TW: SWEARING, YELLING, SEPARATION ANXIETY, TRAUMA
I edited lazily, if you see any mistakes point them out and I'll fix them in the next update or so <3 I appreciate it :D
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Time seems to have left me as I stare at Dream's sweet sleeping face. I've woken up before him and have since simply been smiling and running a gentle hand through his hair. He was exhausted, there was no doubt about that.
Yesterday, we had stayed in the flower field all afternoon and well into the night. My memory of it was a messy, emotional blur but I distinctly remember laying together and watching the clouds. Dream refused to let go of my hand, I'm sure he was worried that I would leave if he wasn't holding onto me. He never let me out of his sight and it took a lot of convincing for him to let go of my hand so I could put Carl away.
I changed out of my dress and into my favourite brown plaid sweats and a black tank top. Dream took off his hoodie leaving him in his black tank top and his black pants.
Dream watched me as I took my flowers from my bag and put them in a jar on my messy desk and set Wilbur's guitar in its place in the corner. We didn't say much, both of our voices were destroyed from all of our crying.
I remember how Dream kissed me before I'd forced him to go to sleep. It was almost like the kiss pained him, and I realised he was so afraid that he was imagining everything.
I made him lie down on the bed, and before I had even properly gotten under the covers he pulled me to his chest like a teddy bear. I rolled over and faced him and saw how open his eyes were. I asked him to close them and he said that he didn't want to stop looking at me.
Watching him like this, was painful. I remember his strength and now it seems to have dissipated. Destroyed by pure, unrelenting fear of being left alone again.
I promised him I'd be there when he woke up. It took a lot of convincing but he eventually closed his eyes. Almost as soon as he had shut them, I felt his arms loosen and his body relax into sleep. He truly was exhausted, in every way possible. no doubt hungry too but I didn't want to risk going into the kitchen whilst Ranboo was in the house.
I smile as he scrunches up his face and takes a long breath as he starts to wake up.
He opens his eyes and sees me but instead of seeing him smile, he looks like he's about to cry. I frown and rest my hand that was in his hair on his neck instead.
"I'm still asleep, you're not real" he shakes his head and I feel my heart break a little.
"No Dream, you're not asleep. You're awake and I'm here," I give him a shake and shuffle in closer so that our noses are almost touching, but he's not convinced.
"Prove it," his voice sets forth a challenge but I hear that his heart isn't in his request.
"When you were gone, I dreamt of you too. I wouldn't believe it if it was me either," I whisper. Dream's eyes grow glassy and he leans in kissing me. He keeps his eyes closed as he pulls away.
"Did that feel real?" I ask him and my smile returns as he nods looking relieved.
My relief is short-lived as I hear floorboards creak across the hallway. Dream tenses and pulls me protectively closer to his chest as the floorboards groan and a door opens and shuts. I hear Ranboo's speedy footsteps head down the stairs and out the front door.
"Who was that?" Dream's voice betrays him with a slight quiver. I'd never seen him so anxious before, it was like he was convinced the world was built to take me away from him. I pull out of the embrace so I can look him in the eye.
"Ranboo, he's my best friend and he lives here," I explain.
"I saw him in town," Dream's face blanks with thought as pieces start clicking together in his mind. I knew he was thinking about how Ranboo would have known that I was alive and that Dream was looking for me.
"There's a lot we need to talk about."
"Can we talk about it later?" Dream whines but I shake my head keeping firm. As much as both of us just wanted to stay here and cuddle our problems away that wasn't going to happen.
"That's impossible, we need to talk now," Dream stays silent. It wasn't an easy topic.
"Do you want to go first?" he asks me.
"It's probably easier that way," I say noting his complicated expression. I felt him tense again and his eyes were wide with worry. I lean in kissing his forehead reassuringly.
"I'm not going to judge you for what you've done. I'll only judge you for what you plan to do about what happened," I say truthfully.
"You haven't changed a bit," he smiles wistfully I give him a confused look.
"What do you mean?"
