This chapter is dedicated to the one and only Diana because she's the sweetest person! Thank you for lighting up the discord chats! Love you!
TSwizzleSpeakNow ♥️♥️♥️
(5th January 1978)
Lily Evans could tell by the way she jolted awake that she'd been dreaming. There was sweat beading on her forehead and fresh tears in her eyes, both creating an unwelcome taste of salt on her lips. But try as she might, Lily couldn't grasp the details of what had gotten her in this state. The ideas that she'd seen so vividly in sleep were slipping away from her like wisps of smoke.
But even as she began to wake up in her darkened bedroom, the sense of impending urgency did not leave with the drowsiness. She'd been sleeping at her desk, homework splayed across the table top haphazardly; sheets of had fallen on the the floor, others were in danger of spilling over the sides as well.
She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It read 03:30. Then it hit her.
All of a sudden she jumped up from her chair and leant over to the window, the street was empty. Lucifer wasn't there.
The man she called the devil hadn't been seen waiting for her in nearly a week. It was becoming a pattern. There wasn't an exact day Lily could pinpoint in which he disappeared– he was just there one day, smoke the next.
Somehow Lily wondered if it was worse that he was gone than when she could trust he was there. Only watching. There were days when she would question if Lucifer was even real, or merely a figment of her magical imagination. But when he wasn't there, it felt much more ominous. She wondered where he went to, after he'd left her street. What do monsters get up to in the daylight? Now that was a better question...
Lily leant back in her desk chair, resigning herself to a night awake. There were three cameras on her shelf now. A classic film camera, a Polaroid camera, and the one gifted to her by James Potter.
The James Potter that was a mess. The James Potter that didn't know what it was to love someone. James Potter that kissed her and ran away because he was too afraid to fall in love. James Potter that would hold her when she cried; tell her the truth when she needed to hear it; buy her ridiculous gifts to make her happy; promise to put himself together so that he might be worthy of loving. But the problem was she might love him already...
She didn't know what love was supposed to feel like. In a sense she was just as scared of it as James, that fear just manifested itself in a different prototype. She was scared of what love was supposed to look like. Lily knew it wasn't supposed to be like her parents; with her mother drinking too much and her father pretending he doesn't notice until somebody cracks. Because her mother and father do love each other. She'd see it sometimes; in the way her father might wrap a blanket around her mother when she slept on the couch; or when her mother might stay sober long enough to wait up for her father when he'd had a long night in the office.
Sometimes she'd catch them on the couch, side my side, watching some schmaltzy 40's movie in the middle of the night, laughing at things that weren't supposed to be amusing. They were in love –that, Lily knew– but she also knew they perhaps shouldn't be.
That uncomfortable fact was what petrified Lily on long, crepuscular lights like this; when the witching hour stretched across her bedroom like a disease, swallowing it whole. She was petrified of falling in love when she shouldn't, and being too in love to do anything about it. She didn't want to drink too much, she didn't want to smoke too many cigars, or stay out late because she didn't want to go home to the person she hated being so in love with. She didn't deserve it. Neither did James.
It hadn't been a week since New Years, she'd been catching up on homework, trying not to think about the fact he'd not come through the window yet. But he hadn't. And she'd thought about it anyway.
James Potter was like heroin. She laughed at herself as soon as the intrusive thought slipped into her mind but it was true enough. She knew how damaging it could be, how it might ruin her life. Still, it was too damn hard not to miss...
It was still dark an hour later. Lily's candle had burnt to the wick, leaving her nothing to read by, but the room smelt distantly of lavender.
The blackness had turned to a midnight purple while she'd been engrossed in the pages of a book, but it wasn't malicious, rather a little more alluring. Something seemed to buzz in the air around her.
Lily could describe magic a million different ways, in a million situations. But in this one, on a curious night like this; magic was like a series of electrical threads, invisible but somewhere within her reach. They buzzed by her ears, under her fingertips, over her heart.
