⚠️ 18+ CONTENT AHEAD⚠️
H.
"...And anyways, I was thinking that maybe once we get back I could prepare my parents about us." I look away from my glass of wine and meet Beau's eyes. "Or...what do you think?"
Shit. Had I completely disassociated myself from what she was saying?
I clear my throat and sit up straight. I was slacking. She's sensing something's the matter with me, otherwise she wouldn't have asked what I thought about letting her parents know about us. Beau looks around, probably concerned by my silence but I couldn't seem to muster a word.
"Am I getting too ahead of myself? I'm sorry if I am, I've just never been proposed to before." She gives a nervous chuckle. She must feel like she's walking on eggshells around me at this time, I had been tense about this whole marriage thing. "You've been quiet since we got here." She sits back on her chair, almost slumping, her hand gently tracing the patterns on the tablecloth.
She's too good for me to hurt her feelings in anyway. She doesn't deserve this anyway it might play out. And whatever I say could go completely south.
I love her too damn much, I don't think I'm at all ready to let her go.
I lean forward and grab her hand, rubbing reassuring circles to the back of it. She looks up at me with those gentle yet seductive eyes. "You're right, I'm so sorry." I begin. "I guess I'm still appalled by what happened back home." That and what Ian Kingsley told me about not being able to have any children.
To be fair, he said it was a possibility, my results weren't back just yet. I know this because I pestered him by text message about them and he said he'd let me know when they would arrive.
But worse comes to worse, I can't have any children and I should still let Beau know about it. But the way she's staring back at me, with loving and caring eyes I just can't force myself to be the cause for the happy glint in her eyes to go away. "If you aren't ready you can always tell me." I bite the inside of my cheek. "Or we can always try having sex again." She suggests, a small playful smirk reaches her lips.
I laugh lightly and look down. I miss our sex. I miss the way we used to devour each other. How hungry we were for each other. How I couldn't keep my hands to myself whenever I was around her. The way the playroom stopped being a necessity for me whenever I was with her. We were at our prime.
Our sex now wasn't as savage. I guess it's because I knew she wasn't going anywhere and I had nothing to prove to anyone. It was like I found my own plaything outside of the playroom and it was the best sex I've ever had because it was personal and lustful and there was love. It's tender.
When I look back at her, her eyes are on me and much to my dismay, I feel my pants tighten. "Are you okay?" Suddenly the idea of bathroom stall sex sounded very appetizing to me. I reach over, pulling her in by her neck, catching her off guard severely. My tongue lightly licks her bottom lip making her gasp and if it wasn't for her pulling back, I probably would've ravaged her right here right now in front of everyone in the restaurant.
"I want you," I say as I stand up. "Right now." She doesn't have time to process my sudden change of demeanor because I am grabbing her hand and leading her back to the bathrooms. Thankfully there wasn't any people in here as I locked the door behind us. Bathroom stall sex was probably not the most hygienic but I had a raging hard on and I don't know if it'll happen again.
Without hesitation, Beau's lips are on me as we close the stall door behind us and I push her up against the door. I pull her dress down from the top to reveal her full tits, kiss each with a slight bite and kneel down in front of her. I lift her dress to her waist and push her panties to the side, my mouth immediately touches her sweetness and she groans.
My tongue gets to work and when I look up at her, her head is thrown back as she moans and tries her best not to let her legs give in. I pump two fingers in and out of her, getting her ready enough for me and when she's had enough of my mouth, she pulls me up and turns so that her chest is pressed against the stall door. "Just fuck me." She pants and I oblige as I undo my pants in a quick motion. I grab my belt and wrap it around her neck once before I wrap the remaining material around her wrists. Her face was now pushed against the stall door.
Her mischievous smile allowed me to see that she totally liked this and without much haste, I push myself in and watch as her mouth opens. I hiss at the sensation that I missed so much. Me in between her legs, we're so connected this way and hell does it feel good.
