The women settle further into the space. Lena calls down to have a pizza sent up for them. It doesn't take long. As they dish up and start to dig in, Lena clears her throat. "How about we start off easy... What made you want to be a reporter?"
Kara looks flustered. "That- I- I thought you would ask... something else..."
"I know," Lena smiles softly. "But let's work up to that. I want to get to know you. All of you."
Kara blushes as she takes another sip of her drink. "Well, I didn't know I wanted to be a reporter for a while. I was actually Cat Grant's assistant first. She gave me the opportunity to choose whatever I wanted to do. I shadowed a bunch of different departments. I tried photography, editing, layouts. I finally felt something click when I shadowed a journalist. To try it out, they let me take the lead on a story. My very first article was about a small but influential company: Dóchas."
Lena's jaw drops. She barely hears what Kara is saying and interrupts, "D-did you say Dóchas?"
Kara stops and cocks her head to the side. "Yeah? Why?"
"Th-that's my company."
Kara's face drops with her jaw open. "What?! I wrote my first article about your company?!"
"How did I not see it in my search?" Lena mumbles more to herself than Kara.
"I wrote it years ago. It was my first ever article, and I shared the byline. When I heard about the mission, I wanted to shed light on all the good that the - your - company was doing. I interviewed people who benefitted from the foundation. Even though it wasn't a great article, your marketing department told me that they had more funders to help more people. I saw how much written word can make a positive impact. Ultimately, that article made me choose to be a reporter. Cat let me, and here I am."
"That's beautiful." Lena looks at her with pure admiration.
"What's beautiful is you founding that company."
Lena blushes under the attention. "Well, clearly your article helped it keep going."
Kara smiles shyly. "I have my question ready." Lena nods that she is ready. "Why do you do all this in secret?"
Lena lets out a sigh and takes a long pull of her drink. "Because the moment people hear the name 'Luthor,' they shut out anything that comes after it. Everything tied to the name Luthor is automatically evil."
Kara takes Lena's hands in her own. "Lee, that can't be true. Your last name is Luthor, and you are absolutely not evil. You've done so much good in the world."
Lena feels a tear run down her face. "Lena Kieran has done those good things. Lena Luthor is... less than perfect."
Kara squeezes her hands tighter. "You are the same person, Lena. And no one is perfect. Dr. Lena Kieran Luthor is a good person, and people will see that if you let them."
Lena smiles sadly. "Unfortunately, they won't. Plus, I'd rather keep the two separate."
Kara opens her mouth to argue more, but she shuts it. Ultimately, she knows that its the doctor's decision. It's not her place to tell Lena what to do. Instead, she whispers, "Your turn."
"Do you want another?" Lena asks as she slips her hands free to point to the near empty glasses.
Kara nods. "Also, that doesn't count as your question."
Lena gets up and takes their glasses. She hums to herself and purses her lips. She can see the blonde tense as she is grabbing more pizza for herself. She looks as if she is waiting for a fatal blow to come. "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"
Kara lets out a breath with a crinkle in her brow. She opens her mouth to speak, but Lena holds up her hand to stop her. "Darling, no more questioning my questions. I'll ask when we are both ready. Okay?"
"Y-yeah, okay." Kara takes another deep breath. "I- I'm not sure. Honestly, I was preparing myself to die slowly and painfully. I- I didn't think I would get to go anywhere ever again."
Lena comes back with new drinks. Her eyes water at the admission. "Well, now you have your whole life in front of you. Where is the first place you would go?"
Kara concentrates and remains silent for a while. Lena lets her contemplate the life that she can still have. When Kara speaks next, she whispers, "I- I think I would like to go to Spain. Enjoy the beaches, the wine, the music and culture, and the food. Mostly, the food. That's where I would go first."
Lena smiles to herself, making note of this precious information. "You must go in Spring. The weather is gorgeous. Your turn."
"I feel like this is unfair. I'm asking you heavy questions, and you are avoiding the ones you want to ask."
Lena looks deep into Kara's eyes. She turns her body towards Kara and rests her arm on the back of the couch. "Kara, you ask me whatever you would like. I will ask what I would like. We both agreed that we can pass on questions we don't want to answer. Please, darling. Just trust me on this?"
Kara blurts out her next question. "Why do you call me 'darling?'"
Lena looks owlish as Kara picks at her hands. "I- You- Pass."
Lena blushes profusely. Kara perks up at the request to skip the question. Lena has revealed so much without hesitation. Kara is thoroughly puzzled as to why she won't explain the pet name. She thinks about cracking a joke on how Lena can talk about her biggest insecurities with her work, with her family, but won't talk about a nickname. She changes her mind at the last minute. "So, is it your turn now or do I ask a different question?"