The camera James had bought her sat innocuously on her shelf but her eyes felt drawn to it. Almost effortlessly, she was thinking about him again; her fingers sought the necklace he'd given her with the strange gold ball on it. It felt alive under her touch. Everything felt alive under her touch. Something was alive.
Sprouting from no where were wisps of blue light, they danced together, twisting like cigarette smoke, or the frosty air one breathes on a cold winters morning. It twisted and pulsed, like the wisps were alive, trying to form a shape.
"What are you?" Lily whispered, standing up to see where the light was coming from. When she did so, more wisps flooded from her, like it was seeping out her skin. They began to pulse harder, like a heart beat, like it were real.
Lily began to circle the room slowly, assessing the blue light escaping her skin like it had been trapped there all her life, desperate to get out. She should have been petrified, instead she found herself giggling.
What would her sister say if she saw this? This magnificent beauty, this playful light, shrouding round her, protecting her.
Protecting her.
It was protecting her.
The light seemed to sense her thoughts, as soon as they came to her mind the wisps took form. Transforming into a willowy doe, cantering delicately around the bedroom, nuzzling Lily's cheek, oddly warm to the touch. The doe was her guardian.
Her own magic had sent her a guardian.
"Aren't you beautiful?" She whispered to her protector, but before she'd finished, the doe was gone. Leaving the first rays of sunlight to stream through the open curtains...
(5th January 1978)
James wasn't an idiot. He knew his father hadn't slept in days. In fact, Fleamont rarely left his home office, unless it was so visit the ministry or something else that couldn't wait until he'd had five minutes of rest.
Currently there were voices coming from Fleamont's office. One was his own, and the other seemed much more distant– it didn't take a genius to figure out he was speaking to someone over floo. Their voices were hushed, James noticed, like they were discussing something secret.
"You don't understand, McQuade—"
James should have guessed Millard was on the other end of the fireplace, though he couldn't fathom why Millard hadn't just come to visit? The air was bitter with frost but it wasn't by any means weather that should restrict travel.
Slowly, James glanced dubiously around the empty hall before casting a sound reflecting charm in order to listen to the conversation without being too close.
"Sir, with all due respect—"
"—you know fine well I can't leave this house. There's a reason I'm here, McQuade."
"Of course sir, but you need to consider resignation. The papers!"
"I don't give a damn about the papers! I can't leave now, you know why. That's why I've stationed you in Liverpool. The missing children saw the snatchers, this isn't like Newcastle. This time they know what their attackers look like!"
There was a soured sigh coming from the fire, accompanied by pops of kindling.
"Sir, the children's magic has been drained again. I wouldn't be surprised to find their memories tampered with."
"Bugger. Take statements anyway."
"I really think it would be beneficial if you came up here—"
"I won't hear of this again, Millard. As long as I'm still head of this office you will do as I say! I don't want to argue with you. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal."
James heard another crackle and the second voice was gone. He decided to flee with it, just in case.
He raced down the hall and to the library, where he found Sirius lounging, one leg propped up on the oak coffee table while the other balanced a book.
"Padfoot! Somethings going on with father."
Sirius looked up urgently his pointed features taken over by an erratic sense of curiosity. A lock of charcoal black hair rested over his left eye, obscuring a grey iris, likely glowing with the same look as the other, with questions.
"Oh yeah?"
James nodded, closing the door carefully behind him and venturing closer to his best friend. The library was a circular room with ladders running along the ceiling-high shelves. James perched on one of them, leaning forward and allowing it to roll within whispering earshot of Sirius.
"More kids have gone missing."
Sirius wore a grave expression, "where?"
"Liverpool. Millard is there checking it out, but I get the impression something is different this time."
"Different how?" Sirius propped up in his chair, the leg he'd so nonchalantly placed on the coffee table dropped down beside him, as did the book he'd been reading. Neither boys noticed the thump it made as it landed.
"Apparently they saw the snatcher. McQuade thinks their memories have been tampered with from what I can gather."
