CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
McKenna didn't know how long they lay there, on the banks of the Sølvfoss, and she didn't care. All that mattered was that she was in Loki's arms, her head resting on his chest, his heart beating low and steady beneath her ear.
They made love once more, and now were lying tangled in each other. She didn't know what time it was. She didn't care. Her fingers moved lightly over his belly, down along the soft black happy trail and back up. Loki sighed softly and with a lazy swish of his hand, sent up green and gold sparklers into the night sky.
"I was wondering if you were still awake," she murmured, rising onto her elbow to gaze down at him. In the moonlight, his pale skin took on the same silvery hue as the Sølvfoss, his brows thick black slashes against his skin.
"I am, but only barely." His fingertips grazed along her spine, down over the curve of her backside, and came back up. "I look forward to sleeping with you again, love. I've missed you at night."
"You just slept with me."
"Funny." He smiled at her. "I mean actually sleeping. I haven't slept much these past weeks. I find I rest much easier when you're cuddled against me."
"Me, too. I've barely slept at all since you left. Eir threatened to drug me if I didn't start sleeping better."
He chuckled softly, his arm slipping about her shoulders. "I can imagine she did."
She sighed softly as his eyes closed. "I thought I would never do this again, Loki. When we did your funeral, and you-or whoever it was-floated by in that boat, it was like being stabbed by Ward all over again. I thought I would never see your beautiful face again. Or hear your voice. Or your laugh. Or feel your lips on me-" Her voice cracked and his arm tightened about her.
"You need never fear that," he whispered, pulling her down to kiss the top of her head. "It would take all of the gods in the universe to drag me from you."
She squeezed her eyes shut and snuggled against him once more. "I certainly hope so."
"I promise."
They lay quietly for a little while longer and she traced her fingertip lightly against his chest. "Loki?"
"What, love?"
"Who was that who died as you?"
"He was a guard. One of Thanos' who obviously displeased him in some way. But as it turned out, I could use him, which sounds cold and I know it does, but I needed him."
"So you made him look like you and left him to be found?"
"I called Heimdall and told him. Remember, he and Odin both knew."
She scowled. "It seems everyone but me knew."
"Not everyone. Just Odin, Heimdall, and son of Coul." He rolled over then, and pinned her beneath him. "And you know why I couldn't tell you."
"I know, but I still don't like it."
"I know." He bent to kiss her softly. "I love you."
She smiled as she wound her arms about his neck. "I do love hearing that again."
"I will say it as often as you need to hear it, McKenna."
"You have no idea what it felt like, to know I'd never see you again."
"I saw you, love. I could almost feel your pain. If there was something I could do to make it more bearable, I would have. But I couldn't, not without revealing myself to you."
"I know. But damn, Loki, it was horrible."
"It's over now." He kissed her again. "I'm here." Another kiss. "And I am not leaving again." Yet another kiss.
"I'm holding you to that."
"I give you my word, Midgardian. I did what I had to do and it's done. Now, I'm staying home for a while."
She sighed, pressing her lips together. Loki frowned. "What's the matter?"
"Well, Thanos thinks you're dead, right?" She waited for him to nod, then she asked, "So, what happens when he finds out that not only are you not dead, but that you're the one who stole back the Infinity Stones?"
"I don't know, but I'm not concerned. Coming after me won't get him the stones back and he's got far bigger plans than revenge, I'm sure."
That was a relief. She gazed up into his eyes, which were blue again. "So what now, Jötunn?"
"Now? Now we relax here for a while. Then we go home. I have much making up to do to all of you."
"Selig and Aislinn have already forgiven you, you know."
"And you?"
"Loki, I forgave you the minute I saw you. All I prayed for was to have you come back." She smiled up at him, threading her fingers through his hair. "That was all I wanted. And now you're here and everything is right in the world again."
She tugged him down for another kiss and when he pulled back, she whispered, "And I finally got to undress you out of that armor. Which is kind of a pain, by the way."
"I know. A flick of my fingers is so much easier." He brushed her lips with his again. "Although, the armor does seem to drive women wild."
"It's not the armor, but the man inside it," she whispered. "And what women?"