Lena lets out a shaky breath, thankful that the blonde isn't pressing it. If she is honest with herself, she hadn't even realized that she started to use that particular term of endearment. She's not ready to even think about the answer for herself. She takes another swing. "What would you like to do?"
"You ask."
Lena nods her head once. She takes a moment to think. Before she polishes off her second slice, Lena asks, "Who's the most important person in your life?"
Kara doesn't even hesitate. "Alex, my sister." Tears run down her face with a sad smile. "She was my only friend for the longest time. She's the only person I trusted when I was a teenager. She was the first person I came out to. She's the first one I called when I decided to be a reporter."
"She sounds amazing."
"She is," Kara says sadly.
After a few moments of silence, Lena says, "I have a follow up question. You can ask me two on the next round if that's okay with you?" After Kara nods in agreement, Lena carefully asks, "Are you and your sister still close?"
Kara sighs with more tears spilling out. Her voice waivers. "Y-yes. She works for the government and travels a lot for work. We touch base when we can, but the time zones make it difficult."
"That must be hard, being so far away from the most important person in your life."
Kara starts to break. "I- it is. It really is."
Lena scooches forwards and embraces the crying woman in her arms. The blonde collapses into the comfort Lena has to offer. She sobs uncontrollably into the shoulder her face is buried in. Lena squeezes her tight. Her heart aches for Kara. She wants nothing more than to take all the pain and hurt away. She hums a soft lullaby and sways with the blonde in her arms. She waits patiently for Kara to let it all pass. When she pulls away, Kara's eyes are red and puffy. Tears stain her face. Lena has to stop herself from cupping her jawline and wiping them away.
"'m sorry."
"Another rule. No apologies tonight," Lena says softly.
"But I ruined your shirt."
"You ruined nothing. No apologies, okay?"
Kara nods in agreement. The doctor watches her carefully. Just as softly, Lena asks, "Do you want to stop? We can stop."
Kara shakes her head. "No, no. Please. Let's keep going."
Green eyes flit all over Kara's face, as if deciding if Kara can truly keep going. "Alright. It's your turn."
Feeling the need to lighten the atmosphere and give the doctor a break from the hard questions, Kara asks innocently, "Do you think you can get Sam to make me potstickers again?"
Lena lets out a full bodied laugh. She laughs so hard, tears gather in her eyes. As she struggles to control, she sees the brightest smile of the night on Kara's face. It sobers her up into tiny, suppressed giggles. "Yes, darling. I can get her to make you potstickers again."
"Good. Because I definitely want them again."
"You get another question, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Umm. So, Sam. How did you meet her?"
Kara loves the smile that Lena gives. She looks absolutely ethereal. She has to focus on listening to the answer rather than just observing her. "I met Sam years ago. She was working as a waitress while she was going to culinary school. She always served the table I sat at while I was drowning in medical school. We would chitchat and joke around. The first time I came back after Lex, she- she hugged me. When everyone else was distancing themselves from me, Sam embraced me. She sat with me at the diner. We talked; I cried. We left that night best friends."
"I'm glad she was there for you, Lee."
"Me too. She was there when I needed someone the most. She's been my rock. I- I really don't know where I'd be without her. I almost quit school. I almost gave everything up and just- I don't even know. Faded into a life of nothing, I suppose. Sam convinced me to keep going. She convinced me that I shouldn't let him destroy my dreams with everything else he managed to destroy." Lena sniffles at the memory. She had been devastated after hearing the news. Sam was nothing short of a godsend. A true friend in a time of darkness. "I could never repay her enough, so I paid for her daughter's education. Sent her to the best private schools, hired the best nannies so Sam could keep going to school and working nights. She doesn't know this, but I funded her restaurant. She thinks it's a generous loan agreement, but her extremely low monthly payment is going into a trust fund for her daughter."
"Why did you keep that a secret?" Kara exclaims.
"Because she wouldn't take it otherwise. I'll tell her one day. Probably when she insists we go out to celebrate on her last payment on the loan. Or maybe whenever Ruby gets engaged down the line. I haven't decided yet."
Kara smiles kindly. She looks at the woman with pure adoration. "See? Good person no matter what last name you use."
Lena blushes again. She points to Kara's empty glass in silent question. Kara nods and hands it to her. She carefully watches the young doctor move about in pure confidence. It strikes the blonde that Lena has no idea how confident she really is. The doctor has been completely open and honest and pure and confident. Kara envies that. She admires her. The blonde hopes to take a page out of Lena's book and be bold and strong.
Kara inhales sharply and mutters, "You can ask your real question now. I'm ready."
Lena freezes for a moment behind the bar. She locks eyes with the blonde, debating with herself. She takes a deep breath and asks breathily, "Why didn't you tell anyone about your cancer?"