"You really should stop listening in on your father's important conversations."
"I know. But that's not all."
"Do tell."
"Millard thinks my dad should resign. Or he at least thinks father should join him in Liverpool to investigate."
"Why can't he?"
"That's what's bothering me. He said he couldn't. He needed to stay here for something. I'm starting to think that facilitating an easy life isn't the only reason we moved out of Potter Manor."
Sirius frowned, his darkly handsome ease fading into fret.
"What do you think it is then?"
"I think there's a lot my father isn't telling us. I also think that's it's vital he keep his job. Merlin knows why, but there's something tying him to it." James hopped off the ladder, landing lithely on his feet, hardly making a sound.
"What are we going to do about it?"
"Absolutely no clue. But it's something."
♣ ♣ ♣
(6th January 1978)
Esme-Leigh Bisset needed a reason. Of that she was certain. Esme needed a reason to stay at Hogwarts, something that tied her there, something that needed her. For so long she'd been a decoration, the pretty only daughter that her parents show off; the hot girl everyone wants to kiss at parties; the cute girl people want to ask on dates. She was a face, a body, a prize.
She had friends, some of them looked past her beguiling bloodline and stopped seeing her as a mythical creature and more as someone messy, and vibrant, and imperfect. But she wasn't sure how much they really needed her there. Esme-Leigh would always feel like an ornament, even in the places she most belonged. Sometimes she wondered if the place she most belonged was behind glass; where she could remain perfect and preserved, only to be looked at, admired like one would a wooden doll or porcelain figurine.
She made her decision lying fully clothed on top of her made bed in the McKinnon house, her legs dangling off the side and China-blue hair fanning out around her. The finality of it lifted some of the weight. She would find a reason by Easter, or she would join her parents in France, go to Beauxbatons and finish her NEWTS there.
Suddenly finding herself smiling, Esme sat up, her hair shortening as she did so until it reached her shoulders. She always felt more comfortable like that, when wind found it easy to tangle up around her head surrounding itself with the aroma of winter air and chimney fires.
Outside the snow was clearing, leaving behind a clean slate for which spring would prepare. The early afternoon was bright, lazy, until it was entered by Marlene McKinnon.
"Oi! Esme, you coming out for a fly? It's not exactly as exciting as it used to be now my brothers have cleared off but I'll race you?"
Marlene talked far too loudly for such a reposeful day, but a draft creeped around them from the open window and the air smelt fresh and sweet.
"Five galleons says I win."
"Make it ten galleons and you've got yourself a deal, Bisset!"
Just as quickly as she arrived, Marlene disappeared, leaving a flash of blonde hair behind her and the sweet smell of strawberries and coffee.
The weight of Esme's secrets threatened to hold her down, but she was determined to belong for a while...
(7th January 1978)
A fire burned brightly in the corner of the room but no one remembers who lit it.
James was apprehensive at first to allow everyone in his house. Dorcas has joked that it was hardly too small, but still he'd seemed wary. Him and Sirius hadn't let anyone in until they were satisfied with the place.
Their father had left for the office and wouldn't be back for a while, leaving Potter House empty.
On entrance, it was the sort of dazzling thing that took your breath away. Money seemed to ooze from every corner and they'd barely seen any of the house, confined primarily to the boy's private living area which was grand enough itself.
Everything seemed immaculate (Lily swore she saw one of the chandeliers floating, but she'd been drinking with Dorcas prior to arriving so it might have been her imagination).
"Hey," came a breath behind her. Even after everything that had happened between them, James' voice still seemed to travel through Lily like it was made of honey.
"You alright?"
The room seemed to melt away around her as James took a seat. His knee was touching hers and she wasn't sure if it was intentional or not. Either way she said nothing.
"Me? I'm always fine."
Something crossed James' eyes. Something sad and beautiful.
"We both know that's not true."
"Well then I will be."
He smiled then, and she smiled back.
