Chapter Twenty
It's been two weeks. Two damn, long ass weeks and I'm in funk. I'm so sick of moping around, but I just can't seem to stop.
I feel like a robot, just going through the motions. If I'm not going to class, doing homework, eating, or sleeping, I'm running. I've been running twice, or even three times a day just to keep myself occupied from my thoughts. Just to keep myself from thinking about him.
I inhale a deep breath and let it out before picking up my ankle and holding it against my butt, stretching my quads. I do the same with my other leg before reaching down to touch my toes. Straightening back up, I re-tie my hair, securing the blonde strands up in a high ponytail, before starting off down the pathway. A breeze blows past me seeing as it's the early evening, just before sunset. I'm glad it's been getting warmer out lately because it allows me to run in a t-shirt and athletic shorts.
I decided not to listen to music today, so my phone remains in my right hand for now, but will soon get transferred to my left when the weight of it gets to heavy. I look down at my feet as they continue to pound against the cement. My sneakers look worn and battered, but I've always liked them better that way.
I make a left, following my normal route around the perimeter of campus, but then glancing back up I lock eyes with the person I've been avoiding. The person I've been trying to avoid, but even just standing here ten feet away from each other I can still feel the raw intensity of his gaze. My feet stop in place, but I don't give them time to freeze there. They scrape against the pavement as I turn around and head back in the other direction.
"Lacie, wait!" Trent calls. God only knows how fast he must be running to already be within hearing distance. That thought only makes me run faster and amplifies the blood pounding in my ears. When heavy footsteps fall in step with my heart beat I veer off the pathway and head towards the parking lot. My lungs burn in my chest along with all the muscles in my legs, but I will them to keep moving. "Lacie, please!" I go to run around a car, but a hand wraps around my elbow. "Lacie," he breathes abruptly turning me around to face him, but I yank my arm out of his grip as if he suddenly caught fire.
"I don't want to hear it," I say as stern as I can in between ragged breaths and go to take off again, but Trent quickly jumps in front of me, blocking my path.
"Just hear me out," he breathes, seemingly just as breathless.
"No." I go to move around him again, but he blocks my path.
"Please."
I look up only to find that his eyes are pleading with me. They captivate me and hold me in place. It feels like I'm looking into a mirror. They hold the same pained expression I've been wearing the past few weeks. The only difference is, mine where they dull in sadness. His burn brighter. I inhale a deep breath through my nose before folding my arms across my chest, giving him my attention. He runs a hand through his hair as the rising and falling of his chest finally slows down to a normal rate.
"Lacie, look, I didn't mean what I said." My hands drop back down to my sides along with my gaze as I let out a huff. "Lacie, I swear I was just saying that, so the guys, so I," he pauses, shaking his head as if unsure of his own thoughts. "Just... to get the guys off my back."
My eyes cut back up to his, and my eyebrows draw together as I tilt my head to the side. "Oh, so they don't hound you about actually going out with a girl more than once without getting in her pants? Yeah, that makes total sense." I shake my head and move around him, but once again he hops back in front of me, now walking backwards.
He shakes his head. "That's not what I meant."
"Well, that's what it sounded like," I spit back continue to walk forward.
He stumbles a little trying to keep up with my pace. "I just hate the way they refer to you."
"Oh? " The crease between my eyebrows reappears. "Like I'm just some girl?"
"What? No, I—"
"Like I don't mean anything?" I continue to throw his words back at him and this earns me an exasperated look.
"Would you just slow down for like five seconds!" His hands fall on my shoulders as he steadies himself and efficiently stops me from moving any further. "Just listen okay?" Trent drops his hands back down to his sides with a sigh. "The guys just kept pestering me about you, it was like that for a few weeks, saying how I've known you for awhile and well... you heard what they said, but I just couldn't take it anymore." He rushes those last few words out as if they'd cover up the things previously said. "So I said those things. It was unbelievably stupid, I know." He takes a step forward, "but I swear, I swear to God, I didn't mean them."