I tighten my grip around the belt and she jumps as my mouth goes to her earlobe, I knew she liked this and that was confirmed by the way she moistened even more around my dick. She was so wet that I would actually slip out from time to time but my hard on never went away once.
"Fuck." She moans as I thrust harder into her, the stall rattled along and I wasn't sure how loud we were being but I didn't care one bit. "Just like that." She gasps as I push down on her lower stomach to help me find her g-spot better. I look over her shoulder, finding her mouth. She pulls me in by taking my bottom lip in between her teeth and I swallow her throaty moans.
She felt so good wrapped around me, she was like a warm embrace. I could feel her juices run down my shaft and down her legs as well. I felt her tighten around me the harder and faster my thrusts became. With my free hand I pull her hair back, our breaths syncing together. She looked up at me, her pupils overpowering any color in her eyes and I knew the belt around her neck and wrists would leave marks.
She opens her mouth for me and I muster some spit for her that she gladly takes and kisses me afterwards.
My nails dug into her hips, our skin lapped together hard time and time again and before I knew it, I was filling her up. I place some chaste kisses down her neck and remove myself, hearing her gasp and trying to catch her breath from what just happened.
"That was amazing." She breathes, turning around to face me, her hair was a mess and her neck contain red ligature marks from the leather of my belt. When I reach to touch them, she winced lightly. It was still raw.
"Are you okay?" I check in. "I didn't hurt you too much, did I?"
"No," she grins and fixes her dress. "Give me a few moments to get presentable?" She asks and I nod as I exit the stall. I make sure I'm presentable as well and leave the bathroom. I walk back to our table.
"Harry?" I look towards the voice to see Mr. Marion, London's Fox Enterprises board of directors. "What are the odds of us having the same taste in restaurants as we do in business." He stands and I walk towards him. He spent years working with my father, basically started the company from scratch and has been a dear family friend for decades.
"I haven't seen you in a good while, Mr. Marion." I say as soon as we back away from each other. "How have you been, exactly?"
"Well, you know how it is to run a business." He waves me off and I nod. "Are you back permanently?"
"I'm just on a work trip, that is all." I correct him and he grimaces.
"You sure do make so many trips here for work," He says. "Why not relocate? I mean you're familiar, everyone here validates you."
"I am very validated back in Seattle, Mr. Marion."
"Son, just call me Tod. You know this." He scolds. It was so weird to me to call someone twelve years older than me by their name. I have known this man since the fine age of sixteen. When my father decided to take me under his wing since Bill showed no interest in remaining civil with him. He would bring me on work trips, often times missing my homeschool classes. "I'm just saying, things are much smoother here. The only thing that lacks at this branch is discipline. God knows Mark isn't supplying enough. He's too submitted into his own big head I'm surprised he could make it past the doors."
I chuckle. "I couldn't agree more."
"Don't tell me you've never thought about moving back here? You belong in England, your accent has never been more prominent."
"I never actually gave it a thought." I say, truthfully and look back towards the direction of the bathrooms. Beau was coming out, fixing her hair. Her eyes scan the room and find me.
"We would love to have you here, son. I think the New York and Seattle branch will do just fine if you moved back home. You know there's always a position available for you." He takes out a black business card and hands it to me. "Contact me if you become interested." He pats my shoulder and walks off just as Beau is joining my side.
"Who was that?" She asks. I hide the card in my pocket and turn to her.
"Just an old work acquaintance." I disregard. "Are you ready?" She smiles at me and interlocks our hands. It was only around 6 pm when we leave the restaurant, the sun was still out and I didn't want to spend the rest of the day indoors stuck in our hotel room.
So when we get in the cab, I give the driver directions to my old childhood home. Beau looked out the window, watching the old suburban houses pass by in the blink of an eye until we get to the end of the cul de sac. A single red bricked house sits there, looking as pristine as ever. The picket white fence and big bow window scream 'just your average happy family'.