"That's good enough."
Lily chuckled, "I suppose it'll do."
A moment passed that might have been hours. His eyes were the only thing she saw. The hazel melting around starry pupils, alight with so much emotion.
Lily jumped when Alice called for their attention. She was standing on top of a table, wearing that look that she does when something brilliant has crossed her mind. It was the look that she knew Frank had fallen so in love with, he was grinning at her from the seat he'd been sharing with her the last time Lily had cared about her surroundings enough to check.
"Me and Frank were talking," Alice cried, evidently louder than she'd anticipated because she made herself jump.
"We've been talking and we think everyone should come to our wedding after graduation! Everyone needs to come and we can all have a huge party!"
Sirius laughed, "as if we weren't going to gatecrash anyway!"
"Shut up, Sirius I'm trying to make a speech! Anyway, I wanted to say how much we love you guys. Having you around has been so much fun– please don't hesitate to write us whenever. See you the second you get off that train after graduation."
Alice hopped off the table, landing shakily, allowing Peter to catch her before she hit the ground.
Soon they were all laughing. Including James, who'd raised the bottle of whatever he was drinking to Alice as a toast. As if he sensed she was looking at him, James grinned down at her, capturing her in those amazing eyes once again. That was when she realised, it didn't matter who they were, what they'd been through. They'd be alright. It would take a while for them both to be fully ready. Ready to be in love but for now they'd be fine.
He bumped her shoulder, "hey?"
Lily rested her head on it like she did that night on the church roof, the day of his mother's funeral.
When she smiled up at him he smiled too. They'd be alright.
♥ ♥ ♥
(8th January 1987)
The train station smelt like smoke. People leant on pillars with cigarettes between their teeth, unhurriedly surveying the station like they somehow considered themselves above such places. There were others smoking with shaking hands, rushing down to platforms, or on the phone. They hustled and they bumped into one another, briefly appearing in one another's life, like they were browsing for one that stuck.
Steam rose up above their heads, mingling with the cigarettes and pipes before rising up to join the clouds. Even the air was busy.
Lily walked between Remus and James, into the kerfuffle, wanting to hold their hands, if not to make her feel better, then so she didn't lose them. Everything was jaunty and alive.
Marlene held tightly to Dorcas, clutching at her as if she might turn to smoke as well. Her ashy blonde ponytail swung behind her, mingling with Dorcas' curls whenever they leant their heads close and never fully untangling again. As if they subconsciously always wanted to be close.
Esme-Leigh and Peter were with Frank, the boys most likely listening to a rapid fire of ideas Esme had for Frank and Alice's wedding. Last night when Alice had invited everyone, Esme-Leigh had worn an odd look on her beautiful mask, like she's lost something. But now she had switched and seemed to have recovered from whatever she'd been suffering the night before and slightly became overzealous. If Lily didn't think Esme could have anything she wanted, she might have thought it was desperate; such a need to be involved. To be needed.
Sirius and Alice strode side by side, an unlikely friendship but one that seemed important. Sirius was a walking misdemeanour, while Alice was not afraid to keep people in line. But somehow Sirius had unlocked the side to Alice that knew how to have fun, it was a knack Lily had taken a while to master, but Sirius seemed to be able to do so without trying. It was oddly beautiful to see how two people so different could learn to find common ground.
They all came to a stop together, bundling into an unlikely group of friends. Lily finally plucked up the courage to take the boy's hands. Almost instantly they squeezed hers back.
Lily saw a finality in the air with the smoke. This was the last time they would wave off their friends at the train station, Marlene mentioned that they would probably stay in school for Easter since it was their last year so the next time they would all be together again would be as graduates. As free adults, no restraints. Like birds taking a leap from their nests for the first time. Fall or fly?
"This is it then." Marlene shrugged, still clutching Dorcas to her side.
"I'm gonna miss you idiots!"