"You're just as kind and forgiving and generous as you were before," he smiles and I feel a warm glow in my tummy.
Dream sits up and leans against the headboard of the bed. I tuck myself under his arm keeping my arms around his waist and he keeps a hand on mine. Dream gives me a nod and I start telling my story.
I tell him about how Ranboo and I met whilst being held hostage under Schlatt's army in an Old World city. I tell him how I remember he brainwashed me and manipulated my memories with serums made from Ranboo's blood. How I escaped once Ranboo nearly died and I realised Schlatt was planning on killing innocent people. I tell him about Lorelei and Myles and how we left and found Techno and Phil. As I talk I leave out my new abilities, it would be easier to explain that separately.
Once I finish, Dream stays silent absorbing everything I've said. But he can only think of his failures.
"You were right there the whole time, I... I could've..." Dream shakes his head and I pull myself up so I'm sitting taller.
"You wouldn't have been able to find me, no matter what you tried," I try to reassure him but he won't listen.
"But I would have-"
"You would not find me, because I didn't want to be found," the room goes silent for a moment. Dream looked baffled, he missed me so much he couldn't understand why I wanted to hide for so long.
"Why?"
"Dream my mind was so sick. I-it was like I was somebody else and I think that in some ways I was not myself. Schlatt convinced me that everybody I loved never loved me back."
There are things that I still question. Some things Schlatt showed me or told me about the others still seem reliable. The memory of the photograph was something that I couldn't shake from my mind. It was definitely Dream in the photograph with another girl.
"Dream, there were people I forgot about altogether and events in my life that didn't exist," I whisper hoarsely and look into his green eyes. His expression was sorrowful and regretful, his brows were knit together thoughtfully and his lips were pursed tightly. Dream pulls me into his chest and hugs me tightly.
"I'm sorry Y/N," he sounds like he's going to say something else, but chooses to hold himself back. I wonder what it could have been.
"It wasn't all bad. Some good things came from it all," I smile and silently count my blessings.
"Like what?" Dream scoffs and I smirk.
"I met Ranboo, Lorelei and Myles but I was also given a gift," I choose my words carefully and pull myself up taller. I eye my nightstand and the small pouch of allium seeds that sat on top of it, a different present from Ranboo when he went to L'Manburg a few days ago.
"What gift?" I pull out of his embrace and sit cross-legged in front of him.
"Hold out your palm," I request and hold out my hand and with my other hand, I lean over and grab the pouch. Dream raises an eyebrow but rests his hand, open-palmed, in my own.
I take a single seed from the pouch and put it in the middle of his palm and close his fingers around it. I wrap my hands gently around his fist and start to sing.
I used to hear a simple song
That was until you came along
Now in its place is something new
I hear it when I look at you
I watch Dream's eyes widen as the tiny stem of the allium flower squeezes its way between our fingers. I pull my hands away as the little flower blooms.
"You were doing this in the meadow, weren't you?" I nod confirming his suspicions.
"But how?"
"We're not sure but we think I'm a descendant of the gods," I say slowly allowing the words to sink in. Dream looked more perplexed than before.
"How is that possible?"
"The gods are real, they sent a creation to walk amongst humans but we don't know how that connects to me," I explain but Dream's face stays blank. Eventually, a sly smile creeps onto his face and he shakes his head.
"And to think my girl is a goddess," I laugh a little at his joke but stop when I see his saddened expression.
"What's wrong?"
"It's just- That's the first time I've heard you laugh in a while."
My heart swells and I crush Dream into a hug making him chuckle. I love his laugh too, as silly as it sounds.
"You can hear me laugh more, but I need you to tell me what happened to you now," I say gently and feel Dream's chest heave a heavy sigh. He hesitates for a moment but then starts to tell his story.
Some things I had heard before but there was a lot I didn't know. When I disappeared the others allied to help widen the search. They built up the house Dream and I used to live in with George and Sapnap to make room for the others.
Things started well but after weeks of no progress, Dream started to lose control. I could tell that he regretted what he had done even without him telling me. He told me about how he used to hear my voice and couldn't sleep because he would dream of all the horrible things that could have happened to me.
