CHAPTER 23
CONFUSED
Iris' POV
"He'll pay for this," I heard Zin whispered. Kitang kita ko ang galit sa mga mata niya. He hastily stood up and was about to leave when I held his wrist tightly.
"Don't be so reckless. Baka mapahamak ka," I warned him.
"You can't expect me to just stay here and allow him to continue fooling Caylee! Iris, kitang kita mismo ng mga mata mo ang kahayupang ginagawa niyang Aaron na 'yan!"
"Pagbabayarin natin siya pero hindi sa paraang naiisip mo! You can't just beat him up right now!"
"At bakit hindi? He deserves it! Hindi pa nga sapat na masira ko ang mukha niya!"
"You're so angry right now, you're even shaking! What if hindi ka makapagpigil at maging malubha ang kalagayan niya? Think about the consequences of your actions! Ang daming CCTV cameras dito! Ang daming pwedeng maging witness! Are you forgetting who you are? Isipin mo naman ang pwedeng mangyari kapag binugbog mo si Aaron ngayon. Can't you just take a deep breath and think for a second? Galit din ako, Zin! Galit na galit! Pero may mga bagay na hindi natin dapat idaan sa dahas!"
He shouted and frustratedly gripped his hair. "F*CK!"
Apparently, all the rumors were true. Totoong cheater si Aaron at nakumpirma mismo namin ni Zin.
I asked him out to talk because my mind's everywhere and I need a friend who could give me an advice. Ever since Dashiell kissed me three months ago, things became confusing for the two of us. Hindi namin pinagusapan ang nangyari dahil naiilang kaming dalawa. We just pretended it didn't happen and act the way we are before. Ang problema nga lang, madalas nagkakahiyaan na kami. We stopped jogging together every weekend. Parehas kaming laging nagbibigay ng kung ano-anong dahilan wag lang matuloy hanggang sa hindi na kami nagkayayaan.
Honestly, I don't think I can be alone with Dashiell without thinking about the kiss. Ang hirap lang dahil kahit ang dami kong tanong ay hindi ako sigurado kung gusto ko bang may marinig na sagot.
I don't know how I feel about him. I'm not sure if I really like him or I'm just attracted to him. Either way, I'm scared to figure it out. Kaya nga kahit may palaro ni Senyor ay hindi kami gaanong nagkakasama. I always stay with my friends during events and he's with his brother's group. Sila Nigel at Gio ang lagi niyang kasama.
I knew Zin would know what to say to keep my mind at peace so I told him we should meet up. Kakagaling ko lang sa school kanina dahil nagpa-picture ako for my ID. Bukas na kasi ang start ng classes for Third Year First semester.
When Zin got here, we both decided to stay at a high-end café restaurant. Sa second floor terrace kami umupo kaya naman kitang kita namin lahat ng mga dumadaan. That's when we spotted Aaron holding hands with another girl. Sobrang sweet nila at may hawak pang flowers at chocolates 'yung babae kaya hindi mapapagkailang niloloko niya nga ang kaibigan naming si Caylee. I was too shocked to take a picture and Zin's too mad to think of anything but to punch Aaron.
"Caylee won't believe us if we don't have any proof. Kilala mo siya."
"Well then let's follow that piece of sh*t!"
"Kahit may video tayo or picture tayo, iisipin niya lang na pinsan ni Aaron 'yon or 'di kaya edited 'yon. She is that blind when it comes to love. Maniniwala lang siya kung siya mismo ang makakakita."
Zin groaned and slammed his hand on the table. Mabuti na lang ay kaming dalawa lang ang nandito sa taas kaya wala kaming ibang naaabala.
"So what are you suggesting?"
"We can send an anonymous tip to Caylee that her boyfriend's here with another girl."
"Paano kapag hindi siya nagpunta? I won't let that jerk get away with this."
"Tsaka na muna natin isipin ang mga what ifs, okay? Gawin na muna natin. Let's see what will happen."
Zin bought a new sim card and immediately sent a message to Caylee. Nasa tapat lang kami ng restaurant, binabantayan 'yung dalawa kung aalis ba sila. Hindi nag-reply si Caylee kaya naman parehas kami ni Zin na hindi mapakali.
"The girl's familiar, parang taga-LCU din," I mumbled.
"Ang kapal talaga ng mukha niyang tarantadong 'yan! Pinaubaya ko ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko tapos lolokohin niya lang!"