It was probably Sirius that pulled them together first but it was impossible to tell. All Lily knew was she was in a group hug with far more people than is dignified. James was warm and familiar against her side; and Remus seemed to bow in order to make himself smaller, his scarred cheek pressed against hers much softer than she anticipated it would be. There was a hand squeezing her shoulder which was probably Esme-Leigh but it might have been Marlene. Everyone was everywhere. It was messy and perfect. It was a rare second where she felt completely safe and invincible.
It was over far too soon. Lily had half a mind to bring them all back together again but she was too scared of never letting go...
She said goodbye to Peter first, who seemed surprised to be pulled into a hug but squeezed back with all his might. When she pulled away he was wearing a grin.
"Bye Lily," Peter said, his voice sounded yellow with sunshine.
"Have fun, Peter."
Sirius launched himself at Lily next, before she even had a chance to see him coming, he was wrapping his arms around her middle and lifting her off the ground.
"I'll miss you, Tiny Tot."
"That is not my name now."
"But I heard James calling you that!"
"No."
Sirius shrugged, his angular handsomeness melting into a look one's pet might give them.
"Fine! Have a good one, Lily. We'll see you on the other side."
Remus and Marlene pulled her into a hug at once, Marlene's red lipstick probably left a mark on her cheek where she kissed it but it didn't matter. Remus held her tightly and neither wanted to let go.
"Thank you two," Lily whispered, "write to me."
"As if we'd forget," Marlene replied and she looked as if she were about to say something else, and if it weren't for the look Remus gave her before gesturing to something behind Lily's shoulder, she might have said it; but instead they both went to see Alice.
Lily knew it was James before she'd fully turned around and she was wrapped in his arms faster than she could blink. Something about the smell of his jumper and the feeling of being so close to him made everything else melt away. The last time they'd been at this station he'd given her that necklace with the silly golden ball on it, the one that made her feel invincible whenever it sat on her collarbone. She felt it pulse now.
When James pulled back to look at Lily he was wearing a look that made it seem like she wore her heart in her eyes, and he was reading it like a poem. He always seemed to recite her heart verse for verse.
"I'll come and see you, alright. Whenever I can."
Lily nodded. His eyes sparkled like the doe she'd conjured from her fingertips. There were galaxies hidden there.
"Please don't leave me alone for too long."
James smiled, his hand holding her head, keeping it upright.
"Never."
He left a kiss on her forehead before joining Sirius and departing, leaving a tingling sensation sweeping all through her body, filling her with delight and taking away her sadness just a little bit, lifting it up like smoke.
Yeah, she thought, we'll be alright.
(8th January 1978)
"What did you put in the kiss, Prongs?"
James turned to face Remus, the boy's tone wasn't accusing, rather amused. It was a revel he wasn't smirking.
"Just a luck charm, so take some of the sadness away temporarily."
Remus clicked his tongue, tidy chestnut brown curls flying in all directions as he shook his head.
"Why don't you ever listen to the law? You can't use magic on muggles, James, or have you forgotten?"
"No."
"So you've just elected not to listen?"
James smiled more to himself than to Remus, "something like that."
It wasn't for Remus to know that he'd just charmed Lily Evans.
The train was crowded when the boarded, but one carriage was always left empty. It had been 'theirs' since first year. Marlene barged past the crowds to get there, tugging Esme's hand and wiping stray tears from her eyes. Oddly, James was reminded of how he'd pushed through the crowds himself the summer of sixth year, angry at the world because he'd ran out of cigarettes. Somehow that was the world's biggest struggle then. Not wars, or snatchers, or his mother, or his father's job, or Lily Evans. It didn't matter now, he was different now. Wasn't he? He'd said goodbye to Lily, he'd promised to visit her, but he'd also promised not to be with her until the time was right. Weren't the two so vastly different?
Right now, reminding himself of that day, all he'd been looking for was a distraction. He'd looked for that in a cigarette. Today, after all of this, he could smoke himself to death and it wouldn't erase the thought of Lily. She would always be there, haunting him by being something he could only dream of loving. But something he couldn't bare to be away from.
