. But no matter how much he tried, it was getting only worse.
He couldn't even hold Mix's necklace in his hands anymore. Earth could feel it hanging on his still tangible neck, could feel its cold edges and how they were burning a mark on his skin.
The mark of Mix being real, of his touch and his love. That necklace meant that Earth didn't make Mix up. That Mix was real. That he came to the cabin unaware that his whole life would be turned upside down by one desperate ghost.
That necklace was reminding Earth that Mix was coming back. He would be there with Earth soon. Earth could wait that much. He could do it. For Mix, he would wait until the universe collapses and the time stops for eternity.
Earth was alright, he was feeling good. The see-thoroughness was nothing to be worried about — he was completely see-through for decades, after all.
But he couldn't fool himself — he knew that this time it was different. He was in the most crucial part of his regeneration and Mix — the person he needed the most — was gone for way longer than they had promised to each other.
What if something had happened to Mix? A sudden sharp pain struck through Earth's chest — his heart! Something was happening, but it didn't seem like a good sign at all.
Mix. Mix was surely okay. He must have been. Earth would never forgive himself if something had happened to Mix because he wasn't with him. Because he couldn't be.
Earth was the one who persuaded Mix to go to his sister's wedding. It was the right thing to do, but what if? What if something —
Earth shook his head, he couldn't think about it. Mix was fine and he was coming back to him. The reason why he was late was — it must have been the weather. It was snowing like crazy for days. That was it! It must have been it.
Earth stood up, wanting to come closer to the window to see the frozen world outside better. His small soul hoping that maybe he would come in a contact with his angel coming back to him.
He made a few steps, his body — almost all see-through now — was shaking, his legs felt like they were made from water. He made one more step before his body gave up, falling to the floor like a maple leaf in the wind.
The floor was there to stop his fall but it also felt like it wasn't. It was as if he was floating in the air unable to touch or feel anything again. Just like before.
Just like before Mix.
Mix — he couldn't forget Mix. Earth's mind was getting hazy. What was happening to him? Where was he? Why was he on the floor? Why did he feel so strange?
He should go home. The convenience store was probably closed. He needs to sleep. He has to be at work at 6 AM tomorrow — it's going to be a busy day. He needs to write an article about how August 1965 seemes to be one of the hottest months in Thailand's history.
"Earth? No no no, please —"
Huh? What was that? What was that voice? Who was it? No — Earth tried to open his eyes. He didn't need to go to work tomorrow. He was at the cabin. Cabin named after him — the Ghost Cabin.
Mix.
It was Mix. His angel, his hope. No, there was no way. Earth couldn't go. Not like this. No. He had promised Mix that he will be okay. That nothing will happen while Mix was gone.
"Say something, why aren't you saying anything? Please, love, please."
Earth wanted, he wanted so badly to say something, to say that it was alright, that he loved Mix and that he was thankful for that short time they got to have together. That even though he wasn't alive — those few months were the best months of his life and he would do everything the same way again if it meant that he would have Mix in his life.
"I love you, do you hear me? I love you —"
Mix's sobs were cutting Earth deeper than anything else ever was. This wasn't how their story was supposed to end. Earth was supposed to paint a portrait of Mix that would bring people to their knees even centuries from now. They were supposed to spend the rest of their long lives together. Earth was supposed to meet Mix's family — this time alive — and they were supposed to get married. Adopt children or cats, or both. Earth would love it. He thought about it a lot but he was too scared to ask. He felt that it was too soon to ask about such a thing. Turned out the time for them was way shorter than they thought.
"Please, I love you —"
The sobs of his angel weren't stopping and Earth could feel himself disappearing into nothingness.
He couldn't say it, he couldn't even look at Mix but Earth's last thought belonged to only his Mix.
You were my hope and you always will be.
.....
Mix was freezing. The door to the cabin was still open. Open since Mix entered the cabin and his life crashed down in front of his eyes.
The snow got inside the cabin — since it started snowing again. The temperature in the cabin couldn't be more than a few degrees above the outside temperature.
But Mix didn't notice any of it. He may have been freezing. His clothes may have functioned as a freezer — putting him in danger of hypothermia but who cared?
No one.
Mix was laying on the floor, in the same place where Earth used to be. Was it minutes ago, or hours, or days? Mix didn't know. Time didn't feel like a cohesive thing anymore.
Mix was holding his necklace, holding on to that last thing that Earth left behind. Even though it was Mix's necklace for these past days it belonged to Earth, the same way Mix belonged to Earth for months.
If only Mix knew — he wouldn't fight his feelings towards Earth, he wouldn't try to lie to himself and tell himself that loving a ghost was impossible. He would embrace it from the beginning, from the first moment he knew that what he felt for Earth wasn't just sympathy or friendship.
They could have had so much more time together so much more laughs, so much more hugs that felt like home and kisses that even heaven could be jealous of. So many more I love yous and quiet promises...
Now it was all shattered into pieces; each piece mercilessly cutting through Mix's body, leaving scars that he rightfully deserved.
It was his fault. He should have come back sooner. He should have fought with sheriff LeBlanc and come to the cabin the day they had arrived. It didn't matter that everything was in the middle of a deadly blizzard. The fact that Mix was safe meant nothing when Earth was gone. Forever.
Or maybe Mix shouldn't leave Earth alone. He should have explained to his sister that he couldn't just leave Earth during such an important time of his regeneration —
Mix let out a quiet sob, his lips quivering. No, it was right that he went to the wedding. His big sister was getting married, it was right that he went. And, Earth — Earth wished for Mix to go and have fun.
Earth was selfless, too selfless for this world. Since Mix came to the cabin Earth always cared for him with utmost respect and tenderness.
Yes, the beginnings weren't the best with the prank and subsequent flu but since then — since then Earth treated Mix like the most precious item in the world. Like an angel — his angel.
Mix was Earth's angel, Earth's hope. Mix knew it. Of course, he did. Earth never failed to call him angel, making Mix's stomach turn into a butterflies' den, every single time.
And hope. Earth called Mix his hope when he thought that Mix couldn't hear him, but Mix always did.
At first, it felt like a pressure, to be someone's hope. But then, Mix embraced it. He decided to be exactly that — to be Earth's hope. His hope for life, for a better future, for every smile and every beautiful moment there was.
Mix was Earth's hope and he never wanted to make Earth hopeless again. But then he did exactly that — he left Earth, leaving him hopeless, helpless, alone.
Mix could feel his heart breaking into half. The emotional pain was too much, it was almost as if it was truly happening. And Mix wished it was. He wished for it to be all over. He didn't want to feel this pain. He didn't want to be in the world without Earth.
Losing someone you love hurts. It hurts like hell. Like nothing else ever can. Mix knew that, but this — this was more than pain, more than agony. It was almost as if he died with Earth too.
Was he a ghost now? Maybe he was. This wasn't normal. It wasn't the way it was supposed to feel. There must have been something more in the legend. Was the loss of a ghost supposed to affect a person so much?
There must be something written about it, in one of Mix's grandmother's diaries that still lay under her bed, in her untouched room. Mix wasn't there since the day he read her letter about opening his heart to Earth.
"I did, granny, I did," Mix sobbed out, "and I ended up losing mine too."
Maybe he should go and try to find something about what was happening to him, to Earth, to them. But he was too weak for it. He didn't move and he didn't want to, he was fine like this — laying at the last place he could still feel Earth's presence linger around him for a fragment of a time.
To be continued...
P.S. I miss Earth 😭😭😭 someone tell him to come back 😭