Nilingon ko siya. "Zin, promise me that no matter what happens, you won't show up in front of Caylee today. You can't interfere because she'd only divert her anger to you. Ma-pride 'yon at ikaw ang pinakahuling taong gusto niyang makakita ng kahinaan niya."
Halatang nagulat siya sa sinabi ko. "Paano kapag nanghina siya at mapaluhod? Hindi ko mapapangakong manunuod lang ako dito, Iris."
"Ilang taon ko ng kilala si Caylee. She's a strong woman. Alam kong hindi siya basta basta iiyak sa harapan ng mga tao. Kahit sa sitwasyon na ganito ay magiging composed pa rin siya." I patted his shoulder to comfort him. "Let her handle this alone. Tsaka ka na lumapit sa kanya kapag nasabi na niya sa buong tropa. Palabasin na lang natin na sabay sabay nating nalaman."
Zin was about to argue when he suddenly froze. I followed his gaze and was surprised to see Caylee walking towards the restaurant. She stopped for a few minutes in front of the door before going inside.
Siguro ay nakakaramdam na rin talaga siya na niloloko siya kaya nagpunta na siya dito kahit na hindi nagpakilala ang nag-text sa kanya.
Wala pang ilang minuto ay lumabas na ulit siya, but this time kasama na niya si Aaron at ang babae nito. Nagusap sila hanggang sa bigla na lang siyang nag-walk out. Walang sampalan o sabunutang nangyari. It was like Caylee just let it go.
Nang makalayo si Caylee ay hindi ko na napigilan pa si Zin. Sinugod na nito si Aaron at sinuntok ng malakas. Aaron instantly dropped on the floor.
"What the f*ck---"
"Kulang pa 'yan, g*go ka! Babalikan kita kaya humanda ka!" Zin warned him. Tumakbo siya bigla kaya naman hinabol ko siya.
He was about to reach the parking lot when I finally had the chance to hold his arm.
"Zin please! Pagsisisihan mo kapag pinuntahan mo si Caylee ngayon!" I know my friend. She'll hate Zin if she sees him here. Ayokong dahil dito ay magkasira sila.
"Iris---"
"Trust me on this. Please."
Nanghina si Zin at umiyak na lang. I know how frustrated he is that he can't be there for Caylee. Maski ako ay nalulungkot na hindi ko mayakap ang kaibigan ko ngayon.
Why do people cheat?
How can they hurt the person they love?
*****
Rumors quickly spread like wildfire at school. Kahit saan ako magpunta ay pangalan nila Aaron at Caylee ang naririnig ko. I wonder if Caylee went to school. Hindi ko siya nakita kaninang umaga, wala siya noong lunch time at hindi rin siya nagpaparamdam sa social media accounts niya.
I didn't have the guts to text her. Baka madulas ako at masabi kong nandoon kami kahapon sa mall noong nahuli niya si Aaron.
"Iris!" I was just closing my locker when I saw Ava running towards me.
"Oh, dahan dahan. Baka madapa ka kakatakbo."
"SOS. Now!" Walang anu-ano'y hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinila ako papunta sa The Grove.
Pagpasok sa loob ay doon ko naintindihan kung bakit nagmamadali siya. Caylee's a freaking mess. She's crying heavily while Tiffany and Naomi tried to comfort her. For some reason, the boys are not here.
"Nasaan sila Rios?" I asked Ava.
"Not sure. Hindi sila nasagot sa phone calls namin."
Lumapit ako kay Caylee at niyakap siya. She keeps cursing Aaron. Ito ang unang beses na makita ko siyang umiyak.
"Hayaan mo Caylee. Aabangan namin ang babaeng 'yan," Tiff tried to console her bestfriend.
"Yeah. We'd slap her till our hands hurt," Naomi added.
"We'll ruin that b*tch and your ex," Ava mumbled.
Tingnan mo 'tong mga 'to. Do they really think that will lessen Caylee's emotional suffering?
"We're all here for you, girl. Iiyak mo lang 'yan." That's all I could say.
Maya-maya ay dumating na rin sila Kiel. Lahat sila mga pawisan at mukhang pagod. My eyes immediately went to examine their hands. Lahat mga namumula ang kamao.
Lalapitan ko sana si Zin pero halatang wala siya sa wisyo makipagusap. Hinila ko na lang si Rios palabas ng The Grove.
"Umamin ka nga sa'kin, pinagtulungan niyo ba si Aaron?"
He avoided my eyes and playfully kicked a stone from the ground.
"Rios!"