Distractions. What did they look like, James wondered? How does one distract themselves from loving someone? What do they do?
He supposed half the fun is finding out...
♣ ♣ ♣
(8th January 1978 continued)
"How long have you been standing there?"
James looked up, seeing Aliona Conolley watching him with a casual air of amusement.
"Depends. How long have you been watching?"
He pushed off the train wall where he'd been resting outside the Prefects compartment. Like him, Aliona was already in her robes, her wine-red hair clashing tragically with her Gryffindor colours but the sight of her was not unwelcome.
"I've been watching long enough to think it weird."
"Wonderful." James extended his arm and Aliona laughed as she rested herself underneath it, allowing him to hug her into his side briefly.
"How was the holidays? Thank you for the painting by the way it's beautiful."
A timid smile found its way onto Aliona's lips and a pink blush flooded her cheeks.
"It was nothing. I didn't do much in the holidays so there was plenty of time to paint them."
James frowned, "what? You mean Trudy wasn't over your shoulder at every interval?"
"No, she was there some of the time, but she spent a lot of the holiday with Ozma," all of a sudden the usual brash and assured Northern tone Aliona spoke in faded to something much more demure. It unsettled James in a way he didn't quite know how to put into words.
"Oh," was all he could manage.
Sensing the discomfort from him, Aliona took a step away, forcing her own back against one of the carriage doors. A group of Ravenclaws passed between them, blocking each other from view for a brief moment, allowing her to repaint her features to something more guarded.
"So, when did Marlene say she'd be here?"
James shrugged, thrusting his hands deep into his pockets to stop them from rubbing his neck or jumping into his hair.
"Marlene does not mention times, that way she can never be late. It's her style."
"I see. Well I respect that."
"Me too, but not right now. Anyway, don't you have friends to be with?"
The question seemed to catch Aliona off guard, her silvery grey eyes widening with surprise at what was really just a question.
"No... not really. I can't find Trudy and when that happens I usually guess it's because she doesn't want to be found."
There was pain in her voice, James could place the slight offishness in her baritone now. It was exactly like he sounded when forced to talk about Lily like it was nothing; his throat would close up like it were trying to swallow the words he was endeavouring to push out.
"Well you're welcome to wait. This meeting should only be a quick ten minutes to welcome the prefects back, not all of them are even here."
She smiled, a lithe yet careful smile. Like she were attempting not too come off as desperate as James could tell she was. It was difficult not to know how she felt; sharing the sort of history that they did. His relationship with Aliona was his first real one, and when they broke up it felt like all the strings that tied them together had been cut, but over time one comes to realise that even the sharpest of scissors cannot sever all the ties they shared.
They stared into each other for a moment, saying nothing. This time James couldn't help it, he was running his hands through his hair before his mind had caught up, pulling at the strands at the back of his neck.
"What are you two doing? We're late!"
James and Aliona jumped, facing Marlene like two dissenters that had been caught committing some sort of heinous crime. Marlene was laughing, her blonde hair bouncing perfectly over her shoulders, draped across Gryffindor robes. One would have to know her very well to realise she'd been crying over leaving Dorcas. Both James and Aliona did, but elected to say nothing.
"Thank you then, Marls. Shall we get going?" James held out his arm and Marlene took it.
"Why don't we indeed! Lovely to see you, Aliona. I'll catch up with you in the great hall, alright? Save me a seat!"
Aliona smiled and watched as the two friends, who were really more siblings, jostle each other into the prefects compartment.
♣ ♣ ♣
(8th January 1978 continued)
Marlene emerged from the compartment wedged in between a pretty Slytherin girl with light brown skin and a scowl and a Hufflepuff Aliona was sure she knew but couldn't place. Either way, Marlene didn't see her as she walked past. James did and he came to rejoin her.
"I don't know how she does that. I'd have smacked Johnathon by now." James murmured as he gestured for Aliona to follow him down the train.
