The next two weeks are mechanical, each day is a repeat of the next. Austin never sleeps in the bed, choosing a couch, spare bed, or even a cold hard floor. Marli, still holding on to some type of hope stays in Austin's bed, but the dogs are her only source of comfort. She wakes every morning at 5:15 am with the dogs and leaves the house for a jog with them. When she is back it's the task of getting Austin out of his hangover - strip, shower, dress, coffee, vomit, coffee - in that order. Then he will leave with Jonas for the day while Marli and Lou continue with Marli's PA duties. Then late at night, Marli lies awake in bed waiting for the distinctive banging around that alerts her that Austin is home. She climbs out of bed and usually sits at the bottom of the stairs until she hears the bottle fall out of his hands as he falls asleep in a drunken stupor. She then tucks him into the sofa, bed, or floor with warm blankets. They don't speak unless it's about work and even then is short sharp sentences.
"You contacted the lighting people as I asked?"
"Yes I did, Austin. It's all good to go."
"Thank you."
It's as if he had never buried himself between her thighs. They are strangers. If there is an event Austin is sure to keep Marli out of any pictures and at least two people between them at all times until he insists she not attend at all. He is punishing her - there can be no other reason. He writes a song too and Marli regrets her choice of sitting in the studio just to be near him because she hears the song. He only grunts and shrugs when Jonas asks him who it's about, but Marli catches his quick side-eye in her direction. It should be any girl's dream to have a song written about her, but the lyrics make her feel sick. It speaks of love going cold, moments being nothing special - only sex and wanting to run away. There is one line where it is clear that he feels she does not know what he is going through - this hurts, she has tried and he has pushed her away. He is blaming her and now punishing her for things he is in control of. She seeks a demo copy and listens to it on repeat, she cries every time she listens to it. Pathetic. She can feel her heart breaking and it causes her physical pain.
Then comes the interview...
Austin goes on a talk show. It starts out light-hearted and Marli is enjoying the sound of Austin's laugh albeit fake. Then the host asks Austin if he is single. He says he is. This is true. She asks if he is looking for love. He says, "aren't we all?" Again this is true. Then she asks if he is ready to settle down and he says that he is young and enjoying the pleasures of life. Classic PR answer. But then she asks if he has ever been in love. Now, there are two ways to answer this question he could be honest and go straight for yes or no. Or he could be sly and answer this question with another question or a PR answer. What Austin chooses to do kills Marli. He chooses honesty. He looks in the direction he knows Marli is seated and simply says no.
"No."
And just like that Marli has the answer to the question she was always too scared to lay out. On the way out to the car, Austin silently hands her his ringing phone. When she takes it she sees it's her mother. She knows her mother watched the interview and she is phoning for some answers. She is not one to break things but she just feels so betrayed and cast aside and so against her better judgment she throws Austin's phone back at him, intentionally missing him, both her and Austin watch as it flies past him and smashes into a million pieces on the grey concrete of the parking lot. He gives her a pointed look but says nothing. Marli needs to calm her shit down so she turns and walks off down the street with Lou trailing behind her. Once home, Marli moves back into a spare room, dogs in tow and Austin sleeps in his bed again after drinking more than he has in years. Marli sneaks into his room after he passes out to clean up his sick and make sure he is safe. Their relationship is toxic at the moment and Marli can see both of them drowning in it. They are ripping each other apart. She has come to learn that when it comes to Austin - the highs are too high and the lows are too low. But she can't leave...who would look after him? So she stays.
~
The first leg of the world tour is in America, the label and tour manager are saying that it's the more relaxed leg of the tour. Austin will travel the States either by plane or bus over the next four months, from February to May. Then over the month of June, they take a break. July, August, September, and October will see the tour in Europe, Asia, Africa, and Australiasia. The first show kicks off in Las Vegas and the very last show in the American leg will be in LA. Marli has only been to Las Vegas once, she came on her 18th with friends, friends who she has realized she has not spoken to since starting with Austin. She has been so wrapped up in him that she is all alone and had not even realized it.
She should give them a call, she has not been a very good friend. Come to think of it her friends consist of Lou. Jonas is good to her, but his loyalty is to Austin. Lou however has made her alliances very clear. Although Austin signs her paychecks it's at Marli's table that she sits. Austin seems to be alright with that, apparently, he even gave her a raise last week. Lou is like a shadow attached to Marli's hip, she won't let anyone get too close or let Marli get too far. It's weird to have your bodyguard be your best friend, right? But Marli really likes Lou and she has no one else so it is what it is.
Marli is on Bus 1 with Lou, Stan who is the drummer and Danny who plays the guitar, and their three-year-old twins, Chance, and Chase. As well as Otis, Colt, and Willadeene. The bus is loud and very busy with kids and dogs running around. The poor bus driver seems to be going more grey by the second. But Marli is loving it. The chaos reminds her of her mother's side of the family. Her mother has five sisters, all married, and all with kids. So when they went for the odd Christmas in South Africa it was hot summer days under the African sun while her uncles would braai, her aunties would sip wine and the kids would play games and run around the swimming pool. The memories make her smile and she thinks that when they get to Johannesburg on the second leg of the tour she will call up some of her cousins to meet for dinner. Austin, Jonas, Max, Jack, Duncan the bass player, and Harry who plays the keyboard are on Bus 2. They claim bus 2 is much more peaceful but Jonas has been telling jokes so at a pit stop Jack and Harry tried to bribe Chance and Chase with candy to swap buses with them. It's not working, the pull to play with the dogs while on the road is stronger than the pull for candy. While still at the pit stop Marli takes the three dogs to an open field for a run around in the grass. She is getting worried about the limp Colt has developed overnight and watching him now she thinks she is going to take him to the vet, seems to be a little worse from this morning. "Colt has a limp," Austin says softly from behind Marli. She did not even know he was there. She continues to watch the dogs playing. "Yes. I saw it this morning. Though he had slept funny and was just stiff, but it's still there. Worse than this morning. I was going to take him to the vet when we get to Las Vegas," Marli says without turning around. "I will go with you. Let me know. Ok?" Marli nods. The conversation is awkward, it feels forced.