"Oo na!" pag-give up niya. He knew I won't stop till he confessed. "Sorry pero tingin mo ba talaga makakaya naming umupo na lang dito at walang gawin? Lahat kayong mga kaibigan namin, parang kapatid na namin. You girls are all precious to us. If anyone tries to hurt any of you, we won't just stand by and watch."
"Pero alam mong delikado ang ginawa niyo..."
"You don't need to worry. Nagingat naman kami, Iris. We're all heirs to our parents' companies. Hindi kami gagawa ng bagay na ikakasira ng mga pamilya namin---natin. We made sure no one would see and even if he tries to sue us, wala naman siyang ebidensya na kami gumawa non sa kanya. Sinapak lang namin siya, that's all. His wounds will heal immediately unlike Caylee's---Matagal bago maghilom ang sugat sa puso niya."
He's right.
Dealing with the pain is the hardest thing to do after a relationship ends.
Getting over the person she used to love seems impossible at one point but in time, I know she'll move on eventually. We just have to be here to emotionally help her.
*****
We all decided to stay with Caylee for tonight. Ayaw niya nung una pero dahil makulit kaming lahat ay napapayag namin siya. We just don't feel comfortable knowing that she'll be alone in her room while her heart's too broken. Iiyak lang siya ng iiyak at baka mamaya ay tawagan niya pa ang hayop na ex niya, mahirap na.
"Mauna na kayo. Kukunin ko pa laptop ko sa locker. I'll see you all there," I told them.
"Do you want me to wait for you?" Kiel offered.
"Hindi na, kaya ko na. I brought my car."
"Okay, see you later."
Naglakad na sila palayo habang pumunta naman ako sa kabilang building. Pagkakuha ko ng laptop ay agad akong sumunod kila Kiel. Malapit na sana ako sa kotse ko nang mapansin kong halos kasabay ko si Dash. Naglalakad siya ng nakayuko.
Sa totoo lang, madali iwasan si Dashiell nitong summer break dahil hindi kami araw-araw nagkikita hindi katulad ngayong pasukan na at magkatabi lang ang Architecture and Engineering building. We're bound to see each other one way or another.
Instead of avoiding him, maybe it's time to discuss things with him.
I took a deep breath before I walked towards him. Umangat ang tingin niya nang makita ako at mula sa pagkakakunot ng noo ay umamo ang mukha niya. "Hey."
"Hi." I bit my lower lip. "Long time no talk."
"Oo nga e..." Now this is awkward.
"Congrats pala sa pagkapanalo ng team niyo nung Summer Olympics. I wasn't able to watch, but I heard how great your team are."
"Thanks. Sayang nga hindi ka nakapanuod, ang lakas mo pa naman mag-cheer." He smiled but it wasn't a happy smile.
Parang may problema siya ah. Halatang hindi siya okay.
"Sus, ang dami kayang nanuod at rinig ko sa video ang paghiyaw ng mga tao."
"Iba pa rin 'pag ikaw."
Nagkatitigan kami saglit ngunit agad din kaming nagiwas ng tingin.
"Kumusta si Caylee?" He asked.
I almost forgot. Close nga pala silang dalawa. Magkababata sila kaya for sure, apektado siya sa nangyari.
"She's wrecked..." Nalungkot na naman ako nang maalala ko ang kaibigan ko. "Grabe, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang magagawa sa kanya ni Aaron 'to."
He looked at his hands. "I couldn't believe it too but when I saw your friends earlier, that's when I confirmed that the rumors were true. Ibang klase 'yang lalakeng 'yan."
"You were with the boys? Kasama ka nung pinuntahan nila si Aaron?"
Dashiell nodded. "Hindi ko ugali sumali sa mga ganon pero nadala na rin kasi ako ng galit ko. We all punched him till he bled." Iniangat niya ang tingin niya sa akin. "Does that make me a bad person?"
"No!" I immediately answered. Nagulat ako sa inasta ko kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. "Of course not..." mas malumanay na sambit ko. "Caylee's like your sister already. It's normal for you to be in fury..."
"I'm sure if my brother hears this, he won't be happy either." He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled loudly. "Well, what's done is done. Mabuti na rin sigurong nabigyan ng leksyon ang hayop na 'yon."
Hindi ako umimik dahil wala na akong masabi. Na-gets ko naman kung bakit nila nagawa 'yon pero hindi kasi talaga ako pabor sa upakan o awayan.
"Bakit pala magisa ka?" tanong niya bigla.