"That's his name!" She snapped her fingers and grinned, "Rhys Johnathon! I knew I recognised him."
"Yes, well he's arguing about shortening patrol hours, which is ridiculous considering the times we're living in, what with the attac—" James' eyes widened and turned on her immediately, full of remorse and shock.
It was almost a year since Aliona been attacked but she didn't like to talk about it much, especially not on a crowded train. James had known this of course, that was why he looked as if he were going to be sick.
"It's alright, James. I understand."
"At least let me apologise first!"
"No need."
He smiled down at her, squeezing her shoulder and communicating in the nonverbal way that some people just seem to have a knack for.
But when they walked on down the carriages, Aliona couldn't help but notice the way his eyes didn't seem to sparkle quite the same way when he grinned. He allowed himself to be jostled by people and didn't entertain the girls trying to catch his eye or wink at him as they went past. There was something about him that wasn't right. She could sense it because he wasn't the only one.
Every time she saw Trudy it was worse. She loved her so much it hurt, and it often did. A physical pain in her chest would beat, like her heart was trying to escape her very skin. She's tried painting to distract herself, she'd written to Marlene and she'd pushed it as far away as she could. But it was a secret that was attempting to burn though the key to its box in attempt to escape. She needed a distraction, and one look at James suggested he probably needed one too...
♣ ♣ ♣
(8th January 1987 continued)
Sirius exhaled and watched as a stream of smoke pooled over and around his head, catching the deep purple light and illuminating the space around his head like a halo. He sat with his legs dangling out the window, something he knows he shouldn't do– making it all the more delicious to do it anyway.
Moony is somewhere behind him, probably sitting in his bed, watching him. Somehow he can always feel when Remus' eyes are on him, like there's a tether attaching them.
Peter–Sirius isn't so sure. It's highly probable the poor bastard is asleep. Too much action and he drops off to sleep like a hamster. Remus often jokes that Wormtail is the only human he knows that enters periods of dormancy.
The only person unaccounted for is James. He left to steal cigarettes off Marlene after Sirius put a hex on his to stop him nicking them. Of course the spell was immune to Remus, but his boyfriend wasn't very interested in stealing a cigarette right now anyway.
"Why don't you come over here and sit with me instead of just watching me?"
"I'm not watching you."
"Okay."
Sirius counted to three in his head, grinning.
"Fine, I was watching you."
He laughed, making Sirius laugh too, and somehow Peter was still awake because his giggle was sounding somewhere behind Sirius as well.
"You two are something else."
"Yeah well, some of us need to make up for the appalling love life of the other two marauders." Remus said snidely.
"Well I'll have you know that Tia Joshton asked me out on the last day of term before Christmas."
This was enough for Sirius to turn, making a grand show of swinging his legs round as he did so.
"Did she now? The cute brunette Ravenclaw girl?"
Peter blushed, "the very same."
"But she's really hot—" (Remus coughed.)
"—and she's secretly fucking crazy!" A voice from the door drew the other three boys attention. James wasted no time in pulling his school robes off and yanking his tie away from his throat.
"Wondered when you might show up," Remus muttered conversationally, turning the page on his book.
"Took a walk. Now back to Tia Joshton:" In one swift motion James was beside Sirius on the windowsill, straddling the ledge so one leg dangled out the window, the other swung absentmindedly in the dorm.
"What about her? How is she crazy?" Peter's voice cracked like a breakable thing.
"I don't want to ruin it for you Wormy, I'm just being neighbourly when I implore you to politely refuse."
Remus slammed the book he'd had open on his lap down with a rather alarming bang.
"Oh for fuck sake, Prongs you've made us all curious now!"
"You really want to know?"
"Yes!"
"Fine! You know Darcy Nix?"
Sirius nodded, "pretty Slytherin, black hair, killer green eyes."
"The very same. Well—"
"Pads, you know I am still here?" Remus interrupted, "Remus, your boyfriend. Right here."