He laughed softly before kissing her again. "All of them."
"Oh, really?"
He shifted, aligning his hips with hers and arched one eyebrow as he pressed into her thigh at the same time. "Only one of them matters, though. The rest pale in comparison."
"Is that so?"
"It is."
"Good answer," she replied, parting her legs a little wider to accommodate his hips. "Again, Jötunn?"
"Always, darling girl," he whispered before dipping back to kiss her, much more deeply this time. He broke the kiss long enough to add, "I will never have enough of you, McKenna. Never," then seized her lips once more.
***
Back in their chambers, Loki flopped facedown across the bed and couldn't hold back his low groan. He'd forgotten just how comfortable their bed was. "I've never been so grateful to be in this room," he sighed, his voice muffled by the dark green comforter.
The bed dipped and McKenna said, "This is the first time in weeks I haven't hated coming in here."
He lifted his head, turning to look at her. She lay on her back beside him, and when she turned to him, she looked absolutely worn out, as if she hadn't slept more than an hour or two a night for months, which she probably hadn't.
He rose, then slid his arms beneath her to shift her so her head came to rest on the pillows. Then, he stretched out beside her, reaching to pull her against him. Damn, how he'd missed the feel of her against him. "Sleep, love," he murmured. "You look as if you need it terribly."
"I don't want to sleep," she told him softly, her eyes sparkling in the glow of the pinpoints of light shining against the black ceiling . "I'm afraid to sleep."
"I promise you, McKenna, I'm really here. And I will be here when you open your eyes."
Her eyes shimmered now and he realized the sparkle was not from the light, but from unshed tears. He pressed her closer as she whispered, "I know I'm going to wake up and you'll be gone again, because there is just no way today actually happened."
"McKenna," he smoothed his hand over her tangled hair, the golden strands so silky soft beneath his fingers, "I promise you, you are not dreaming. This is reality."
"How do I know? Yesterday seemed like a dream but it was reality. Your funeral seemed like a nightmare, but it was reality."
"Darling girl, I know."
"Loki... I don't want to open my eyes tomorrow and find myself alone again." Her eyes overflowed and she buried her face in her hands, turning away from him as she began to sob.
The worst feeling in the world was the helplessness that surged through him whenever she cried, because she rarely did so. She was so strong, his Midgardian, that he didn't know what to do when the cracks showed in her armor.
Her shoulders shook and he scooted over to pull her against his chest. He wrapped his arms about her, kissed the top of her head, and whispered, "I don't know how to convince you, McKenna, except to tell you to trust me. I will be here come the morning. I will be here for every morning for the rest of our lives. I promise you that, love. I'm not leaving again."
"You were dead and then you came back and I'm a mess..."
"I know, but you're my mess and I'm rather fond of you."
She lifted her head. "Loki."
He held her gaze. "McKenna."
It was a risk, but as he held her stare, he pulled his brows a little lower, and waited. Then, the corners of her mouth twitched, He deepened his scowl, which made her smile. He relaxed then and kissed her forehead. "Go to sleep, darling girl. Trust me."
She yawned on cue, snuggling her head against his chest once more. "You better be here."
"I will. Right here."
Little by little, her eyes closed and her head grew heavy against him. Finally, she drifted off and he kissed the top of her head, as unwilling to go to sleep as she had been. He'd never missed anyone as much as he missed her and the children, and when he'd appeared in Selig's room to see his son sobbing into his pillow, whispering, "Daddy..." his heart shattered into a thousand razor-sharp shards. It was all he could do to keep quiet and not assure Selig that it was all an elaborate ruse.
Night after night, he came to this room, sinking onto the edge of the bed as McKenna slept. But her sleep wasn't at all peaceful. He could see the smudges of exhaustion under her eyes, made worse as she cried in her sleep. He wanted to hold her, to ease her grief, to make her smile again, but he couldn't. All he could do was bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from whispering her name.
But it was over now. His wife, his children, were within reach once more and he could finally ease their sorrow. And actually, he thought McKenna took the news much better than he originally thought she would.