"I was just with my friends. Nauna lang sila umalis dahil kinuha ko pa itong laptop ko. We're heading to Caylee's for an overnight." An irrational thought unexpectedly came into my mind. "Do you want to join us?"
Dashiell stared at me in surprise. Hindi naman siya parte ng grupo namin at kahit malapit sila ni Caylee ay parang ang weird naman na bigla ko na lang siyang niyayaya sumama sa amin.
"Pero okay lang kung hindi...k-kasi syempre busy kang tao." Oh gosh, Iris. That's even more embarrassing to say.
"But it would be great if you can be with us later." You know what, just shut up Iris. You're digging your own grave.
I gripped the hems of my skirt and looked down.
Ano bang pumasok sa isip ko at inimbitahan ko siya? Hindi naman kami magpa-party. Pupunta kami sa bahay nila Caylee para damayan siya. We'll try to make her happy and distract her so that her heart won't be too heavy.
"I would love to."
Tiningnan ko ang mga mata niya.
Talaga? Sasama siya?
"But I can't," He added. "May imi-meet kasi ako mamaya and I already agreed on seeing her."
Oh.
Her? Babae? Sino?
Is it another blind date set by his mom? Or may nililigawan na ba siya?
I wanted to ask so many questions but I stopped myself. Wala akong karapatan magtanong.
"Ah. Sige." Wait, why do I sound upset? Geez. "Paano, mauna na 'ko. Bye!"
Tumalikod na ako at maglalakad na sana nang hawakan niya ang wrist ko. "Iris, saglit!"
I slowly turned around and raised an eyebrow. He let go of my wrist and awkwardly met my eyes.
"Si Charmaine...gusto makipagkita sa'kin."
My heart stopped beating for a second.
"Bakit daw?" I couldn't help but ask.
"I don't know yet but she won't call unless it's important. Nangako na siya sa'king lalayuan niya 'ko pero tumawag pa rin siya."
But I don't want him to go.
What if...What if his ex wants him back?
What if they both realizes they still love each other?
Ganun na lang 'yon?
Kakalimutan na ni Dash kung paano siya nasasktan sa nangyari sa kanila?
Teka nga, ano naman ngayon kung magkabalikan sila?
Bakit affected ako?
Bakit parang natatakot ako na magkikita sila?
"Do you think it's a bad idea?" He asked me. "Should I go?"
Why is he asking me?
Bakit gusto niyang marinig ang opinion ko?
"I-ikaw...Nasa'yo 'yan."
"I guess I have to meet her to know why, otherwise I'll keep thinking about her possible reasons..."
Hindi na 'ko nagsalita. I just stared back at him.
"We should talk too..." He mumbled after a while, his eyes focusing down on my...lips?
Bago pa 'ko maka-react ay tumingin na uli siya sa mga mata ko. "About what happened between us..."
I could feel my cheeks burning at the sudden change of topic.
"Huh?" pagmamaang maangan ko. Can we please not talk about the---
"We kissed. Remember?"
How can I forget about it, Dash?
Tuwing nakikita kita, 'yun na lang ang naiisip ko.
"Uhh..." Shet. What do I say? "'Yun ba...ano..."
"I'm sorry."
"Hmmm?" gulat na tanong ko.
"I shouldn't have done that."
I felt like my heart sank on the floor.
He regret it. Of course he does. Wala namang namamagitan sa amin. Magkaibigan lang talaga kami.
So why do I feel a little disappointed at his response? Tama naman siya. Mali 'yon. Hindi dapat nangyari 'yon. It could have ruined our friendship.
"Ayos lang," I uttered in a low voice. "Kalimutan na lang natin."
Tinitigan niya 'ko na para bang may gusto pa siyang sabihin.
I waited but he didn't speak.
Itook that as a cue to leave. "Paano baka hinahanap na 'ko ng mga kaibigan ko..."
"R-right. Sige, ingat ka."
I walked away without looking back at Dashiell.
Mabuti na rin sigurong nagkausap kami. Atleast hindi na kami maiilang sa isa't-isa. We can now both act as if nothing happened.
Dashiell's POV
It wasn't what I wanted to say!
It's not like I regret kissing her. I just regret doing it at the wrong time.
"Dash, ang bobo mo!" I groaned loudly.
Mula nung hinalikan ko si Iris, doon ko napagtantong hindi na lang pagkakaibigan ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. I'm completely into her. She's beautiful, smart and heck, the most amazing girl I've ever met.