"Well Darcy Nix is hardly my bloody type, Moony!"
"That's not the point!"
"Well I think you're prettier than any of them!"
"Thank you, but that's not—"
"Children!" Peter snapped, biting back a smirk.
"I still want to know this story. So have a domestic later!"
James grinned, clearly enjoying this exchange more than he expected to.
"Finished? Alright. Now, I dated Darcy very briefly at the start of fifth year –for the general reason that I was a bastard and she was a good snog– anyway. After we'd been dating about three weeks: Darcy ends up in the hospital wing, the second she gets out, she breaks up with me. I find out later that it was Tia Joshton that put her there. Because apparently they'd been fighting over me. I must say it was the first time obnoxious, ego centric, fifteen-year-old me had ever been played at my own game. Regardless, Tia put a perfectly nice girl in the hospital wing– so I'd give the date a miss. But unless you want to go the same way, I'd let her down slowly."
Sirius was clutching his side, trying not to fall out the window with laughter while Remus looked on in bitter amusement; poor Peter looked peeved.
"Wormy, don't be upset! There's a million people that would want to go out with you if you ever fancy a date. I can set them up!"
Peter shrugged, "maybe. I'm just glad I didn't have to find out about Tia the hard way."
James grinned, relieved his friend wasn't too cut up by it. "Otherwise you'd end up with a matching scar down your thigh like Darcy!"
They all laughed but it didn't take long for Remus' expression to change.
"How did you know about the scar on Darcy's thigh?... you didn't?! James fu—"
"—hold fire! No, I did not. She showed me –fully clothed– last year, so don't go damning the innocent before you've consulted the jury."
"What sort of shite expression is that."
"Who even says that?"
"No-one says that."
Remus groaned, "I'm so sick of this shit."
Then they really did laugh. Utterly lost in a moment that was all theirs. Just then it began to rain, titanic droplets of water pummelling down like bullets, bouncing off the castle walls and the grounds.
"Is Nix still single?"
Sirius sighed, "you can't just jump to the next distraction because you're too scared of really liking a girl." His hair was getting caught in the rain, it stuck to his forehead and down his neck, like a dark charcoal cloak.
"That's not what I'm doing. And if I was, I'd make it very clear that's what I was doing. I don't take advantage."
"I know. But if you jump from bed to bed like a hedonist then there come a point where they take advantage of you."
James scoffed, "says king hedonist, himself."
Padfoot bowed best he could on the window ledge just as James hopped off, soaked to the bone but not seeming to mind.
"Well at least I'm monogamous."
"Didn't want to know." He headed towards the bathroom, gathering clothes to sleep in as he went.
♣ ♣ ♣
(8th January 1978 continued)
James lay in his four poster bed that night listening to the rain. He'd go back to the Head Boy dorms tomorrow, but right now there felt like no-where safer than here. Remus and Sirius were both in the former's bed. They'd been whispering unintelligibly for the past hour but there was no noise coming from behind their curtains now and Peter had been asleep nearly as soon as the conversation died down.
The rain still came down heavy, creating the sort of white noise that's impossible to ignore but James had always found this sort of weather like a comfort. To hear such harshness, knowing that nothing could touch you was one of the rare feelings that one cannot replicate.
As he lay there, his mind probed the idea of safety. It was no surprise that Lily was one of the first things to come to mind. She was a witch, he knew that. Which meant snatchers would be looking for her. Possibly right now, and yet here he was.
Everyone had secrets he supposed. Lily Evans had hers, his father had his, James had a few as well. The difference was simple: some craved a reason to keep their secrets, others a distraction from them.
He was still trying to figure out which one he was when he fell into an uneasy sleep...
Well, this was probably my least favourite chapter but big things are coming soon and at least it's an update! (Pretty early as far as I go)
Sorry it's kinda short and makes very little sense but thanks for reading regardless!
Love,
Abbi♥️