Kara hardly waits for Lena to spit out the question. She lets out a stream of pure word vomit, afraid that if she didn't get it out, she never would. "I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want them to suffer along with me. When I was 9, my father died unexpectedly in a horrible car accident. When I was 11, my mother found out that she had cancer. I watched her deteriorate and wither away for 2 years before she passed when I was 13. I hated watching my mother die from cancer. It hurt worse than when my dad died suddenly with no warning because I had to watch. I knew everyday was one less day I would have with her. We couldn't enjoy anything without the cancer being like a dark cloud hovering above us. I didn't want my family and friends going through the same thing I did. To them, I would die randomly and unexpectedly. I wanted to spare them from the suffering."
Lena's eyes are wide, glistening, soft. She continues to hold the shaker up, even though all the liquor has already been poured. Silence falls between them with Kara panting slightly from being out of breath. She calmly lowers her arm. She carefully carries over their drinks and sits even closer to Kara than before. She sets their drinks on the table before taking Kara's hands in her own.
"Darling, I'm so, so sorry for what you have been through." Kara bursts into tears, and Lena takes her into her arms. "Oh, sweetie."
Lena rubs Kara's back as she sobs loudly into her chest. She holds the shuttering woman and kisses the crown of her head. She lays her cheek on the top and just holds her. They stay like this for a long time. Neither really know how long; neither really care. Slowly, the cries turn into light hiccups. Lena kisses her hair again before hooking her chin on top of her golden head and squeezing her tightly.
"Kara, this is definitely your choice. And at the same time, can I tell you something?" Lena asks softly. It takes a moment, but Kara nods into her chest. "Darling, your family and friends love you. They would want to be there with you, to support you. If they found out after... after you were gone... they would be upset. An unexpected accident is very different than hiding away an illness. They would want to know. They would want to love you and have those days with you. You are an amazing woman, Kara. I wouldn't want you to hide that for a single moment of your life, and I don't think they would either."
Kara starts to cry into the doctor's chest again. She knows on a fundamental level that she is right. She knows that her friends, her chosen family, would be upset that they didn't know. Alex would be mad that she didn't know. And at the same time, she doesn't want to tell them. She feels deep shame for being weak, sick, helpless. She never wanted any of them to see that.
"Why didn't you tell, Alex?"
In between cries, Kara mumbles into Lena's shirt, "Because if I did, she would leave her job and come back. She loves her job. It's her dream job. She shouldn't leave it for me."
Lena squeezes her tightly and rubs Kara's back soothingly. "How did you hide it from everyone?"
Kara swallows down her sobs. "I- I had a lot of 'dead end leads' at work. I would go out and just not come back. When Andrea would call me on it, I would just say it didn't amount to anything. I negotiated working from home more. I stopped showing up to things, quit responding to texts and calls. It was fairly easy to get people to leave me alone." Kara sounds absolutely defeated.
"Darling, I'm sure it was anything but easy."
The soft and warm tone of pure understanding triggers Kara again. She smothers her face into the doctor's chest. After everything, after seeing her break down, Lena is still there. She is still cares, and she is doing everything right. It pulls at the blonde's heart strings. She doesn't know what she has done to deserve Lena in her life right now, but she can't be any more thankful.
Lena feels the woman's breath evening out. She feels the blonde nuzzle impossibly closer to her chest. "I think that's enough for tonight. Do you want to get out of here?" Kara nods her head ever so slightly. "Alright, darling. Let's go."
Lena helps Kara stand up. She wraps both arms around her as she guides her down the stairwell. Instead of making Kara walk back to her penthouse, Lena calls her driver. They pull up within minutes. The ravenette helps Kara slip into the backseat before following her in. Kara reattaches herself to the woman the moment she sits in the seat. Lena wraps her arms around her and whispers, "Darling, you can sleep over at mine tonight. Only if you want to that is. Otherwise I will drop you off at yours first and call someone for you?"
Kara is hasty in her response. "Yours. I want to stay at yours."
"Okay, darling."
It takes less than five minutes for them to pull up in front of her penthouse. Lena helps Kara back out and guides her into the private elevator. After a fingerprint scan, the elevator activates and takes them up. Kara huddles into Lena's side. She allows herself to be led wherever the ravenette wants her. She whines when Lena lets her go to grab them comfy clothes for bed.
"The bathroom is over there. Take your time. Feel free to use whatever." Lena places a pair of satin pajamas in Kara's hands. She smiles at the shocked reaction from the blonde. Lena shoos her off so she can change, too.
Kara nearly loses it when she sees the bathroom. There is a gigantic walk in shower with two separate shower heads. In the corner under a massive window is a deep, claw foot tub. It's the kind that someone can fully lay in without being cramped or uncomfortable. Kara wants to live in this bathroom. She changes and hesitates to use anything, even with Lena's offer.