Kaya pala palagi ko siyang naiisip ay dahil may gusto na 'ko sa kanya. I'm sure of it because I know myself. When she's around, I'm the happiest. Indenial pa 'ko nung una pero nung nagkadikit ang mga labi namin, bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko at doon ko nakumpirmang ang lakas ng tama ko sa kanya.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya kaya hindi ko siya nilalapitan. She also changed the way she talks to me so I stopped calling her phone. I was afraid I might ruin my chances if I keep on making her feel awkward. Gusto ko personal kaming magkausap para makapagpaliwanag ako ng maayos. Kaso tuwing may event na nagkakasama kami, hindi ko siya ma-solo. She's always with her friends.
"Naknampucha naman!"
Ngayong nagkaroon na ako ng pagkakataon makausap si Iris ay mukhang nagkamali naman siya ng pagkakaintindi. I sounded as if the kiss was a huge mistake. Pero hindi naman mali 'yon e! Mali lang na hinalikan ko siya bago ko siya ligawan.
Just let tonight pass by, Dashiell. Nakaalis na 'yung tao. Wala ka nang magagawa pa.
*****
"Hi." Charmaine nervously smiled as she stares at me. "Mabuti nakarating ka."
Umupo ako sa harapan niya at ngumiti. "Yeah. I promised I'd be here so here I am."
Tinitigan ko siya at doon ko napansin na nangingitim ang ilalim ng mga mata niya. Parang pumayat din siya ng kaunti.
"What happened?" Hindi ko mapigilang tanungin. We may have broken up but I'll always care for her.
"Stress lang." My jaw clenched but I didn't force her to admit what's wrong.
"So why'd you call?" tanong ko na lang.
"The wedding's off."
Natigil ako sa sinabi niya.
"It's not going to happen. Hindi na kami magpapakasal."
I didn't know what to feel or act at the moment.
"Turns out, they're never going to save my father's company."
"What do you mean?"
"I dropped by at his house when I heard him and his parents talking. Pinalalabas lang nila na tutulungan nila kami pero ang totoo, gusto niya lang talaga makasal kaming dalawa. Matagal na siyang may gusto sa'kin at hindi niya lang ako mapormahan dahil alam niyang girlfriend mo 'ko. He took advantage when he heard the news about my father. He ruined us so he can get a chance to be with me. But that's it. They don't care about the debts. Pagkatapos ng kasal ay magpapanggap silang nalugi din sila. All this time, wala talaga sa plano nilang isalba ang mga pinaghirapan ng tatay ko."
Para akong binagsakan ng malaking bato sa mga narinig ko.
Charmaine and I were forced to be separated only to learn that we were both fooled.
Bigla niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at umiyak siya ng umiyak.
"I'm sorry, Dashiell. I'm sorry if I didn't listen to you. I was stupid to believe them. I was an idiot to follow my father's orders. Mabuti nalaman ko ang totoo bago ako ipakasal sa kanya. Wala na kaming magagawa sa kumpanya pero sa'tin Dash, may magagawa pa 'ko. We can still be together again..."
Napayuko ako at nanghina.
Minahal ko nang sobra si Charmaine. I wasn't going to let go of her if she didn't beg me to.
Pero ilang buwan na ang lumipas. Last year pa nung huli kaming nagkausap.
My mind and heart already accepted the fact that she'll never going to be with me again.
Tapos sa isang iglap, babalik siya at sasabihing pwede na uli kami magmahalan?
That is so messed up.
"Dash, I still love you. I never stopped loving you."
I pursed my lips and frowned when she touched my cheek.
"Kahit na nung mga panahong magkalayo tayo, ikaw pa rin ang palaging nasa isip ko. I kept wishing you'd show up in front of my doorsteps to hug me and ask me to run away. Dash please. Alam kong sobra kitang nasaktan nung binitawan kita pero hayaan mo kong makabawi."
Hindi ko magawang tingnan ang mga mata niya dahil sobrang naguguluhan ang isipan ko.
"I'm sorry but I need time to digest all of this. It's too much, Charmaine." Tumayo na ako at lumabas ng resto.
Siguro kung sinabi niya 'yon nung mga panahong nagmu-move on pa lang ako ay tinanggap ko na siya agad agad. Pero iba na kasi ang sitwasyon ngayon.
There's Iris now. Oo, hindi pa malinaw ang lahat pero may namagitan na sa aming dalawa.
We are not just friends anymore. I'm sure Iris can feel it too.
*End of Chapter 23*
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Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! :)