He made George king to lessen the stress but it fell through and George and Sapnap disappeared and he still doesn't know where they are. Tommy and Niki and Dream were the ones around the most as the others had countries to attend to. Dream mentions how he thinks Niki is still in the house.
After the alliance dissipated, things went horribly wrong. Dream struggled to explain what happened to him although I'm sure I can imagine well enough. Fear is a powerful thing, something that controlled me and it was something that corrupted Dream to the point where he was barely a person anymore.
He started working for a man with connections to the Dark Army for information. But the man kept everything vague and never gave more than a crumb about the Dark Army's inner workings. Dream and Tubbo were so desperate they exiled Tommy.
Dream pauses trying to find the words to describe exile. I had heard plenty about it from Tommy, but Dream didn't know that.
"He told me to keep Tommy weak and when Tommy disappeared he threatened my position. I looked everywhere for Tommy because I thought if I lost him then I'd lose you too," I watch his face carefully knowing fully well that he was holding back.
Simmering beneath the surface, I saw floodgates ready to burst. I wasn't about to leave those gates closed.
"Is that really everything about Tommy?" I ask softly. Dream looks away and shifts uncomfortably.
"Dream, please tell me the truth," I ask.
Please show me that I can trust you is what I mean. I feel Dream's breathing grow increasingly irregular as he struggles with his words.
"I went too far with Tommy. I could have helped him but I didn't... I didn't because his suffering made me feel less alone," Dream still refuses to meet my eyes but I can see that his eyes are starting to gloss with tears.
"Tommy wanted to be my best friend and I- I liked having somebody willing to do anything for me," Dream finally can't hold back his tears anymore and lets his guilt consume him.
I pull Dream into me and he rests his head on my shoulder as he cries. I comfort him quietly until his stifled sobs grow quiet.
Everything was so sick and twisted. Dream knew what he was doing, and meant to do it but I don't think he knew the effect he would have on Tommy. I don't think he understood how much he would hurt Tommy until the end of his exile where Tommy wanted to die. I don't think anybody understands how much power they have over others until they see it clearly. Sometimes when we see that, it terrified us, transforms us and convinces us that we're monsters. But would a real monster know that they are cruel and wicked?
I shake my head from my thoughts and focus on Dream.
"Your mind was sick in a way that potions and magic can't fix Dream. I want to help- but there's only so much I can do to make you better," I feel Dreams hands slip around my waist and bring our bodies closer together. He couldn't change what he had done, but I know he regrets everything, I just need to help him make it right.
"Am I broken?" he shudders and I feel my heart crack.
"If you're broken then I'm broken too," I tell him and lean my head on his.
We're such a mess, I think. A boy traumatised by all the people he's ever loved leaving him and a girl who struggled to believe that the love she had was even real. Both were manipulated by the world around us, both of us just longing for peace that we were yet to find. A peace that is like how we remember it from when we were children.
A question popped into my mind unexpectedly. I feel the voices shift uncomfortably as I mull it over a few times before asking.
"Dream, who was the man you served in the Dark Army?" I ask him with a frown.
"Seth Black," he mumbles.
My whole body freezes and my muscles cramp together ready for a shot of adrenaline. I knew him. I met him. He flirted with me. I feel a light nausea settle in my stomach making me feel dizzy.
"I met him once," I say quickly. As soon as the words leave my mouth Dream freezes too.
"There was a ball for something that Schlatt wanted to celebrate, he never told me what it was. I was wary of him even then," I mutter.
I nearly leap out of my skin when the front door opens and shuts making our conversation long forgotten. Dream pulls back and gives me a fearful look, I press a finger to my lips telling him to be quiet.
Ranboo walks up the stairs but doesn't go into his room, instead, he knocks on my door.
"Y/N? Are you ok? You didn't come to Techno's for breakfast," he asks quietly through the door. I look at Dream.
