I frowned my forehead as I woke up with the most horrible headache I ever had. I slammed one of my hands over my face, trying to block the annoying light that was trying to make me open my eyes.
With my other hand I traced the surface I was laying on, immediately realising that those were definitely not the bedsheets. It was ... grass maybe?
"Oh, fudge ..." I mumbled as the memories from the last night started coming into my mind. The mirror ... dinner with the Barnes family ... running away ... Brooklyn Bridge ... the necklace ...
How on Earth was I still alive?!
The last thing I remembered was standing on the outer side of the fence and a ... stabbing pain in my neck?
Quickly I sat up and opened my eyes, looking around. I was sitting on the ground of some kind of a park. It seemed very early, around the sunrise, and there were no people around yet. I blinked a few times, trying to remember how I got there. I also started feeling extremely cold. That's when I looked down at my clothes that felt uncomfortable, as if they were wet and dried quite a few times.
A scream of horror left my mouth, my heart stopped as I noticed my arms fully covered in blood, my dress full of bloody stains and my hair having weird texture as if it got wet and dried and then the tips got covered with blood once again ... it was horrifying. Scary. I couldn't understand how I ended up this way.
Firstly the unexplainable blood stain on my jacket and now this? Once again I lost hours of my life, not knowing what I was doing during that time. Before the streets would get crowded by people I rushed over to the Barnes house. My home.
It seemed as if everyone was still asleep so I, as quietly as I could, went up to Bucky's room. As fast as I could I took off all of my clothes and got changed into fresh ones that weren't covered with unknown person's blood. I hid the old clothes in the corner of the closet and sneaked to the bathroom.
The thought of the image from when I woke up suddenly caused me to throw up - a few times. Washing my mouth barely took away the disgusting taste yet it was the best I could do at that moment. With shaking hands, water and soap, I tried to get rid of the blood on my hands and from behind my nails. A few minutes later I slowly raised my head once again, seeing the reflection of my face in the mirror.
"I don't understand ..." I said out of breath, turned on the water and tried to quickly wipe off a few drops and stains of dried blood that were creeping on my cheeks.
A part of me wanted to know what have I done to end up this way. But to be honest I was terrified. Being covered up with that much blood that wasn't mine seemed as if ...
No. I could never kill anyone. I could never do that, no matter what.
I left the bathroom, quietly passing the closed door of Becca's room. However, it was a bit surprising that Mary's door were wide opened. Did I wake her up? What if she saw me before I could get changed?
I made my way to the other side of the hall where her room was. Just to check if she was asleep and if her doors were opened by a complete coincidence. Cause she never left them open or even unlocked sometimes. For some reason I felt my chest getting heavier. As if a part of me believed that something was wrong.
Why? Why would anything be wrong?
As I stepped in between the doorframe, my breathing stopped. My legs gave in under the weight of my body. Then the flashbacks hit me. Faded memories. All at once.
/flashbacks/
"Cress? Is that you?"
"Why do you have ... a knife?"
-
"NO! OH GOD NO DON'T DO THIS! I'M BEGGING YOU NO -"
"I don't want to. But I have to Mary. Don't scream, you're family can't hear you. They are on some strong sleeping pills."
Screaming.
Cutting out Mary's eyes as if it was nothing.
-
"Mission completed."
/the end of flashbacks/
"I didn't do this. I didn't do this. I didn't do this." I kept repeating in disbelief, my eyes wide opened as tears streamed down my cheeks.
But I did it. I did all of this.
I stumbled up on my feet while backing off quickly, having trouble to forget about the horrifying image of Mary, laying there, covered with her blood, her always honest, kind eyes, no where to be seen.
I shut the door of her room and hurried over to get all of my things from Bucky's room. I had to leave. I had no right to be here for any longer.
It was me who was supposed to die last night, not someone from the family I deeply cared about. Why ... why would I do something like this?!
As I left Bucky's room for one last time, I wasn't even able to cry anymore. I couldn't live with myself after everything that I've done. But since apparently falling off a Brooklyn Bridge wasn't enough for my life to end, I had to find another way.
"Cress? Are you moving or something?" Becca walked out of her room, rubbing her sleepy eyes.