When he and Odin first discussed this, Loki was adamant, he wanted McKenna to know the truth from the beginning. That way she could protect Selig and Aislinn from thinking he was dead.
"I cannot do that to her," he'd said, shaking his head. "It's cruel and it will hurt her and I will not hurt her."
"We have no choice," Odin said, glancing at Heimdall. "She cannot and must not know the truth. We will need genuine reaction if this is to work."
"Allfather," Loki braced one foot on the bottommost step, "she will have to tell Selig and Aislinn as well. Am I to put them all through hell?"
"If necessary, yes."Odin nodded. "Absolutely. McKenna is a strong woman. She will understand when you return."
"And my son and daughter? You are all right with them believing me dead?"
"They are young. They will not remember."
"Aislinn might not but Selig will."
"He will also remember you returned."
"The Allfather is right," Heimdall said slowly. "This is the only way it will work."
Loki sighed now, glancing down at McKenna. His fingers moved gently along the spun gold of her hair. He'd almost destroyed all three of them.
But it was over now. He was home with them. He wasn't leaving them again.
He didn't recall drifting off, but then McKenna let out a low moan and it jolted him awake.
She was crying. No, crying wasn't the word. She was sobbing into her pillow, having rolled away from him at some point.
"No... please... God... please bring him back..."
He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he reached for her. "McKenna, love... I'm here. I'm right here."
Her eyes opened, wild and unfocused and tears streamed down her face as he pulled her close. "It's all right, darling girl. I'm here. I'm here."
"Oh, God... thank you..." she choked, her breath hitching and her voice breaking. She clung to him as if she'd been drowning and he'd pulled her to dry land.
"It's all right, love," he whispered, stroking her hair as he rocked her gently. "See? It was just a dream, love. I'm right here."
Little by little, she calmed down and he kissed the top of her head. "I'm right here, McKenna."
She continued crying, but softer now, and his chest grew damp but he only tightened his hold on her even more until she finally went quiet. When she lifted her face to his, he smoothed her damp hair away from her face and whispered, "It's all right, darling girl. It's all right."
"I'm awake, right?" she murmured.
"You're awake."
"And you're here, right?"
"I'm here."
She sank back into him. "Thank God."
"Daddy?"
Loki looked over to see Selig in the doorway, his stuffed dog Cap under his arm. His black hair poked up in all different directions and he was pretty sure Selig had grown an inch taller since the last time he was in Asgard.
"What is it, Sel?" he asked softly.
"Why is Mommy crying?"
"I had a bad dream, honey," McKenna said, sitting up and swiping at her cheeks with both hands. "What's the matter?"
"I had a bad dream, too."
Loki smiled. "Do you want to come sleep with us?"
Selig nodded. "Can I?"
"Of course."
Selig gingerly climbed up, over McKenna, and snuggled in between them, which was fine with Loki. McKenna sank back into her pillow, facing him and Selig, who also let his head come to rest on one of the pillows.
"Do you want to tell me what your dream was, Sel?" Loki asked softly.
"I dreamed that this was all a dream and you were still dead," Selig whispered, his bottom lip quivering slightly.
Loki bent to kiss his son's temple. "I'm so sorry this happened this way, Selig. But you needn't worry. I'm here. I'm really here and I'm not ever leaving you that way again."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
McKenna slid her arm over Selig, her hand coming to rest on Loki's hip, and he smiled as he did the same, and Selig sighed as he cuddled between them. He was the first one to fall back to sleep, while McKenna lay there gazing over Selig's head at him.
"What?" he murmured.
"I love you."
He smiled and winked. "I love you, too, McKenna." He gave her hip a gentle squeeze. "Now, go to sleep. You've seen I'll be here when morning comes. Rest."
She nodded, her eyes sliding shut. "I've never been so sleepy."
"Sleep, love. Sleep as long as you want. No one is going to bother us." He shifted his hand to brush her hair away from her face. "I promise."
"I'm holding you to all of your promises, Jötunn."
"And I will keep every single one of them." He curved his hand against her cheek. It felt so good to touch her again, to just be with her again. To be with his family. And as McKenna finally drifted off, he sighed and closed his eyes.
It was good to be home.