When I don't answer right away, he takes the opportunity to read my face. His eyes flicker around. They go from my eyes, to my nose, to my lips, my forehead, my chin, then back to my eyes again as if trying to gauge my reaction.
I blink back at him. Once, twice, before I shake my head and take a step back. "Your times up." I step around him and start walking, but this time he doesn't leap in front of me.
"You're still walking away?" he asks, and when the frustration leaks from each word I stop in my tracks. I whirl back around to face him, and the wind whips against my cheeks, whipping my ponytail around, as I throw my hands up in the air.
"You can't just say those things and then claim they weren't true!"
"They weren't—" He starts, but I cut him off.
"Oh," I drag out the sound and end it with a humorless laugh. "Keep telling yourself that because you don't just call someone worthless and then try to take it back as if it never happened." I take a step forward. "Is that why you never introduced me to any of your other friends? Is that why you made sure you only spoke to me when they weren't around?" I throw my hands up again not caring who hears me even though the parking lot is only full of cars. "Here I was thinking you actually wanted to spend time alone with me, but really you were just hiding me from your friends—who, if I'm being honest, really aren't your friends if they don't accept who you want to be with, if you even want to be with someone."
Trent opens his mouth to say something, but quickly closes it while I run a hand over my head before dropping it back down to my side.
"I didn't mind that we didn't put a label on whatever we are, or were." I wave my hand not only hoping to distract from the slip up, but also to distract myself from the sadness that's starting to creep up behind all the anger. "But I at least," I bring my eyes back up to his because if there's anything I want him to hear—its this. "But I at least thought you cared about me as more than just some girl."
Trent holds my gaze as his mouth opens again, but he once again shuts it. I wait a second. I blink back at him. Once, twice, waiting to see if he'll prove me wrong, but he doesn't. I shake my head, only revealing my disappointment, before turning back around. Finally deciding to turn my back on this situation once and for all.
"I was scared."
All the muscles in my back knot themselves up and cling to my spine as my knees lock in place.
"I was scared because what they were saying was true, and I just didn't want to believe it. I refused to believe it... Lacie, I am so completely and totally whipped."
Slowly, I pivot on my heel, twisting myself back around, and find that he's still standing a few feet away. Once we lock eyes though he takes a step forward.
"I was falling for you, Lacie. I am still falling for you every damn day. Your laugh"—he takes another slow step forward—"Your eyes... your smile." With each word he says he takes another excruciatingly slow step. "How you always tap your pen against your desk when you're thinking, or how sometimes a little piece of your tongue pokes out. The way your smile lights up your whole face when you laugh, or when you talk about your family. How you blush at the smallest of things, and how you try to hide it. How we don't even have to do anything, we could just be sitting around talking and yet never get bored, or run out of things to say." He spreads his arms out now standing directly in front of me. "Lacie, I love you."
There goes the oxygen only halfway to my lungs. I don't think its going to make it there. And my eyes must have said it all because Trent takes another step forward, closing whatever distance was left between us.
"I realize that now being without you. These last few weeks I've felt this hole in my chest, a hole that I never knew was there." His fingers reach up and he lightly traces the backs of them along the contour of my cheek. "All along I thought you were the mystery. I thought you were the puzzle I was trying to solve, but really..." His hand falls down and both of them latch onto mine. "You're the one that solved me." He gives my hands a squeeze before using one to tilt my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. "So the only reason I said those things is because I didn't understand my own feelings, but I swear I do now."
"Trent, I—" Don't know what to say, don't know what to do. He drops his hands back down to his side.
"It's okay. You don't have to say it back. I don't blame you and I wouldn't blame you if you could never even begin to think about saying it, but I just needed you to know that and that I'm sorry—truly, deeply, and terribly sorry."
I hold his gaze. I blink back at him. Once, twice, but then seeing the sincerity in his eyes only makes me realize that he can see right through me. He sees me for everything that I am.