"Going to work. I start today. I'm already late." I somehow managed to say before giving a quick glance towards Mary's room, back at Becca's eyes and then rushed downstairs without saying anything else.
As I entered the kitchen my heart dropped. Mrs. Barnes was carelessly preparing the breakfast while humming the melody of a song that was playing on the radio. I couldn't let her see me. I wouldn't be able to ...
"Cressida dear, morning! Here have something to eat before -..." she noticed me before I could even manage to move my feet.
"No thanks. I'm already late ..." I said quickly and wanted to just run out. But for some reason, without even realising when, I hugged Mrs. Barnes as tightly as I could.
"I'm really grateful for everything your family has done for me ... letting me become a part of it ..." before I would start crying, I broke the hug. Right after that horrifying screams and cries spread over the whole house, coming from upstairs.
Mrs. Barnes's eyes widened as she looked up, then at me again - confused and shocked - trying to figure out what was going on, how did the peaceful morning started to change into a nightmare.
"I'm... I'm really sorry." I stuttered as tears started streaming down my cheeks. I didn't waste another second, ran out of the house, backpack jumping on my shoulders as I tried to escape the screams and cries that could be heard even outside, on the street.
Walking past people was strange. They were chatting or rushing to work and some of them just came back from the market. None of them knew what a monster was passing them by.
Not even thinking about where I was going, eventually I ended up in front of the house where it all started. After the interview my life once again went downhill so it could only make sense that they knew why I became ... a murderer. They definitely had something to do with it.
I rang the bell a few times, pretty angry at this point. The rage inside of me started to reach it's limits and even though the memories of the past events haven't left for even a moment, I wasn't crying anymore. I wanted answers and I was determined to get them.
I mean... what's the worst thing they could do? Kill me? I'd really appreciate it if they actually did.
"I'm coming alright!" a voice of an unknown man came from inside and soon the door finally opened. "Who are you?"
"Who are you?" I said, a little thrown off the tracks when the person opening the door wasn't who I expected them to be.
"I'm the owner of this house." he responded with a proud, quite rude voice, already ready to slam the door in front of my face.
"Wait ...!" I stopped him, grabbing the doorknob and accidentally tore it off the door.
"How ... what have you done?!" the man quite yelled, staring down at the doorknob in my hand.
"I don't know." I spoke quietly, staring down at the doorknob with widened eyes. Firstly I break a mirror with a piece of clothing and now this? Either I gained muscles in my arms (they still looked like branches and neither I worked out so I doubt that could be the case) or that was another thing that happened in the past two days that I've got no explanation for.
"What do you want kid?!" the man sighed, clearly noticing that something was off.
"Yesterday I came here for the interview. A job for a housemaid. There was a woman, maybe your wife ..." I spoke quickly while carefully handing him the doorknob.
"I live alone. And I already have a housemaid. You must have messed up the house numbers." At this point he got so annoyed that he slammed the door and left me standing there even more confused than I already was.
Slowly I made my way down the walk path, considering the possibility that I might have gone insane. Maybe all that I think that happened was a made up fantasy so I could keep convincing myself that I'm not actually a bad person. It could all be me. No strange woman, no job interview, no one drugging me on the bridge ... maybe I didn't even try to jump off the bridge last night? Who knows?
Suddenly I started getting a weird, uncomfortable feeling - like someone was watching me.
Probably just another sign of me going completely mental.
I stopped at the butcher's, knowing there is only one way to find out if all of this was my doing.
"Can I borrow a knife please?" I asked the butcher, at this point not even nearly caring how weird and stupid I must have looked like.
This could only go two ways: I die - which would mean no one made me do those terrible things and finally I can get a permanent break from this pointless life. Or someone actually made me do those things and I'll once again wake up wishing I didn't (I bet that's not the case).
"Sorry ma'am but I can't..." he started, completely confused by my question. I rolled my eyes and walked behind the counter, taking the first knife that I could see.
"I don't wanna traumatise you so go away." I said with an emotionless voice, gesturing him to get out of the room.
"Young girl what happened - ..." he started, taking steps forward, clearly trying to stop me from my future actions.
I shook my head and stabbed myself in the cardiac area, hoping it would all be over. And it was. The pain stopped shortly after I hit the ground and I felt like I could finally rest. Like it was over.
But then I woke up. Again.