"Are you alright? I -"
"Stop. Austin, don't. Please. Just...don't ask if I am OK. Don't pretend like you care."
"lil mama-"
"Don't you dare. I mean it Austin. Don't you fucking dare!"
Marli walks away and calls the dogs back to her. "Come, babies! Back to the bus please!" she calls. She does not look at Austin, but she can feel his eyes on her. She stamps down the need to turn around and run to him. Let him embrace her. Seems Willadeene does not possess such willpower. She ignores Marli's call and promptly sits her fat ass down at Austin's feet. Marli should just let it go, she should just let Willadeene go with Austin on bus 2 like she obviously wants to.
But she is battling emotions that are too big for her to manage right now. Actually, scratch that, she is avoiding emotions that are too big for her and so they are staking up, one on top of another, and her tower of nasty emotions is about ready to topple over. So after she gets Otis and Colt settled on bus 1 she storms back to get Willadeene. First, she tries to sweetly coax her, "Come, baby, I have treats on the bus...I will give you two," she tries. When that does not work she tries to be stern, "Willadeene! Get on the bus right now!" she says. But that doesn't work either. She tries to tug on her collar and when that does nothing, sheer desperation has her putting her hands on her rump and trying to push...nothing.
Willadeene does not so much as shift her 50-pound rump an inch. Marli can feel the sting of tears in her eyes. She needs to get her shit together. She aims to try one more time, but Austin stops her. "That's enough, lil mama," he says looking at her with sorry-filled eyes. He bends down and scoops Willadeene up in his arms and nods at Marli to lead the way. Marli walks off to the bus showing him where Willadeene's bed is on Bus 1, he gently places her down in it. When he stands, leans over and kisses Marli on her temple. Lingering for a second too long. Marli can't help but lean into the kiss. On his way out he says to Lou, "make sure you get her to rest for the rest of the way."
Marli climbs into one of the bunks on the bus and curls into a ball. Her mind feels like scrambled eggs. She just does not get this hot and cold game Austin is playing. One second he is saying no, choosing drink over her and the next second he is going full throttle and taking her to a fucking enchanted ocean floor, literally. He seems to possess the ability to sober up when she most needs him to, like meeting her parents or Christmas or her birthday and then the next moment everything comes crashing down. Everything comes second to his habit.
That's another thing that she is trying to wrap her head around, he engulfs himself in alcohol and drugs to try dull his demons but they only seem to make them come alive when he swallows pills, snorts cocaine, or downs a bottle of Hennessey. Marli's stomach swoops when she thinks of the women - the skanks. He no longer brings them home and she is so fucking thankful for that. She knows if she had to see Austin's hands on another woman it would be her undoing just thinking about it makes her head hurt and her eyes sting with tears. She has been avoiding all social media about Austin just in case there is a picture of him crowding some sleazy nasty-looking skank up against a bar wall or something. Lou has been keeping tabs for her on his social media for any relevant work stuff. Marli's mind drifts to what he said about his parents, it's awful. She had wanted him to explain more, she is sure there is more to his confession to her in the kitchen but she knows she can't ask him and Jonas has made it clear that it was not his story to tell. If Marli had any sense at all she would get off this bus and go home. She would never let Austin cross her mind again, she would find a nice boy settle down and be happy. Even as Marli thinks about it she knows that will never happen, she will stay she needs to stay for her dogs. Not for Austin. Definitely for the dogs.
The curtain covering her bunk is pulled back a little and Lou's eyes are peeping in. "You ok there M?" she asks. Marli sniffles.
"No."
"Aww, babe. You want some tea?"
"No, just come in here," Marli says and shifts over as much as she can in the narrow bunk so Lou can climb in. "You want to chat about it?" Lou asks but Marli shakes her head. "What do you want to talk about? Or do you just want to sleep?" Lou asks. Marli shakes her head. "I am not a toddler Lou, I don't need an afternoon nap," she says. Lou snorts. "Fine then, a Nana nap."
"What's that?"
"A nap for old ladies. You know I know karate. I can take Austin on. Bang his head right for ya."
"No...I don't want him hurt. There are no pictures on social media of Austin with other girls right?"
"Aww M. I promise. I look at it every day for ya and I swear nothing like that has come up. There are pictures of him at parties and stumbling out of clubs drunk, but he is never with a woman. He is either alone or with Jonas. I promise."
"Ok."
"Now if you are not going to nap, you want to hear about all the places I am going to take you when we get to London?"
Marli smiles and Lou starts chatting away, talking about Sunday roast at her Nans house and drinking cold beers down by the river near her childhood home. She is also going to take Marli to the Chippy she used to work at, it has the best fish. Images of lying in this bunk with the dolphin bodyguard guy. She is so thankful they chose to go with Lou. She is sure the dolphin bodyguard guy would not have been able to fit in this bunk no matter how smooth his body is. She giggles to herself, such ridiculous thoughts. Marli eventually falls asleep to Lou rambling on.