"Wait on the bed for me, I promise I'll be right back," I whisper and wriggle out of Dream's arms. He gives me an anxious look as I slip out my bedroom door shutting it behind me so Ranboo can't see inside. I hate to leave him like this but there isn't time for coddling.
"I'm fine, but uh... can you come downstairs with me?" I ask awkwardly and Ranboo gives me a quizzical smile.
"Uh oh, you look like you've just killed somebody's hamster," he jokes poking my neck making me giggle despite the situation.
I take Ranboo downstairs and sit him on the couch. Ranboo's lighthearted expression darkens when he notices my seriousness.
"So, something happened whilst I was out yesterday," I start slowly but Ranboo jumps in.
"Are you alright?" I nod and hold one of his hands to reassure him but I see his ear twitch giving his nervousness away.
"I'm fine but there's something that I need to show you."
"Should I be worried?" his tail flicks anxiously by our legs.
"No... but you're not allowed to freak out when I show you," I frown as my words contradict one another and Ranboo's wary expression doesn't leave his face.
"I need you to promise me, please?" I almost beg.
"I promise," Ranboo says and I squeeze his hand silently thanking him. I get up from the couch and head back up the stairs into my room.
As soon as the door is shut Dream rushes to me and scoops me into a desperate hug. I wrap my arms around his neck hugging him back. He was worried I wouldn't come back, he was probably nearly convinced of it. I had a feeling it was going to take a long time for him to learn that I wasn't going to leave him again. At least not by choice.
"Dream, this is going to sound mad, but I have to introduce you to Ranboo," Dream pulls back quickly and I see his fearful expression.
"Y/N you know how badly that's going to go. It's more than likely that he hates me,"
"Dream it will sound crazy but Ranboo isn't like the others. He doesn't know you-"
"But he knows what I've done, everybody does," Dream's whispers are fast and full of anxiety. I just hope that he can hear me over all the other thoughts in his head. We have to do this quickly, rip off the bandage rather than slowly peel it away.
"Dream, it will be alright, I promise it will be," I say and squeeze his shoulders in an attempt to ground him. Reluctantly he nods and turns to get his mask but I stop him quickly.
"You can't wear the mask, trust starts with vulnerability, not a wall," I tell him. He looks back and forth between me and the mask conflicted. I could see he wanted to wear it but there was something deeper about it. He seemed to want it so much that being away from it was painful.
Before he makes a move I take his hand and open my door leading him to the top of the stairs. I can still see him looking at my bedroom door.
"Wait here for a second," I whisper getting on my toes to reach his ear. Cautiously, he nods and I slip my hand out of his and walk halfway down the stairs to where Ranboo can see me.
I notice Ranboo looking at my hands expecting me to be holding something, but my hands are empty. I give him a look silently asking if he's ready, he nods and twitches one ear letting his nervousness show.
I hold out a hand for Dream, he takes it and pads down the stairs to my side keeping his eyes trained on the floor. Ranboo watches him confused, he didn't recognise Dream without the mask.
"Ranboo, this is Dream."
****
I sip my mug of tea and lean back into the arm of the couch watching Dream who sat in the armchair on the opposite end of the couch. Ranboo sat in the middle on the other end of the couch.
Ranboo had sent a letter to Tubbo with one of the crows telling him that he wouldn't be in Snowchester today. Our messy empty bowls of leftover stew that I pulled out of the icebox were strewn across the coffee table. I knew that Dream hadn't eaten properly in a long time and I was proven right when he ate three bowls of the stew.
Ranboo sat quietly processing everything Dream explained and the bits I added in to help him understand what he meant.
"Are you alright?" I finally break the silence looking at Ranboo. He nods quietly and gives me a small smile.
"I'm ok, it's just a lot of information. I can't stop thinking about the others," he adds and I nod.
"Me too," I say and set my mug on the table. Dream keeps his watchful eyes on me and I know he's anxious about the distance between us. I'm hoping his anxiety lessens the more I'm around, I don't know if I can take this forever.