And with that thought the prominent ache that has made a home in my chest these last few days begins to turn into warmth. A warmth that spreads throughout my entire body all leading back to the steady beat in my chest.
Is that what love is?
The warmth I felt when we locked eyes for the first time. That skipping of my heartbeat when I catch him staring, that fluttering in my stomach when he grins in my direction. That smile he seems to inflict upon me by just the thought of him, or by just being within ten feet of his presence.
Then there's the ache, the ache I've been feeling not having him around.
Staring into his bright green eyes, at this guy who's seemed to hold a piece of my heart, I think I can say yes.
I can say that that ache, and that warmth, and that skip, and that flutter justifies how I feel. Even though we may be young and still finding ourselves. Even though we still don't know everything about each other, he knows me. He's picked me apart piece by piece and happily put me back together. He allowed me to show him who I am without judgment. He's showed me who he is with the same trust.
I suppose that's another thing. He showed me.
Don't get me wrong. Words are a very powerful thing, but actions on the other hand, they are pretty damn powerful too. They speak when words can't. There's no denying that, and there's no denying that Trent Montgomery makes me so incredibly happy.
And above all, I think that's the most important thing.
"I love you too," I whisper not sure if it was even audible, but then I'm yanked forward and pressed right up against a rock solid chest with a steady heartbeat beating the same steady rhythm as mine.
"Come again?" He teases and I find a smile working its way onto my lips. I shake my head and try to pull out of his grip, but he lets go of my arms and wraps his arms around my waist. "I'm waiting." He dips his head down trying to catch my gaze, but I shake my head and bury my head in his chest.
"I love you too," I mumble again and his chuckle rumbles around me.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
I squeeze his abdomen with all my might, sucking in a deep breath before shouting, "I love you, Trent Montgomery!"
A light chuckle escapes him again as I loosen my hands around him and slowly pull back to look up at him. In response he leans down, leaning his forehead on mine. "I love you too, Lacie O'Conner." We share a quick grin before he draws back a little. "What is your—" I cut him off by leaning up on my tiptoes and gently pressing my lips against his.
"You see," I start after quickly pulling back. "That's what it feels like to get cut of by a—" His lips are on mine again and my heart finally has a chance to absorb that fact as it beats a little faster. Not wanting him to get off the hook that easily though, I grip his t-shirt, fisting the navy blue material in my hands, and make a moan escape from the back of his throat. I pull away on a grin and he follows the movement, leaning his forehead on mine.
"You're beautiful, you know that?" I turn away, leaving my hot cheeks to be the only thing to respond to his words, but this just makes him nuzzle into the side of my neck and he even laughs when I squirm. I turn my head back over to him and he brushes a fly away hair away from my face. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too," I mumble and face straight ahead again, leaving my forehead in its usual position, aligned with his chin. He places his lips there, planting a slow kiss to my forehead before wrapping his arms back around me, pulling me to him, and leaning his chin on my head. I bury my face in his chest again and we stand there for a few minutes, just the two of us, in the middle of the parking lot. I glance to my left and watch as the glow of the sunset brightens the tops of the buildings and find myself letting out a sigh. Then the engine of a car gets turned on and I immediately go to pull back, but Trent groans in protest.
"No," He whines, tightening his grip around me and leaning his forehead on my shoulder.
"It's late and we're going to get run over," I say and meekly push at his chest, but he pulls back, gripping my right hand in both of his.
"Come back with me?" He asks and I bite my lip. I stare at my hand as he plays with my fingers. Then he brings my hand up to his lips and plants a kiss to my knuckles. "Please?" I pull back a little, but he keeps a grip on my hand, pouting.
"B-But I'm sweaty," I blurt out.
He lets out a laugh, shaking his head. "I don't care."
I shake my head, trying to yank my hand out of his grip. "Oh, I believe you do."
He shakes his head again. "No."
"Yes." I nod.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No." Somehow with each word he continued to move his hands further up my arm until he's gripping me just below my shoulder.
"Yes," I hiss when he yanks me back to him and secures his arms back around me.