But I know what really went down in that house. Fourteen years of absolute hell. Of course now it's just a house on the market for anyone to buy. My father would've never been able to afford this house all by himself, not with his drinking and drug habits that is. I tell the driver to wait and Beau and I get out.
It was quite cold and I wanted to scold Beau for not wearing a jacket or something weather appropriate but instead, I give her my suit and she seems to relax.
She looked confused. This house gave me my anxiety and everything else that was wrong with me. Beau seems to catch on what we're doing here, she must've noticed the way my hand twitched because she grabs it and gives it a gentle squeeze.
"It's pretty stupid how a house can have so much power over me," I say. "It triggers my anxiety just being here."
"We can go if you'd like." Beau suggests, beginning to pull me away but I stand my ground.
I shake my head. "No," I let out a breath. I study the house. The front door. "When my father used to slam that front door shut at the end of the day, it was the most terrifying thing ever." Nothing but pin drops could be heard after the slam of that door. "It just meant hell was coming and I would be forced to do things I didn't want to do." I point to the side of the house. "There used to be a window there where I would escape from whenever I got a bad grade. I knew if I stayed, my father would lock me in any small space he could find."
I realize I had never actually gone into detail about the abuse that came with this house. Beau seemed horrified as she listened to me, not once letting go of my hand. Slow strokes on the back of my hand to soothe me. I then point to the attic window. "Elija and I would hide out there whenever our parents fought. We'd just sit with our backs against the wall and look up at the sky full of stars." I also notice the basement window and bite down on my tongue. "That's where my dad kept that girl." I point to it.
Beau held her breath and snow had started to fall. From here, I could see the marks where the window used to be barred up so she wouldn't escape. "What happened to her?" I keep my gaze on the basement window.
"The day my mother found out about it, she packed our bags and we left to stay at my aunts. Elija had forgotten this stupid shirt he had gotten as a kid. Apparently it had some sentimental value to him." Looking back, I can vaguely recall the way that night smelled.
It had been raining all day. Our aunts house was only five minutes away from the house and it was around two in the morning when we snuck out. The house was dark and quiet, the creak of the stairs is still very prominent in my brain. I remember the way we scurried off upstairs quietly when the basement door had opened harshly. Elija was in the room while I was in lookout.
"I saw my father come out of the basement carrying something in his arms, something so tiny and curled up in a ball." He went to the backyard, he already had a fire going back there. "We had an orange tree in the back. I just remember getting a strong smell of burnt oranges when Elija and I snuck back out."
To this day, the smell of burnt oranges makes me sick as well as champagne.
Beau comes around, looking up at me with a look of worry in her eyes. Her arms go around my waist. "That part of your life is over," she says. "You're overcoming that by standing here. You just need to realize that all that is now is a house."
Beau was right. I needed to take that part of myself back. That child that I shut down in order to grow a thicker skin. I deprived myself of so much living here that I feel it's still trapped between those walls. Like a ghost roaming empty rooms.
Beau walks towards the cab and gets something out of her purse. "What is that?" I ask when she comes back.
She hands me a Christmas box with a picture of a dove. Something inside rattles and I look at her. "I was going to wait until tomorrow night to give it to you." Beau bites the inside of her cheek as she looks at me. I study her face for any signs of unsureness before I open the box.
Inside was a slim tube, silver cap and red bottom. A lipstick. When I pick it up, I notice the words I love you engraved on the silver cap. When I look up at her, her eyes seemed glossy. I was incline to ask what the matter was but I felt a thick tension. Maybe she senses the possible ending, something I have been dreading since the day I met her.
I tried to stop myself from pursuing her in the beginning. Someone like her couldn't possibly be permanent in my life—considering how many times I fucked up, but she always seemed to fight the odds and stuck around. However, something in the back of my mind told me there would be something that we wouldn't be able to overcome.
That there would be something that will force us to end this.
For the sake of us.
I tighten my hand around the lipstick, a symbol of our mantra.
I wrap one arm around Beau and my other goes inside my pocket, I feel the business card on my fingers and I sigh as I hug her tighter.