"⌇⊑⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⍙⟒ ⏁⟒⌰⌰ ⊑⟟⋔ ⏃⏚⍜⎍⏁ ⏁⍜⋔⋔⊬?" Ranboo asks me. I see Dream perk up in the corner of my eye as the unfamiliar language enters the room. He sits back in his chair taking his elbows off his knees.
"⍙⟒ ⌇⊑⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⌿⍀⍜⏚⏃⏚⌰⊬ ⌇⏁⏃⍀⏁ ⌇⋔⏃⌰⌰ ⏃⋏⎅ ⍙⍜⍀☍ ⍜⎍⏁ ⍙⏃⊬ ⎍⌿ ⏁⍜ ⏁⊑⏃⏁" I say back and pinch the bridge of my nose worrying about what would happen if we introduced the two. I see Dream give me a funny look.
"I picked up Enderian with Ranboo in the city," I explain to him.
"She taught me English," Ranboo adds making me smile at a memory of us laughing as we try and fail to pronounce different words.
"What did you say?" he asks us. We share a look and then I answer.
"We're thinking of introducing you to Phil," Dream visibly tenses.
"Why?"
"We can't keep you a secret forever. Trust me, I've tried that before," I roll my eyes. Dream sighs and I note the irritated expression on his face. I was pushing him, I know. I was so grateful for his tolerance.
"When should we tell Phil?" Ranboo asks.
"Not today, I think we're all exhausted," Dream sends me a thankful look and I smile quietly back at him.
"I'm going to take these to the kitchen," Dream mumbles and stacks all the bowls. Ranboo and I mumble a "thank you" back.
As Dream fumbled about in the kitchen I feel reality sinking in and thousands of things cross my mind. I run a hand stressfully through my hair knowing how much I had to do. I had to somehow introduce Dream to Phil, Techno and Tommy without anybody getting hurt. Then I had to somehow go back to the SMP and L'Manburg to see everybody else.
Now that I remembered everything, I missed them all a lot. Niki, George and Sapnap were people who I wanted to see especially. George and Sapnap were some of my closest friends before I disappeared and Niki and I were close too.
Then there was the problem with the Dark Army in L'Manburg and-
"I'll tell Techno and Phil that you're not feeling well," a familiar hand on my back jolts me from my thoughts. I look up dazed and see Ranboo's understanding expression. He knew me all too well.
"Did they want me to do anything today?"
"Techno wanted to spar with you but I don't think he'll mind too much," I smile and Ranboo gets up from the couch and heads to the door to go back to Techno's house.
"Ranboo-" I stop him and get up from the couch.
As he turns around I wrap my arms around him in a big hug. I feel him chuckle and hug me just as warmly. We pull away and press our foreheads together telling each other everything we needed to know. Ranboo puts his big hands on the sides of my face and firmly kisses my forehead giving me all the reassurance I need.
"I'll be here for dinner," he says with a wave and leaves the house.
He really is my best friend.
"Is that normal?" I turn around and see Dream leaning against the breakfast bar with his arms crossed and a stony expression on his face. I sigh understanding his thoughts.
"When I was in the city, Ranboo became my only family. He was my family for the longest time, and he still is my family. Like a brother but more," I try to explain our relationship in a few words.
"Did you miss me?" he asks suddenly. The memory forces a slight smile onto my lips.
"I miss you even when I didn't remember you. I always felt incomplete," I say truthfully.
"I felt that way too," Dream says softening like butter.
I cross the room and let him take me into his arms. Ranboo and Techno may give great hugs, but Dream's was different. They all felt like home to me but Dream was home and something else.
I can't wait to figure it out.
~~~~
HELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Oh god, they're back together now gang it's finally happened. Time to deal with all the trauma that happened whilst they were apart. There's A LOT to look at...
Also sorry if this chapter sort of sucked, I just needed a filler and to progress the plot.
BUT BIG STUFF COMING SOON.
Some of y'all might hate me for what I'm about to do. But I need it to happen. >:)
I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY/NIGHT/MORNING/EVENING <3 <3 <3
Stay hydrated and eat some food!