Lena quickly changes herself into another pair of hunter green, satin pajamas. It has always been her color. She turns down the bed on both sides. She has a feeling that the blonde is going to want to cuddle with how touchy she's been. Thinking of the woman, the doctor realizes how long Kara's been taking. Either she is debating using one of her products, or she is using it and feeling guilty about it. She may have just met the woman, but she feels like she knows her better than most.
"Darling, I meant it when I said you can use whatever you like!" Lena says loudly. "And I think there is a spare toothbrush in the drawer!"
Kara startles when she hears Lena's shout. She flushes; it feels like Lena can nearly read her mind. She's not sure why she trusts her so much, but she really does. Kara uses lotion that is out that certainly costs more than her rent. It's amazing. It's not oily and doesn't leave any residue. It smells absolutely amazing and is incredibly relaxing. The blonde quickly finds the extra toothbrush and goes about her normal nightly routine with much better products. Kara comes out of the bathroom, feeling absolutely exhausted from the emotional turmoil earlier, but also relaxed.
Lena smiles softly at her as she looks so soft, so adorable. Kara's eyes flicker to the bed. Lena's face drops for a moment, suddenly uncertain. "I- I just assumed you wouldn't want to be alone..."
"Lee, it's alright. You are right. I don't want to be alone." Kara says it so softly that Lena nearly misses it.
Lena plays with the bottom of her shirt. "Well, get comfy. I'll be just a minute."
Kara sits on the edge of the bed and bounces lightly. She's happy to hear the quiet giggles from the doctor, no doubt amused about her childlike behavior. Green eyes watch her before she disappears into the bathroom. Kara lays down; it's the softest bed she's ever been on. The sheets must be silk with an insanely high thread count. She looks around the room. It comes across sterile, but there are books piled everywhere. There isn't a clear surface that doesn't have a stack of notebooks or books or scientific journals. There's a cute photo on the nightstand of Lena and Sam and someone who must be Ruby. Kara can't contain her smile. She has a feeling that not many have seen this side of the young doctor. She feels honored to be invited in.
Lena takes her time washing her face, brushing her teeth, rubbing in lotion. She looks at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are a bit puffy from all the tears she shed, but she feels like a heavy weight has been lifted from her shoulders. As much as it pained her to talk about those things, it is a relief that she could share it and not be rejected because of it. Thinking back on what Kara shared, she feels a heaviness in her chest. The blonde has been through so much with her parents passing prematurely and her own cancer diagnosis. She hopes that she can convince Kara to at least tell her sister, Alex. Now that she is in remission, it would make sense that the pressure would be off to clue her in. Lena lets out a sigh as she shuts the lights off and goes back into the bedroom.
Lena finds Kara running her hands up and down the sheets with a look of amazement on her face. The blonde looks up when she senses the doctor's presence. Full of awe, she whispers, "These are the softest sheets I've ever felt."
Lena smirks as she climbs into the opposite side. "Well, most people spend a third of their lives in bed. It's worth the investment."
"Most people?" Kara asks confused.
"Hmm?"
"You said most people spend a third of their life."
"Oh, yes." Lena bites her lip and avoids making eye contact.
"What about you?"
Lena arches her brow. She can feel Kara staring. "I tend to spend a lot less time that that. Still a good investment."
"Lee, humans need adequate sleep."
"Maybe I'm not human."
Kara snorts. "Then what are you?"
"Maybe I'm an alien," Lena teases with a smile on her face. She delights in seeing the easy smile mirrored on Kara's face.
Kara gets a thoughtful look on her face. "An alien? Nah. Maybe a witch. Are you into the occult? Do you have an altar somewhere in here?" Kara jokingly looks around the room.
Lena giggles. "True. If either of us is the alien, it's definitely you. No one else I know can devour that much food and still look that good."
The reporter blushes profusely at the compliment. She wrings the sheets with her hands as she mutters, "I- I work out."
Lena flirts in a sultry tone without a second thought. "I bet you do."
The blonde blushes even more with her ears turning pink. The doctor just smirks at her reaction. They sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Lena turns serious. "Th-thank you, Kara. Thank you for listening and not judging me. Thank you for sharing. I- It's been a long time since I've been able to talk about... well... all of that."
"Thank you, Lee. I- I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't opened up to you. I really appreciate everything you've done for me."
"I'll be here if you ever want to talk about anything. Anytime. Let's go to sleep, darling. We can talk more in the morning."
Lena leans over to turn off the bedside lamp. The women settle into the bed on their separate sides. The silence is tense. Both know the other is still awake. Both want physical contact, but now that they are in bed, it seems different. It seems even more intimate than everything else they've done. It takes a while, but eventually they both fall into a dreamless sleep. By the next morning, their limbs are tangled with each other after having the best night of sleep in ages.