"No," he says lowly leaning back down. "I don't." I stare back up into his eyes for another second before sighing.
"Fine." A huge grin breaks out across his face and he lets go of me. A squeal escapes me moments later when he picks be up and throws me over his shoulder.
"Trent!" I yell gripping the back of his shirt as he takes off running. I laugh despite myself as his shoulder continuously bumps into my abdomen and the ground blurs together. Finally after all the blood rushes to my head, Trent places me back down on the ground and steadies me when I stumble a little. I bring a hand up to my head. "Was that really necessary?"
"Yes," he nods. "So you couldn't change your mind." He pecks my cheek before opening the door to the boy's dorm building, gesturing for me to go first. I shake my head at him and step inside. I guess I wasn't walking fast enough though because Trent rushes in front of me, simultaneously grabbing my hand, and tugging me along with him up the stairs. Once we reach his dorm he pulls his key out of his pocketing, dropping my hand, and unlocks the door. "Ladies first," he winks opening it and I let out a laugh.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" I gesture for him to walk in and his lips go back into a straight line.
"Alright have it your way." My eyebrows furrow and I open my mouth to reply, but before I know it I'm upside down again staring at the floor.
"Trent!" I slap his back while he chuckles taking a few steps into the room and kicks the door closed behind him. He grips behind my knees and then slowly brings me back down, keeping our bodies pressed against each other the entire time. Once my feet hit the ground, I feel the heat of the room creeping down the back of my neck, but Trent just grins down at me before stepping back. He walks around to the right side of his bed and I glance at the clock on his night stand seeing it's a quarter to seven.
"Oh, right," Trent says pulling his shirt over his head and extending it out to me. I stare at the navy blue material curiously before looking back up at him. He nods towards it. "So you don't feel sweaty."
"Oh." I take the shirt from him as he kicks of his shoes. Then he reaches up, stretching, and I find my eyes wandering down to his stomach. He drops his arms back down and I meet his gaze only to see he's grinning at me. God, I've missed him. He flops down on his bed and I unfold the shirt in my hands, holding it up in front of me. "Are you sure you didn't give me this just so I'd take my shirt off?"
He laughs. "No, here look, I'm covering my eyes." He slings an arm over his eyes and I wait a second before turning around. I peel my white t-shirt over my head and quickly replace it with Trent's. I'm immediately enveloped in his smell and I look down seeing the hem goes past my shorts, making it look like I'm not even wearing any. I turn back around to Trent seeing he kept his promise.
"You can open your eyes," I say and he removes his arm. His eyes immediately go down to my legs and slowly make their way back up to mine.
His lips tip up at the corners. "You look good in my clothes." I shake my head at him looking back down and tuck the front part of the shirt inside my shorts, so they're visible. Then looking back over at Trent I see he's messing around with his blankets and he pats down his pillow before laying back down, most likely now more comfortable. He turns back to me and pats the spot next to him in which I slowly kick off my shoes before shuffling my way over to him. I gingerly pull back the covers, but before I can sit down Trent tugs me to him.
He puts the covers over both of us and wraps his arms around me, securing me to him. A smile tugs at my lips. This boy sure does love to cuddle.
I begin to draw lazy circles on his chest and he sighs in response while snuggling further into my hair. I skim my finger down, tracing his skin. Then flattening my hand I feel the prominent thumping of his heartbeat beneath my finger tips. I tilt my head up only to see Trent's eyes are closed and his breathing is steady. It's strange to think that just this morning I never would've imagined I'd be back here, in his arms.
I don't know what comes over me, but I find myself leaning up. Trent's heartbeat picks up underneath my hand as I lightly brush my lips against the side of his neck.
I pull back a little embarrassed, but he tugs me even closer leaving my hands no more room to draw circles. Sliding one under the pillow and the other under Trent's arm, I close my eyes snuggling further into him and feel his lips curve into a smile against the top of my head.
"My vanilla..." He whispers and I smile leaning my head against his chest before feeling my eye lids get heavier.