9:19pm
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"Thank you for being here," Jungkook told me, and Taehyung and I gave him a reassuring smile.
"Is okay," I said. "Don't you need someone to talk to?"
"I don't know..." He murmured, pulling the blanket towards him as he hug his knees and Y/N's pillow together. "You know, back then, when my mum died, I wanted to give up." He said. "I just want to let go of everything since dealing with losses isn't good for me."
"Is not good for anyone," Taehyung murmured.
"Back then, I wanted to stop trying and give up on fighting them. I mourned for very long as I had many regrets after my mum died," He continued. "The principal has brought me to several professional therapists to help me with my mental health and wellbeing but he never understood one thing. That I didn't want anyone's good advice or reasons why I'm alright."
"I mean, no one really understands you back then..." I replied, wanting to question why he was telling all of this to us instead of before. If he did tell us this during the time he was mourning for his mum, it would've been much easier to help him.
"You kept everything to yourself after all," Taehyung pouted sadly and Jungkook managed a sad smile.
"I'm sorry... I was just in my thoughts mostly. People keep telling me to keep my head up as I was the principal's son but all I thought was, is it ever gonna change? Even if I keep my head up, what is it going to change to make me feel better?" Jungkook exhaled loudly, closing his eyes. "I don't think anyone knows what it was like for me since I was the only one who was close with her. My dad was too busy but he was sad. Not for long though."
"Now that we're going through the same thing, is that why you're reaching out to us?" I asked and he nodded.
"I was afraid telling anyone about how I felt when my mother passed away because I had a feeling they wouldn't understand me. And, you know, Yerim, Taehyung," He pauses. "I wanted to apologise when everyone was here before but I didn't get to because of my stubbornness of thinking of wanting to give up on life. So, can you please pass this message to them?" He questioned and I frowned.
A message? Jungkook never treated us like owls, passing messages to people. He normally collects all of us and tells us what he wants to say. Maybe this time it was different.
"Throughout the four arduous years, I want to apologise to Y/N, my parents, and the seven of you who have been with me." He stood up from the bed and then suddenly lay down on his knees in front of us. His head was down and I passed a weird look at Taehyung, confused at what was happening.
Is he imagining that all of us here are together to listen to what he was going to say?
"I'm sorry for being a bad son," He started and I blinked.
So he is imagining...
"I'm sorry for being a bad friend."
"I'm sorry for being a bad brother."
"I'm sorry for not being strong enough to protect you."
"I'm sorry for failing."
"I'm sorry for giving up."
"I'm sorry for not being able to tell you."
"I'm sorry for breaking promises."
"I'm sorry for being useless and not seeing other solutions."
"I'm sorry for not believing you that you love me."
"I'm sorry for not believing that you understand me."
"Jungkook, what are you doing?" Taehyung interrupted, passing him a hard gaze at the continuous apologies. "Stop-"
"I'm sorry for not being there when you need it." He continued, cutting Taehyung off and I shake my head at a frowning Taehyung to let him speak as he needed to let his grief out.
"I'm sorry for being weak."
"I'm sorry for complaining."
"I'm sorry for being stupid and dumb"
"I'm sorry for being confident and thinking I could do it."
"I'm sorry for trying."
"I'm sorry for being too sad."
"I'm sorry for being too happy."
"I'm sorry for lying."
"I'm sorry for blaming you."
"I'm sorry for wasting your time."
"I'm sorry that I'm a failure."
"I'm sorry for begging and being a mess."
"I'm sorry for being loud."
"I'm sorry for being needy and possessive."
"I'm sorry for being jealous and annoying."
"I'm sorry for always wanting to win."
"I'm sorry for existing."
"I'm sorry for breathing."
"I'm sorry for living."
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."
He stopped talking and I heard him sniffing. Crossing my arms, I put a leg over the other one and stared at him. "Are you done?" I asked and he looked up.
Surprisingly, he wasn't crying but his moist eyes say it all. It burned with pain which kind of hurts me.
"Why are you apologising?" I asked him and he sat up on the floor. He shrugs at me, avoiding looking at me. "You don't actually mean any of it do you?"
"I don't know..." He replied softly and I smiled.
"That's good that you don't know," I said and he frowned at me in perplexment. "You shouldn't apologise for being who you are. Even if you're a bad friend or a bad brother, we still love you because you're you and you're limited edition." I grinned at him and he seems to not comprehend what I was saying.
"I don't understand why you're apologising," Taehyung replied and Jungkook drifted his gaze towards him. "You did absolutely nothing wrong, so why...?"
"I just... feel like it," He replied and he slowly stand up, walking back towards his bed. He look out the transparent door and out into the balcony, where it was wet from the continuous rain. "The weather suits the mood."
It was a rainy and stormy night, the steady patter of water was like a soft thud on the balcony floor and it was quite aesthetic to listen to.
"I understand that you miss Y/N and grieving over her but again, we don't know if she's dead," I murmured. "I know that you have doubts about her survival- I do too but anything can happen in life. You just need to be patient..."
"You know, once I heard this saying..." Taehyung paused and brushes a finger on his chin to think. "'Life is like a piano. The white keys are your happy days. The black keys are your saddest days. But you both need them to make music.'" Taehyung worded it out and I nodded. "Basically, if you don't have sad days, you won't have happy days."
"How is that meant to help??" Jungkook demanded, scoffing in annoyance. "You know what, just leave me alone, please."
He's really telling us to go away because he knows we're right- damn. 😏
~END OF YERIM'S POV~
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Thank you for reading!
~Xin